The War on Christmas is Real

[NanceGreggs]

Scattered skirmishes have already begun.

In Bowling Green, site of the infamous massacre, hundreds of gingerbread men were brutally slaughtered by an angry crowd of shoppers, as their gingerbread houses were burned to the ground. Gingerbread women were rounded up and separated from their children, who were immediately locked in Tupperware containers and shipped to unidentified bakeries across the nation.

Dozens of malls in South Carolina have reported incidents of spontaneous attacks of ‘The Vapours’ among customers confronted with the sale of Xmas trees. Given that their state’s senior US senator, Lindsey Graham, is himself prone to such attacks, many shopping centers provided fainting couches and festive-scented smelling salts for those similarly afflicted.

In California, hundreds of holiday shoppers in Devin Nunes’s congressional district destroyed ornaments that were allegedly labelled Made in Ukraine, despite the fact that the baubles were clearly labelled Made in Russia. When asked for comment, Nunes stated that he’d really like to answer any questions about the incident, but was not in a position to opine on the matter at this time.

In states where farmers have been hard hit by tariffs, holiday sales of unsold soybeans and other crops were overwhelmingly rejected by local consumers, who insisted that gold, frankincense and myrrh were more suitable gifts for the Baby Jesus – despite the fact that no one in those states could afford to buy any of those more traditional items.

In Kentucky, sales of pet turtles are at an all-time high, while purchases of the facts and the truth have plummeted. Turtles that refuse to stick their necks out of their shells are particularly popular.

So-called ‘red states’ have attempted to decorate their holiday displays in the traditional red-and-green colours. However, due to Trump’s policies on the environment, there is a marked shortage of greenery available for decorative purposes.

Reports of YUGE! protests in Trump-supporting areas by tens of people are currently trickling in, people who believe that made-in-China MAGA merchandise is the most patriotic gift one can give to celebrate the birth of a saviour who eventually threw the money-makers out of his Temple.

Dozens of US consumers across the nation have stormed shopping outlets selling “Happy Holiday” cards printed only in English, instead of the more inclusive Russian cyrillics.

The War on Christmas is real. It is apparent every time an American citizen wishes a fellow citizen “peace on earth and good will towards all men” – an apparent attempt by heathen libruls to undermine the traditional Christmas message of “peace on earth and good will towards all men”.

[First Speaker]

1. Do people realize that Irving Berlin and Bing Crosby were part of the War on Christmas...?

...you think that they were patriotic American icons? Hah! Just remember that heathen song they wrote and performed. You know--it begins: "Happy holidays...happy holidays...and the merry bells keep ringing...happy holidays to you!" *This* was the origin of the infamous "Happy Holidays" greeting, that vital cog in the War on Christmas and Christianity in general...some revisionist history regarding those two is long overdue...

[Initech]

2. One thing I will never understand in a million years in regards to the War On Christmas...

Is that the party of "NO FREE HANDOUTS YOU LOSERS!!!" worships a holiday that is based on fucking handouts! Getting a present on Christmas is literally a handout! Does irony not escape these morons?

[Grokenstein]

5. That's why they pretend it's all about Baby Jeebus

And it is 100% pretense. But it makes a great cover for their self-righteousness and hypocrisy.

...Seriously, how many times a year do we see stories about sociopaths who have built a career on screeching about "handouts" only to demand their "due" the instant it's their turn to cash in?

[greyl]

3. The war on General Welfare is real. nt

[Gothmog]

4. LOL

[Grokenstein]

6. A favorite "co-worker story" of mine

This moron was in his fifties or sixties but also in denial about it, wearing a preposterous (gray) ponytail and describing himself as "hardcore" as he engaged in petty vandalism and harassment to "make a statement" that he could never actually articulate. The best way I could describe him was that he really, really wanted to be a frat bro three decades ago but could never be accepted by any university. It goes without saying that he knew nothing about politics aside from the fact that (1) he hated liberals, and (2) Trump was on the teevee!! Woooooo!

Within a couple of weeks after the Electoral College handed the win to the candidate who lost, he began flouncing back and forth through the various breakrooms before the start of his shift (I work the ramp at a major US airport which is a primary hub for our airline, so we're spread across two and a half terminals), bellowing, "We won! You have to say 'Merry Christmas' now! We won!," over and over again.

He was dead serious.

Most folks ignored him the way one might try to ignore the guy screaming to himself at the bus stop, but I stopped him, told him he didn't get to dictate how people chose to express their holiday greetings, and assured him that his God Emperor's reign would end badly one way or another. He furiously declared that Donald would serve multiple terms after getting rid of "those people" and one day Ivanka would be "First Lady." I presume he meant "the first woman President" but who can be sure with a trumpkin?

Eventually he had to get back to his actual work area and pretend to do his job, and as he barged out the door, I wished him a Happy Hanukkah. He stopped in his tracks and glared at me briefly before storming off.

I haven't seen the worthless piece of excrement since. Did he finally lose it in front of a supervisor and get himself de-employed? Did he crawl under a nice cold damp rock and stay there? Perhaps he overindulged in his favorite substance-abuse substance and won a free cardboard box on the government's dime, hashtag winning. I'm amused but not interested enough to ask. Whatever the case, wherever he is, I'm pretty confident he still thinks everyone has to say "Merry Christmas." If he thinks at all.

[malaise]

7. A lovely exposure of the 'spoilers'

Funny and serious

[wnylib]

8. My sister and I loved looking over the mountains

if holiday cards my parents received each year back in the 1950's, long before there was social media.

They came from friends, relatives, and businesses. The messages ranged from Merry Christmas.and Happy New Year to.Happy Holidays. Not once did I or anyone else question the Happy Holidays greeting. I figured it was a shortcut for combining Xmas and New Year until my mother explained that it was a holiday season for Jews and other people, too. So it just seemed natural to me that people used Happy Holidays for everyone because of different beliefs or non-beliefs. Just common courtesy.

Nobody was bothered by Happy Holidays until the merger of RW extremism with religion.

[Mariana]

10. I read some newspapers from December 1895

following a story about one of my ancestors. They were chock full of Holiday notices, Holiday sales, Holiday parties, etc. etc. etc.

[wnylib]

11. Interesting stuff you can learn from reading old

sources like newspapers. Thanks for the info.

I was thinking that I should have modified my post to ssy that nobody I knew of was bothered by the use of Happy Holidays instead of.just saying nobody. There probably were some people bothered by it but, if so, there were not enough of them or they were not vocal enough for it to be the big issue that it became later.

As I remember, the war on Xmas complaint started around the same time as the insistance on teaching "creationism" in public schools. An attempt by some people to enforce their beliefs on everyone.

[Hermit-The-Prog]

9. what about the Graham crackers of South Carolina? also ...

Moscow Mitch briefly surfaces to deny he's Putin's bitch.

Please note Mitch's festive Xmas finery; he worked hard on that look.