Steal this Dossier
In 2016, Fusion GPS contracted for what has become known as the "Steele Dossier." It consisted of "raw intelligence," much of which was confirmed in the months after it became public. Unfortunately, it was not used to its full advantage, and Donald Trump "won" the election.
Now, as Election Day rapidly approaches, Confusion GPS has contracted with two Deep State senior agents of deceit to create the "Steal this Dossier." For the sake of this secret document, the two agents are going by the secret code names of "Peter Strzok" and "James Comey."
As we reclined in the comfort of Peter's living room,and before we began compiling this dossier, Big Jim pulled out a joint that would make Bob Marley proud. "What'd ya got?" Peter asked intently. " Big Jim's eyebrows raised suspiciously, and in a monotone he responded, "Ancient Ferriter Cove Leprechaun Bog Fever Weed, from County Clare."
"The last time Jimbo brought this stuff out," Peter said, with a devious laugh common among spies," was in early 2018. We got so high, we decided to create 'Q-Anon', to divide the republicans so the Democrats could take the House and impeach Trump. It was part of the Deep State blueprint. Then when we quit doing it, a month before the elections, Jimmy Kallstrom and Rudy Giuliani had some of their buds take it over."
As we sat back to complie the dossier after burning the number, Big Jim suggested that we request readers to add any lie that they can come up with that, in the year of 2020, either could or should be true. Please feel free to add your contributions.
Here it is, folks:
1- The SPCA of Wisconsin has filed charges against Senator Ron Johnson for cruelty to animals, for his unprovoked attack upon and killing of his neighbor's puppy. Johnson's attorney said that the senator plans to plead "no contest" to the charges, after the Trump re-election campaign withdrew its endorsement of Johnson.
2- On Saturday afternoon, Trump will sign an executive disorder, mandating that parents must be armed with guns at all high school sporting events, to increase public safety. Trump will state that, among other things, many of the high school sports referees belong to Antifa, and that parents have the right to protect their hometown team's lead.
3- Scientists and medical experts were confused by internet photographs of Mitch McConnell, that showed the Senator's face discolored with blotches of purple and brown. "It's very strange," Dr. Anthony Fauci told CNN. "We always assumed that Trump's scrotum was bright orange."
4- A spokesman for Rudy Giuliani told reporters that Rudy was prepared to tell the truth about the ingamous scene in the new Borat movie. "He thought he was about to get his stinger in some honey," the spokesman said, "and he was under the sicere impression that the gal was at least 17. He thought he recognized her from Jeffery Epstein's island. But after he saw Samantha Cohen interviewed on television last week, he determined that the president would prefer he denied the whole thing."
5- Lawyers for Stephen Miller's foreskin have filed papers in Family Court, seeking that the circumcised skin be fully emancipated immediately. According to many experts, Miller is attempting to wear the dead skin as a headband, since his previous attempt to hide his baldness failed
https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2018/12/17/18144716/stephen-miller-spray-hair-loss-toppik-glh
Now, Dear Reader, we have gotten the ball rolling. If you could add a wild rumor or two to this dossier, it would be appreciated. If ten or twenty million American patriots could add a lie about a repyblican, it would be a movement. And even if Arlo has indeed decided to enjoy a well-earned retirement, the final results of the dossier may prove of interest to Sarah Lee.
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