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Wed Mar 28, 2018, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-11: Run The Jewels Live From Uranus Edition

Last edited Wed Mar 28, 2018, 05:51 PM - Edit history (1)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-11: Run The Jewels Live From Uranus Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Just 15 minutes at our website can save you $650 or more on your car insurance! Stop by today and save! How is it going everybody? I want to start with some great news this week before we get to the crazy shit. I’m of course talking about the Final Four. Did your bracket get busted early like mine did? Yeah I think we all did. You know what? But one of the more interesting story lines to come out of the Final Four this year is Loyola-Chicago. Did anyone have them making it as far as they did? I know I didn’t! I mean talk about a Cinderella run! The reason I’m bringing this up is because I want to talk about the chaplain of Loyola Chicago’s basketball team – Sister Jean. Who is 98 years old. I mean wow, that is definitely something. And Sister Jean has been called the team’s good luck charm. And here’s how awesome Sister Jean is. So Loyola has done that thing called “merchandising” and has immortalized the 98 year old nun in the form of bobbleheads, t-shirts and other crap. But you know what? Being the good nun that she is, Sister Jean decided that she doesn’t want a dime from it. I mean come on, how can you *NOT* root for Loyola Chicago at this point? I know that we will be. And especially since next week’s Top 10 will take place after the championship has been crowned. Oh and here’s my favorite part of the whole Sister Jean story – someone asked her what she gave up for Lent. And her answer? Losing! That alone wins this year’s NCAA tournament! I love Sister Jean so much! So we will definitely keep an eye on this story! OK enough of the intro – we got a lot of idiocy to get to this week! But first Bill Maher is back and he explains exactly the problem with conservatives talking trash about Hollywood and celebrities:

Taking the number one slot this week is that when a major protest happens, we have to cover it, and we’ll be showing you some of the best signs and some of the crazier news that came out of Saturday’s “March For Our Lives” protest. In the second slot this week is of course Donald J. Trump, and yes, we have to cover the Stormy Daniels interview. Get your barf bags ready. Taking the third slot – is another edition of “The Trumper Games” and this week – another tribute has been eliminated and replaced with someone much scarier! So taking the fourth slot this week is the NRA and they were trying to do some serious damage control in the wake of Saturday’s rally and well, failed big time. Especially when Killer Mike of Run The Jewels got involved. In the number 5 slot this week is our weekly sermon of all the wacky things the Christian right is up to in “Holy Shit”, and this week, our resident pastor is going to do a deep dive into the world of Christian cinema. And yes, it’s more than just that Mercy Me flick. Taking the sixth slot we have a new edition of our ongoing series “Top 10 Investigates” and this time we’re going to say goodbye to the biggest toy store there is – or was – Toys R Us. So why are they going under? We shall investigate! At number 7, Alex Jones (7) has what may be one of his most batshit theories to date, and that’s saying a lot! Taking the 8th slot this week is the comeback of the 90’s classic TV show Roseanne (8). Did you know that her character came out as a full blown conspiracy theory Trump supporter? Yeah that happened. Don’t call it a comeback! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot we’ve got a new installment of “People Are Dumb” because, well, people are dumb. And finally this week we’re live from the beautiful T-Mobile Arena in Las Vegas with Week 2 of Round 1 of our Stupidest State tournament of champions! This time around, Kansas is going for broke against West Virginia, while Indiana plays the Jesus card against Alabama in a Family Values face off, who will emerge the winner? And ending the show, we’ve got one of the great 90s bands that is back with a new lineup and a new album – I’m of course talking about San Diego’s legendary Stone Temple Pilots! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]March For Our Lives Recap
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This week thousands of people took to the streets to demand a change in our nation’s lax gun laws. And just like the previous marches, it is our mission here at the Top 10 to give you our personal take on it. There are multiple ways you could go with this. I could just sit here and post some of the funny and clever signs that people made – and there were some great ones! Or I could show you some of the ways conservatives reacted. Or I could do all of the above! So of course the right wing was up to their usual nonsense of calling out George Soros and comparing people like David Hogg to Adolf Hitler. Sigh, these morons are why we can’t have nice things!

Right-wing activists and media figures went all-out in their attacks on the March for Our Lives gun reform rallies on Saturday, including attacking the rallies’ funding and organization, blaming “political correctness” and comparing Marjory Stoneman Douglas high school shooting survivor David Hogg to Adolf Hitler.

Hundreds of thousands of people gathered in Washington, D.C., and in cities across the country to call for stricter gun laws and call out politicians who have received funding and support from the National Rifle Association. Polling shows that most Americans support the march’s calls for gun reform.

Predictably, right-wing pundits went after billionaire George Soros—conservative activists’ favorite bogeyman—in an effort to minimize the legitimacy of the protests. Breitbart radio host Joel Pollak said it was “no surprise” that the march was a “Soros production.” The site’s sports editor Dylan Gwinn said that “we all know that these kids are being coached.”

Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones said that teenager-led March for Our Lives marches were “scripted and funded by the Democrats” and said that the “welfare queens” attending the rallies “all look mentally ill.” Infowars editor-at-large Paul Joseph Watson wrote that the “real agenda” behind the March for Our Lives rallies was “the end of the Second Amendment, by force if necessary.”

Feeding into the claims that the march had been orchestrated by liberal mega-donors, Pro-Trump media troll Jack Posobiec live-streamed video of the buses that some activists had used to travel to D.C., reporting on the shocking detail that organizers had coordinated with security staff to park the buses in a secure area. He encouraged viewers to call the companies that owned the buses to find out who had hired them.

Seriously, you guys are fighting HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS. Let that sink in – these kids are barely old enough to vote and they have to deal with you douchebags? Fuck off! So now we’re going to show you some of the best signs from the rally. And here we go!

So then there’s more. Because of course there is. And leave it to Fox to stoop to the new low of Fox turning this into an attack on the 2nd amendment.

The night before the March for Our Lives, Fox News pundit Tucker Carlson argued that we shouldn’t be listening to the logic of teenage gun control activists who organized the march. Then he vocalized the exact anxiety of gun rights groups:

Journalists agree with Emma Gonzalez and David Hogg, so they’ve slapped them on the cover of Time magazine and declared that they’re heroes and you’re not allowed to disagree with them.

Carlson articulated exactly why Fox News was on its heels. The network has generally been critical of this gun control debate and the teenage activists behind it. But it couldn’t ignore the massive amount of attention this march was getting, nor could it outright loudly disagree with their message while hundreds of thousands of people marched on Washington.

So there was a tightrope Fox News had to walk while covering this march. And it did so by finding ways to reframe the images of these huge and passionate crowds.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Seriously, fuck off, gun rights groups! I mean why do we even need gun rights groups? Guns have more rights than people do! I mean these kids are definitely better than you assholes!

Hundreds of thousands descended on Washington, D.C., on Saturday, in what is said to be the largest protest against gun violence in U.S. history.

Many of the students who took part in the March for Our Lives, in D.C. and around the country, said they were there to march for the ones who couldn’t.

“I’m here because I want things to change,” Brooke Harrison, a 14-year-old freshman at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, told ABC News’ “Nightline” at the march. “Three people in my class died, and 17 people in my school died. And I’m here to march for all of them.”


I can’t post all the top moments here because there are too many of them. But I’ll leave with this.

Parkland activists said they know their predominantly white faces help them get more attention.
"My school is about 25% black, but the way we're covered doesn't reflect that," Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School student David Hogg said the night before.
Several of the young speakers used their time to share the stage with people of color Saturday to remind people that gun violence affects all races.
"We recognize that Parkland received more attention because of its affluence," Jaclyn Corin, a survivor of the Parkland shooting, said in her speech. "But we share this stage today and forever with those communities who have always stared down the barrel of a gun."

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Sigh… I don’t want to talk about this next story. It is making me want to throw up even just thinking about it, and quite frankly, I’m probably going to need to take a break so I can go take a cold shower after talking about this. So… the Stormy Daniels interview happened on 60 Minutes. And if you haven’t seen it, it’s pretty spectacular. Unfortunately my producer is telling me that we can’t find a clip of the full interview due to copyright violations. But we’ll give you a breakdown of the interview and the right wing’s predictable reaction to it. Starting with:

Daniels was never paid by the media for her Trump affair story
Daniels, whose legal name is Stephanie Clifford, told Cooper she was never paid the $15,000 the publication offered her to publish the story.

More details on the alleged threat
Daniels' attorney has repeatedly said she was threatened, but the details of the alleged threat have never been made public until now.
Daniels said Trump's personal attorney Michael Cohen threatened to sue shortly after the interview she did with the magazine. A few weeks later, she says, a man approached her in Las Vegas.


Gossip website sparked new interest in alleged affair
Before In Touch published its story, a gossip website got wind of Daniels' alleged tryst and published a few details. Four years later, when Trump ran for president, Daniels said she was contacted by various media outlets to tell her story.
"Suddenly, people are reaching out to me again, offering me money. Large amounts of money. Was I tempted? Yes -- I struggle with it. And then I get the call: 'I think I have the best deal for you,'" she recalled her attorney at the time saying.

Must come clean… dirt’s not coming off! So in case you’re wondering – yes a sitting president threatened the woman he was paying to have an affair with. Let’s let that sink in for a minute. I mean how much worse could this get?

Melania Trump has weighed in 60 Minutes‘ explosive interview with Stormy Daniels.

The first lady’s spokeswoman called the interview with Anderson Cooper “salacious gossip,” adding: “I’d like to remind people there’s a minor child who’s name should be kept out of news stories when at all possible.”

Twenty-two million viewers tuned in to 60 Minutes Sunday to hear Stormy Daniels’ story. It was the longtime newsmagazine’s biggest audience since a 2008 interview with President Obama and his wife, Michelle.

Following the interview, President Trump tweeted Monday morning that there was “so much fake news” circulating about him.

“Never been more voluminous or more inaccurate,” he tweeted Monday. “But through it all, our country is doing great!

Hey this is between you assholes, don’t go and drag America into this! And I mean it! Don’t make me turn this show around! And speaking of things that don’t belong, why did anyone ask Stock Market Bro Jim Cramer his opinion on anything?

The stock market was rising sharply early Monday in part because the Stormy Daniels interview on "60 Minutes" did not deliver a "knockout blow" to Donald Trump's presidency, according to CNBC's Jim Cramer.

Cramer said speculation that Daniels could show evidence about her alleged affair with Trump knocked a couple hundred points on the Dow Jones industrial average late Friday afternoon, two days before the interviewed aired.

"They didn't have a tape," Cramer said Monday on "Squawk on the Street." "When you saw no tape, what you did was this morning say, 'OK, let's go buying opportunity.'" He added the CBS interview with Daniels was probably not "as imperative on the stock market as people might have felt."

Last week, Daniels' attorney hinted that he may have a disc containing evidence about the alleged affair. During an interview Monday with NBC's "TODAY" show, her attorney, Michael Avenatti, said he is "not playing games" and will provide more information on his client's alleged affair with the president.

Yeah so that interview was so insane that the opinions of minor celebrities actually make the news because the actual story is too disturbing to report! I mean I may have to picture my parents having sex just to get that image out of my head! Yeah let that sink in! And then of course Trump got spanked with a cover of a magazine with his picture on it. He’s gone full narcissist! And you never go full narcissist!

Nobody was ever spanked with a more appropriate object than the one Stormy Daniels recalls employing on Donald Trump.

“He’s like, ‘have you seen my new magazine?’ Daniels recounted to Anderson Cooper on 60 Minutes of her encounter with Trump in 2006.

Some have suggested that the magazine was Forbes. But the timeline doesn't add up. The spanking took place in July 2006 and the Forbes magazine with Trump on the cover came out in September 2006, with a dateline of October 2006.

The only new magazine that Trump would have called his own at that time was the premiere issue of TRUMP magazine. It had just been produced under a licensing agreement with Trump in the way of other properties to which he lent his name and spoke of as if they were his, in this instance all the more so because he was a major shareholder in the publishing company.

He was, of course, on the cover.

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[font size="8"]The Trumper Games
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It’s time for another edition of:

Happy Trumper Games! Yes it’s time for the latest edition of the Trumper Games, my pretties! Mmmmmm…. Yes… Mmmmmm… yes… damn it Charlie, why must you bring me the cheap champagne again, I want the good stuff, damn it! So to give you an update on the games – last week, President Trump managed to eliminate not one but two tributes from the games. And the rules state that any tribute can be eliminated at any time for any reason. Just like last week – Tribute Tillerson was eliminated while he was on the toilet! So who was eliminated this week? It was a tribute from District 1 and guy who has a discount used furniture store named after him – H.R. McMaster!

President Trump has replaced Army Lt. Gen. H. R. McMaster with the ultra-hawk John Bolton as his national security adviser, effective April 9.

Although Mr. Bolton has held several senior positions in the State Department, he is presently a Fox News commentator and a senior fellow at the American Enterprise Institute. If General McMaster, with his military background, pragmatic leanings and truth-to-power credentials, couldn’t forge a systematic policymaking apparatus, Mr. Bolton isn’t likely to be able to either. To the extent that there is less discord between Mr. Trump and his national security adviser, it will only be because they share a strategic mind-set and are both intent on realizing it. This is a terrifying prospect.

General McMaster, a war hero and a true soldier-scholar, seemed to have the goods for shepherding Mr. Trump into a deliberative national security decision-making process that would curb his impetuousness and produce considered, coherent policy. His book “Dereliction of Duty” had famously challenged the conventional wisdom about decision-making during the Vietnam War by highlighting the politicization of military policy; observers assumed he would follow his own advice in the White House.

So, with that – the President eliminates another tribute! He eliminated a guy with actual military experience only to replace him with – a former tribute! Yes be sure to turn in next year when it’s the all star edition of the Trumper Games! Of course the wet dream of the Trump fanboy is to dismantle the United Nations and they might actually achieve that. And that’s scary.

President Trump’s selection of John Bolton to serve as his next national security adviser has generated alarm about what the move portends for U.S. foreign policy. The litany of concerns about Bolton includes his hawkish views on Iran and North Korea, his unshaken conviction that the Iraq War was good policy, evidence that he tried to intimidate intelligence analysts into agreeing with his conclusions, and reports that he harassed those who crossed him.

Bolton’s views on multilateral institutions and international law — and what he sees as their encroachments on national sovereignty — are at the heart of these concerns. Critics routinely reference his gibe that the U.N. headquarters building could lose 10 stories without any impact, as well as his contention that “there is no United Nations.”

But the image of Bolton, in part self-generated, as an inveterate unilateralist who has no use for the United Nations or multilateral cooperation requires some correction. Bolton’s record and worldview on that point are more complicated.

Oh but lighten up! I mean just because the President appointed a new tribute to lead us into a new era of death and destruction the likes of which have never been seen before , that doesn’t mean that we are going to war, does it?

2. But hawks may be less helpful for selling a new war.

A hawk like Bolton might have a more limited role in how others perceive a potential conflict. In research that will be published later this year, I used a survey experiment conducted on a sample of approximately 3,000 Americans to examine how different advisers’ statements about a hypothetical conflict affected public support for war and presidential approval.

I found that whether a hawkish adviser publicly supports or opposes a potential conflict affects both public support for war and public approval of the president. In general, if the president follows any adviser’s advice, approval goes up; if not, it goes down.

Oh that’s fierce!!! And damn it Charlie, my champagne doesn’t fill itself! So why is the appointment of John Bolton (R-Moustache) bad for this position? Well there’s many theories on that, my pretties! Most of which there’s some truth to but most of which, are, well, bullshit! We will keep an eye on the latest developments in the Trumper Games, but for now consider Tribute McMaster… eliminated!

In 2003, when George W. Bush was president, the White House undertook a new effort to get North Korea to give up its nuclear weapons program. It did so by working with four other countries—South Korea, China, Japan and Russia. These so-called six-party talks’ were a yearslong, often frustrating diplomatic effort, and in the middle of it, I sat down with a negotiator from one of the parties, a diplomat who had become one of my best sources in the region.

Normally, he was calm. But when I mentioned John Bolton, the former Bush administration official who had helped scuttle a previous nuclear agreement between the U.S. and Pyongyang, the diplomat’s equanimity evaporated. “John Bolton,” he spat, “is the reason North Korea has multiple nuclear weapons today.”

The diplomat was overstating his case. But the mere fact that he said it was revealing—especially now that President Donald Trump has appointed Bolton to be his national security adviser. The move, which becomes official in early April, will come roughly a month before one of the most audacious diplomatic gambits in American history: Trump’s agreement to meet with Kim Jong Un, the young leader of North Korea.

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[font size="8"]The NRA
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So you ever wonder how celebrities get their nicknames? Well this week one celebrity made it really obvious how he got his nickname. I’m of course talking about the rap group Run The Jewels. Which features two guys – El-P and Killer Mike. The latter is the subject of this next entry, and the backlash and blowback that he received from appearing on NRA TV has been well, the most insane thing that has happened in 2018. And it’s only March people!!!

One half of Run The Jewels, Killer Mike has taken to social media to clarify controversial points he made in an interview with the National Rifle Association of America.

The interview was released while marches against gun violence took place in US, and saw the rapper discuss his gun ownership stance while debating the marches and National Walkout Day.

“I told my kids on the school walkout, I love you, [but] if you walkout that school, walkout my house,” he said to NRATV.

“We are not a family that jumps on every single thing an ally of ours does because some stuff we just don’t agree with.”

Killer Mike also said he was “very pro-Second Amendment”.

“And before you say ‘What about the children,’ my daughter goes to Savannah State University. There was also a shooting on that campus. Talked to my wife and daughter after that, the decision was we’re gonna go to Savannah, she’s gonna get a gun and train more.”

Well at least we know how he earned the nickname Killer! But as you can imagine there’s more to this story as you can probably tell. I mean really when the whole country is marching against the NRA you don’t go on NRA TV!

But by Sunday evening, following an online outcry from fans and gun control advocates, Killer Mike issued an apology for his appearance on the show and said the NRA misused it "as a weapon" against Saturday's marches. Mike added that his appearance was intended to focus on gun ownership by black Americans. "I did an interview about black gun ownership in this era," Mike said in his statement. "That interview was used a week later to disparage a very noble campaign that I actually support ... I want to say first I'm sorry guys. I do support the March — and I support black people owning guns. It's possible to do both." The position isn't new for the rapper — a year ago, he appeared on the Tavis Smiley show to say the NRA has "had a value to me my entire life," and that he is a member of the organization. "I think that one million black men should go online and just get a year's membership, and see how you like it."

Killer Mike's partner in the duo Run The Jewels, El-P (otherwise known as Jaime Meline), initially commented on the NRA's stance against the marches, tweeting "they didn't want to be known, they wanted to be kids. And they've earned being heard in one of the hardest ways possible. No matter what you believe we all have to listen in a real way."

Oh come on Mike, did you really think you would be able to appear on NRA TV and *NOT* have them misquote you? I mean they could issue a new tape tomorrow and call it “Run The Jewels Live From Uranus!”. Thank you audience! Oh and don’t think they won’t disguise a poop joke in that title either, I mean they did support President Bone Spurs after all! Don’t worry Mike -we get it. We think people should have the right to protect themselves especially in this toxic political climate that we live in. At least they apologized for the interview, but Mike is not backing down on his stance. And you know what? We’re OK with that. NRA TV is really the evil ones here.

Run the Jewels member Killer Mike (AKA Michael Render) has apologized for giving an interview to the NRA in which he defended gun ownership and said he had discouraged his children from participating in school walkouts in protest against gun violence. The video interview ran online the same day as the nationwide March for Our Lives protest.

Killer Mike has now posted two new videos apologizing for the interview and its timing. “That interview was used a week later by NRATV to disparage a very noble campaign that I actually support,” he said. He apologized to the students who organized the rally. “I’m sorry that an interview I did about a minority – black people in this country – and gun rights was used as a weapon against you guys. That was unfair to you and it was wrong, and it disparaged some very noble work you’re doing.” He encouraged them to keep organizing: “Plot, plan, strategies, organize, and mobilize.”

Oh and by the way – if you think this was an isolated incident, Killer Mike wasn’t the only gun nut apologist shooting his mouth off this week. Yeah you can take that pun either way. Behind door #2 – a guy who actually was a victim of a mass shooting – Jesse Hughes of Eagles Of Death Metal!

Eagles of Death Metal frontman Jesse Hughes, who survived the 2015 Paris attacks, has lashed out at survivors of the Parkland, Florida, school massacre.

In a series of posts on Instagram, the singer labelled students who led the March for Our Lives protest on Saturday as "vile abusers of the dead".

Hughes also accused one of the students of "treason" and mocked their gun control campaign.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened, and it is our weekly duty to remind you that the holiest among us are also the most full of:

So this week rather than talk to you about the usual nonsense that the Christian right has been up to, my fair congregation, because we can only tell the same joke 1,000 times before it gets old, we are instead going to tell you about a world of entertainment that you will soon be seeing more of. And if you think the Mercy Me bio picture “I Can Only Imagine” or other flicks like “The Shack” are anomalies, you ain’t seen nothing yet!

As Hollywood struggles with sexual harassment scandals and box-office woes, it could do worse than turn to God. For while religious movies have traditionally been considered a niche phenomenon, that assessment may need to be revised.

Last weekend I Can Only Imagine, a Christian-themed independent biopic, beat a series of studio-backed films to win the number three spot behind Black Panther and Tomb Raider. And as Easter approaches, films with Christian messages are experiencing an upswing not seen since Mel Gibson’s 2004 crucifixion drama The Passion of Christ.

I Can Only Imagine stars Dennis Quaid and was produced and directed by brothers Jon and Andy Erwin, the duo behind other faith-based hits such as Woodlawn, the story of a spiritual awakening among an Alabama high-school football team, starring Jon Voight and Sean Astin, and October Baby, an anti-abortion drama.


That did not impress film executives. Jon Erwin says he was told there “was no audience for a Christian music movie ... But everybody I knew – in the Christian world that we live in – knew and loved the song, so we just believed that there was an audience for this movie and that they would show up”. I Can Only Imagine was ultimately picked up by Roadside Attractions, maker of Manchester By The Sea, and Lionsgate. The distributors agreed to promote it as a general audience production. With a $25m box-office take so far, it is also showing Hollywood that Christians can make consistent, repeat filmgoers. Audience polling found that 79% said they planned to pay to see the movie again.

Even our good LAWRD is down with YOLO! But really, what does it takes to please Hollywood executives? $25 million in 7 days is pretty damn good for an independent bio picture! Maybe that’s why Hollywood hates them! But apparently the faith based film industry is trying some new things to attract audiences! How about, I don’t know, making good movies? Remember Ben Hur in the 1960s? Try making movies like that!

Christians are an appealing market for Hollywood, which is looking for ways to expand the cinema audience as digital competition causes long-term declines in theatrical attendance. The movie business is routinely criticized for overlooking the values of religious Americans, and faith-based filmmaking was seen as a way to rebut that narrative and attract an audience that usually doesn't go to the movies.

Facing a wearied audience, some filmmakers are trying to adapt by expanding into more subgenres, including romances, sports dramas, comedies and documentaries.

"We're developing beyond just the genre of sermon-on-film," said Bill Reeves, head of Tennessee-based WTA Group, a marketing firm that specializes in faith-based media. "We're trying to answer the question of 'What else is out there?'"

Others are putting their faith in Bible-based stories with big-name stars. On March 23, Affirm Films will release "Paul, Apostle of Christ," which blends scripture and fiction to tell the story of the apostle's last days. The new movie features actor Jim Caviezel in his first biblical role since he played Jesus in "The Passion of the Christ."

That’s not exactly what we are looking for, oh LAWRD! But in the world of faith based movies, well, producers are looking for anything that channels our lord and savior, creator of all that is good and holy, for ways to attract an audience. Because GREED is a sin!!!!!! And it is one of the most egregious of SINS!!!! It even says so in the good book!

As the market for Christian movies becomes more crowded, studios must work harder to attract devout audiences.

“Because there have been so many movies made for this audience, they have become much more discerning,” said Howard Cohen, co-founder of Roadside Attractions, distributor of “I Can Only Imagine.”

“And they will choose the ones that not only have a strong Christian message but are bigger-feeling.”

“I Can Only Imagine,” released nationally on March 16, exceeded opening-weekend expectations at the box office, reaping $17.1 million in ticket sales ($14 million was projected).

Now if they could just get a book about a holy super hero published and create the multiverse surrounding it, they would be set! I mean after all the Holy Bible is the original shared universe! They had 12 different characters and each one had their own stories, then they had the Last Supper super finale! Come on movie producers, get on that! For it is not that easy, my fair congregation! But of course the revenues have surpassed expectations! Because of course they did! But now my fair congregation, here’s where the idea of the good Christian faith-based film can and will go wrong! It will make the wrong people famous! And blasphemy is a sin!!! One of the most egregious of sins!!!

Mark Taylor is a former firefighter who claims that while he was watching Fox News back in 2011, God personally told him that Donald Trump would become president of the United States. Taylor initially thought that meant that Trump would challenge President Obama when he ran for re-election in 2012, but when that didn’t happen, Taylor realized that was because it was God’s plan to keep Obama in office for a second term so that Americans could “build a righteous anger” necessary to elect Trump and thereby save the world.

When Trump was elected president in 2016, Taylor penned a book titled “The Trump Prophecies: The Astonishing True Story Of The Man Who Saw Tomorrow… And What He Says Is Coming Next” and quickly made a name for himself as a modem-day prophet and radical conspiracy theorist.

In the last year, Taylor has claimed that God told him that Trump will replace five members of the Supreme Court, three of whom will be removed from the bench after being indicted for corruption, and that two of the five currently living former presidents will die as punishment for criticizing Trump, while the other three will be imprisoned and possibly executed for treason.

Taylor, who claims that Trump will release the cures for cancer and Alzheimer’s disease during his second term in office and asserted that God made journalist Megyn Kelly ill as a “warning shot” to all those who would dare to criticize Trump, believes that thousands of elite satanic pedophiles have been secretly arrested and that we will soon start seeing them prosecuted via military tribunals that will “make Nuremberg look like a cakewalk.” Taylor actually predicted that we’d see mass arrests in February, but the fact that that obviously didn’t happen doesn’t seem to have harmed his standing as a “prophet” in any way.

Yes because even JAYSUS doesn’t know what to say regarding how stupid Brother Mark is!!! I hope that is the take away you get from today’s sermon – Mark Taylor is insane! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: The Greatest Toy Store There Was
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is:

We now need some proper music to get us in the mood for this report:

If you were a child of the late 80s and early 90s, that jingle is forever burned into your brain. You most likely loved going into a Toys R Us store. Or as the great comedy writer Dave Barry once referred to them as “Gee, Toys Sure R Expensive!”. But this week with the announcement that the chain is closing and liquidating most, if not all, of its’ stores , we want to ask: why? Why is this beloved chain going under? Well, just like Disneyland – the answer is unparalleled corporate greed.

Toys R Us, the toy superstore that became a dream factory for kids nationwide, said in a U.S. Bankruptcy Court filing Thursday that it must liquidate, a move that would close 735 stores, leave 33,000 people without jobs and wrap up a 70-year run for a once-beloved holiday shopping spot.

The chain, whose chipper mascot Geoffrey the giraffe beckoned families to stores, said poor holiday sales caused its final demise. Online sales had undercut the popularity of its stores, and rampant discounting from the likes of Walmart and Target shaved away profits.

Saddled with enormous debt and piling up losses, the chain said it had no choice but to shut down. "The stark reality is that the (chain is) projected to run out of cash in the U.S. in May," it said in its bankruptcy filing.

No not quite yet. Especially when you consider that the closure of one of the biggest toy store chains in history could have a colossal ripple effect throughout the entire industry. Once heavy hitters such as Crayola:

Children’s arts products maker Crayola LLC has accused Toys ‘R’ Us Inc of coloring outside the lines in its dealings with its suppliers, saying the bankrupt toy-store chain kept ordering merchandise despite knowing it would not avoid liquidation.

Crayola, a subsidiary of Hallmark Cards, objected in court papers filed on Friday to aspects of the Toys ‘R’ Us plan for winding down and argued they would shield the retailer from any liability from misconduct.


Or how about venerable toy companies Hasbro and Mattel – makers of Barbie, how are they going to fare with this news?

The U.S. toy industry was taken by surprise when the country’s largest independent toy seller, Toys "R" Us filed for bankruptcy in September last year. The company recently confirmed that it is liquidating its entire U.S. operations (735 Toys "R" Us and Babies "R" Us stores). Liquidation sales started on Mar 23.

Toys "R" Us failed to keep up with fast changing customer preferences and shift of demand toward alternative entertainment modes like video games, MP3 players, tablets, smartphones and other electronic devices.

It simply could not compete on price and shopping convenience with giants like Amazon and Walmart. To make matters worse, the company was burdened with a $5 billion debt load, much of which originated from its 2005 deal to go private. All these developments gradually pushed it toward bankruptcy.

Here’s where we would slow down that clip if we could. It’s as if corporate greed is throwing our favorite toys out the window. So what happens when a store files for liquidation? What happens?

The sales are starting at Toys "R" Us.

The liquidation sales started Friday, and the company said it will offer shoppers "deep discounts and promotions."

The iconic toy giant announced last week that it will shut or sell all of its 735 US stores after a 70-year run.

Here's everything deal-seeking shoppers need to know:

How long do I have to use my Toys "R" Us gift card?

Stores will honor gift cards through April 21.

If you have an Endless Earnings e-gift card, you also have through April 21 to use it.

Customers can not return a gift card for cash.

What happens to my rewards?

You can no longer use your loyalty rewards coupons toward purchases. You might still see these points accrue in your account, but you won't be able to redeem them.

So with those pressing questions out of the way – are there any toy stores left in America? Yes, there is one and its’ business is actually booming.

When Toys R’ Us announced plans to close all 735 of its U.S. stores this month, it wasn’t exactly a surprise.

The gravitational pull of online shopping has decimated many iconic brick and mortar brands, and toy stores are no exception. Amazon’s toy sales grew about 12% last year, according to market research firm One Click Retail, while declining foot traffic has threatened to topple every time-honored kids company from American Girl to the once-invincible Lego.

In an era of smartphone shopping and same-day delivery, one decades-old toy chain has managed to weather the storm. And it’s a peculiar one.

In February, Build-A-Bear announced its fourth straight year of profitability. As retail giants like Claire’s, The Limited, and Payless shutter stores by the hundreds, the company has expanded its physical footprint by 12% over the last five years. And while Toys R’ Us closed its doors with $5 billion in debt, Build-A-Bear is debt-free. So what does Build-A-Bear have that Toys R’ Us doesn’t?

So one retail chain is thriving while a major one is suffering. You might be asking “where did all their money go?”. Well let’s investigate further.

A bankruptcy judge has granted struggling retailer Toys R Us permission to pay millions of dollars in bonuses to executives after the company argued it was necessary to motivate its top brass during the critical holiday shopping season.

Judge Keith Phillips ruled the company can dole out $14 million in incentives to its top 17 executives. A caveat: fiscal year earnings must first reach $550 million. Executives could receive even more if earnings reach $641 million, but the company's lawyer Joshua Sussberg said that target would be "incredibly hard to achieve," reports Reuters.

In September, Toys R Us — the largest toy retailer in the United States — filed for bankruptcy. But it stressed at the time that its approximately 1,600 stores worldwide would remain open and operate as usual. In a statement, CEO Dave Brandon said, "our objective is to work with our debtholders and other creditors to restructure the $5 billion of long-term debt on our balance sheet."

So there you have it. The company is in dire financial straits but it can still afford to pay its’ executives huge salaries and bonuses. Just like the hundreds of other failed retail chains that have come before it. That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Alex Jones
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Sigh. Our good buddy Alex Jones just can’t seem to know when to shut up. I mean did you know that we’re in a war right now? And did you know that the powers that be have a list? You know – kind of like a really fucked up Santa Claus – they know who’s naughty and nice but that doesn’t matter – a whole lot of us are going to get nuked! And if you ever dare turn on Infowars, you know that Alex cranked the crazy up way past 11 this week:

Alex Jones, the conspiracy theorist behind the Infowars outlet, warned listeners that global elites are evacuating to remote locations because of an impending “world war” and “world depression” that will kill most people.

On today’s episode of “The Alex Jones Show,” Jones cited reports that members of Washington institutions like the CIA have supposedly taken an interest in a network of doomsday shelters in West Virginia. Jones said he had spoken with someone who worked for Hollywood director James Cameron who told him that Cameron had said that billionaires are planning to evacuate to New Zealand.

“People that aren’t billionaires, they’re moving to Montana and Wyoming. I know a bunch of prominent Texas families that are evacuating Texas. Just evacuating, and they just say, ‘Word is, can’t save the country,’” Jones said.

“So, remember this, leftists—all of you crazy people that want to burn it all down, and you Antifa meth heads and all of you—if Trump can’t stabilize the country, and if we don’t make alliances and peace deals, and the world economy keeps going in this direction with population and all the crises and all the countries that have bio-weapons, there’s going to be a big world war and there’s going to be worldwide depression,” Jones said. “And a lot of you aren’t going to make it out of it.”


Yeah probably! I think I saw the Antifa Meth Heads at the Troubadour last week, not the best band in the world, I would say. And you think our resident pastor is crazy? Well wait until you get a load of Infowars’ resident pastor Rodney Howard Brown!

Pastor Rodney Howard-Browne, who placed hands on President Trump in prayer last year, joined Alex Jones on Infowars yesterday and urged Christians to “get radical” because only “divine intervention” can save America from the evil globalists Jones and Browne believe are working to destroy the world.

Yesterday, Browne joined Jones to promote his new book, “The Killing of Uncle Sam,” and discuss what he believed to be current threats against Christians and against President Trump. Jones said that one threat churches and religious groups have faced is social media censorship, claiming that social media companies have been removing posts because they featured references to Jesus and other biblical figures.

“The body of Christ has to stand up. First, we have to pray. Last night, we had a three-hour prayer meeting at the church praying exactly over these things and really asking God for divine intervention. And the church has to get radical. The people of God have to get radical,” Browne said.

Browne then alluded to the recent string of bombings killing people in Austin, Texas, and suggested that the bombings were being used by anarchist terrorists who are attempting to bring “everything under control.”

Yes, yes it does! And what is Alex Jones’ obsession with overweight gay women? I don’t want to say he has a fetish or anything, but yeah, he probably does have a fetish!

Gavin McInnes, a CRTV host that also leads a bizarre boys club, told Infowars host Alex Jones that their children will not have to deal with “annoying, childless, lesbian feminists because they’re all going to be gone.”

McInnes joined Jones on Infowars today to explain why he believes far-right activists like himself have a superior ideology to modern liberalism. Part of that superiority, he argued, includes the fact that McInnes and others who occupy the same space in the far-right, constantly urge their audiences to start families and have children.

“Their stupid idea is not to breed and not to have families. Our stupid idea is to breed like rats. And they are going to be extinct. Our children are not going to have to deal with these annoying, childless, lesbian feminists because they’re all going to be gone. They’re the dodo birds of Western civilization,” McInnes said.

Jones took a moment to clarify that he and his wife have “nothing against lesbians,” before making clear exactly what he had against lesbians by asking McInnes: “Why are lesbians so uptight?”

Why are lesbians so uptight? To use an old Seinfeld quote – they probably look at guys like you and go “that’s why I’m not heterosexual!”. And to add to his already bizarre theory on globalism, Alex offered this:

During today’s episode of “The Alex Jones Show,” Jones claimed that “the globalists that had sold this country out and thought they were God are flipping out right now” in reaction to how much Trump has supposedly been improving industries in the United States. He complained that the media was “bitching and complaining” that Trump would destroy the economy, despite the fact that “we didn’t have anything left” and that industry is “all pouring back in now” to the country.

“Doesn’t mean they’re not going to strike back, doesn’t mean it might not be too late, but they were involved in deindustrialization, post-industrial era Agenda 21, Agenda 2030—it’s a plan. It’s public. Trump has read it,” Jones said, referring to United Nations plans regarding global sustainable development practices that have inspired many right-wing conspiracy theories. “Trump knew all of this before I was ever on air.”

Jones went on to claim that Trump’s relationship with Roy Cohn, a shady lawyer who played an instrumental role with former Sen.Joe McCarthy ginning up public hysteria during the Red Scare in the 1950s, was proof that Trump was “the opposite of a Russian agent.”

Jones screamed: “What does that tell you? The globalists are crapping themselves. He’s the opposite of a Russian agent. That’s why they’re so scared. Everything he does is for the country. Everything he does is the classic default of what you do.”

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[font size="8"]Rosanne Premiere

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I was originally going to talk about gun nut apologists and their reaction to the March, but I didn’t like the entry so we’re going to do this instead! You know what people? Don’t call it a comeback! Thank you sound effects guy! So we’re going to talk about the premiere of the TV show Roseanne. And it sparked quite a bit of controversy for one reason alone. That is – Roseanne’s character is a bonafied Trump supporter of the Infowars conspiracy theory variety! Or as they called him on the show – “he who shall not be named!”.

Roseanne Conner is back in primetime, and that thing you’ve been hearing so much about — that choice she made in the last presidential election — has been confirmed and explained.

Roseanne did indeed cast her vote for Donald Trump, or rather, He Who Must Not Be Named, because no one actually says his name throughout the episode. Ditto She Who Must Not Be Named, the pantsuited opponent whom Roseanne assumes sister Jackie voted for, which led to a year-long rift during which the siblings and best friends haven’t spoken to each other.

This part of the Roseanne revival already had some fans vowing not to tune in. How could that liberal, underdog-championing, working-class heroine Roseanne Conner have changed so dramatically that she would turn her back on all she claimed to believe in, all she claimed to be about, to vote … another way? When she and Jackie finally agree to a détente to talk about their beef, Roseanne explains her choice in a way that almost certainly won’t change anyone’s mind, but nevertheless lays down a point: You can choose to get past it, or at least to keep talking, no matter how much you continue to disagree.

That is a good point! So Roseanne is a Trump supporter. And you know in this climate of “Hollywood doesn’t understand our views” well conservatives might want to reconsider that talking point. And as we saw from that Bill Maher clip in the beginning – the people really taking it out on Hollywood are Hollywood rejects! But both sides weren’t left out of the picture.

Roseanne returned to primetime after a 21 year hiatus and immediately tackled the topic of political divisiveness that many American families can relate to. While the show never mentioned specific names, it is implied that Roseanne and Dan are proud Donald Trump supporters. While Roseanne's sister Jackie is anti-Trump.

The premiere episode was centered around Roseanne and Jackie being at odds with each other, in fact they've barely spoken since the 2016 election. But since they are family, they make an attempt to be civil to each other.

The two sister threw barbs at each other. Jackie brought Russian flavored dressing to a family dinner. Roseanne responded by asking Jackie if she'd like to take a knee during grace.

While the two sisters never saw eye-to-eye on each other's political beliefs, they overlooked them for the sake of family. Jackie said, " "I guess I didn't mean to imply that you're some right-wing jackass. I should have tried to understand why you voted the crazy way that you did." Roseanne responded, "And I should have understood that, you know, you want the government to give everybody free health care 'cause you're a good-hearted person who can't do simple math."

Wait, so… how does doing basic math have anything to do with government sponsored health care? I mean who is that joke targeting? You know – for when you thought Fraser was too intellectual! So what does Roseanne’s ex, Tom Arnold, think of the show?

When THR asked me to review the new Roseanne reboot, I promised objectivity. But, of course, I'd been the audience warm-up guy for the Roseanne pilot in 1988 and worked my way up on the show from writer to producer. In fact, by the time Roseanne fired me in 1994 — destroying the trophy case in my office, canceling my credit cards and promising I'd never work in show business again — I'd been executive producing and playing Arnie for a few years. So you can see why these delightful memories would make it hard not to be prejudiced.

The world is different now than when Roseanne and I went to Bill Clinton’s inauguration in 1992, and a lot has changed since the show went off the air in 1997. When I read on Twitter that there was going to be a Roseanne reboot, I was happy for Roseanne and the other actors, but I also knew the new show's success would rest on one thing: Who will Roseanne Conner be in 2018? Because today's Roseanne Barr is more polarizing than ever. No longer a feminist-pacifist voice for the working folks, she's now a far-right Trump-loving troll who's gone hard against liberals and Hillary supporters and even #MeToo women. That is not the Roseanne Barr I knew, but that's OK so long as that's not the Roseanne Conner she brings back to TV.

OK so of course like most things happening in 2018, here’s where it gets weird. Of course you know that Roseanne is a crazy Trump loving fiend who regularly spouts Infowars talking points and QAnon conspiracy theories. And when she gets called out on it guess what? Denial!

Barr being a big Trump supporter, Kimmel reminded her she used to support Hillary Clinton, but became “down on her” and even accused her of being a murderer on Twitter, “didn’t you?”

“I did not!” Barr screeched. “I deleted it!”

But she acknowledged, “I had some disagreement with her foreign policy.”

Because “she had one,” Goodman snarked, largely staying out of the melee.

Barr asked, like she meant it to sting, if Kimmel had supported Clinton during the election.

“Never mind her!” Kimmel shot back, having none of that. “How about the Capt. Whacko we’ve got running the country here?!”

Barr insisted she has not changed over the year, but “you all moved — you all went so f*ckin far out you lost everyone.”

Really Roseanne? Jimmy lost everyone? Is that why he’s one of the highest rated hosts in late night television? But of course the divide has even perplexed her original fans of the show! Because why wouldn’t it?

Tonight is the big night America has been waiting for! After 21 years, Roseanne is returning to the small screen — and in a way, we can all thank President Donald Trump for the reboot.

Roseanne Barr has been a fixture in pop culture for decades, but has largely stayed out of the spotlight since Roseanne ended its nine-season run in in 1997. That all changed during the 2016 presidential election, when Barr came out in support of presidential candidate Donald Trump.

“I think we would be so lucky if Trump won,” she told the Hollywood Reporter several months before the election. “Because then it wouldn’t be Hillary.”

Since those initial viral comments, Barr has gone on to praise and defend Trump continuously, including this week, while promoting the upcoming Roseanne premiere with John Goodman on Jimmy Kimmel Live. After arguing with Kimmel about the president’s controversial administration, Barr said, “No matter who we voted for, we don’t want to see our president fail.”

Considering Barr’s personal political beliefs, there was little surprise when news broke that some of the iconic Conner family on the show will be portrayed as Trump supporters. “It’s just realistic,” the 65-year-old actress said during the Television Critics Association press tour in January. “It was working-class people who elected Trump.”

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Oh you know what time it is? It’s time for this!

Of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. It’s been a while since we have done one of these. I want to start with this story out of Seattle, Washington featuring two jaw-droppingly stupid criminals who attempted to walk out of a Costco and, well… let’s just say bad things happen.

SEATTLE (KGO) -- Thieves with armloads of stolen laptops and vacuum cleaners literally walked straight into the arms of police.

It happened at a Costco in Seattle last week and it was caught on video.

Officers responded to reports of shoplifting in progress. They arrested a woman who was sitting in a car pulled up to the store's emergency fire doors.

Police say it was the getaway car.

Officers were waiting when a man and a woman loaded down with stolen property kicked the doors open. The suspects tried to make a run for it but police nabbed them.

How about this – what happens when you try to teach a lesson to someone? Here’s one woman from Montana (surprisingly not Florida) who attempted to teach a lesson that backfired big time! Where is J Walter Weatherman from Arrested Development when you need him?

A woman drank a half bottle of whiskey, drove her car through a medical marijuana provider storefront and broke additional windows with a sledgehammer because she was upset the business was closed, prosecutors say.

Lisa Christine Walter, 37, appeared in Yellowstone County Justice Court on Monday on a felony criminal mischief charge and aggravated driving under the influence second offense, a misdemeanor. Justice of the Peace David Carter set bond at $10,000.

Police were called to Grow World, at 3130 King Ave. W., on Friday at 9 a.m., according to charges. There they found Walter drinking from a measuring glass, with her blue Honda Civic driven partially through the front doors of the business.

All 10 of the front windows to the business had been broken, police said. There was a baseball bat sticking out of the rear passenger side window, a sledge hammer sitting on the front seat and a bottle of Jack Daniels in the rear of the car.


Next up we go to where else but Florida? Yes, the Sunshine State always knows how to bring the crazy extra hard. And this is a classic Florida Man story too – I mean you can diagram the first sentence of this story and you still won’t be able to fully comprehend it.

Two men are accused of breaking into the home of a man they both dated, stealing several items, then leaving spaghetti sauce boiling on the stove with a washcloth placed near the burner in an attempt to start a fire, according to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office.
Deputies went to the residence and saw a red Lincoln Navigator attempting to leave the area. A stop was conducted and the driver, 28-year-old John Silva, and passenger, Derrick Irving, told the deputy that they had just picked up some clothes from the victim's home, according to the affidavit.

The victim told News 6 that Irving was wearing a bull costume.

The deputy said she could see a marijuana grinder in the center console and a vacuum, window A/C unit, flat-screen television and heater in the back seat. An empty jar of Ragu spaghetti sauce was also on the passenger's seat, the report said.


Yes seriously – WTF. This almost kind of sounds like the plot from Hot Fuzz when they tried to destroy the guy’s house with bacon and beans. Only there wasn’t a bull costume involved. Next up – how about some hardcore pornography for your daily commute? Yes this actually happened in the Philippines this week.

The mayor of the major financial hub in the Philippines said on Wednesday she was investigating after a pornographic video appeared briefly on a prominent billboard, startling motorists on one of the bustling city’s major roadways.

The video appeared for about half a minute on an electronic billboard at a busy intersection on the main road through Makati City, the central business district of the sprawling capital, Manila, on Tuesday afternoon.

Makati Mayor Abigail Binay immediately ordered the billboard shut down after the clip of a couple having sex was shown, but pictures and videos of it captured by motorists on their mobile phones were shared widely on social media.

The billboard will remain closed pending the results of an investigation, Binay said. That investigation will include whether the billboard’s owner, Philippine company Globaltronics, or its employees were responsible, a statement from her office said.

Yeah seriously – does anyone need that much porno? Yeah probably! So for this next story – if you’re at a school, and a guy comes in with a gun and starts shooting, how do you protect yourself? Here’s one suggestion and it’s about as stupid as you can get!

One schools superintendent has a novel way to keep his students safe from school shooters: arming them with rocks.

David Helsel, superintendent of a school district in northeast Pennsylvania, explained his plan to a legislative education committee last week, drawing a flurry of local media coverage.

“Every classroom has been equipped with a five-gallon bucket of river stone,” Helsel explained about his Blue Mountain School District in Schuylkill County, northeast of Harrisburg, in a video broadcast by ABC affiliate 16 WNEP. “If an armed intruder attempts to gain entrance into any of our classrooms, they will face a classroom full of students armed with rocks, and they will be stoned.”

Helsel’s comments come amid a new chapter in the public debate about mass shootings after a man killed 17 people at a high school in Parkland, Fla. Despite polls showing that large numbers of Americans support stricter gun-control measures, Congress has not produced any significant legislation, and schools and other officials have looked to other solutions. President Trump floated an NRA-backed idea of arming teachers.

OK so enlighten me, sir, how is this going to stop someone with a gun exactly? I mean did you go to the Betsy DeVos school of protecting yourself from a bear attack? And then finally for People Are Dumb – we’ve got a Top 10 update for you! Yes, an update! Remember our old buddy from Bakersfield who was trying to launch himself in a homemade rocket to prove the earth was flat? Well, he did it!

He finally went up — just like the self-taught rocket scientist always pledged he would.

He came back down in one piece, too — a little dinged up and his steam-powered vessel a little cracked up.

Still, mission accomplished for a guy more daredevil than engineer, who drew more comparisons to the cartoon character Wile E. Coyote from his critics than he did to iconic stunt man Evel Knievel.

“Mad” Mike Hughes, the rocket man who believes the Earth is flat, propelled himself about 1,875 feet into the air Saturday before a hard landing in the Mojave Desert. He told The Associated Press that outside of an aching back he’s fine after the launch near Amboy, California.

Yes! We got him!!!!!! We got him everybody! Mad Mike finally launched himself in a rocket! And it didn’t prove shit! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Stupidest State Contest: Round 1 Week 2

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16 states will enter, but only one will be crowned the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!

Welcome back! I hope you all filled out your brackets! This We have not one, but two exciting matchups this week! Last week – Kentucky utterly routed Iowa by a whopping 25 points to advance to the Elite 8 while the Montana and Arizona game came to a head with Montana hitting a thrilling last second buzzer beater and winning over Arizona. Both teams advance to the next round. This week – it’s family values and extreme corporate greed as Kansas looks to defend their conference title against red hot West Virginia, while the red hot Hoosiers of Indiana take on conference favorite Alabama in a battle for who’s the bigger worshippers of Jesus! Roll Tide! Get out your brackets so you can follow along!

[font size="6"]Match 1: Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference: West Virginia Vs Kansas[/font]

[font size="4"]Kansas[/font]

Kansas is the reigning king of the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference. They are the home of agriculture, Koch Industries, and some of the biggest colleges in the country including Kansas State – home of the possible world champion Jayhawks, and Witchita State University. Kansas is also the home of the road side attraction including things like the World’s Largest Ball Of Twine. And now that Chris Christie has been dethroned from New Jersey, Kansas is the home of the world’s worst governor – Sam Brownback – who has been known to say batshit crazy things like this.

A new report from the Kansas Center for Economic Growth concludes former Gov. Sam Brownback’s supply-side tax reductions induced years of financial crisis, rather than the “rural recession” Brownback blamed.

Now, one year after a partial reversal of the massive 2012 tax cuts, lawmakers face the difficult election-year prospect of paying for another increase in school funding. Goossen, a senior fellow with KCEG and the budget director for three governors before Brownback, said it is important to be honest and clear about the cause of the state’s budget problems.

The KCEG report to be released Monday says the global decline in commodities prices only accounts for a small portion of the overall economy in Kansas and wasn’t significant enough to derail budgets in neighboring states. Also, the agricultural and energy downturn happened after Kansas budgets became unstable.

Yeah, Gov. Brownback, you suck! And you should feel bad! And then Kansas is also the home of an amusement park called Schlitterbahn that has been at the subject of what happens when the republicans deregulate everything. And the answer to that is more deregulations!

Jeff Henry, the co-owner of Schlitterbahn, was arrested on Monday in Cameron County, Texas, on charges related to the 2016 death of a 10-year-old boy on a water slide in Kansas.

Officials in Cameron County, the southernmost county in Texas, said Henry was arrested on a Kansas warrant.

"He was arrested by U.S. Marshals out of Brownsville," Texas, said Capt. Javier Reyna of the Cameron County Sheriff's Office.

Schlitterbahn has a water park in South Padre Island, which is in the county where Henry was arrested. The U.S. Marshals Service is a federal law enforcement agency responsible for transporting prisoners across state line

[font size="4"]West Virginia[/font]

West Virginia is a state that we have not yet covered in the Stupidest State contest. West Virginia is home to a large portion of this country’s coal mining operations. And it’s the state where you’re more likely to get black lung than just about anything. It’s the home to universities like the University of West Virginia which is always a final four favorite. And in case you’re wondering just how greedy things get in West Virginia here’s a couple of examples.

The City of Beckley is one step closer to purchasing Black Knight Country Club from Gov. Jim Justice in a $3 million deal, following the regular meeting Tuesday of Beckley Common Council, Mayor Rob Rappold reports.

Council approved the first reading of an ordinance to authorize the "acquisition, planning, establishment, equipping and costruction of new recreation facilities (BKCC)" by the Beckley Building Commission and authorized the commission to lease BKCC to the city.

Two more readings are required before Council approves the ordinance.

"The Beckley Building Commission will be the lessor on BKCC, and the city will be the lessee," Rappold explained the process of Beckley's acquisition of BKCC, a private country club with an 89-year history in Beckley. "The Building Commission makes the purchase and then leases BKCC to the city, for the amount of the loan on a monthly basis."

Read more: http://www.register-herald.com/news/council-moves-one-step-closer-to-country-club-deal/article_52df5746-7a09-503f-94b6-821fb0d82dc5.html

And then of course if you’ve been following the news you know that West Virginia has been the center of a massive teacher’s strike that has just crippled the state. And it’s all thanks to reckless conservative policies! Yay!

Thousands of striking West Virginia teachers and school employees are gathering at the state capitol in Charleston today to press their demands for livable wages and the right to high-quality health care. The strike by more than 33,000 teachers and support staff has entered its eighth day and a new and decisive stage.

The mass protests today take place as 1,400 Frontier Communications workers have gone on strike across West Virginia and in parts of Virginia. The workers, who are members of the Communications Workers of America (CWA), have been working without a contract since August 5 of last year, and are fighting job cuts and efforts to destroy their health care coverage.

On Saturday night, the Republican-controlled state Senate carried out a calculated provocation against the striking teachers, voting to reduce the pay offer to teachers and school employees from five percent to four percent. Senate President Mitch Carmichael and the powerful energy, chemical and other corporate interests that stand behind him have thrown down the gauntlet to teachers and public employees.

[font size="6"]And The Winner Is… [/font]

Wow, another great game with some close calls, but in the end the coal miners in West Virginia trounced Kansas by 15. Final score: 86 – 71. West Virginia’s first time in the tournament and they did not disappoint! The conference champs go home defeated!

[font size="6"]Match 2: Family Values Conference: Indiana Vs. Alabama[/font]

[font size="4"]Indiana[/font]

Indiana is a state that we have not yet covered in this matchup. The Hoosier State is the home of such world class universities as the University Of Indiana – home of the Hoosiers, as made famous in the movie “Hoosiers”. It’s also the home of the Fighting Irish - Notre Dame University, and Purdue University. It’s also the home of world class sports teams including the Indianapolis Colts and the Indiana Pacers. But what else is Indiana the home of? Well it could the home of guns in churches! Yes – two things the Family Values crowd loves!

Currently, Hoosiers can legally carry guns on church property, so long as that property doesn't also house a school. The Indiana Senate Judiciary Committee took a step toward changing that Wednesday, moving forward a bill that would allow guns on all church property — school or not.

"This allows a house of worship to be able to protect their congregation on their property," said the bill's sponsor, Indianapolis Republican Jack Sandlin. "It does not put guns in the hands of teachers. It does not prohibit houses of worship from establishing policies to prohibit the bringing of firearms onto their property."

The bill passed along party lines, with five Republicans sending Senate Bill 33 to the floor and two Democrats voting against it.

Democrats weren't the only opposition in the room.

Read more: https://www.indystar.com/story/news/education/2018/01/31/bill-allow-guns-church-school-property-advances/1080628001/

Indiana is also the home of our current Vice President Mike Pence. And Pence is famously known for being anti-gay. And well here’s what happens when he’s out of his element:

Last year, the Irish prime minister was welcomed by the U.S. president and vice president with open arms — and with open coverage by reporters — ahead of the annual St. Patrick's Day festivities.

But this year, Vice President Mike Pence's breakfast with new Irish Prime Minister Leo Varadkar will be closed to the media — at the request of the vice president. In a departure from the recent past, reporters were told Friday's event to be attended by Pence and Varadkar will be private and the media won't be invited.

Pence also had a St. Patrick's Day breakfast in March 2017 with Enda Kenny, the Irish prime minister at the time. The difference this year could possibly be Varadkar's visibility as an openly gay man as well as Pence's long record of opposing issues important to the gay and lesbian community.

People are speculating whether issues such as gay and lesbian rights and Pence's stance on gay-conversion therapy might be discussed at their meeting. For instance, the Human Rights Campaign, an LGBTQ civil rights advocacy group, sent a tweet questioning the motive for banning the media from the Pence-Varadkar event.

Read more: https://www.indystar.com/story/news/2018/03/15/mike-pence-faces-backlash-banning-media-meeting-gay-irish-prime-minister/428821002/


[font size="4"]Alabama[/font]

Ah the reigning champions of this conference. There ain’t no messing with Alabama when it comes to the subject of Family Values hypocrisy. I mean after all this is the state that, when we last saw them, they had tried to elect Roy Moore, a champion and NFFSA MVP, to the senate. Only… he lost! Yes, cue the Nelson laugh! Roy Moore lost in one gigantic clusterfuck of an election to Doug Jones, and that state is still reeling from that election. But Roy Moore isn’t the only Family Values hypocrite in the state!

Alabama lawmakers need to protect "our ladies" and to do that, they should not arm teachers because most are women, argued State Rep. Harry Shiver, R-Stockton, this morning.

Most women, and women teachers in particular, "are scared of guns," and should not be expected to carry them in classrooms, he said.

Shiver, in comments to AL.com, echoed the statements he made during this morning's Public Safety Committee hearing in which he said he wanted to protect women teachers.

"I'm not saying all (women), but in most schools, women are (the majority) of the teachers," Shiver told AL.com. "Some of them just don't want to (be trained to possess firearms). If they want to, then that's good. But most of them don't want to learn how to shoot like that and carry a gun."

Read more: http://www.al.com/news/index.ssf/2018/03/women_scare_of_guns.html#incart_river_index

Wait wait wait wait wait…. OK in one breath you morons say you should “arm the teachers” because reasons, and now you’re saying we shouldn’t arm teachers, because, sexism. Wow, the hypocrisy reeks here! Sexism is definitely rampant in Alabama. And then there’s this guy!

An aide to ex-Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore who qualified Monday with the state GOP for a congressional seat based in Montgomery and the Wiregrass region said he is running on "safety, prosperity and morality," adding that the district doesn't need a "career politician" - a swipe at his primary Republican rival, incumbent Rep. Martha Roby.

Rich Hobson, who managed Moore's special election campaign for U.S. Senate, said in Hoover that Washington is still plagued by special interests, "remnants of the Obama administration" and "weak-kneed Republicans ... who make up the swamp."

"The problems of last year, unfortunately, they still remain," Hobson said. "I want to make sure that we preserve a safe, a prosperous and a moral America for our children and grandchildren."

The race between Roby, Hobson and state Rep. Barry Moore is arguably the most hotly contested House races in Alabama. Meanwhile, national Democrats also have their eyes on capturing the seat.

[font size="6"]And The Winner Is… [/font]

Sorry Indiana, you may have gay wedding cakes, but no one out crazies the champs in Alabama in this conference! They may have looked tired due to fatigue from the Roy Moore trial but they own this conference in the NFFSA! Final score – Alabama wins it by 12 – 101 – 89.

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Next week it’s Round 1 Week 3 and we’re going to be live at the Gila River Arena in Phoenix, Arizona, and this time around the casino moguls in Nevada are going to go for broke against the capitalists in Wisconsin, while Florida will bring their big guns to the dance against Louisiana!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Stone Temple Pilots[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is making their late night debut here, they have a new album that just came out last week with a new lead singer and it is great! Playing their new song called “Roll Me Under”, give it up for the legendary Stone Temple Pilots!

See you next week!


Host: Initech
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

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Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-11: Run The Jewels Live From Uranus Edition (Original post)
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malaise Mar 2018 #1
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Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Mar 28, 2018, 05:03 PM

1. Your discipline is amazing

Off to read

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Response to malaise (Reply #1)

Wed Mar 28, 2018, 05:07 PM

2. Yeah I wasn't sure I was going to make it on time.

But I did. And I was going to do the wheel this week but I thought of that title and I couldn't stop laughing!

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Response to Initech (Reply #2)

Wed Mar 28, 2018, 06:10 PM

3. Mad Mike

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