My grandmother's house got sold today.

[Coventina]

My great-grandmother built the house in 1929.

Nobody but our family has lived there. I lived there from 1979-1982.

My grandma just moved into assisted living last month.

To fund that, the house had to be sold.

I get it, but I'm still devastated.

A part of me just died.



I feel alone in my grief, as nobody but me seems to care.
"It's just a house."

[LaurenOlimina]

1. I have a friend going through the same thing in Tennessee.

I'm so sorry you are going through it.

[blm]

2. I hear ya. My dad built our house and I fought my siblings

to please not sell it.

[Hortensis]

3. I'm sorry. The ones who will care aren't old enough now,

or even born. On decorating forums young people are always seeking group permission to throw away family heirlooms because they don't like them, they're not in style, whatever. And very sadly they get approval overwhelmingly in this throwaway era when nothing is allowed to get old enough to develop patina. But there would almost always be someone helpless to save them now who'd value them someday.

As for you, the life of your home at least continues. I hope those it will shelter now take good care of it for you.

[RT Atlanta]

4. I am sorry for your family's loss (though taking care of your grandma is paramount!)

the structure is more than just a house and you're right to feel that way.

Make sure you have pictures handy (I am sure you do) because you will come back to them in the weeks/months and years ahead when you need a little happy time/pick me up. I call it a 'short trip home.'

You're not alone as I totally get the feeling.

Positive vibes to you Coventina!!

[democrank]

5. My heart goes out to you.

So many folks have to sell their home to pay for assisted living or nursing home care. It’s awful. I know several people currently going through this. Stay as strong as you can. I care.

[Under The Radar]

6. Not just a house- it was home

It is the safe spot, the comfort zone, the place of the happiest memories, but it isn’t the same unless the grandma is there.

[customerserviceguy]

78. You beat me to it. n/t

[Hoyt]

7. Very sorry. I get it. My grandparents little dairy farm was sold for same reason.

I still miss that place, cows, herding dogs, tractor, grandmom's flowers, the old coal stove, the font porch, the outhouse (not really), etc., and occasionally drive several hours just to see it. And, they didn't get much for it.

Take care.

[Maeve]

8. It's hard when that happens

My Grandpa built the house I grew up in(and he was a builder--I remember seeing him hammering up on the roof!). It was supposed to be his retirement house, but he died within two years of finishing it. Grandma couldn't manage on her own, so we moved in--I was in first grade. My Mom lived there when Grandma died, but when my step-dad died, it was too much for Mom. 50 years+ and strangers own it now.

I still go there in my dreams.

[barbtries]

51. i regularly go back to my childhood home in my dreams

it's been 47 years since we lived there.

[Frustratedlady]

9. I'm on the other side...lived in the same home for over 50 years and had to downsize.

It stings, big time, and we older people sometimes wonder if the younger generations care about memories. This was the only home they spent Christmas Eve in as children and adults. Wasn't someone interested in the solid wood furniture handed down from earlier generations? Most of what is available now is pressed wood or Made in China.

Little by little, they are coming around and asking for items they remember from their childhood. The only request I have is that if they tire of the items, they hand them down to another relative.

I think people have to come to a point in their lives where they fondly look back and want to experience those good feelings once again.

Keep the good memories. I hope the new inhabitants take care of the property. Cyber hugs to you.

[Liberal In Texas]

10. There's something wrong in this country when you have to give up all of

your worldly assets to get to rehab, assisted living or long term care.

[not fooled]

21. Yes

I don't think a lot of 'Muricans realize, for example, that red don cutting Medicaid = cutting assistance for their parents when the time comes. Not just for "poor people."

I've heard it said that the American healthcare industry is set up to strip us of any remaining assets before we die. Sounds like reality to me.

[marybourg]

56. What are your" worldly assets" for, if not to take care

Of you in your old age? We rejected the notion of aristocracy and built a society based on individualism. Would you prefer houses to stand empty and moldering? Or houses sheltering new young families? Think this out. This is a bizarre poutrage.

[leftstreet]

59. It's not 'poutrage' to mourn the loss of a family home

It could be loss to fire, flood, bankruptcy, or Assisted Living money

It would feel the same no matter the circumstances

[marybourg]

63. Having to get care, and paying for that care from your own assets, rather than relying on charity or

younger families to pay for your care is NOT like a fire or flood or tornado. It’s what’s right and beneficial to society.

The nostalgia one may feel for an old homestead is fleeting, and human, but it should not be seen as a tragedy. It’s just part of the pendulum of life. Life moves on, new families are formed, houses are renewed by new life. Not by hoarding houses and money and seeking only to benefit your own at the expense of others. That’ how a tRump was formed.

[Dem2theMax]

67. Here.

I think you lost this. ❤

[marybourg]

69. O.K. Thanx.

[Coventina]

70. My grandmother's house is 600 sq. ft. on a tiny lot.

Yeah, we are hoarders of wealth all right.

The poster above was right. You are heartless.

[marybourg]

72. But not mindless.

[Coventina]

73. And apparently soulless as well.

ick

[marybourg]

75. I think the personal attacks are unnecessary.

[Coventina]

81. You are the one accusing me of hoarding wealth.

And I was not the one who observed you were heartless, but when pointed out, you agreed with it.

So, yeah, you've definitely earned those observations.

[marybourg]

85. No. What I attacked was a belief that you may hold or not.

That’s what a political discussion board is for. To examine beliefs, both yours and others’, and to attack the BELIEF if you object to, without attacking the individual believer. That’s what I did. What you attacked was specifically me, as a person. I think if you re-read the exchange you’ll see that.

[Coventina]

86. "This is a bizarre poutrage."

Your words.

[marybourg]

87. Yes, that's an attack on a belief.

[Coventina]

88. Go ahead and keep telling yourself that. n/t

[Miigwech]

11. So sorry for your loss ...

Financial advisors can advise folks how to avoid turning over assets to the gov. ----- joint ownership

[MicaelS]

12. My sympathies for you.

I grew up in a new house in San Antonio in the 60s. I recently looked up the house on Google Earth, and was heartbroken. The neighborhood has turned into a ghetto. The house was a shack.

[blueinredohio]

13. I know when I drive past my parents old house

I won't even look at it. They took such good care of it and it hurts to see it not being taken care of.

[Siwsan]

14. I think my Mom having to sell her dream house expedited her cognitive decline

It was a house she designed - everything she wanted. She lived there for 30 years, and then the city put a sewage pumping station in the adjoining lot, severely affecting her home value. The city ended up buying the home, from her.

She bought another really lovely house, but nothing about it would ever satisfy her. She became angry and just simply spiraled downwards. It was so sad to watch but nothing we tried to do, for her, helped.

[Historic NY]

15. I know that pain....I was the hold out on the sale of our family homestead.

people need to get educated about estate planning and passing on their property.

[dewsgirl]

16. I understand, that house has been a big part of your whole

life. I have been through similar, it felt like someone died. Things will get better as time goes on, I'm sorry you are going through this.

[bucolic_frolic]

17. So sorry to hear this

As we age, we think we own things. When you do estate planning, you learn you have the government with its hand out, and the lawyers helping the government and paying themselves, in the same room with you!

To keep what's in the family in the family, one really should think about steady, significant conveyance to highly trusted family members who can support your eldercare with deeds or funds with an eye toward minimizing your personal assets when incapacity is reached and the government is crashing down the door.

[NurseJackie]

18. I loved my grandparents' house too. I was saddened when it sold. But...

... but I was delighted that the new owners restored and renovated it, keeping much of the outside charm as I remembered it as a child (including the decorative "fake" wishing well and the tin/metal roof).

Send the new owners a card or letter of congratulations and wishing them much happiness in their new home... and reminding them that it's a home filled with love and joy and many memories. They'll surely appreciate it, and it will be a chance for you to say goodbye (sort of) and to make the transition easier to accept.

Good luck!

[mcar]

19. It must be a wonderful house, Coventina

We sold my family home after my mother died, soon after my father, both only 62, in the late '80s. It was devastating. SO and I even talked about moving to that town to keep the house but it wasn't feasible.

In our case, it had a kind of happy ending: the youngest child of a family we'd grown up with bought the house with her husband and 4 kids. We can visit any time we're in town. Still not the same but they've taken very good care of the place.

I was there several years ago and we talked about how my girlfriends and I used to play with our Barbie dolls in the large attic room. She gasped and said, my girls do the same!

[iluvtennis]

20. My heart goes out to you. Hugs. nt

[boston bean]

22. It makes me so angry that family wealth can be stolen like this!

[pnwmom]

35. It's not really been stolen. My mother also had to sell her house

in order to go into long term care.

It was her house to sell, and because of it she could move into a nice nursing home. And when she outlived her assets, even the house, Medicaid paid for her to remain in the nursing home that really had become a home for her.

It wouldn't be fair to expect taxpayers to pay for her Medicaid just so her house could go to me and my siblings.

[Hoyt]

49. As sad as it is, I agree. If I remember, Medicaid will not force selling a home, IF

there is a chance patient can reasonably be expected to return to their home.

When it is unlikely, the patient has to spend down assets.

Why should the kids get the benefits, at taxpayer, and other sick patients, expense? Besides, they could buy the house at fair market value, or take care of the parent the.

Even he OP, recognized why the House was being sold to pay for assisted-living. But I get the feeling.

[spanone]

23. ...

❤️

[CousinIT]

24. I'm so sorry. It was not 'just a house'. It was HOME.

[Hekate]

25. It's not "just a house," not at all.

It holds nearly a century of family memories, every board, every nail. It's a piece of you. Honor that, and take time to grieve appropriately.

[Mr.Bill]

26. My grandmother sold her house when my grandfather died in '74.

My mom had grown up there, and I had many fond memories of that house.

In '02 my wife and I took a trip to Baltimore where the house was, and I walked up and knocked on the door. The people who had bought it from my grandmother still lived there and when I explained who I was they welcomed us in with open arms. I had brought pictures I had from both inside and outside the house, some dating back to the 30s and 40s.

They had taken good care of the house, which was built in the 20s and made many improvements without changing the character of the place. There were trees in the yard that I had watched my grandfather plant in the early 60s that were huge now. I was able to tell them a lot about the history of the house and answer a lot of questions about it.

I don't know who had a more enjoyable afternoon that day, them or me.

[lunatica]

32. This is a very nice story.

Thanks!

[Dem2theMax]

68. Absolutely loved reading your post.

My grandmother had a wonderful old home. Family holidays were always spent at her house. And when she passed away, my parents rented it out for a bit and then eventually sold it. My little 14 year old heart could barely take it.

I look at Google Maps and that house is still standing. The entire neighborhood has changed, but that little old house is still there. I so want to do what you did, and go by with old photos and see if they would let me in the house. On the outside it still looks the same. And that makes me happy.

[Lonestarblue]

27. I'm sad for your loss.

Your family home represents many memories, and those can never be taken from you. A new family will now form memories of your home that they too will cherish. I think we all feel grounded when we have an attachment to to specific place, especially a home we have loved. I wish the best for your grandmother as she adjusts to a new lifestyle. And may you find peace with your loss of a beloved home.

[Baltimike]

28. Damn! In Maryland, you only have to seel extra properties. Your family house stays. nt

[applegrove]

29. My grandmother had an old fashioned house that was beautifully decorated. When

it was on the market i took photos of each room as there was archaic furniture and appliances i knew i would never see again. The most important part was the garden that my grandfather spent hours in making it beautiful. I put the photos in a little album and it was in my grandmother's room when she lived in a nursing home. Now it is in my dad's room at his nursing home. I am totally a metaphor person so things stand in for people all the time.

[lunasun]

30. Take lots of pics to remember

[Evolve Dammit]

31. I totally empathize. Just cleaned out 5 generations and it was extremely depressing. I tried to

find a good home for the good stuff and donated the rest to those who would/could use it. But the property itself was so meaningful and was very difficult to let go of. I guess I will try and remember the good memories and to the best of my ability, move on. It is not easy for those with a heart. Some have one, others do not. Feel good that you have one!

[PJMcK]

33. My slightly different take on your family's loss

My extended family has gone through this grieving process over several of our family homes. I share your sense of loss and the emotions surrounding losing the family home. I miss my parents' house where I grew up and two of my grandmothers' homes.

However, here's a thought that I found comforting. Your life could be easier without the old house. The continuing (and sometimes accelerating) maintenance costs and taxes can be debilitating. As a property and to remain economically competitive, the structure would probably need major upgrading and those costs can be exorbitant, as you know. In short, I'm separating the emotional elements from the practical ones, sort of like a pro/con list. As I'm getting older, I find that it's better to have fewer responsibilities and concerns!

Hold onto your family memories and treasure them. Maybe embrace the little bit of freedom that you may have gained. I'm generally an optimist, so there you go.

Peace.

[nini]

34. I had the same feelings

I grew up in a house my grandparents built in 1922 and lived in till their deaths. My dad bought out his brothers and I grew up there. My son spent his early life there too. When My mom sold it was like losing a part of my family tree. It holds so many memories and part of what molded us.

It'll get better but go ahead and grieve.. it's a big deal to lose a long time family home.

[warmfeet]

36. I totally get it.

My father died, then my father-in-law died not long after. My mother, and mother-in-law, are in the process of selling their homes. It's never "just a house" - it's a familiar space where you feel safe and comfortable. It's where most of your memories emanate from. If we lose our home, how do we find our way back? I am exploring the answer to this as well.

[sinkingfeeling]

37. Homes, filled with love,can never be 'just a house'. I cry

every day as I go through 60 years of stuff and pack up just a tenth to take with me.

[Martin Eden]

38. Home is a vessel of sacred memories

The deeper and longer the roots, the more a house becomes a beloved home.

[dawn5651]

39. i am so sorry for the loss of a home with so much history for your family..

[TygrBright]

40. I STILL miss my Grandparents' house and fantasize about buying it someday...

Which is ludicrous as it is in a different state and just about everything about it is wildly inappropriate for our needs- three stories, narrow skeery stairs, too many small rooms, huge lot to maintain, heavy maintenance related to old, old frame and systems (although I presume subsequent owner(s) have replaced some of that...)

And of course all the things I remember about it-- my Granpere's man-cave-from-before-anyone-ever-heard-of-man-caves, my Grandmere's knotty pine cabinets and roll-top desk in the kitchen, all the stuff of theirs that still features in my memories and dreams-- are long gone.

But oh, those memories and dreams... New Years, having meat pies and homemade hooch (we kids were allowed a wee sip) and then us kids playing Mousetrap and Candyland and Clue with popcorn and root beer in the big basement "rec room" while the grown-ups played cutthroat games of 500, Hearts, and poker upstairs...

Summer visits and "helping" Grandpa with the lawn mowing, and playing on the rickety-looking but hella strong bench swing in the big trees by the parking area and the tire swing in the giant elm that was, alas, cut down when I was about twelve. Sitting on the "TV porch" in hot, HOT weather on summer Sunday evenings, the adults drinking beer and watching (GAAAAHHH!!) Lawrence Welk, and getting told if we didn't like it, take our lemonade downstairs and watch "Walt Disney" in the rec room..

My Grandmere's vast "Trash or treasure" garage sales - two a year, with the stuff piling up in the garage and basement for the weeks and months in-between as Grandmere went to everyone else's yard sales, tag sales, etc., and snapped up 'bargains' that only needed a little cleaning to justify a better price tag...

Oh, my, those memories are VIVID, and precious.

So, yes... I get it. Of course you're grieving.

But you will always have your version of those memories.

Without the maintenance costs, and the responsibility.

Time will help.

comfortingly,
Bright

[localroger]

41. These things become a part of us

Though my parents and I had long moved away and were safe, the house I grew up in, every school I ever attended, and every landmark I remember from my childhood were wiped away by hurricane Katrina. I still cannot quite believe that some of those places are gone forever.

[drray23]

42. I felt the same about the family property in france.

My uncle inherited it. It has been in the family since the 1600's. When my uncle got older he wanted to sell it and buy a house in town. His kids, my cousins did not care.

I used to spend all my weekend there as a kid, playing in the fields and woods. It's where my father, my grandfather, and more were all born.

I could not let it go. It's the soul of my family. I am fortunate enough to be well off so I bought it outright from my uncle knowing it's in need of repairs ( old manor houses have slate roofs and it's very expensive to repair).
When I retire we will move there.

[58Sunliner]

43. So sad to lose a part of your family history.

[LisaM]

44. I totally get it.

My grandmother's house (that I haven't been in since 1989) sold last year and I spend an hour looking at the online photos from Zillow.

[George II]

45. A few years ago we sold our parents' house that they lived in since 1962....

It was a tough day.

About a month later the people who bought it had it razed and they built a new house. THAT was devastating.

They paid $650,000 ultimately just for the lot (1/8 acre) in Central Queens.

[liberaltrucker]

83. Some people have more dollars than sense.

[radical noodle]

46. I hope you took lots of photos

Those memories are in your heart and will live on with you.

[bobbieinok]

47. In 50s our house ad gramma's house were taken by eminent domain for new city complex

My grandfather had built them in the early teens

Our house wasn't so great, but I loved gramma's house. It was between a grade school and a tiny Greek Orthodox church. She lived in the middle of a large Greek area.

[Raster]

48. You are not alone...

...a house is more than just a house.

[mgardener]

50. I am so sorry

My mom died before we had to sell our house for nursing home care
She had lived in it for over 55 years.
The funeral home drove by the house on the way to the cemetery, it was a nice tribute.
When I drove away for the last time after we sold the house, I cried. Had to pull over.
I have not gone back. Neither has my sister.
We put a photo of us when we were young in a crevice in the basement and put our names and dates my parent bought the house.
I hope it is still there.

[a kennedy]

52. Awwwwwww, sorry you feel the loss......it ISN'T JUST A HOUSE.....

homes have all your favorite memories.....I feel for you.

[Kali]

53. I understand the loss intimately

living in the house my Great Grandfather bought from his first wife's parents who homesteaded here first. every generation has added to it and my youngest son was the last baby born in it.

things and property are just "things," but they contain and generate roots and memories.

[Rebl2]

54. My husband and I built

our house with the help of our fathers and others we hired. My husband put in the hard wood, wired it and put in the plumbing. He knew how to do this from the type of work he did. He and our fathers painted inside and out. There is a lot he didn’t do of course. I guess my point is, I don’t know how we will feel when we have to leave here. I’m sure we will be sad. I understand your grief.

[pnwmom]

55. I was sad when the house I grew up in was sold. My parents had built it

and it felt like part of us.

So I know what you mean -- it's not just a house.

[Joinfortmill]

57. No, its a life and memories

Hopefully, it will make memories for another family. I'm sorry for your loss.

[kimbutgar]

58. I have this job where we move seniors to assisted living and then clear out there homes

Today I cleared out the apartment of a woman who lived there for 79 years. She was an only child and her only relative is a second cousin. The history this woman had in her house was overwhelming. I have met her and moved her to the assisted living place but it was traumatic to me throwing out her travel photos and souvenirs. I found old newspapers from the 1800’s( which I kept) and a Look magazine from 1937 with FDR on the cover with his granddaughter. Just couldn’t throw them away. She had a big pile of family pictures when she was a child that I insisted we save and give them to her in a box so that the second cousin has family memories.

But I feel for you. So many memories but it must be done.

[FuzzyRabbit]

60. My parents sold our home where I grew up.

They bought it when I was a baby, and lived there for 40 years. Finally it become too much for them to take care of. For years I occasionally would drive by just to look at it. Then one time it was gone.

A developer had bought it and had just torn it down. All that was left was a pile of rubble. I came home and called my sister to tell her our old home was gone. We both cried.

I still grieve for my old home and my parents. They sold the place almost 40 years ago, and they have both been gone for more than 25 years. I still have frequent dreams of that house and my parents. Any time I want I can close my eyes and see the house and the neighborhood as it was when I was a growing up.

[3catwoman3]

61. I will soon be getting my mom's house ready to go on the market.

Some of you may remember a thread I posted a little over a month ago, about my 97 yr old mom taking ill while on her Christmas visit, and me deciding that the days of her living alone 700 miles from me in Rochester NY were over. She is adjusting rather well to her new little apartment in a lovely senior living facility, and says she does not even want to go back to NY to go thru things - that is all up to me.

By the time I was 12, we had moved 7 times. The final place we lived as a family was built in 1963, when I was 12. A tract ranch house, with no particularly special features. Off to college when I was 18. Moved out 4 years later when I got my first nursing job in 1973. Joined the Air Force nurse corps in 1976, which began the next series of moves - San Antonio,Texas/ Japan/ Denver, CO (my favorite)/ Upper Marlboro, Maryland outside of Washington DC. Have been in the greater Chicago area for the last 25 years - the longest I have lived anywhere.

The house in Rochester is really small, rather dark, and in serious need of updated wiring - none of the outlets accept the more modern flanged plugs, so there are adapters everywhere, things to trip over, and the place feels like a death trap.

My sense is I will not miss it. The fact of my 23 yr old brother dying in a scuba diving adventure while he still lived there, just after I had been stationed in Japan and having to travel back to that house where I would never again see him, does not endear the place to me. I may feel differently once it sells.

On the other hand, since 1987, we have been fortunate enough to own a small second home on one of the Finger Lakes since 1987. I am very attached to that, and we rent it out so we can afford to keep it. I will keep that as long as I possible can.

I have very fond memories of the house my mom grew up in, and can still recall some of the aromas in that house. Iodine in the medicine cabinet, mothballs in the big closet off the upstairs bathroom, and fresh baked goods made by my grandmother in the bread cupboard in the huge kitchen.

I hope your sadness softens, Coventina. You describe it so poignantly.

[efhmc]

62. It is amazing how many Americans lose their roots on a daily basis.

But we are suppose to blot it all out and look to the future. The hurt we feel drags us down and needs to be healed but is never even acknowledged, much less healed. Just know that whether we see or talk about it, many of us are standing with you. Thank you for posting a powerful statement.

[Six117]

64. I'm so sorry for your loss!

I get it. I care deeply for my home... We've put a lot of love and care into this place, which makes it not just a house. It's like family!

[calimary]

65. It's awfully hard to let go of something like that.

We recently sold the old family home that I grew up in, and kept, for more than half a century.

I totally get how you feel. But the kids had grown up and moved out and the elders passed on and it was too much for us to deal with, in more ways than one.

“It’s just a house.” Yeah, I hear that. And that’s true in one respect. But it was also a HOME. With all that the word “home” means.

I so know how you feel, Coventina. I sympathize and empathize. Give it time and be gentle with yourself about it. And don’t put a deadline on it, by which you presumably would expect yourself to have moved on. Go easy on yourself. Little by little, you’ll eventually prevail.

[Dem2theMax]

66. I am so sorry.

It's not just a house. It's a home. I think of the home I grew up in, and that home was full of love and wonderful memories that I will cherish forever.

It wasn't a 'family' home, not in the sense that yours was. But ours was the first family to live there, and I remember how heartbroken I was when my parents sold it.

You have every reason to feel sad. It is a tremendous loss, and you are grieving that loss. Please know that others understand.

[klook]

71. Remember all the good times.

My siblings and I cleaned out our parents’ house a few years back. It was devastating, especially to see it bare and devoid of furniture, books, artwork, cookware, and all the million little physical reminders of their lives.

I’ve had to learn to remember how it was when the house was full of love, humor, good cheer, the sounds of music, the divine smells from the kitchen, and so much more that’s impossible to sum up in anything less than a full-length memoir.

It’s very much like remembering a person when they were alive and vibrant rather than always going straight to their death in my mind. It takes a lot of time. Grief is part of the process.

[yardwork]

74. I'm sorry. That is a loss.

[Totally Tunsie]

76. This entire thread just breaks my heart.

I, too, have had a couple of instances of dealing with a similar loss.

Hugs to all of you as you deal with your loss and grief.

[UTUSN]

77. You said it for me. No sense going into the details of my similar situation.

[Totally Tunsie]

79. I can understand that in some cases it can be cathartic

to speak/write of a personal situation, and I wouldn't deny that peace to anyone.

For me, tho, I know that delineating the details would bring only sadness to me (as I felt while reading each one's story), and don't wish to bring that on. It's all so heart tugging.

Peace.

[VOX]

80. I hear you.

My parents’ house was purchased new in 1947 with my dad’s G.I. loan; after my dad passed away in 1980, my mom lived there until her death in 2003.

Not as long a tenure as your home, Coventina, but I was brought home from the hospital to that house, and even had to return there for a year while I recovered from pneumonia and a bad marriage in my mid-20s. Going home allowed me to hit the reset button on life.

It was beyond sad when my brother and I got rid of mom’s things and put the house up for sale. So many memories after 56 years.

[Raine]

82. I understand, a house is more then just a building

it's memories both good and bad, sad and happy, lots of love in a home. I'm sentimental about houses, you're not alone with the way you feel.

[mopinko]

84. oh, no, dont. home mattes so much to us all. you are not alone at all.

most of us have a really hardwired idea of home in our brains. i dream all the time about the house i grew up in. i was 17 when my dad died and we had to move.
we lived there for almost 30 years, but didnt own it. it broke me heart, and kept my head spinning for almost a decade.

those who never had a stable one have a home shaped hole in their brains and lives, and it has just as much impact.
this is deeply human.

when i got divorced a few years ago, i did what they tell you not to do- keep that big house.
since it is the center of my urban farm, i have other reasons, but i cannot tell you how much of myself i put into this house.

my kids dont want me to sell it, but at the same time i ended up pretty estranged form all of them. we hoped our kids would be involved when we started the project, but the divorce ruined that.

but i swore the day i walked in the front door i was going out feet first, and so i shall.


eta, a couple links for you. this is a photo of a painting that is 4' x 30'
it is called "home:internalized landscape" and is based on the fragments of my childhood landscape that pop up in my dreams, because they are part of the architecture of my brains.
https://www.facebook.com/120776091304700/photos/a.120777147971261/528550880527217/?type=3&theater

this one is a bas relief mural in my finished bsmt. it is fragments of sculptures that i made, as well as bits of tile from work i did on the house.
it is called-"my life in this house"
https://www.facebook.com/pg/Mo-Clay-120776091304700/photos/?tab=album&album_id=773332886049014