So-Called 'Atheist' Doesn't Even Barge Into Churches Screaming 'You're All Brainwashed Fools'

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

PROVIDENCE, RI—Casting serious doubt over his commitment, self-professed atheist Edward Horvath came under intense scrutiny Monday after sources revealed that despite ample opportunities, he has never once barged into local churches screaming that the parishioners are all “brainwashed fools.” “This guy fancies himself some kind of true non-believer, but I’d bet my imaginary soul he’s never snatched a Bible out of a stranger’s hands and ripped out the pages one by one,” said roommate Dan Taylor, also a self-professed atheist, in regard to the surprisingly non-confrontational 32-year-old, noting that Horvath has never once stood atop a pew during Sunday mass screaming that the whole charade was all a colossal lie. “Ed might pay lip service to atheism, but does he regularly accuse people who are wearing crucifixes in public for glorifying the torture of a Jewish carpenter—who, by the way, may not have ever existed? Has he ever thrown communion wine to the floor and called those receiving it deluded lotus eaters? No. We could never rely on this guy to storm into a packed worship service and dare the congregation’s imaginary God to strike him down while calling them all pawns in this sick little game of faith.” At press time, several members of the atheist community said they were “done with” Horvath after photographs came to light showing him smiling in a church during his brother’s wedding ceremony.

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I know this is satire but most atheists could care less if others go to church. It's only when the believers want to force their religion on us do we object,

[RKP5637]

1. Far too often the believers feel religious equality means them being able to force their beliefs

onto others with governmental and legal authority. Yep, and I will object to that loud and clear!!!

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

2. So he's an atheist, but not a proselytizing atheist.

I've had a few run-ins with one, and it's annoying.

Disclosure: I'm a non-dedicated agnostic. I just don't know.

[Voltaire2]

4. So in summary, completely over the top satire

is completely misunderstood.

[Mariana]

6. Can't let an opportunity to take a dig at atheists pass on by, you know. nt.

[Merlot]

14. It's not truely an athiest thread until

someone posts about that annoying athiest they know, met, or were accosted by.

[TheRealNorth]

3. Note the source of the article

Satire at its finest.

[NightWatcher]

5. I'm increasingly becoming that asshole who screams at churches.

My family is all 100% brain dead religious republicans and I'm over being polite.

Sorry, not sorry.

[saidsimplesimon]

7. I know this is satire.

Deep down, most rumpiepublicans are waiting for the next Messiah. They really, really like Pence, think he is just a stepping stone to their desire for "Faux Christian" domination of US.

[yortsed snacilbuper]

8. "waiting for the next Messiah"

[mountain grammy]

10. That's some picture

[Generic Other]

11. Are these people trying to get scrofula?

Or are they just burping the pablum mouth lardass?

[saidsimplesimon]

13. Perfect catch, yortsed, I thank you.

[Hermit-The-Prog]

9. sorry, I just don't believe in atheists

Atheists were invented by bad Baptist mothers to terrorize their offspring into heaven.

[Ferrets are Cool]

12. I am laughing because they can't satirize politics anymore...

because of Agent Orange.