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Dave in VA

(2,037 posts)
Tue Apr 7, 2020, 08:51 AM Apr 2020

Some collected funnies for your enjoyment!

• Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks.
The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

• I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I
turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

• I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

• Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or
The Bedroom

• PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.
Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

• Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1
teacher fired for drinking on the job.

• I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go
from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

• This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she
thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog....
we laughed a lot.

• So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just
find me or do I find them?

• Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You
have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no
clue how this place is still in business.

• Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb
threat.

• I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I
wear?

• I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda.
I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.


• Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the
same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

• Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under

24 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Some collected funnies for your enjoyment! (Original Post) Dave in VA Apr 2020 OP
Thanks! PJMcK Apr 2020 #1
Kick burrowowl Apr 2020 #2
Those are great jokes! flying_wahini Apr 2020 #3
Thank you for the humor! Ohiogal Apr 2020 #4
Some are MyOwnPeace Apr 2020 #5
🤣🤣🤣🤣 SheltieLover Apr 2020 #6
Hey! wryter2000 Apr 2020 #15
😂😂😂 Alliepoo Apr 2020 #7
Living the QuaranDream, baby! MerryBlooms Apr 2020 #8
So that makes today...wait for it... House of Roberts Apr 2020 #20
We have 5 of those shady furbags running this house, MerryBlooms Apr 2020 #21
Thanks! WinstonSmith4740 Apr 2020 #9
Just laying around does not need as many showers. keithbvadu2 Apr 2020 #10
Truth to power, Dave in VA pazzyanne Apr 2020 #11
[giggle] and thanks planetc Apr 2020 #12
These are wonderful! evilhime Apr 2020 #13
Thank you! Tucker08087 Apr 2020 #14
Excellent! El Mimbreno Apr 2020 #16
I want to share, too wryter2000 Apr 2020 #17
These are fabulous malaise Apr 2020 #18
The lady who talks to her cat House of Roberts Apr 2020 #19
These are great! Thanks, Dave. nt crickets Apr 2020 #22
Share away! Dave in VA Apr 2020 #23
We need toilet paper! No, it's a respiratory virus not Taco Bell. Danascot Apr 2020 #24

SheltieLover

(57,073 posts)
6. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Tue Apr 7, 2020, 09:13 AM
Apr 2020

TY for the laughs! It's good medicine!

What did your dog have to say about neighbor & cat?

MerryBlooms

(11,761 posts)
8. Living the QuaranDream, baby!
Tue Apr 7, 2020, 10:22 AM
Apr 2020

Those were great!

I was talking to a friend yesterday about how we're all dropping quaran or quarantine into casual conversation... told her Happy quaranTuesday, she says, it's quaranMonday, I said, okay seriously, that makes it funnier.

WinstonSmith4740

(3,056 posts)
9. Thanks!
Tue Apr 7, 2020, 10:42 AM
Apr 2020

Some well needed humor. I have to admit it thought...I'm a teacher and I stole the one about suspending the 2 kids. I do love the fact that parents who never taught their kids to respect anyone are now stuck at home with the little shits.

keithbvadu2

(36,766 posts)
10. Just laying around does not need as many showers.
Tue Apr 7, 2020, 10:51 AM
Apr 2020

Finally had to take one because the goats were complaining.

Dave in VA

(2,037 posts)
23. Share away!
Tue Apr 7, 2020, 12:45 PM
Apr 2020

This is just a collection of funnies I have seen on other web sites over the last couple of days. Wish I were this talented, but...

Glad all of you are enjoying!

We all need a laugh now and then, especially now.

Be safe and stay healthy!

Danascot

(4,690 posts)
24. We need toilet paper! No, it's a respiratory virus not Taco Bell.
Wed Apr 8, 2020, 07:56 AM
Apr 2020

30 days hath September, April, June and November. All the rest have 31 except last month that had 8,000.

This coronavirus thing makes me feel like I’m 16 again. Gas is cheap and I’m not allowed to leave the house.

My day is grueling: 12 hours of texting, 2 hours of looking for snacks I ate two weeks ago, 10 pm change from day pajamas to night pajamas, repeat.

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