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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forums"Aides Struggle To Stop Dozens Of Kerosene-Soaked Republicans From Lighting Selves Ablaze Atop
David Koch's Body""WICHITA, KSUrging calm as the wailing conservative politicians jostled for a place at their deceased benefactors side, aides reportedly struggled Friday to prevent dozens of kerosene-soaked Republicans from lighting themselves ablaze atop David Kochs body. I dont want to keep living in a world without David Koch, said former Wisconsin governor Scott Walker, one amongst a throng of weeping Republicans including Mike Pence, Ted Cruz, Rick Scott, and Mitt Romney who shoved past the other mourners for the privilege of setting fire to themselves and flinging their burning bodies onto the billionaire conservative activists corpse. Get the hell out of my way, Rubioyou know he loved me best! I should be on top of the body. Jesus Christ, David! David! Dont go into the next life without me! At press time, attendants were forced to intervene with fire extinguishers after the entire Cato Institute board of directors piled onto the corpse at once and caused the blaze to rapidly spread across Kochs enormous estate."
https://politics.theonion.com/aides-struggle-to-stop-dozens-of-kerosene-soaked-republ-1837517131
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"Aides Struggle To Stop Dozens Of Kerosene-Soaked Republicans From Lighting Selves Ablaze Atop (Original Post)
smirkymonkey
Aug 2019
OP
Coventina
(27,057 posts)1. Ha! Love the Onion, but I'd be throwing lit matches in their direction......
Crunchy Frog
(26,578 posts)2. If only that were true.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)3. Oh, I know!
It would be a dream come true!
Hermit-The-Prog
(33,250 posts)4. somebody tell 'em -- gasoline burns hotter