Americans Envious That Tiffany Trump Never Hears from Dad

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans envy Tiffany Trump for never hearing from her father, a new poll reveals.

According to the poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, Tiffany Trump’s unique placement beyond the reach of her father’s voice has made her the most envied woman in America.

Although Donald Trump took the extraordinary step of emitting the word “Tiffany” in remarks to reporters last week, the rarity of that utterance only served to remind Americans of just how fortunate Tiffany was to be off her father’s radar.

“In all our years of polling, it’s highly unusual to find one person so universally envied,” Davis Logsdon, who supervised the poll, said. “People in virtually every demographic group ‘strongly agreed’ with the statement, ‘God, I wish I were Tiffany Trump.’ ”

The poll finds Tiffany Trump sitting atop a list of the most envied women in America, well ahead of Beyoncé, Taylor Swift, and MacKenzie Bezos, who has a net worth of thirty-five billion dollars.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/americans-envious-that-tiffany-trump-never-hears-from-dad

[Gothmog]

1. I love good satire

[at140]

2. Do we hear much about Buffet kids?

How about Amazon CEO's kids?
How about Bill Gates kids?
How about Soros's kids?
We hear a lot about Trump's kids.
Why is that?

[Frances]

4. Trump is the president

You could ask the same thing about the kids of Obama, George W Bush, Clinton, the first Bush, Reagan, Carter, Nixon, Johnson, Kennedy, Ike, Truman, and Roosevelt
If I remember right, Truman once threatened a newspaperman who criticized his daughter Margaret's musical ability.

[at140]

9. among those presidents, I admired JFK a lot

so sad he never lived to see his kids grow up.

[Scarsdale]

8. The tRump "kids" are all

dependent on daddy for their livelihood. None have ever held a real job, except in the tRump grifting organization. I would LOVE to miss them, if only they would GO THE HELL AWAY.

[Karadeniz]

10. There was a special about the Buffets. The only one I remember is a son who's into seeds

And agriculture. I don't remember any of them going into finance.

[Cirque du So-What]

3. I would change my name to Tiffany

but I don't think I could pull it off.

[UTUSN]

5. K&R bwah ha HAH!1 ---------BOROWITZ, I shoulda known!1

Not only is it deliciously entertaining for us, but it prolly makes Tiffany feel good!1

[treestar]

6. I knew who the author was

From the thread title alone!

[Mc Mike]

7. God, I wish I were Tiffany tRump.

[lunatica]

11. Hahahahaaa!!