I refuse to believe this is real. Absolutely refuse to believe it.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

1. Donald Trump had a henchman who literally told him he would kill for him.


2. The henchman's name was....Matthew Calamari.


3. Mr. Calamari is this man, who really is a real life person and not just an actor playing a fictional henchman named.....Matthew Calamari:





Let's cut the shit, okay.

Someone come out from behind a curtain and tell us we've all been punked or something like that.

[Pachamama]

1. That looks like a "Made" man to me....

[DownriverDem]

48. I believe he

will have to appear before one of the House committees.

[calimary]

71. Sheesh! He DOES, doesn't he!

[pepperbear]

117. His nickname's "The Nudge" and he's with the Fazielli Family from Naples.

By day, he's a no-show/no-work union contractor. He worked his way up from soldier to Lieutenant, got made 5 years ago. He's the Don's strong arm.

[gratuitous]

2. I passed on this screenplay

After I got to the part where the media mogul who killed negative stories about the protagonist was named David Pecker. "This is just too ridiculous! Next."

[Scurrilous]

12. LOL

[rusty fender]

34. Perfect!

[tblue37]

37. And don't forget the Mooch. Talk about someone out of central casting. nt

Last edited Sat Mar 2, 2019, 12:36 PM - Edit history (1)

[enid602]

134. Cast of thousands

And never forget Felix Sater!

[PatSeg]

42. Spot on

And how the hell would you cast such a movie? Sounds like a really, really bad spoof.

[Baitball Blogger]

78. Imagine the movie "Vice" on Adderall.

[PatSeg]

81. Oh god

Now I'm getting a major headache!!!

[Wounded Bear]

45. Truth is stranger than fiction...

[Dave Starsky]

95. I remember when that used to be an ironic saying.

It's not, anymore. Truth really is fucking crazy, and it's getting stranger every day.

[Salviati]

100. I was out after the easter egg inclusion of the character from the prequel...

The one who seems like some D-list Batman villain. I mean can the author try to make their characters at least a little grounded in reality?

[bdamomma]

114. oh god

it's the Penguin!!

[LiberalLovinLug]

123. These sick fucks actually get off on playing the comic book villians

[ehrnst]

104. HA!

[SaveOurDemocracy]

3. I know, right!? The crazy just keeps coming.

[itsrobert]

4. Another movie role for

Steve Carrel?

[jayschool2013]

8. I'm thinking

Josh Brolin or Christian Bale.

[itsrobert]

14. Maybe Christopher Knight?

https://goo.gl/images/T8qL5z

[Canoe52]

29. Melissa McCarthy: "I've got this!"

[lame54]

40. Ron Perlman

[PatSeg]

43. Perfect!

[Dave Starsky]

97. That would be really funny, because Perlman fucking HATES Trump.

He rips him to little pieces on Twitter on an almost daily basis. The Happy Hour podcast he did with Stephanie Miller is one of the best they've ever done.

I would love to see Perlman play this guy.

[PatSeg]

102. Oh yes, that would be priceless

[Mr.Bill]

33. Lou Ferigno n/t

[MrScorpio]

130. I've met Lou Ferigno twice in my life

Lou is too nice a guy to play Calamari.

Lou's like the sweetest dude ever.

[Mr.Bill]

135. I've heard that.

But he's an actor. He wasn't too nice to play the Hulk, was he?

[MrScorpio]

136. He never played the Hulk mean

Angry, sure, but never mean.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

5. One more item of proof of the statement that truth is stranger than fiction.

It's not that you can't make this shit up; Mario Puzo and others did make this shit up. But fuck me, it's real. Someone on my teevee said last night that Matty Calamari sounds like a name an author who didn't know any Italians gave to an Italian character he'd made up. And isn't "calamari" Italian for squid? So is this guy Matty "The Squid" Calamari? The only thing Matty the Squid is missing is a bunch of big gold rings.

[dixiegrrrrl]

27. Even more truthy....Trump made him COO of the Trump Org.

Because he liked the guy for being a bouncer or whatever he was.
and the guy is dumber than Jr. to boot.

[rusty fender]

36. Matty "The Squid" Squid!

[PatSeg]

44. Matty "The Squid" Calamari!

That is very catchy.

[Solly Mack]

6. Cheeto and the Squid

[PatSeg]

46. Ha, ha, a buddy flick!!!

[Solly Mack]

47. Like Milo and Otis - but without the warmth, caring, joy, and adorable characters.

[backscatter712]

50. It's like the sequel to Goodfellas.

[Solly Mack]

52. Sequels often tend to suck, so, yeah.

[PatSeg]

63. Or Starsky and Hutch

without any law and order!

[Solly Mack]

68. I don't know. I had the biggest crush on Paul Michael Glaser at one time.

I was a child. Might not could take the painful intrusion into fond childhood memories.

[PatSeg]

74. Yeah, I liked Starsky and Hutch

Maybe Starsky and Hutch without the law and order, good looks, and sympathetic personalities!

[Solly Mack]

79. That would be Lenny and Squiggy.

The characters, not the actors.

[PatSeg]

82. Ah, there you go!

That's works for me.

[Dave Starsky]

103. Ah! I remember Paul Michael Glaser.

He played Tevye's future son-in-law in the movie version of Fiddler on the Roof.

He was also in some TV drama about two cops. I can't remember what it was called. Tenspeed and Brownshoe? Cagney and Lacey? I'm too lazy to Google it.

[Solly Mack]

105. I can see how you'd be confused by it. :)

[Dave Starsky]

107. Fun fact: The Bay City Police Department...

where Starsky and Hutch took place, was also where William Shatner's "TJ Hooker" series took place. It was supposed to be a generic stand-in for Los Angeles, where both series were actually shot.

So Starsky and Hutch and TJ Hooker actually worked together to fight crime, in some alternate universe that makes more sense than the universe you and I are currently living in.

[Solly Mack]

108. That's a sobering thought.

[lame54]

53. The title The Squid and the Whale was already taken

[Solly Mack]

55. Could still be the Squid and the Wail.

[lagomorph777]

57. The Squid and the Wall?

[Solly Mack]

60. Where a lonely squid slithers up and down a wall in search of a home?

The wall is in search of a home, that is.

[Ananda62]

65. It's brilliant!

Someone is going to use that title for a book/movie/Op-Ed piece.

[Solly Mack]

69. I'd read/watch it.

[suffragette]

85. Or the Squid, the Mooch and the Pecker.

[Solly Mack]

86. I won't describe the image that popped into my head.

lolol

[suffragette]

87. The Toadstool Dictator?

[Solly Mack]

88. Something like that with multiple sucking appendages.

Nightmare stuff, really.

[suffragette]

90. Well, we are living in a dystopia thanks to them.

And they would like to make it much, much worse.

Stuff of nightmares, indeed.

[Solly Mack]

96. Yeah. I'm too old for this shit. Hard to grow old gracefully in a room full of marbles.

[suffragette]

112. Now that's an image. Feel the same way. I am so stealing that.

[Iliyah]

56. LOL

It's catchy. .. . . .

[Solly Mack]

61. That would be the fear - that it's catching.

[Stinky The Clown]

7. Please try to have some fun with this

https://www.democraticunderground.com/100211876365

[Sneederbunk]

9. No. It is not Ron Perlman.

[frogmarch]

10. Maybe he's the mystery guy who threatened Stormy Daniels. nt

[OMGWTF]

89. It appears to have been his son -- https://crooksandliars.com/2018/04/guy-thug-who-threatened-stormy

[Dem2]

11. Does anybody remember when his name came up as a possible suspect in the threatening of an accuser

of the Shitgibbon?

I can't recall the woman's name, but her and her family was threatened and this name came up as some theorized he looked like the sketch of the person who threatened her.

Edit: and the post above mine says it was Stormy Daniels, my memory sucks.

[Skidmore]

13. WP has a story about this man

today. Don't have a subscription but read it incognito. His name can be easily googled.

[PTWB]

15. This guy looks like a total sleazeball loser! Not surprised that Trump would hire him.

He looks the OPPOSITE of intimidating, at least to me. If he tried to threaten me I don't think I could help myself from bursting out in laughter.

[mr_lebowski]

23. Yeah, I'm betting if you'z tied up in a chair in a Queens basement with a single dangling lightbulb

illuminating the area, with 4 other male figures in the shadows, and Matty 'The Squid' here was brandishing a bone-saw, and 'just asking you a few questions' ... you wouldn't be real quick to laugh in his face.

Just sayin'

[mr_lebowski]

16. Dude has that "I'll happily dismember your body with a chainsaw, with a workman-like precision" look

going on, I will say that about him.

Looks very professional.

[Grasswire2]

17. somethin wrong with that photo

His hands are bigger than his head.

And look at the collar!

[underpants]

18. Tennis hecklers. He caught Trump's eye roughing up tennis hecklers

https://www.democraticunderground.com/100211878029#post6

[Caliman73]

19. MATT THE SQUID

I think that is how we need to refer to Mr. Calamari from now on.

[smirkymonkey]

24. In correct Mafia parlance, that would be "Matty the Squid"

Don't ask me how I know these things.

[CincyDem]

20. More than saying "I'd kill for you"...we have a POTUS who considers that a resume strength. n/t

[WeekiWater]

21. Trump saw him roughing up hecklers on a tennis court and liked what he saw.

Last edited Fri Mar 1, 2019, 03:16 PM - Edit history (1)

He was hired as a body guard and driver. Now he is the EVP and COO of the Trump Organization.

[LibDemAlways]

64. The only guy he could find who has a lower

IQ than he does -- so just takes orders and keeps his mouth shut.

[Brother Buzz]

22. This is the man Stormy Daniels says threatened her

[dalton99a]

28. Yep.

[maveric]

25. Willie Cicci?

[Javaman]

26. the orange assholes own version of Luca Brasi. nt

[volstork]

59. Well, we all know what happened to Luca.

"Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes."

[MontanaMama]

30. Is it weird that this dude's last name is literally

squid?

Maybe they call him Matty "The Squid" Calamari!

[LuckyCharms]

31. Kind of reminds me of this guy...

Luca Brasi (am unfortunate nickname that my friends also saddled me with many years ago, and also unfortunately, it stuck).

[anarch]

32. it's probably time we all face the truth

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simulation_hypothesis

Perhaps we do live in a world where there is an interventionist "deity," but it's just some jackass trying to see how much people will put up with before they all just lose their shit and society falls apart or something.

I keep thinking of the fact that there was some early leaking of Russian interference by a person called Reality Winner. I remember thinking, when that news came out, "oh, come on."

I wonder, is there some way to formulate a hypothesis about how fucked up things could possibly be in a random-ordered situation, such that a level of fucked-up-ridiculousness beyond that point must surely be non-random/directed?

[harumph]

58. It's sounding more plausible everyday - especialy

when you consider we're in the "end game" regarding climate change.
Re: the deity - I'd say more of an "asshole" or assholes - rather than a "jackass."

Gee... I wonder if they'll make the right decision THIS TIME around. Oh, I guess not...
RERUN the sim.

Maybe if for ONCE we could take reasonable action - we could escape.

Think I'll go rr-watch TRON

[Eyeball_Kid]

80. This reminds me:

A few decades ago, when I was getting training for work as a family therapist, my instructors used to tell us one of the features of family systems dysfunction. They would tell us that the more serious the family disturbance/dysfunction, the more absurd their systemic behavior. Occasionally, their patterns would yield behavior sequences, unconsciously rendered, so bizarre that they took on a sense of humor all their own. During my years of practice, I witnessed this feature on a number of occasions.

Your comment has some parallels to my experience in a different context. The more disturbing the factors in a dysfunctional system, the more bizarre the particulars. Sometimes, all you can do is laugh.

[BamaRefugee]

35. Hopefully he DID kill for trump, gets convicted, and gets the electric chair..."FRIED CALAMARI"

[bdamomma]

115. That's good

made me laugh. It's tRump Crime Family. For real. What thugs.

[Tarc]

38. I was really hoping that someone would ask Cohen about the guy who threatened Stormy Daniels

in the parking lot, while she was with her kid. Because this guy would be my 1st, 2nd, and 3rd choice for who it was.

[unblock]

39. You left out the word "iron" before "curtain"

[Hamlette]

41. overlords

https://www.facebook.com/BobTheWonderPoodle/photos/a.339024861080/10155542229736081/?type=3&theater

[PatSeg]

49. So, that's what has been going on!

[Hamlette]

66. I think its a better guess than "liberals have been mean to/ignored fly over country".

[PatSeg]

70. Strangely, it makes perfect sense to me

especially at a time when nothing seems to make any sense.

[louis c]

51. Calamari translates to squid in English.

No, really

Link:
https://www.google.com/search?source=hp&ei=B3x5XLvcNdWSjwTltL_oDw&q=translate+calamari+to+english&oq=translate+calamri&gs_l=psy-ab.1.1.0i13j0i13i30l3j0i13i5i30j0i8i13i10i30l2j0i8i13i30l2.1197.5686..9766...0.0..0.100.1469.16j1......0....1..gws-wiz.....0..0j0i131j0i22i30.Wfm4e62vjMg

[uponit7771]

67. wtf ... matt the squid ?!!? Who's going to do this movie !?!? Who!? Who is going to put their rep on

... the line to write this true story and have it anywhere near believable.

[AllaN01Bear]

54. jaumpin jehosaphat. goodness gracious , what is this country coming to.

[Baitball Blogger]

62. We try so hard to avoid the trap of stereotyping.

But it's challenging. It's challenging.

[sarge43]

72. Straight out of a Venture Bros episode. Matt the Squid, works for Wide Whale. n/t

[sarcasmo]

73. On the 60's version of Batman those henchmen had better outfits.

[Sugar Smack]

75. He's actually *cracking his knuckles* ?

[dameatball]

76. If he has a girlfriend he calls "Crabby Patty" I'm outta here.

[littlemissmartypants]

84. Squid Bob Square Pants is his stripper name, apparently.

[world wide wally]

119. Her name must be Pussy Galore

[Docreed2003]

77. Matt "the man who ate Ron Burgundy" Calamari

That shit is so stereotypical my Sicilian grandmother is rolling over in her grave at the audacity of it all! This is so outrageous it would be laughed out of a Hollywood boardroom!!

[Historic NY]

83. Its true, he comes from a short line of them.....

[link:|]

[TygrBright]

91. What, no diamond pinky ring? Wardrobe! WTF!! You asleep in there?? n/t

[NastyRiffraff]

92. Trump always likes people from "central casting"

He must love this guy, not only for what he does, but how he looks.

[cannabis_flower]

93. You sure

He's not on SpongeBob Square Pants?

[MineralMan]

94. I hear trump calls him "Matty the Squid"

[moonseller66]

98. From Popeye Cartoons...

I'll happily murder someone Tuesday for a Hamberder today! (Hat tip)

[tiptonic]

99. Looks like

Looks like he may be trumps Mafia 'handler'. There just be sure comrade trump, does what he is told.

[pdsimdars]

101. Did he invent that sauce named after him?

[marble falls]

106. "Ay! Youse lookenatme?" He's just another consultant workin for the man.

[blugbox]

111. Gonna pound you'ah face ta hamberder meat!

[marble falls]

113. An' serve it up to some basket ball team or another. Capiche? Now beat it.

[Initech]

109. It's like we're watching a Scorsese movie. Maybe a Brian DePalma flick.

Trump is a mob boss. He has a fixer and a cleaner. He has his confidants and associates. He loves getting his ass kissed. And he'll give you the cement shoes if you double cross him.

[Cryptoad]

110. why would u refuse to believe it,,,?

[bdamomma]

116. yeah for real

They are thugs all of them, sickening. They need to be imprisoned.

[orangecrush]

118. K&R

[world wide wally]

120. Future Secretary of the Treasury, I'm sure.

[First Speaker]

121. Everybody--it's Andy Kaufman, of course...

…"Matt the Squid"? I mean, come on. Sometimes, he's Trump; sometimes, he's one of Trump's "creations", like this dude, and the persona--I forget the name--who'd call reporters, claiming to be someone other than who "he"--"Trump"--was. Kaufman had an alter ego, too, whose name I forget--but damned if he didn't look a little like Matt the Squid. God knows where the real Trump has been these past five years, when Andy has been impersonating him. Probably off in the Bahamas, having a good laugh that anyone could be enough of a sucker to believe all this shit could be "real"...

[JohnnyRingo]

122. Rec for your last line.

I sometimes find myself questioning reality as well. Actually it's every other day.

[DeminPennswoods]

124. Barbara Res and Howard Fineman

were on with Melber and talking about Calamari. Res worked for Trump in the early days of him running the Trump Organization. She had actually hired Calamari to work as a body guard. She said they called him "the Big Squid". (Ari didn't really seem to get the joke of Calamari being the Italian word for squid.) She said since his promotion to COO of the Trump Org, she didn't know what he was qualified to do and was probably in over his head.

Fineman then described his experiences being in Trump's Trump Tower office. He said there was no place to sit because all the chairs had awards, trophies and other things lauding Trump on them. He said people were just milling around, coming and going and Trump was causing them to fight (verbally) with each other. He said it was chaotic. Afterwards, Res chimed in and said that was exactly the right description of her experience, too.

You really don't know whether to laugh or cry...

[truestwords]

125. Cry.

Our pResident is a dimwitted psychopathic egomaniac w mob connections. Some days even Stephen Colbert can't make this shit funny.

[IronLionZion]

126. Every criminal organization needs some hitmen

If Calamari is a fake Italian sounding name, the dude might actually be Russian.

[Glamrock]

127. I feel you Tommy.

I keep waiting for Trump to rip his face off to reveal Andy Kaufman screaming, "I GOT YOU FUCKERS! I GOT YOU! "

[trof]

128. Mattie "The Squid" Calamari

[Buckeye_Democrat]

129. Trump talks like a mobster, so I'm not surprised.

He was active in a stereotypical mobster business... casinos.

He has close ties to various Russian mobsters.

Michael Cohen sounded like a mobster stereotype in this funny exchange:

If it looks like a mobster, works like a mobster, and talks like a mobster, then it probably is a mobster.

[CottonBear]

133. Michael Cohen video set to Sopranos theme song:

https://m.

[CottonBear]

131. The Dolt45 Misadministration IS a reality show.

There are no “behind the curtain scenes”. I believe that Pete Souza recently made this point when discussing his role as White House photographer for Reagan and Obama.

There are very few photos of Dolt45 “off duty” except for a few surreptitious smart phone photos, like the omelette bar photo from a few weeks ago.

Dolt45 and his gang of conmen, thieves, crooks, henchmen and mobsters are third rate reality TV actors on a presidential reality show.

[miyazaki]

132. his actual nickname is "the big squid" according to

one of his former executives Barbara Res.