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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsColbert: Papa John’s pizza like "eating the ass off a raccoon that drowned in your bird bath"
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/08/09/colbert-obamacare-isnt-worth-higher-prices-for-papa-johns-hot-turd-pizza/
After hearing reports that Papa Johns CEO John Schnatter told investors that Obamacare would force the company to raise the prices of its pizza in 2014 by 11 to 14 cents, Stephen Colbert knew the Presidents health care reform had gone just a step too far.
On Wednesdays show he said, Im sure youre saying, Fourteen cents? Stephen, thats not even one percent of the cost of a large pie. People will be willing to swallow that. After all, theyre willing to swallow this. Wrong.
People will not pay another cent because when you order a Papa Johns pizza, its only after youve reached a state of such desperate gnawing hunger that youd eat the ass off a raccoon that drowned in your bird bath, and, even then, only after making absolutely sure that youre all out of drowned raccoon ass, he added. And now Obama expects you to shell out almost three extra nickels for this hot turd pie? Fuck that! Eat the nickels, you have your dignity.
But he wasnt without concern for peoples health. Now dont get me wrong folks, he stated. I believe every human being has a fundamental right to affordable health care. But at what price? There has to be a line we do not cross. And its 14 cents. Because if we just sit idly by while everyone gets access to a doctor, today its just 14 cents more a pizza, tomorrow it could be three cents more a taco. And I would rather be dead.
MADem
(135,425 posts)That is a pant-wettingly funny routine! BRILLIANT!
Thank you for posting this!
Ganja Ninja
(15,953 posts)And he begrudges his employees getting 14 cents a pie for healthcare.
Shameless and senseless greed for greed's sake is this country's biggest enemy.
progressoid
(49,827 posts)Tom Ripley
(4,945 posts)awoke_in_2003
(34,582 posts)but let's be honest- when your wallet is as fat as his, finding sexual partners is not that hard.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)me to crawl in the sack with that ass-turd.
awoke_in_2003
(34,582 posts)but there are plenty of people, male or female, who do not have high standards and will do anything for money.
Burma Jones
(11,760 posts)awoke_in_2003
(34,582 posts)Johnny Noshoes
(1,977 posts)I could get a Maserati Gran Turismo with whole lot of options for less than that and it is a Hell of a lot cooler than a friggin Camaro.
Webster Green
(13,905 posts)There's just something about those things.
Of course, there's also the amazing Tesla Roadster.
Decisions, decisions.
Johnny Noshoes
(1,977 posts)It doesn't have a lot of range - well okay maybe 300 miles on a charge - but it sure is sweet. It is kinda like a full size grown up slot car.
When I was still working they had a few of them outside the NASDAQ building in Times Sq a few years ago. I think the stock was going public or whatever - but man that is one very cool car.
Tunkamerica
(4,444 posts)I'm sure the seller knew he could ask whatever he wanted.
Joe Bacon
(5,163 posts)This is exhibit "A" for taking the rich off of welfare and making them pay their fair share.
Ganja Ninja
(15,953 posts)It seems that the richer they get the more they want and the less scrupulous they become. They're blind to anything but their own bank statements. It's the modern day version of gold fever. They react to seeing even small amounts of money in someone else's hands as if they were claim jumpers.
SDjack
(1,448 posts)is outrageous -- it's a deal breaker. I suggest that the pizza component cost be reduced by 15 cents, giving the company a 1-cent kicker for ObamaCare. Makes sense. Most people don't finish those pizzas anyway.
Ganja Ninja
(15,953 posts)Myrina
(12,296 posts)One can only guess how old they are & what's been done to them before they land in your pizza box ....
Panasonic
(2,921 posts)HOLD THE DAMN JALAPENOS
I quit ordering from them 6 months ago.
darkangel218
(13,985 posts)azurnoir
(45,850 posts)I haven't had Papa John's in years but I did used to like those mildly spicy peppers
MNBrewer
(8,462 posts)In stepped on one once in my neighbor's yard and it exploded all over my other boot .... gag. Had to throw away the boots
Johnny Noshoes
(1,977 posts)Beyond a certain level of wealth the money only means power or access to it and has nothing to to do with reasonable comfort and well being - how much crap does anyone need past a certain point. Yeah well sure I posted above about a Maserati but seriously even if I had that much money paying what was once the price of a small house FOR A CAR no it just doesn't feel right.
barbtries
(28,702 posts)i think it's what will ultimately take out the human race.
Flatulo
(5,005 posts)I find myself wishing more and more lately that these fucking billionaires, whose estates use more resources that some countries, find themselves prisoners behind their own walls.
Initech
(99,915 posts)louis-t
(23,199 posts)Either that or 16 of his bathrooms flooded at the same time.
YOHABLO
(7,358 posts)Yeah, real classy there. Lack of taste in his Pizza and in his personal belongings. It's shite like his pizza that's killing all of us .. lots of glutenous dough with some crap smeared over the top of it. You know, if we had single-payer health care in this country ... it wouldn't be an issue. Why don't these entrepreneurs get behind a single-payer health care system? They're just stupid I guess.
tex-wyo-dem
(3,190 posts)As a complete douche asshole...and, gee, I was right!
Be assured, John, that by 2014, 14 cents per pie is going to pale in comparison to the higher prices you going to have to pay for everything else on your pizzas due to climate change, so stop your whining!
Burma Jones
(11,760 posts)Schnatter is considered a genius by most Americans. His innovative products have made him a leader in the important pizza-delivery sector of the American economy, and real Americans consider him an expert on the American healthcare system, since most of his regular customers suffer from diabetes and heart disease. Papa John's pizzas - often affectionately described as "vomit on cardboard" - have become a staple of many Americans' households. It is no understatement to say that Schattner's products have enriched the lives of every American.
wiggs
(7,788 posts)grantcart
(53,061 posts)Lost-in-FL
(7,093 posts)Is he calling for a boycott? He got it!
Cracklin Charlie
(12,904 posts)I don't think Steven cares much for hot turd pizza.
That bit was one of the two best things I saw yesterday, along with the British bike rider's response to Piers Morgan's questioning of his patriotism.
I wonder if Steven has recently had an incident with a dead raccoon in his birdbath? He seemed so disgusted by the idea of the dead raccoon.
pansypoo53219
(20,906 posts)we didn't like it, but colbert + his writers REALLY don't like it.
Joe Bacon
(5,163 posts)If you want a decent pizza, support your local family pizza shop. They make real pizza, unlike the chains!
Flatulo
(5,005 posts)We have a family-owned Italian joint nearby in Worcester MA called the Wonder Bar. Been there over a hundred years, and the great-grandchildren now run the place. Their dough is the same as it was back in the day. Genuine New York style pies with thin crispy crust and homemade sauce.
Damn, I'm getting a chubby just thinking about one.
dionysus
(26,467 posts)kinda suck... although nothing is worse than dominoes...
yellowcanine
(35,692 posts)NRaleighLiberal
(59,940 posts)hifiguy
(33,688 posts)It would probably put a dent in the business of that shitty pizzeria. That is freaking hysterical.
Initech
(99,915 posts)uponit7771
(90,225 posts)Tarheel_Dem
(31,211 posts)was to make sure that it really was that shitty. And it was. Worst effin' excuse for pizza that ever passed my lips. I'm even more proud that I don't put a dime in this asshole's pocket.
DRoseDARs
(6,810 posts)Sorry, had to.
Tarheel_Dem
(31,211 posts)Check. The odd thing is, I'll bet drowned raccoon ass has more flavor.
JanetLovesObama
(548 posts)I can't stop laughing. Posted on Twitter and Facebook.
libodem
(19,288 posts)Drowned raccoon ass. One of my guy friends uses a saying similar to that except his involves a menstrating moose. Yuck, sorry.
patrice
(47,992 posts)different brand of pizza.
LadyHawkAZ
(6,199 posts)Finally, someone has come up with a descriptive name for the godawful flavor of PJs pizza!
jtuck004
(15,882 posts)typically, tastier than his pizza. Note: You should not leave the raccoon to soak in the birdbath - should remove, clean, place in salt water and chill
I once tried a piece of pj's raccoon-inspired creations. eeeewwwwhh...
They may have done more for home-made pizza than anybody.
LadyHawkAZ
(6,199 posts)PJs is vile stuff. I will take Little Caesars or Pizza Hut over them. I would probably prefer the genuine raccoon ass.
Crowman1979
(3,844 posts)Flatpicker
(894 posts)Kingston Pizza FTW.
progressivebydesign
(19,458 posts)Because apparently the ONLY reason to be in business in America anymore is to kiss your stockholder's asses. Not your customers, not your employers. Remember when owning stock was a risk?
Nothing I hate more than a nouveau-riche guy like that, who thinks that money = class. They always buy the stupid castle homes, and they have a spouse that whines that the imported marble in the kitchen isn't exactly the color of their Bichon's eyes.. so it must be taken replaced.
gejohnston
(17,502 posts)tasted like lawn clippings. I would eat tofu and deep fried crickets before touching that again.
azurnoir
(45,850 posts)like yeast dough with too much sugar added, what this creep is doing is attempting to use this as a political sting on Obama
at first I had said good enough 14¢ isn't much, but then after I thought about it I realized what he is IMO really doing trying to get some political juice out of what would happen anyway but for different reasons
TheKentuckian
(24,949 posts)valerief
(53,235 posts)amuse bouche
(3,657 posts)kind of smug in the fact that I don't give him a dime and make homemade pizza
part man all 86
(367 posts)darkangel218
(13,985 posts)Me and tens of thousand of ppl, maybe even more.
darkangel218
(13,985 posts)MNBrewer
(8,462 posts)Now that it's gone "Chick-Fil-A" ... I'll die before I'll put another slice of his pizza in my mouth. Guess I have to get the pizza crust recipe back out. It's better anyway. Less convenient, but better.
shcrane71
(1,721 posts)No joke. Another funny thing about the anti-socialism rant is that UofI has a rather large segment of students from Communist China, many attending PappaJohn's Business Center.
RegieRocker
(4,226 posts)That was all I could stand. Now I won't eat it if offered to me for free.
Zax2me
(2,515 posts)Eh. Oh, well.
No longer.
I'll test out local pizzarias and find a new favorite, no big deal.
lonestarnot
(77,097 posts)4lbs
(6,756 posts)Especially their Supreme pizza.
Big thick crust, and lots of delicious toppings.
Many Costcos have those food areas where you can buy a big slice for $1.99.
Also it would support Costco over PJ as Costco fully supports Obama, healthcare, and unions!
Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)Also, they do rotisserie chickens which are pretty damn good.
MissNostalgia
(159 posts)I requested that my account be deleted today by email. I rarely buy this company's pizza, but it felt good to cut ties anyway. Im hating this trend of mixing hate(personal) with business. These right wing CEOs really aren't doing themselves any favors, because after President Obama wins, I personally will never forget how they wanted to get in the way of his 2nd term, and their reasoning behind it, of hating Gays, the sick, their own employees having right, and so on.
Burma Jones
(11,760 posts)which was better than what I got in my Elementary School's Cafeteria
Damned near everywhere I've been has had SOMEONE who has opened a decent Pizza Place.
Avoid the Chains, eat better Pizza.
Zorra
(27,670 posts)(2) Raccoon ass is actually better when marinated overnight in a warm bird bath sauce.
It draws the grease out of the meat.
And I bet all this time y'all that those little round dried out crunchy things on your Papa John's pseudo cheese bread was artificial pepperoni.
Don C. Nuttin
(84 posts)I am pretty sure that Colbert was disparaging Papa John's pizza. That said, Colbert is a Sputh Carolinian. And many southerners carry or wear a Baculum (a raccoon penis bone -- yes raccoons have penis bones) as a charm. Granted that tradition survives generally far west of South Carolina in places like Arkansas, but consider the possibility that Colbert was darned near deifying Papa John's pie. I'm just sayin'.
krispos42
(49,445 posts)Or the dipping container of fake butter-garlic sauce for the crusts.