LEAKED AUDIO of late night Barr Redacting Session, which isn't fake just because I wrote it.
A.G. BARR: Before we begin, I need a commitment from everyone hear that NOTHING we discuss today leaves this room.
ALL: AGREED! (assorted snickers)
A.G. BARR: WHO'S SNICKERING? (all heads lower in silence)...OK, my first recommendation is that all references to "Trump," "Donald J. Trump," "Individual 1," and "President" be redacted.
ALL: AGREED!
TRUMP: That's BULLSHIT!
A.G. BARR: Mr. President, I'm redacting all references to you.
TRUMP: What's "redacting?"
A.G. BARR: Well, it's a lot like the Sharpies you use during your executive order signing sessions.
TRUMP: LET ME DO IT! LET ME DO IT!
A.G. BARR: Sir, I'm not actually using a Sharpie, and I can't let you do it, because if I did, it would betray the trust the American people have placed in me as their Attorney General.
ALL: (ROOM ERUPTS IN LAUGHTER)
A.G. BARR: STOP THAT!
TRUMP: I knew I hired this guy for a reason. Can I use that line at one of my rallies?
A.G. BARR: NO, sir, I specifically asked at the start of this meeting that NOTHING leaves this room.
ALL: (MORE LAUGHTER)
TRUMP: You know me, my lips are sealed. I hate leakers more than I hate anyone who isn't me, and I would never leak, even if it was to my advantage.
ALL: LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP!
TRUMP: You're getting a little ahead of yourselves, but I love you guys.
KELLYANNE CONWAY: Mr. Attorney General, do I appear in the fake illegal witch hunt report?
TRUMP: OOOOOH...I LIKE that, "fake illegal witch hunt report." Can use that line at one of my rallies?
KELLYANNE CONWAY: You already did, sir...the other night in Grand Rapids.
TRUMP: Yeah...those were good times.
A.G. BARR: Ms. Conway, you do NOT appear in the report.
KELLYANNE CONWAY: (sulking) Aw gee...could you maybe put me in there and then redact me?
ALL: LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP!
KELLYANNE CONWAY: HEY!
IVANKA TRUMP: They're not talking about you, they're talking about Hillary.
KELLYANNE CONWAY: Oh! Well, in that case, LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP!
ALL: (mass groaning)
IVANKA TRUMP: You have to pay attention and grab the moment, Kellyanne.
A.G. BARR: Ms. Conway, I CANNOT do that. If I were to alter a single word of what Mr. Mueller wrote in his report, it would be HIGHLY unethical.
ALL: (room erupts in laughter)
A.G. BARR: STOP THAT!
DONALD TRUMP JR: He said "unethical!" Heh heh heh heh heh heh!
ERIC TRUMP: Heh heh heh heh heh heh! I need TP for my bunghole!
DONALD TRUMP JR: We're not doing that one now, Eric.
ERIC TRUMP: Aw, shucks.
A.G. BARR: IF I MAY CONTINUE...I am going to redact ALL references to "Peripheral Third Parties," including Donald Trump Jr., Ivanka Trump, and "Snooki" from MTV's "Jersey Shore."
ALL (gasping) SNOOKI?
A.G. BaRR: I'd tell you what he says about her, but I just redacted it.
ALL (except Kellyanne Conway): LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP!
IVANKA TRUMP: (to Kellyanne Conway) See? That's what I was talking about. That was a "moment."
KELLYANNE CONWAY: Huh?
A.G. BARR: NOW, on the bright side...
ALL: BRIGHT SIDE! BRIGHT SIDE! BRIGHT SIDE!
KELLYANNE CONWAY: BRIGHT SIDE!
IVANKA TRUMP (to Kellyanne) good, but work on it.
A.G. BARR: ON THE BRIGHT SIDE...Neither Barron Trump nor Tiffany Trump are mentioned in the report.
TRUMP: Who's "Tiffany Trump?" Second cousin? Adoring fan who changed her last name in honor of her favorite president, me?
TIFFANY TRUMP: DAAAAAAAAAAD, I'm your DAUGHTER!
TRUMP: DAUGHTER? Get me COHEN, NOW!
A.G. BARR: Errr....sir, you DO NOT want to do that. Trust me.
>>>>>>>>>>TO BE CONTINUED<<<<<<<<<<
= new reply since forum marked as read
could use you! 
You have a gift. 