WOW! Middle East Peace Czar JARED has joined Trump's Coronavirus Rapid Response Space Force!

[Miles Archer]

John Santucci
@Santucci
Sources telling
@ABC
the team working on coronavirus is expanding at the White House. Jared Kushner now involved part of the team working with President Trump on his speech tonight - "this is taking priority ahead of all other projects" one senior official tells me
6:33 PM · Mar 11, 2020·Twitter Web App

Link to tweet

[Faux pas]

1. WHY

for fuck sakes?!

[nature-lover]

2. They are still trying to find something that he is good at. Another fail.

[lunatica]

3. Maybe he can spell and knows more words than Trump

[C_U_L8R]

4. It's all out war... against coronacovfefe and cancer-causing windmills.

These idiots will be the death of us.

[BigmanPigman]

5. We are definitely doomed now.

[CatMor]

6. He's the modern man for all seasons ....

there aint nothin old Jared can't do. Problem is he hasn't accomplished one damn thing.

[dhill926]

7. We're saved!

thank god for jared...now bring back the tennis tournament and NCAA's....

[Dagstead Bumwood]

8. Oh thank God.

For a minute there I thought we were in real trouble

Rest easy, citizens of earth: Jarvanka is on the case! Too bad opioids and middle East peace will have to go on the backburner for now, but hey, Jared's gotta Jared.

[0rganism]

9. i get the feeling Donald has a real hatred of Jared

Jared's sole qualification for any of this is his marriage to Donald's favorite daughter Vonkers
it's common knowledge that Donald badly wants to fuck Vonkers, but Jared's already doing that
so Donald just throws heap after heap of unsolvable problems at Jared, maybe hoping he'll die from stress, leaving Vonkers available for some light fatherly boinking
just a hunch, of course

[procon]

10. Has he ordered his spandex super hero costume yet?

Tight little hot pants, a flowing cape, brown nosed mask... Yep, our hero looks good to go!

[MrsMatt]

11. because

he's a jenius.

[jeffreyi]

12. Oh it's so much better now.

I miss the days when we were waiting for Betelgeuse to explode.

[Buckeyeblue]

13. Jared is going to negotiate a peace plan with the virus. Stay tuned!

[Captain Stern]

14. I thought this was bad the moment I read it.

How on earth could anyone think that JARED, the subway-sandwich-eating, child-molesting sicko could possibly be of any help with the coronavirus situation? That sort of thinking defies rational belief....but I figured maybe there's an outside chance he knows something about viruses or something, since he's been in jail maybe he's been studying up on this stuff, so I'm gonna be skeptical, but keep my mind a little bit open.

But then, it turns out they were talking about JARED Kushner?!? That can't be real. C'mon man.