Kushner Announces Doctors HATE Him After He Discovered One Weird Trick To CURE Coronavirus

[Newest Reality]

WASHINGTON—In an official White House press release as the administration’s leading advisor on the viral pandemic, Jared Kushner announced Friday that doctors HATE him after he discovered one weird trick that will CURE coronavirus. “Doctors DON’T want you to know this, but you can DESTROY coronavirus FROM HOME in under 24 hours with this one simple method!!!!” read Kushner’s statement in part, advising all U.S. citizens to visit the website www.KushCures.gov NOW to experience the 100% effective coronavirus CURE discovered by a DAD. “My quick and easy coronavirus solution is helping families everywhere! To learn more, send $100 to the CDC to Find Out Now why Doctors HATE it but Moms LOVE it! Medical experts everywhere were STUMPED by the coronavirus, and they IGNORED me just because I didn’t have a doctor license, but they just don’t want you to know about this AMAZING LIFE HACK that will ensure you never have to visit your hospital for coronavirus—ever again! Plus, not only is my 30-second MIRACLE CURE completely effective at ERADICATING coronavirus, it will also help you Lose Up To 5 Pounds Of Belly Fat—and KEEP IT OFF!!!” Kushner’s official press release reportedly concluded with an exclusive limited-time offer to buy an iPad from the government for under $24.

https://politics.theonion.com/kushner-announces-doctors-hate-him-after-he-discovered-1842314975

[KG]

1. epic

[JHB]

2. I smelled the Onion. Fresh, pungent Onion.

[Brainfodder]

3. Can I pay extra for shipping pretty please?

How much they asking for 666 Fifth Avenue?



The Onion...

[Moostache]

4. I'm on a different, far less healthy "Kushner Diet"...

Every time I see photos of that jackass, my appetite disappears and the bile forming in my stomach makes it impossible to even consider eating food.

I feel nothing but utter revulsion similarly with photos of the Tangerine Menace, Beavis (DJTJ), Butthead (Eric), and Ice Princess.

The best part of this diet is that since people are CONSTANTLY putting pictures of these subhuman grifters EVERYWHERE, I am getting free diet help all over the place...

[mr_lebowski]

5. People are saying it also makes your dick bigger (nt)

[Arkansas Granny]

6. But, he's already one of the biggest dicks in this administration.