GOP Urges End Of Quarantine For Lifeless Bipedal Automatons That Make Economy Go

[Newest Reality]

WASHINGTON—In an effort to contain the disastrous financial fallout resulting from the spread of Covid-19, economic advisor Larry Kudlow joined numerous GOP leaders Monday in urging an end of self-quarantine for the lifeless bipedal automatons that make the economy go.

“We can’t allow this virus to completely upend American life, so we are recommending that these soulless humanoid contraptions return to powering the country as soon as possible,” said Kudlow, noting that the upright, unthinking facsimiles needed to return to their primary function of lifting GDP and improving the stock market.

“We believe this group of insentient golems to be relatively low-risk due to their lack of a respiratory system, and right now, they’re just gathering dust being stuck in their storage containers. Of course, we continue to recommend extreme caution and social distancing for any actual humans who may come into contact with these unthinking, unfeeling entities.” Ludlow added that to be extra cautious, any automatons who felt unwell should power down for the next two to three weeks.

https://politics.theonion.com/gop-urges-end-of-quarantine-for-lifeless-bipedal-automa-1842461351

[lark]

1. The Onion is awesome, thanks for sharing.

We all could use more laughs these days.

[Newest Reality]

2. Agreed!

Keeping a sense of humor through this is therapeutic for the sake of one's sanity.

[FiveGoodMen]

3. They're not factoring in the wide-spread "equipment" damage and loss

[BComplex]

4. That was great!

I hope facebook lets that go viral.

[Leith]

5. Funny, but...

That seems to be exactly like what rethug uppy-ups really think of us.

It reminds me of a story I heard about a noblewoman who was travelling by carriage a couple centuries ago. She saw a farmer working in his field and she was confused. She called one of her servants over to send him over to the farmer to ask him what kind of animal he was.

I think that we should change the company department name "Human Resources" back to "Personnel." Maybe the PTB would stop thinking about human beings as something to dig up out of the ground, use up, and discard. We can go back to being persons again.

[Newest Reality]

6. True.

I agree. Good points.

Well, we all know that their is a very fine line these days between the Onion and "reality" these days. Sometimes, their parodies are just hyperbolic versions of what's going on.