Is it depression? where's my "great motivation"...?

[FirstLight]

I guess the weather hasn't helped.
After a more than mild and warm winter, the actual snow hit the day the ski resorts closed, followed by everything else.
...and it was ok at first, snow doesn't make me wanna go anywhere anyway.

Now I ahev made a few "runs" to get things, and thanks to some friends I finally feel like I am "stocked up" that I can STAY home for the next week or two...

Me & My 17 yr old...He's been homeschooling and I've been on disability since october...not much has changed

or so one would think

But between the horrible news that the rest of the world has stopped too (not just my broken self feeling guilty for not working) and the shitty weather.

No I am NOT going outside and walking more
I am sleeping as LOOOONG as I possibly can and keeping weird hours at night
wake up @ 4am and dont try to sleep again till 6

Im NOT painting the living room
Im NOT writing the Great American Novel
Im NOT making soup for homless people

Damn
I gotta just start setting the alarm and trying to motivate little by little
Got a new Foodie group online that has me trying new recipes
got some reading/researching to do for other endeavors
got clients to help with their websites now that we are all gone live/facetiming/zoom

I just hope tomorrow I have half the motivation to get something accomplished
I feel like crap that people are doing SO much right now and I am a loser that cant seem to get out of bed

Is it wrong to wanna pull the covers overhead until it's ok again?

[flying rabbit]

1. I hear you.

Give it time, you will get through this.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

2. I'm kind of where you are.

I told myself this is a great opportunity to finish up a bunch of household projects that I've been meaning to take care of for months. I have no more excuses for not getting to them. But here I sit, watching TV and posting on DU and not doing shit else; sleeping late in the morning, waking up and thinking, why the hell bother to get up at all?

But I do get up because I have to feed the cats, then I'm lounging around in my bathrobe until noon, when I make myself shower and get dressed, then I eat something that doesn't require work to prepare, then just sit around some more. Read in bed, fall asleep, same thing the next day. I'm enveloped in a fog of ennui and can't seem to make myself do anything. And I figure this will go on for months and months.

Ugh.

[FirstLight]

5. ennui....

Perfect word


Dude, maybe we should just be LIKE the Dude

Stay in our Bathrobes & flipflops
drink white russians all day

I'm in

[LuckyLib]

12. I've been talking to friends who share the same behaviors

now — lethargy, sadness, feelings of helplessness. Plus concern for those family/friends in the healthcare world, elderly parents. It is all so sad.

[uponit7771]

17. 👍

[Rizen]

3. I have recurrent depression...

...because bad things kept happening to my family. That's not important. What is important is I know what you're going through. Depression sucks the life out of you. For years I wasn't able to do anything but little by little I've been adding stuff to my life. Now I'm walking 3 miles a day and writing in my book (almost) every day. Don't feel bad when you can't do things because depression; sometimes you just need to take care of yourself.

[SheltieLover]

4. Hi!

No, it's not weird to feel so tired & lacking in motivation at this time. We are grieving the loss of our lives, pre-pandemic & for the lives lost. Grieving is really hard work - emotionally, psychologically and physically!

Please be patient with yourself. Do whatever gets you through this!

[FirstLight]

6. definitely grief...

I can't even watch Rachelall the way through

The numbers and stories are staggering


and that's ALL I watch each day, even limiting my DU reading


But yeah...It's a lot to take in
and I guess I feel less pressure when the rest of the world is doint it too...


we're all in this together...and it sucks lol

[SheltieLover]

7. It is...

It's all so heavy & depressing, esp with dump at the helm. 🤬

Do you write, draw,, paint, or anything like that? I work in watercolors -- just process-based to purge negative emotions. It helps.

[safeinOhio]

8. I feel your pain.

During the first Gulf War it happened to me. Ended up in the hospital for a couple of weeks. Looking back it was the best thing that ever happened for me. Long story but hope you can turn your depression around too. Never quit because there will be a light.

[Jamastiene]

9. If you are a loser for the things you mentioned,

then I am the biggest loser that ever existed. It is a situation that is never going to improve or get better for me. I won't go into it, because I don't want to spend the night freshly depressed again about the hopelessness of it all. And no one wants to hear it or gives a crap anyhow.

You sound a tad bit depressed, but at least you have the confidence and know how to make people like you. You are still worthwhile to someone and with that, there is always the chance you might get some of your goals accomplished. So, just don't give up.

Depression is disgusting and I wish it was a solid object, so I could punch it until I'm too tired to move any more.

[Generic Brad]

10. We all cope different ways

You are not alone.

[world wide wally]

11. I think it's called inertia...

Newton's Second Law of Motion: An object in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted on by an outside force. An object at rest will stay motionless unless acted upon by an outside force.

We have all become objects at rest these past two or three weeks.

[kentuck]

13. It is a depressing time.

We must defeat it or it will defeat us.

[FirstLight]

14. So I spent the night listening to music

Floyd and all other stuff to make me feel better

And stuff that made me feel worse

Damnit, and now I ñeed to get to sleep

What songs make you feel better?

[FirstLight]

15. kick

damn, why did I stay up so late?

...and is anyone else having really fucked up dreams?

[Tink41]

16. Now that you mention it...

Woke up for the second time at 8am just leaving a situation with a young Dustin Hoffman w the personality of one of the characters in Tiger KIng. Truly bizarre. I'm not quite sure if I was having a good time or if it was a nightmare, could go either way w that combo.

Been trying to get motivated myself, I don't know what will do it. Once I'm going it's like I was never idle.

[robbob]

18. I finally decided to give the attic (my bedroom) a good cleaning.

Last edited Tue Mar 31, 2020, 05:29 PM - Edit history (1)

Like you, I spent several weeks lethargic and depressed and couldn’t get into any household projects. But then I decided to use that period between when the annoying ocd housemate/cousin I live with gets up (anytime between 5:30-8:30 pm) to when he finishes fussing around in the kitchen (3-4 hours later!) to retreat to my bedroom in the attic and fire up the old turntable.

Now, my bedroom in the attic is a high gable peaked room with tons of space and light and is a really cool space, but it had turned into a bit of a disaster zone, with piles of paper and junk everywhere, dust building up on everything and just, in general, another depressing problem to pile on top of my own lethargy and depression.

So, as I mentioned, rather then vegetate on the couch and watch my cousin meander around the kitchen for 3-4 hours (so annoying, he is quite OCD, and when he’s occupying the kitchen it is more or less a no-go zone), I now mix myself up a nice scotch and soda and head upstairs. I started at one end, and just vacuumed, straightened and wiped down all surfaces as I slowly made my way across the room. Good tunes on the stereo, maybe a little bong hit to change the mood, or even break up the cleaning with a little nap. What I DIDN’T do was stress about how slow it was going, or what I was finally going to do with the growing pile of miscellaneous junk that went into the “final” pile.

Instead I just chipped away at it, 60-90 minutes a day, until now it’s almost done. The dust I vacuumed! Insane! And I was sleeping in this mess! So now, the last thing I see at night and the first in the morning is a room, MY room, that’s finally after all these years living up to it’s potential! Plus, a great space to get away from “Dave”, and listen to music or read a book!

So, just saying; don’t be hard on yourself, but if you can find some little project, some area of your life that’s going to make things better, something you can spend a week or two just chipping away at, then get yourself off the couch, turn the tv off (the bad news will still be waiting), open a bottle of wine, roll a doobie or whatever and spend some “me” time doing something productive. You’ll feel better for it.

Cheers and stay healthy!