Oh crap, my family's issues may mean I lose my house...

[FirstLight]

Last edited Fri Nov 1, 2019, 11:48 PM - Edit history (1)

So, my dad. who has been 'declining'for a few years did something truly horrifying to the rest of the family: he sent $800 in CASH to a guy saying he's from Publisher's Clearinghouse

Now, you need to know something about my dad. He's a hoarder, in things yes...but in money...HUGE.
He's the one who would always say "watch out, it's a scam"

...and yet he's not making decisions rationally anymore. He paid the bills from the wrong account last month and caused a ton of fees and shit because he can't keep his stash straight anymore.

We have a Family Trust...a few properties, and stocks that he has stashed so deep nobody knows what is hidden where. Just cuz he likes it that way, nobody can "touch his stuff"

But 4 years ago, though my dad was on the wane, my mom was still pre-strokes, and she convinced him to buy me and my kids a house...and they used their house as collateral, wioth a small loan. They did this because I am not in a position to do so...haven't ever been in a position to do much.
Mom helps me as much as she can a hundred or 40 here and there, I have really tried to NOT ask for help as much but circumstances haven't gotten better for me as a single mom with health issues ...

what sucks is that the family dynamic is also at effect here, My sister who has her shit together and is afraid my house will bankrupt us all. and me, who she us sure is "taking advantage" but never had the stability she's had for the last 30 years...

So now we have to figure out a way to wrest the control of the accounts away from my dad cuz he is not in a place to deal. My mom, after 3 strokes isn't equipped either.
Then, my sister will see my dad's contributions to me for help with bills and she is gonna flip, but I can't live in fear of that... It's only right that we somehow unite and get the details hammered out and handle this.

My sister has been against this house since they bought it. She told me just this week I need to sell and move closer to my folks and do caretaking pretty much full time. I still have a kid in school for 2 years, so that's not really ok...not to mention I am not a nurse.

Meanwhile I am $1000 in the hole right now due to a major car accident this summer and a seasonal job layoff. So I am trying to be there fro my family as much as I can, but also have no gas to go to visit my parents as much as I should....
ugh


sorry to post this but here's my GFme if you can spare gas$ (I am feeling so low right now, I am grateful for my DU Family for letting me vent and moan. This place has been a haven for about a decade now, Thanks for being tough when I needed it, and loving me too.)
gf.me/u/wdxku3

[dawg day]

1. Sorry about the troubles, Firstlight

I hope you see some relief soon. Maybe you and your mom and sister can get custodianship? Or your mom can give you power of attorney?

Try not to worry about your sister's reaction. Your parents having done a sensible thing years ago in putting their money into a house for you. I have been thinking that is really one investment that is quite safe, helps the family, and protects the money from elderly fraud. She can get mad, but families help each other... and who knows where the money would have gone if not into a house.

[Buckeye_Democrat]

2. You might want to apply for HUD housing ASAP....

... if I understand your situation correctly.

[Turbineguy]

3. Sounds like a complicated family situation.

I'm guessing that your sister, while not being in favor of your Dad buying you a house, would not like to see you and your kids turned out on the street either.

If your sister is well organized and competent to take charge of your parents finances, then maybe she should be the one to do so. This is obviously a situation that has developed over time, but needs some proper direction and help. Since you already have a Trust, your Dad must have an Attorney he feels he can trust (no pun intended!).

Maybe your sister's reaction to the situation is as you describe, because she could deal with it, but needs the power to do so. That sort of thing would be frustrating to me.

One of my best friends is going through a similar situation with his elderly parents.

Just some thoughts. All the best!

[FirstLight]

7. It's a dance....really

I am the one most emotionally equipped to deal with this, but I am NOT going to wipe my parents' ass, because I'm not trained to do so. I love them, but I draw a line.


That said, they are SO not there yet...but close...so maybe I can bridge the gap.

"With Love, all things are possible." right?

[emmaverybo]

4. If there's a family trust, it would state who the successor trustees are, what happens if

current trustee/s incapacitated. If you and sister are named as co-trustees, you need to be able
to reach basic agreements or each get your own lawyer.

Take any job you can physically do to get out of the hole for now.

Your sister can not force you to take care of your parents. It would be best for them anyway to
have trained and experienced home health aides if they are cared for at home.

Your mother could probably get power of attorney to stop your father continuing to handle finances, or you and your sister get conservatorship of both parents if they are incapacitated.

You need to see what’s up legally with your house, look to any trust provisions, and see what the
laws of your state and locality are regarding your tenancy/housing rights even if the house is not
in your name.

[FirstLight]

8. All good advice...

Mom is worse since her last "episode" in June...

I believe the trust is set up equal parts to each of us mom, dad, sister, and me...

Again, I don't know where this paperwork lives...

[emmaverybo]

25. Yes. That's always a problem. It may be set up so that mom has POA, control over assets if dad

is incapacitated or unable to make sound decisions and you and sister are co-trustees if mom can’t
handle, but sometimes it’s third party trustees. Mom has the answers.

You and your sister might broach your concerns with her about dad and at the same time ask her what plans she has made for her own care etc. Diplomatically, you can say you want to be sure in case she ever has to be in hospital for a temporary disability, family affairs get handled as she would like. You could separately talk to your mom about your house as to your concern for you and your children’s future in it.

I know the whole thing is delicate, I am so sorry you are experiencing this uncertainty and concern about your parents too. Your parents may have made a provision about your house as to your having a life-time right to live in it. Do not assume your sister has the information herself or any
rights beyond your own in the matter, even if she were to be the only designated successor trustee.

Many lawyers will offer a low cost half hour consult. Get what info you can from approachable parties and see an estate lawyer, if needed, for a short session. I see you have excellent advice here about how to get some legal information and help. That’s the ticket. May also give you peace of mind.

[Sogo]

45. You don't need to know where the paperwork lives, if

you know the name of the trustee. He/she will have a copy.

Alternatively, if you know the name of the attorney who drew up the trust, they should also have a copy. (Trustee and attorney may be one and the same....)

[world wide wally]

5. There is an ancient wise philosophy (can't remember where but it does work believe it or not)

"You are exactly where you should be right now"

I can't really explain it, but it is true.
You will be fine in the end.

[FirstLight]

9. Thanks

I am seemingly ok with the weird place I'm in...Parents and sibling stuff on one side, My own life and teens trying to fledge on the other...

What sucks is that I've had major shit go down with both kids these past 2 weeks, and I can't even tell them...

Nevermind my own struggle with recovery from my car accident in late July...

guh...


and yet tomorrow I will get up and be there for whatever comes next

[world wide wally]

11. And you will win!

[GulfCoast66]

6. From this quite confusing post I think you should lean on your sister.

You told us she has her shit together. Sounds like at this point she is in the best position. Assuming you have a decent relationship with her, ask her for help. Not for money, but advice.

Good luck.

[FirstLight]

10. well, she *does* have her shit together on some aspects

But she is also freaking out on others.

I'm resolved to just be there to ease her fears of my folks actually crossing over. She ...well WE, haven't faced loss since our grandma when we were both 12 & 17...
So this transition has been a long time coming.

gotta just love my way thru

[GulfCoast66]

16. I hear you on the loss of parents. Been there done that.

But everyone goes thru it. It does not make us special. Lost my dad when I was 23.

I’m thinking you are also concerned about losing the financial support. Well, it’s going to happen. When your folks die, as happens to all of us, you’ll get you share and your sister hers. Then you are on your own.

But you already told us your sister has her shit together. Ask her for advice. I’ve found asking those that have managed well for advice is valuable at times.

Good luck and happy times.

[csziggy]

42. Being there for your sister would be a good thing

If the two of you can work together to help your parents, that may erase any resentments she may have about your parents' gifts to you. Easing her fears will help a lot, and working together to get through giref shill help more.

Since my parents' deaths (Dad in 2013 and Mom in 2018), I've tried to help my older sister deal with the details of the estates. Even though I will never talk to our youngest sister again, in reading the various estate documents I found that the estate attorney was going to handle part of it incorrectly and managed to help avoid nasty litigation among family members.

You may be able to help your sister go through your parents' paperwork to sort things out and take a load off of both of you. I was not able to help my older sister, but she had to take over Dad's finances a couple of years before he died because he no longer was keeping track of bills, property taxes, and more.

Mostly what I have been able to do for my sister is let her unload on me - she calls me and complains about things or just goes over details. I give her a sympathetic ear and do what I can from a distance. It also helps keep stress out of her relationship with her husband. He's a good guy but he gets tired of hearing it all the time. So I listen to her complain, sometimes the same things over and over, and she is less stressed overall.

One thing to check out - the way my parents set up their estate planning, any gifts they gave their daughters or grandchildren over the years come out of the shares of the estate the heirs receive. So in the end everyone gets the same share they would have if no gifts had ever been given. This may be how things work anyway as far as estate taxes, etc. I am not an estate attorney or tax person, but it might give your sister less to complain about.

[FirstLight]

43. Thanks, yes...I am exactly doing that for her, being an emotional unloading space

The difference with our family is that my folks set up a Trust decades ago, so all property, stocks, etc is under one umbrella. As far as I understand it, no-one can make a decision or take funds without the sign-off of the others ...Of course, the Trust aspect of joint-guardianship or whatever hasn't taken effect yet, until we get my dad declared incompetent. Then it's mom, sis & me...

Luckily, my house is also under the Trust, so it can't be ripped out from under me so easily. And I spoke with sis on Saturday and re-iterated that I can't just up and leave where we are because my son is in a special school cirriculum, and I am in CA and they are in NV so it's not so easy to just shift that.

At least I can deal with the Dr office, they KNOW she doesn't like them and so she doesn't get as far with requests. SO I am being the buffer there.

Lots of dancing and weaving with love and patience... that's where it at!

[flvegan]

12. "lose my house" to whom?

[FirstLight]

15. not sure,

But if my sister gets full control she will press the issue... she's made it clear, saying things like "you can't have the house in your name cuz you could never qualify for the loan..."

[GulfCoast66]

18. Wow. If there is still a loan on the house you need to realize something.

Neither your parents, your sister or you own the house. The bank does.

If the payments are not made the bank will sell it.

Hopefully their will be enough in the estate for you to pay off the loan. Then you will actually own it.

You really need to gain a better understanding of the situation.

Wishing you the best.

[LisaL]

31. Exactly. If there is a loan on the house, bank owns it. If payments aren't made, house will go into

foreclosure. Better to sell it before that happens, if there is no way to make payments. Also not sure why OP would need to qualify for a loan if the house is already purchased with a loan. Once bank gives the loan, one doesn't need to qualify again as far as I can tell.

[alwaysinasnit]

13. Does your mom know the name of the law firm that wrote up the trust? If so, and if she is

up to it, she might want to discuss the current state of the trust and get clarification of its terms. As she is having difficult health issues, she might consider granting a durable power of attorney, or even seek a voluntary conservatorship (worst case scenario) for herself. Regardless, this could get messy so talking to an experienced attorney would at least clarify the situation enough to make decisions on how to proceed. (I had to deal with some issues similar to yours some years back.) Good luck.

[FirstLight]

14. Thanks for the input

we've been dancing around this for a couple years, the last 6 months have been worse

It's hard to feel you have to take control...Parents are supposed to do that...but oops, I'm adulting now

[StarfishSaver]

17. This is complicated and you need good legal advice. Is there a Legal Aid Society nearby?

If so, they may be able to help you for free or a nominal fee.

If not, maybe there's a law school nearby with a legal clinic where students, under the supervision of a professor, could give you advice.

Another option is to check with your county to see if they have a division that offers legal advice on housing and family issues like these.

You could also check with a local law firm. Interestingly, the bigger the firm, the more likely they'll be able to help you - most firms offer some pro pono services and larger firms have a greater ability to provide free legal services.

Good luck.

[GulfCoast66]

19. Excellent advice. She really needs professional help.

[mackdaddy]

20. I have been going through this with my elderly parents.

You need help with both the legal and elder care issues.

Most counties have some sort of elder care system. Look for an "Aging Program" or just a local Senior center will have advisors. Most are free services. Also find out about your local Hospice programs. One of those services you never want to need, but they also can be a big help evaluating how bad things are getting and even if you do not need their services up front they usually have grief counseling which I certainly needed after loosing a loved one.

You also need to get a lawyer on the legal issues as soon as possible. There are dozens of different types and sub categories of "Trusts". You need to find out the exact type and ramifications of the one you father has set up. Saying you have a "Trust" is like saying you have a "Vehicle". Could be anything from a moped to a Humvee.

You also need to make sure your parents have a will and a living will, and both Legal and Medical Power of attorney papers set up. (actually you and everyone need these.) All bank accounts need to have additional signators or owners added so they do not get tied up on a death of if you have to pay bills from them.

Every item that has a Title of ownership should also be set up for "POD" pass on death or what ever your state calls it. You can completely bypass probate courts and all that is need is a death certificate to re-register the item. This of course applies to real estate, but also to cars, boats, motorcycles, even tractors.

If there is any money then also buying funeral pre-planning and arrangements is a terrific investment. I did this a few months before my dad passed last year, and it is much easier to deal with a funeral home when you are not in shock. I found the most basic cremation program starts at 3 thousand dollars, and full services with casket are 10 thousand plus the burial plot.

My dad was in a nursing home for 8 months between a stroke and his death. The first month or two of "rehab" is covered 80% by medicare. After that it was 8 thousand a month plus Rx copays. My mom is now in assisted living which is "only" 4 thousand a month. I had to empty out their house and it is on the market now. Let's just say you can go through their assets in a hurry.

Since taking on all of this two years ago, I have finally updated all of my own legal stuff as above. It is one of those things we can easily put off, but the hard fact is it is not "if" we need it but WHEN we need it. We are ALL going to die, just a matter of how soon.

Hope this helps. It can be overwhelming.

[FirstLight]

21. OMG Thank You for the info!

I will be copy/pasting this to my sister and we need to get on things this Monday. It is one of those things we keep putting off, but it's not gonna get better.

Thank you for the info, sorry that you have to go through this too... :hugs:

[A HERETIC I AM]

22. Mackdaddy makes some excellent points, but if I may......

The type of trust is important.

Is it a Revocable Trust or Irrevocable? This is important because it determines who can alter the terms or if they are alterable at all. Do you have a copy of it? If not, can you get one? It is important to at least know and understand how your parents want to dispose of their assets.

Who is the Grantor? Your father? Your mother? Both of them? Who is the Trustee? That can be anyone from a sibling to a bank to virtually any legal entity.
Who are the beneficiaries? Again, that can be anyone or anything, from you or your siblings individually or as a group, or to a charity or even numerous charities.

The suggestion above about finding out who the original law firm that drew it up is not necessarily relevant - any lawyer can look at a trust document and give advice regarding it.

You absolutely need to sort out the status of your house in short order. Money can and will do strange things to people and yours will not be the first family to be torn apart by the squabbles over an estate, should such a thing occur.

I understand you may be short on funds, but do your best to completely understand the situation as soon as possible. If that means hiring counsel, do it. The headache that can be avoided is monumental.

[mackdaddy]

23. Excellent points. Trusts can be vastly different.

My dad has let someone who was not even a lawyer talk him into setting up a "trust" for him in the 90's. It turned out not to give any protections and it took me quit a bit of work to un-do. Basically my dad was too cheap to do it when it would have helped, it before it was needed. At least he has some IRA savings that have been able to fund their care. There is no way I could have paid out of my funds. It is all I can do just to manage their funding and care.

If you set up a proper trust with an elder-law specialists ahead of time then the assets are actually protected and your parents can get help immediately if they need long term assisted living/nursing home care. (Usually 5 years). These trust are not cheap 3-5 thousand to set up, but I can tell you they are much more expensive when you are in the middle of things, on top of trying to get care for them.

In our case the trust cost 12 thousand in legal fees to set up. But it has already shielded assets that would have been taken when we had the company my dad worked for suddenly yank their health insurance for retirees and dump it into the private market. My dad passed as I said, but I am managing every penny to pay for my mom's assisted living apartment. They handle her diabetes, insulin and other Rx, and get her to dialysis 3 times a week, as well as feed her and make sure her room is clean. She has early dementia and there is no way I could handle all of this otherwise. I still take her to dozens of doctor appointments per year and I have to make all of her medical decisions. This is why the Power of attorney documents are so important, both medical and legal.

[Doodley]

27. Are you sure you want to involve your sister? Who is and who will be carrying most of the burden

as far as being there, caring and being an advocate is concerned for your parents? You or your sister? If it is you, maybe you need to go ahead with the Power of Attorney without her.

[Hortensis]

41. It won't be this OP. It'll be the sister.

[Lars39]

30. In TN POD means payment on death.

Checking and savings accounts can be set up as POD accounts, with executors named. Keeps the money out of probate.

[csziggy]

46. While Medicare only pays 80% of bills for hospitalization and nursing home care

Hospice will pay 100%. My Dad's last week in the hospital was under hospice care and he got excellent treatment in the exact same facility in the same ward as he would have been anywhere.

Hospice is not limited to just the final days, weeks, or months, either. My uncle had a sever stroke and was under hospice care in his home for nearly three years, again with excellent treatment.

[KentuckyWoman]

24. First I'm sorry your parents are in a bad way.

2nd. If you don't have your "shit together" and your sister does. Maybe she can help you figure out how. If your youngest is in high school and your parents can't subsidize you anymore, then you are running out of time fast.

I don't mean to be cold hearted, I really don't. But quick is coming the time when you won't have parental financial help. Whatever assistance you get having a child in the home will soon be gone. Your health issues aren't going away. The realities are what they are.

[Doodley]

28. That is the reality. I don't mean to sound sexist or anything, but one answer for her would be to

find a partner through online dating who has money.

[Doodley]

26. If the house was bought four years ago, chances are the value has increased substantially.

Maybe it should be sold, free up some equity to get debts under control, and your father could buy a lower value house or apartment.

[FirstLight]

29. ok, last 2 repiles...

I actually have work and such that I am doing to get by, just because I don't make $ like my sister doesn't mean I am stupid or invalid, I just have bad luck with bills. Being a single parent for a lifetime doesn't afford one many opportunities for career advancement, so yeah...I'm not going to bother going into details or buy into sounding like a loser...

That said, finding a "sugar daddy" is kind of offensive

Lastly, MY house will be the last thing to be sold, since there is plenty of other property and stocks to fall back on - my sister is just gunning for me due to family dynamics I chose not to go into here.

I'm sorry about the OP/rant, I was feeling vulnerable and angsty last night after our conversation. I am grateful for the information you have all provided and will be doing more research.
Making some calls Monday for sure.

[Doodley]

33. I'm not talking about a sugar daddy. My advice would be the same to a guy. Find love and if he has

money, well, you tell me if you would be happier, less stressed and if your child would be in a better position too.

[MuseRider]

32. I will never understand how a sibling

could treat another sibling like that. I had 2 younger brothers, the oldest took care of things and I took care of him as he died. My youngest has been an alcoholic and drug addict since high school. He is now 63. I have helped him numerous times and it has not always been pleasant yet even with all that I would never turn him away or accuse him off taking advantage. I am so sorry this is still happening to you and wish you the very best. Sometimes doing your best just does not keep it all going but as long as you are I fail to understand how your sister could be so cruel. I have not read all the replies as I am on break at a rehearsal but I just wanted to send good wishes to you.

[FirstLight]

34. Thanks hun.

We are 5 years apart and she is older. I've had some bad luck with marriage choices and haven't been able to keep long term employment and the benefits of that security. Her husband stays at home and she works, they have a different life. It is what it is.

We were never close growing up. And for some reason she has always said "i get away with murder" so the resentment goes deep. I used to be hurt, now I just accept it. And lately, with her apparent fear of losing our parents, I am just trying to love her through it as I can...but from a distance. I still feel like she will pull the rug out from under me if given the chance. So I have got to be a grown up and get involved with this process or she is gonna shut me out.

Thank you for the support. It is appreciated. That's why DU is my "other" family

[MuseRider]

37. You, are the perfect sibling.

You just gave all the reasons she is how she is and you accept that. ((((HUGS)))) MANY hugs. It is very hard sometimes but you are doing it.

[Doodley]

35. There seems to always be one in every family. My brother did nothing to help my mother when she

was ill other than be nasty. Now my brother-in-law leaves everything to me and my wife to take care of his mother. Costs us a lot of money. My wife has a lot of health issues and after all this, I can't even afford healthcare for myself.

[EndlessWire]

36. I feel for ya

I read somewhere years ago that the person most likely to do the caretaking of parents is the first born daughter. Don't know where you are in the birth order, but it sure sounds like this is a battle between sibs on who is going to make this huge, huge sacrifice.

"She told me just this week I need to sell and move closer to my folks and do caretaking pretty much full time." Wow, LOL, why not the two of you together? Let me tell you, no matter how much you love your parents, and how much you want a good outcome, it is one of the hardest things in the world to caretake even one, much less two. Be prepared for a hard slog, and take care of YOURSELF. I really feel for you over this. This is going to be a defining moment in your life. You probably need counseling. You certainly need to talk to an attorney.

If your parents are receiving Social Security, there is a way to apply to become the person who manages that. Sounds like your Dad is in early dementia, and there are several types. Stay calm, make your approach to all concerned as gentle as possible, and get your plan together.

Don't look at your sister (who's probably jealous over the house) like she is forcing you to do something as if you have lost in this battle. YOU have to figure out your pathway and do what YOU need to do. If it happens to be selling your house and getting a better deal for yourself, do what needs to be done, without worrying about how it looks to your sister. She has other lessons to learn.

A word of caution: If you choose to put your parents in a nursing home, just know that most of those places count on government sources to pay for the stay, and if you lose either prong, they can and will put your parents out. People in nursing homes need to be followed by an advocate very closely.

You need an attorney's advice. Money well spent, if you choose the right one. Good luck, dear, I know you can prevail. Living ain't easy. Take a deep breath, and don't spend your time worrying. It'll work out.

[FirstLight]

38. I'm actually the youngest

which is why my sister thinks she can boss-me into doing the caretaking.

I am not working full time like she does, so I have chosen to make the trip to visit and check on them 2-3 times a week. (they live 45 mins away from both of us...though I think I am closer) Give them a distraction, play games, do projects, make sure they eat lunch ...By 3pm they both want me to leave so they can nap.

They are mostly functional, just not as good with driving and the details anymore...so my sister is freaking out.

Today I re-iterated that when she calls the Lawyer, I want to be part of the process and appointments. I am also now keeping a notebook by my phone to make daily notes of our conversations, what I need to do or call for mom & dad, etc. Got a list for monday calls to Dr's ... maybe even I will check out the assisted living place near them next time I am down there. Either that or we can see if Insurance will pay for a nurse/home health to come by the other 3-5 days to check on them...

[Hortensis]

44. Since your own circumstances keep you at home without

presumably adequate stable income much of the time, though, her suggestion sounds like a potentially sensible one. You don't want to take care of your parents, understandable enough, and how sensible it is would hinge on your ability and willingness to do a proper job.

But maybe you might at least consider the position as employment, payable out of the trust? Talk to the attorneys about how appropriate compensation could be secured through the trust, and as part of that, how over the years what additional rights would accrue to part or all of the home you were living in.

One thing to keep in mind is that, if both parents do not die quickly, it is possible that the enormous costs of eldercare will wipe out your inheritance, leaving you with nothing.

As part of all this decision making at this pivot point, another thing you should find out, if you don't know already, is if you have accumulated the 40 credits required to collect Social Security. It's only about 10 years of full-time work and no doubt you have a bunch of working years left, but with health problems that could get worse you, of course, absolutely need to make sure you do have that critical 40, or whatever it might become in future, while you still feel comfortable working.

[FirstLight]

39. ok, this is creepy...and an update

Sister and I talked, she went over to their house today and called fedex with the tracking # and they supposedly caught the package, we also did some looking up of the numbers used when calling (up to 3 at least) and the address it was being sent to (in a questionable LA area, also a second address associated to this person's name)
She is going to call the closest PD near the address and see if they wanna check it out when the package is supposed to be delivered to see of there is anyone there. Dad is STILL actually talking to this guy and has not said anything about the letter being stopped, probably cuz he isn't remembering it clearly...

Sis is still harrowing me about moving. I told her I cannot move my kids because we are in a precarious place in my teen's schooling and I can't change states so easily. I also am talking to my mom openly about her threats making me feel like I need to start packing. O also had to say it a few times before my sister acknowledged to let me in the loop when she calls the lawyer about the Family Trust and stuff. She still won't give me the lawyer's name and is talking about how an appointment is going to cost money that we might not have blahblbahblah

*Also, I got a very scary/nasty message through my gofundme, that told me I was a "Cancer to all my family & friends" ...which I promptly reported.

So yeah, it's been a fun Saturday.
I'm gonna stop talking now...

[FirstLight]

40. Update...

Getting the Dr to call and get Dad in for a physical and cognitive eval...waiting for them to call me back.
Sister called and left a message at the lawyer's office, still not feeling very secure that she is going to include me on this, she still isn't giving me the Lawyers name or offering to give me a copy of the Trust (even though I am in the damn thing)

I still have to somehow get down to Sacramento today or tomorrow to find out why my claim is stuck, Dr office finally finished papers for me to pic up, now I'm working on gas $

Any good juju and love will be appreciated as we take these next steps ...hopefully my sister will chill out and we can handle this as a united family.