Please hear me out.

[sheshe2]

I don't know where to start.

Seems to me that we always blame the female, yes I am talking about Avenatti. I have heard cries that he has been accused without a shred of proof and it is a rightwing conspiracy. He is one of the most vocal condemning the allegations. There were security cameras that he says proves his innocence, yet none in his own apartment where the altercation took place. Therefore they prove nothing. Nothing. Fact is he was arrested, charged and paid a 50K bail. That is not to be taken that lightly.

Today it was announced that he will not be charged of a federal crime. HOWEVER the court also said he may still face misdemeanor charges, that is how California treats domestic abuse.

So...we have people saying that HE was accused without a shred of evidence are accusing HER without a shred of evidence. I have to ask you all, do you know that domestic abuse is a silent crime? Have you ever been a victim? Do you know...

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/23/domestic-violence-statistics_n_5959776.html

Domestic violence is not a singular incident, it’s an insidious problem deeply rooted in our culture — and these numbers prove that.

I have read that she was hit with pillows and a poster responded lol...pillows. He looks to be a strong guy. A pillow wielded with force can knock you to the floor. Words are a powerful component in domestic abuse. It is verbal abuse and is debilitating meant to break the victim.

If you have never been a victim of domestic violence, I am happy for you. If you have, as I have, I am so sorry and hope you got away safely as I did.

I have not blamed anyone here, just stated some facts that I wish you all would consider before you condemn. I don't know what happened there, I was not present and neither were anyone of you.

Leaving is Not Easy

Often friends, coworkers, and even family of abused women ask this question, thinking that making the decision to leave an abusive relationship is easy. Our society tends to focus on the actions of victims of abuse rather than on the actions of abusers. Then, naturally, people ask: Why does she stay? However, the question is unfair. It would be fair to focus on abusers and their abusive behaviors and ask: “Why do they assume that they have the right to abuse their partners?

Abused women find it difficult to leave their abusive relationship.
They may have good reasons to leave but they also have reasons to stay which range from fear to limitations imposed on women by dominant societal beliefs.

http://asafeplace.website/education/why-women-stay/

Thanks for listening. Flame away if you wish.

[HopeAgain]

1. Thank you

We often believe what we want to believe and forget to look for all the facts. I'm waiting to see what more comes out before I judge.

[sheshe2]

6. I am with ya, Hope.

Thank so much.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

30. K&R Thanks for the poignant OP sheshe2

[Me.]

2. Very Thought Provoking Post

and so sorry to hear you were the victim of domestic violence and so glad you are not now

I wish we had a smilie that was an extended hand

[sheshe2]

4. We got this, me.

[Me.]

10. ...

[brer cat]

3. Thank you

for speaking up.

[MLAA]

5. Thanks for your post.

[uppityperson]

7. I am a dv survivor, as is a good friend who is male. I've rewritten or for gender neutral

It wasn't easy to leave my abuser. When my friend sought help, he could find very little, minimal that would believe him or work with him to escape.

Words are powerful.



Leaving is Not Easy

Often friends, coworkers, and even family of abused people ask this question, thinking that making the decision to leave an abusive relationship is easy. Our society tends to focus on the actions of victims of abuse rather than on the actions of abusers. Then, naturally, people ask: Why do they stay? However, the question is unfair. It would be fair to focus on abusers and their abusive behaviors and ask: “Why do they assume that they have the right to abuse their partners?

Abused people find it difficult to leave their abusive relationship.
They may have good reasons to leave but they also have reasons to stay which range from fear to limitations imposed on each gender by dominant societal beliefs.

[sheshe2]

11. Domestic abuse is not one gender.

I know that uppity. Glad you made it out, your friend as well. It ain't easy.

[Jarqui]

8. Nothing wrong with your top post

I've been following it.

I've consistently taken the position that I cannot draw any conclusions yet.

A recent post was like yours cautioning that Avenatti is exposed to a misdemeanor charge. I also added that if she gets him on the misdemeanor, she'll nail him in a civil lawsuit. She could also lose the misdemeanor but nail him in a civil action.

So this is far from over and in all probability, her likely civil action will end his aspirations for 2020.

I'm not too distressed with that because I do not want a leader of the party with no government experience.

I appreciate Michelle and Barack going high. But against bullies like Trump or sleazy folks like the GOP, a pit bull like Avenatti going low hasn't not been all bad. So I kind of hope he survives this but only if he's innocent.

[Gothmog]

9. Great post

No flames from me

[johnp3907]

12. On the one hand this is a great post.

On the other hand it’s sad that we need it here.

[sheshe2]

13. Hey, John.

Can I give you a hug? Hell, gonna anyway.

[johnp3907]

14. Any time!

[sheshe2]

15. ;)

[Hoyt]

16. Not an Avenatti fan, so there is that. But I'm with you. Just can't

ignore the situation. I find the thought of him running as a Democrat disgusting. I’d almost rather have David Duke, because he was rejected long ago.

[GulfCoast66]

17. Thank you.

[sheshe2]

21. You are welcome.

I saw your earlier posts. I was to upset to say anything. I just kept holding back. I only said half of what I wanted tonight.

I thank you GulfCoast.

[GulfCoast66]

27. Yeah. I got beat up pretty bad.

My opinion still holds.

Have a great thanksgiving.

[Tom Rinaldo]

18. No flame from me. Thank you n/t

[sheshe2]

22. Well, Tom...

I thank you. I do.

[SCantiGOP]

19. I agree

And you have my support. Thanks for the post.

[Hekate]

20. Thanks for this

[Celerity]

23. thank you for this thoughtful post

I have always been somewhat neutral on Avenatti. One one hand I love that he is clearly under Trumps skin. But I would never remotely consider him a proper representative of our Democratic Party, nor remotely a serious POTUS possibilities. I am of the mindset where I, as a female and also a feminist, tend to default to giving an accuser the benefit of a doubt until facts show otherwise. I also really try to not engage in a pile-on simply based off a charge. A happy medium is always hard to maintain, but maintain it I must in order to not devolve into a reactionary member of a wolfpack.

Again, thank you for your post.

[sheshe2]

24. Your sig line.

"I refuse to sink."

Love it and I thank you.

[grantcart]

25. +1

[duforsure]

26. I think all the facts from an investigation first

Before judgement of him . I have known women who have had put up with abuse for years before leaving, one was stabbed , beaten, and when she was dragged to the car and was being taken somewhere out in the country she jumped out of the car escaping him finally. At her divorce hearing when asked told the judge, who knew him, and said how lucky she was, he'd possibly killed another women , and she saved her life escaping when she did. He should be given all chances to defend himself and prove his innocence, but if he is guilty he should have consequences, and the same goes for the others if this was set up to use against him, and those involved should be harshly dealt with also. If there is any connections to a politician, they should be severely punished for this. Sounds like something they would do.

[mcar]

28. K&R!

[Andy823]

29. Excellent post! K&R

nt

[sheshe2]

32. Thanks Andy...

Happy Thanksgiving~

[Andy823]

33. Happy Thanksgiving to you too

This is a good post and should be read by everyone.

[Andy823]

31. Kicked again.

nt

[LBM20]

34. We do not always blame the female. Nor do we instantly convict the male without evidence.

We base jugements on facts and evidence. Period. If facts and evidence prove guilt, so be it. If not, so be it.

We believe in due process and presumption of innocence. We don't use bias on one side or the other.

Abuse of women, or any person, is wrong and not to be tolerated. And rushing to judgement and assuming that someone is
guilty of something without due process is also intolerable and wrong.

In the Avenatti case, a judge reviewed the evidence and did not find enough evidence to bring charges. Avenatti said he did not do it, and there was obviously exculpatory evidence and/or lack of evidence. That is America. That is demcracy. This is not a dictatorship.

There are rotten men (and some women) sitting in jail as we speak rightfully convicted of domestic abuse and other crimes against people. And there are some who have been acquitted because they were innocent. While perhaps not in the majority of cases, there are false charges. It happens. That is why we have judicial review. That is why we never jump to conclusions.

[NastyRiffraff]

35. Whether Avenatti is guilty or innocent

(and I'm withholding judgment awaiting more facts), a charge of domestic violence must ALWAYS be taken seriously. Yes, of course it must go through due process, but dismissing it out of hand is unacceptable, for whatever reason.

[Niagara]

36. It's difficult to know where to start on a topic like this

It's difficult to know where to start on a topic like this.

For me, I would like to get facts first and a investigation if needed. This could be Rapebulican smear campaign. We all know the only thing that they can get done and carry out are smear campaigns. It wouldn't surprise me if Newt Gingrich was behind all this.

If any woman is reading this and you are subjected to domestic violence, there is help to get out. Organizations to help you find shelter, clothing, food, jobs and financial support.

There are other forms of abuse as well including emotional, sexual, verbal and financial.

I was the subject of financial abuse. I had no idea it was a form of abuse until I found counseling classes.

[Ms. Toad]

37. We only blame the woman when she accuses someone on our side.

In that case, it is always a right-wing set-up.

I'm fed up with the convenient blindness to misogyny when liberal men are accused.

[Me.]

38. Thanksgiving Kick