An honest question from an old man about proper LGBTQ nomenclature

[jg10003]

I fully support equal rights for everyone, including LGBTQ. However I am in my 60's and a bit confused. When I was young "queer" was an insult. Today it's the last letter of LGBTQ. What, if any, is the difference between gay and queer. Also lately I have been seeing LGBTQIA, which leaves me saying to myself, "huh". I don't mean to offend anyone, I just genuinely want to understand. Thank you.

[targetpractice]

1. LGBTQIA

LGBTQIA
Q = Queer or Questioning
I = Intersex
A = Asexual

I remember when "Q" was added in the 80s. At the time it stood for "questioning" (i.e., What am I?). The derogatory term "queer" was also taken back as a positive term during the AIDS crisis in the 80s... notably by the activist group "Queer Nation".

That's what I remember.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

2. Queer has a pretty broad definition, and it varies.

The I can be intersex and the A can be asexual. Queer is often a catchall term as people find they might move among identities or orientations.

There's no offense in your honest question and it's awesome that you want to keep learning.

[Ms. Toad]

3. Thanks for asking.

Many LGBT individuals have "reclaimed" queer from an insult to something we believe can describe who we are. There is always a risk in generalities - but younger LGBT individuals are more likely to view queer as a positive term than older ones (who are more likely to have had the term hurled at us as an insult) may not.

A good rule of thumb is that unless you are an LGBT individual, don't use introduce the term queer into a conversation before someeone who is an LGBT individual uses it and implicitly gives consent (and even then it's risky, since the disadvantaged group always has more leeway in using words formerly used to insult them). There are still older LGBT individuals who view it as an insult. At 60+, I've gotten relatively comfortable with it - but others my age aren't necessarily.

The Q in LGBTQ, or LGBTQIA can be Q (in FLGBTQC - Q stands for queer - Friends for Lesbian Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Concerns). More frequently, it stands for "questioning"

LGBTQIA - the result of very challenging discussions. "Gay" used to be viewed (largely by the male organizers) as universal - in the same way we use the generic "he" as a universal pronoun. Lesbians were the first to demand our name be spoken, as well. FLGBTQC used to be FGC - Friends for Gay Concerns. Other people with diverse gender identiies or expressions then wanted the name to include their names (BTQIA) - which generated long and emotional discussions about continually adding to the alphabet soup name, making the name unwieldy, v. the real pain of not being recognized and named - because it is always the group farther down the privilege chain that is omitted in favor of simplicity and making it more comfortable for those farther up the privilege chain.

As for what LGBTQIA means - The letters LGBTQIA refer to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, intersex, and asexual or allied.

[trof]

4. I'm 77 and I'm right there with you, jg.

It's hard for me to keep up sometimes.
Some years ago my daughter corrected me (very kindly) when I used the term 'oriental'.
"Dad, Asian is more accepted now."
OK, but Asian carpet just doesn't sound right to me.

[java108]

5. From what I gather, "Oriental" is still acceptable when describing objects.

For people, not so much.

[trof]

7. Ah. Wonder why.

[MuseRider]

6. Many of my friends refer to themselves as queer.

I too remember when that was a terrible thing to say but times change. Since I have done quite a bit of work in my state on LGBT issues I have learned that because I am straight I am often forgiven if I say something wrong, I know them and they know my heart, they will gently correct me and we move on. When around people I do not know well I use the common, accepted terms like gay rather than queer. I have also seen a lot of people use LGBT+ instead of the other letters because invariably someone will get left out or there is another letter that is new. I have not used it, I do not know how LGBT+ people feel about it but I do know the former head of our organization just sticks with LGBT.

Your heart is in the right place and that is what matters the most. Go to a rally and listen to them talk to you, themselves and about themselves from the stage, you will catch on and make some very good friends and do good and the right thing all at once!