BREAKING: White House receives NEW letter from 9-year-old Dylan, whose nickname is "Pickle."

[Miles Archer]

NO LINK YET, BREAKING NEWS.

Dear President Trump,

This is your friend, Dylan. I am writing because I am very upset that the FBI is trying to hurt you by leaking and collecting pensions. My mom always told me that good things shouldn't happen to bad people. You have worked so hard all of your life and you deserve all of the money you have gotten as President. I cried for three full days until my mom finally asked what was wrong. I told her that someone on fake news said that you weren't getting paid to be President. Then she wiped my eyes and gave me a cookie (chocolate chip, my favorite) and said that you were still making millions of dollars every minute from your businesses, and that your tax cuts went mostly to people like you and your family. I was so happy I that I cried again, but these were GOOD tears! I love you, but I also love Mrs. Trump, and your beautiful children Don Jr, Eric, Ivanka, and Barron. I think there is one more I forgot, but I can never remember her name, just like you!

I am also happy that the bad man in the FBI is getting NO money! He should ask to receive his money and then give it to YOU for doing such a wonderful job in making America GREAT again!

My mom also won't tell me what a "porn star" is. My friends in school said you "railed" a "porn star," and I don't know what "railed" is either. I think it means you took her on a train. If you did, how kind and generous of you. You give, and keep on giving until it hurts. I just don't know what you gave the porn star, and if it hurt when you gave it to her, or what a porn star even is.

I like Mr. Sessions a lot! He's as tall as me! People say you want to fire him, but I hope you don't. When I watch him on TV, he makes me feel so good about myself, knowing that there is a future in America for people who are only three feet tall!

I love you so much that I have cried 9 times while writing this letter! I feel like I'm going to cry again, but before I do, please make sure you send the FBI man to jail for a long time for saying bad things about you.

I also love the lady who tells your stories every day, Sarah. She reminds me of my nanny. She also reads me stories every day and then I poop and take a nap. When I poop, I think of you too. Some day I will be rich like you and will only poop on gold toilets too!

Thank you for being my friend, and please say hello to Mrs. Trump if she is still there. My mom said she would be leaving soon.

I love you President Trump,

Pickle

[magicarpet]

1. Pickles.... Not old enough to vote yet...

...... but Pickles thinks just like tRdump's base. A bit of an avaricious pig.... but seems like a real sweet kid. Oh I failed to mention.... he seems like a Fascist fuck just like his hero "The Donald". God Bless his Nazi little heart.

:middle finger:
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(flip the bird emoji)

[Mz Pip]

2. This has to be satire

It’s too funny and too snarky to actually be written by a 9 year old.

[Miles Archer]

3. Yes, I wrote it, and I'm not 9

[magicarpet]

4. Did you vote for tRdump ?

[Miles Archer]

6. I have 9.164 posts. Read 'em all, and then you tell me.

[onethatcares]

10. Wow, you had me fooled.

You sounded just like my 58 year old brother in that letter. You're not him, are you?

[Miles Archer]

11. I have an older sister who probably sounds like your brother. n/t

[trueblue2007]

5. THIS IS FAKE NEWS. NO KID WROTE THAT LETTER. it is CRAP

[Miles Archer]

7. Crap? I dunno, I kind of enjoyed writing it.

[Lucinda]

8. LOL

[lame54]

9. When Pickles grows will he still like Sessions?

[eppur_se_muova]

12. "... say hello to Mrs. Trump, if she is still there" ROFL !

[ProudLib72]

13. You copied me! I posted a recent "found" letter by Pickle just the other day

Damn you, there cannot be two Pickles on DU!

https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=10359762

I didn't try as hard as you, though.

[Miles Archer]

17. I promise I didn't copy you...this is my 3rd "Pickle" letter....

...although I see both "Pickles" have unresolved issues with porn stars...

[Shaddox]

14. Well done! Exceeded expectations - very funny😁

[onecent]

15. No freakin' kid wrote that...REMEMBER we have Bots and other people that will TRY TO UPSET US.

[LeftishBrit]

16. This is definitely a spoof, and quite a funny one

[magicarpet]

18. This nine year old kid says he wrote it...

.... but it was his seven year old sister who actually authored it. She is a spitting image of Ivanka tRdump.



:satire:

[Rstrstx]

19. Wasn't Pickles the name of Nixon's scandalous dog?

I'm sure it's entirely unrelated

[bigtree]

20. very good!