THE ONION: "Donald Trump Jr. Divorce Leaves Confused, Heartbroken Nation Wondering Why...

[Miles Archer]

...Bad Things Happen To Good People"



https://politics.theonion.com/donald-trump-jr-divorce-leaves-confused-heartbroken-n-1823840156

WASHINGTON—Lamenting that even the purest hearts were fated to be broken, the confused and anguished U.S. populace was struggling Friday with the question of why bad things happen to good people following the news that Vanessa Trump filed for divorce from Donald Trump Jr. earlier this week. “How could this happen to our Don, sweet Don Jr., of all people? He’s kind, thoughtful, warm, caring, and compassionate—He doesn’t deserve this,” said the visibly distressed nation, wiping away hot tears brought on by contemplating the fundamental injustice of a world in which ill fortune befalls those who love so completely and selflessly. “This is such a blow to that whole generous, caring family, those angels dwelling among us, those who gave themselves to us all and asked for nothing in return. The searing pain of heartbreak must be a thousand times worse for hearts as pure as Don’s and Vanessa’s. If only we could take their agonies upon ourselves and spare the Trumps this soul-deep anguish!” As of press time, the saddened American populace had let the couple know they were there for them if needed, just as Don Jr. and Vanessa had always been for them.

[njhoneybadger]

1. We all know who is behind this,she is wearing a black pointed hat and her first name starts with H

[NCjack]

7. Obama is the pernicious rascal driving them apart. nt

[Tommy_Carcetti]

2. There, there, America. It's not like Donald Trump Jr. and Vanessa Trump don't love you....

....it's just that they love Russia more.

[underpants]

3. I hear he's going on the Dating Game

I hear he's going on the Dating Game.
First prize: One week vacation with Donald Trump Jr!

Second prize: two weeks

John Fante here
https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=10363794

[Cha]

4. Brawawawaaaaaaa

[dchill]

5. It's like she cut off his "tail" with a knife...

and is displaying it for the world to see! How cruel and humiliating!

[Crunchy Frog]

6. On the other hand, that hot hunk of manhood is now on the market.

Single women rejoice!

[NCjack]

8. Really hot women have to pass try out trials with Jr.'s daddy. nt

[ornotna]

9. Brings a tear to my eye

Nope, never mind, it's just the pollen.

Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of grifters. Fuck 'em all.

[gratuitous]

10. First James and Carly, now this

Can the Republic be saved?