Woman Walking Alone At Night Picks Up Pace After Spotting Truck Full Of Alabama Lawmakers Following

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

MONTGOMERY, AL—Quickening her pace as the vehicle flashed its brights, Alabama woman Alison Kyles, 29, reportedly hurried towards home Thursday after spotting a pickup truck full of Alabama lawmakers slowly following her. “At first, I thought I was just being paranoid when I saw that old Chevy full of state legislators creeping along behind me a few blocks back, but then they turned down the same alleyway as me and I started to panic,” said Kyles, who glanced over her shoulder in visible distress as she heard Senator Clyde Chambliss repeatedly revving the truck’s engine. “They’re clearly riled up after a day of legislating and are just out to cause some trouble. Oh, God, I think that’s Del Marsh leaning out of the passenger window and trying to holler something at me. Christ, I’m just going to keep my head down and hope all of them pass me by.” At press time, Kyles had broken into a full-on sprint after realizing in horror that she had accidentally turned onto the street directly in front of the Alabama State House.

https://local.theonion.com/woman-walking-alone-at-night-picks-up-pace-after-spotti-1834815925

[Sanity Claws]

1. Damn. That's good writing

They should have added something about "chromosomes." One of those Alabama legislators doesn't know the difference between chromosomes and hormones. Fucking idiot.

[ewagner]

2. K & R

[ancianita]

3. So now we're in the coping with jokes zone. Okay.

[Paladin]

4. Good job by The Onion, as usual.

But seriously, somebody ought to be investigating all those old white male legislators who put that obscene law in place. I'd bet money that several of them have financed abortions; those stories ought to go public, just as soon as possible.

[Mendocino]

5. Was Roy Moore

in the driver seat, in front of a mall?