Darkness & Light

[H2O Man]

Days and nights have begun to blend together as the social distancing and isolation bring news of sadness and horror. My daughter tells me about one of her best friends, who was in the middle of a break-up with a long-time boy friend. She was in the process of looking for another apartment in Boston when the corona virus appeared in the city, resulting in her having to postpone a move. The tensions and verbal abuse have increased, making this – at least temporarily – a case of accepting the unacceptable.

I live in a typical rural upstate New York township. There are two small villages, two hamlets, and a dozen crossroads neighborhoods, all of which arose during the 1800s, but have long since seen their heydays disappear into the past. At the edge of one of the hamlets, which peaked during the era of a river-powered mill in the mid-1800s, there was recently a violent outburst outside of one home. The residents there are a young lady who was about my nephews' age – I remember her attending their state championship basketball season – and her two teen-aged daughters.

The girls' father is a former military man who has had long periods of being MIA as a father. While I do not know all the circumstances, he recently physically assaulted his daughter, his newest girlfriend, and her daughter. This included choking one, compressing the throat of another, and threatening all three with a gun before the police arrived. Off to jail with him, as he clearly presents an immediate threat to others. However, a few days later, his mother bailed him out, and so he now is supposedly residing with her in another part of the township.

I generally try to process my thoughts about such things in one of two ways: thinking about them while engaged in otherwise mindless house work, or while taking a walk. Because my house was already relatively clean, with no dishes, laundry, or dusting needing to be done, I decided to go for a walk. My younger son, perhaps sensing my mind was troubled, suggested driving to a nearby field and looking for artifacts. Since there was zero chance of encountering another human being there, this was a safe option. Though the field is not plowed, it has been one of my favorite places to walk during the hard times of recent decades.

It's a large, isolated river flat, with two small streams running through it. The streams surround a small plateau before entering the river, with a swamp on its backside from the river. I've found four distinct settlement areas on the plateau over the years. My son favors a different spot, near where the river bends. A decades ago, he found the base of a fluted Clovis point there, and he is determined to find the rest of it. So for a while, we are further apart than the recommended social distancing by hundreds of yards.

I think back to times when I was subjected to threatening people. I remember one gym coach in particular, who had a strong dislike for me in grade school. One afternoon, when I got done with 5th grade wrestling practice, he found me alone when I left the locker room, and beat the hell out of me. I remember him saying, “Your hair reminds me of a cat, and I hate cats.” By chance, my older brother, a professional boxer, had come to pick me up that day, rather than my father. He asked me who assaulted me, then went into the school, finding the gym coach alone. When he came out, his hair was a bit messed up, but he wore a huge grin. “He'll never bother you again,” he said. Indeed, that cowardly prick pretended we were buddies from then on.

Eventually, I grew bigger than my brother, and no longer had any fear of physical confrontation. Yet, as I walked the field, I remembered how I had still allowed myself to be spoken to by some of the people who were supposed to be close to me. It took years before I would come to the realization that while I had zero control over how anyone spoke about me, I had total control over how I allowed people to speak to me. This resulted in tightening my circle of family and friends., even since the corona virus hit. Yet, I realized this is not always an option for others, such as children with fucking assholes for parents, teachers, etc,or for my daughter's friend in Boston at this tense time.

I found a small, re-chipped projectile point, dating in the neighborhood of 4,000 years old. I walked to where my son was to show him. He had found something much older – a fossilized bone of some type, that we will eventually be able to bring to a local university for a friend to identify. A short time later, we headed home.

I got on the internet with the intention of writing an essay on this general topic. But before I started, I got a message that a close friend of 40+ years had died from the corona virus. He was a retired teacher from a community college, a man who I had introduced to both Rubin and Paul over the years, and who had had me speak at the college frequently over the decades. He had started feeling sick one evening, and died within 48 hours. Those are the only details that I know.

I've tried calling another friend who taught there, who was best friends for over 50 years with our late friend. But apparently the number I have is for his former land line, and like so many people, he uses a cell phone these days. I remember his mailing address, so I'll send him a letter. I'd much rather visit him, or speak on the telephone, but that is not an option right now. So for the past 70 hours, I've been trying to process this in isolation.

It's a strange time to be an old man. I have a pretty good idea how the current crisis will impact my generation, which has experienced both its fair share of both good and bad times. These combine to form the general mindset found in my generation. I do wonder how these times will influence the mindsets of the younger generations. It's a bright, sunny day, allowing me the opportunity to think more about that as I take my dog for a walk in the wildeness.

Peace,
H2O Man

[malaise]

1. There is so much stress in these times

Many are not adjusting well to isolation . And yet there is always that chance for that lovely walk to clear one's head.
What I find amazing is that since the Covid-19 crisis, all sides of the family are more in touch with siblings, cousins and in laws across the planet.
It is a strange time to be old but our oldest sibling reminded us that mum survived the height of WW2 in England. Mum was young back then - an overseas student and her attitude to life and always being ready for a crisis was something we grew to understand. She always had a kitchen garden and a backyard full of fruit trees. She preserved everything. And she always saved for that rainy day.

So sorry to hear about your friend's death. We have two friends who are both on ventilators in New York.
We will all be touched by this one - and life will be different for those of us who aren't personally touched by the virus.

I saw this post earlier this afternoon - went to the laundry room and then I got distracted with the lunatic.
Thanks again my brother

[H2O Man]

2. Right.

I've had a series of phone calls in the late afternoon and evening, all four calls from people who were intoxicated. They were all stressed, and seeking to find relief. I could listen, but what few things I was able to interject into their rambling talks made no difference. So I just listened most of the time. I'm sympathetic, though I know from years of searching, answers aren't found at the bottom of a bottle or a handful of pills.

One of my friends, a large, strong young man, is in an ICU in NYC, too. (At least he still was yesterday, though he may be out by now, as he was starting to recover.) I've known him since he was in diapers. I'm hoping that he and your friends all get better soon.

It's a strange year, malaise. I've been to too many funerals already in the first five weeks, including two in one day. I was thinking that I hoped to not have another for the rest of the year. But there have been two more good friends who have died during this crisis.

Stay safe, and keep in touch!

[kentuck]

3. I am sorry to hear about your friend, H2O Man.

These are challenging times, no doubt.

Sometimes I feel like I am amongst the walking dead - zombies that lost their souls and humanity.

The only solution that I can see on the horizon is to isolate Donald Trump. His propaganda and lies do great harm to us all. Whether that be turning off the TV and ignoring him, or the networks refusing to broadcast him live, I see no other way to relieve this scourge, since we cannot handle it the way your brother handled the coach.

[H2O Man]

5. Thank you!

I'm trying to concentrate on what a meaningful life he had. That's something that really stands out to me. My friend was a great family man, and an outstanding teacher. And he knew how to have fun -- I remember watching boxing at his home in the 1970s while consuming a variety of "top shelf" beers. He stopped going to live boxing cards after one of his students fought in the mid-state Golden Gloves. He was seated next to the kid's mother, when after the fight, the kid told them he was going to take a shower and would be back out in a couple minutes. But once in the locker room, the kid died as a result of the punches he had taken. That young man didn't have time to lead a full & meaningful life.

I find your idea regarding zombies interesting. It reminds me of many years ago, I think in the late 1970s, a Native American Clan Mother told us there were a growing number of individuals without any sense of goodness inhabiting the land. They would follow those with no soul. I find myself remembering this, as I watch the unfolding of the crumbling of the empire. Still, I remain fully confident that Good People will grow something new and better from the putrid compost of the Trump era.

Isolating Trump is the best alternative that I can see now. He's both the biggest and smallest bully of our times. Still, there are times when I think about when Trump attempted to buy Mike Tyson's contract from Don King. It was in Tyson's out-of-control cocaine phase, when Iron Mike was prone to assaulting those who annoyed him. It's fun to consider what might have been !

[kentuck]

7. Tyson-Trump... that would have been a ticket worth the money.

I am hoping we have more good people than bad.

[H2O Man]

8. Mike had slugged

Don King once in that phase of his out-of-control behaviors. As a rule, I am opposed to such things, but I wasn't upset by it .....nor when Trevor Berbick beat the shit out of King. Yet King was a big, strong man, whereas Trump is a large Pillsbury Dough boy. It would have had much more of an impact with that shit stain.

I do think that there are more good people than bad. If there were not, the social decay would have resulted in more rot than there is, and the US would be a near-total waste land.

[saidsimplesimon]

4. Thank you for the excellent music and essay.

[H2O Man]

6. Thanks!

[a la izquierda]

9. I've been estranged from my husband for years

But for various reasons we live together but separate. We agreed to be happy and go our separate ways in early March.

We’re still in the same house. Luckily it’s not an abusive relationship. But I’m tired and want to move on.

[lunatica]

10. We're getting a taste of the worst of times

but what we should remember is how it has brought out the best in most of us. Trying times test our humanity, and the veils are lifted so we can see ourselves as we truly are. And we are seeing our opposites as they truly are, without the obscuring veneer of pretending to be decent in an attempt to shade our eyes from the truth.

It’s a good thing to know the truth. I don’t mean that it’s good in the sense of comfort. I mean that if you want to live a life of sincerity it’s good to know the truth, no matter how ugly it may be.

Thanks. The times are full of truth right now.