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Wed Apr 1, 2020, 12:23 PM

My Boyfriend Andrew Cuomo's New Girlfriend Is America

*my friend sent me this article and it gave me the chuckle that I sorely needed....


(Yahoo News) I was eating ice cold Tostitos cheese with a spoon at my desk on a recent Monday morning, gearing up to wrangle my inbox and not open the shades for the 9th day of quarantine in a row, when my phone started buzzing:

“Check Facebook.”

“Check Twitter.”

“Are you OK?”

It was an emergency: My boyfriend, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, I learned, had a new girlfriend.

America.

“Lolol” if you want. (Everyone I know did.)

Vital New York Times’ think pieces aside, life in Corona lockdown has been pretty innocuous for me so far. I have no children, no pets, just lots of beautiful things from HomeGoods and the outlets packed into a not-unspacious apartment on New York’s Upper West Side. I’m able to work from home sans bra, artfully tucking my breasts into my armpits while replying to work emails, and thankfully putting pants on to host my morning radio show on SiriusXM from my living room, a show my neighbors have called “Can you please close your windows?” and “Seriously, we have a newborn.”

But the one thing I do have to look forward to every day like clockwork has been New York Governor Andrew Cuomo’s daily press briefings at 11 a.m. (Sometimes he’s late, and starts them at 11:30. I’ve started referring to this waiting time as “Cuomo FOMO.”) Like a velveteen gravity blanket for my soul, the second I see this man’s perfectly weathered face and tousled curls, the moment his Pacino-like accent fills my living room with its mafia-like authority, my blood pressure drops, my breasts seem to perk up on their own, and a tingly feeling of optimism washes over my imprisoned body as I think to myself… I think we’re gonna be okay.

Also: I think I’m in love with New York Governor Andrew Cuomo.

(Read More) https://news.yahoo.com/america-thirsting-over-boyfriend-andrew-203500245.html

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