To my family who chose Trump over me: Was it worth it? (CNN article)

[mucifer]

(CNN)"Was it worth it?" That was the poignant and wise question a family member posed on Facebook after Joe Biden became President-elect. It's a question I've grappled with for four years now. More specifically: Was your blind loyalty to President Donald Trump, a person you've never met, worth burning our family to the ground?

Mirroring our real-life relationships, Facebook connections among our family members ended suddenly after Trump's inauguration. We disagreed sharply when it was reported that Melania Trump would remain with the couple's young son in New York City to finish out the school year instead of moving with him to Washington DC. The additional costs for Secret Service protection in New York were significant.

We argued about it on Facebook until I wrote these two sentences: "If Michelle Obama had announced she was going to remain in Chicago with Sasha and Malia while running up the tab on the taxpayer-paid Secret Service protection, all the while charging them rent, I would have heard you bellowing all the way down here in Atlanta. You're a hypocrite."

The last thing I remember was the top of your head figuratively coming off, IN ALL CAPS as you fired off an incendiary reply. As I hit reply on my response, I received a message from Facebook informing me my comment wouldn't load. That's when I realized you had "unfriended" me...

https://www.cnn.com/2020/11/10/opinions/trump-tore-my-family-apart-eldredge/index.html

It's really well written and the ending especially is very good. I wish I could post the whole article.

[leftyladyfrommo]

1. I read this yesterday. So many families have been affected

like this . So many long term friendships are gone.
.

[Cha]

2. Yeah, Richard L Eldridge seems like

a really nice intelligent person.

Imagine cutting him out of your life for the murdering fascist, serial LIAR trump.

[madaboutharry]

3. There are members here who have posted that they were thinking of cutting off family.

Over the past few years, there have been posts here where someone wrote that they were thinking of cutting off a family member, sometimes a sibling and sometimes even a parent because their support of Donald Trump was poisoning their relationship.

I would often post that they should try to overcome the differences. Family estrangement is a tragic and heavy burden.

Those posts always made me terribly sad. I have come to believe that everything is impermanent, but somehow I always wanted to believe that family bonds were not.

[LittleGirl]

15. I'm sure I posted my story here

so the political divide is real in families.

[Tommymac]

19. I've cut off my Trumpist Family members...Fuck them.

They treated me with disdain and nastiness for many years, even before the Killer Clown took office.

I can't choose family - but I sure as hell can tell them to go fuck themselves.

No regrets here - my life is much calmer. If they want back in my life they can damn well apologize and make amends.

It is not my responsibility to cater to those who support Mass Murder.



GOTV GA

[Demsrule86]

25. I do not discuss politics with my two brothers nor a very dear 80 + year old aunt.

One brother is an independent and the other a libertatian. My aunt is all in on abortion. I love them all.

[GusBob]

33. To answer the question in the OP, it was worth it

Cutting ties with Trumper kin was the wise thing to do

Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest also

[Fyrefox]

4. The dividing sword of Trumpism...

Consider them seduced by the dark side. The only way to handle family members and relatives who are Trumpers is to compartmentalize your relationships with them, agreeing jointly in advance that there are some things that will not be discussed or brought up in interactions with them. Our most divisive president, Trump will never be considered a uniter, reconciler, or healer. He divides the nation, igniting fires and then standing back to fan the flames and delight in the conflagration. Don't give his most ardent followers the civil war that they want...

[hlthe2b]

5. I read every heart-breaking word. Yes. Very poignant and captures the situation for so many

of us, whether close family or former friends. I'm glad CNN chose to publish it, as I don't, won't, and haven't touched facebook.

[moreland01]

6. This is me, sadly.

My siblings had never brought up politics between us. It was just a line we all dared never cross. Then one brother broke the ice by tweeting "Am I the only one in the family who supports Trump?". Well, that coaxed the outing of another brother. I lost my shit and said some choice words to them both (on text).

Inheritantly knowing they were righties was overlooked because of what I thought was an unspoken truce.

After I spilled my opinions on trump, the original texting brother then texted a photo of his house with a huge Trump banner on it, I realized he was now goading me . . on purpose! One of his sons flies a confederate flag from the back of his truck.

I moved away at 17 and never went back. Probably never will.

In the future, we've all requested to keep the texts about our mother (who is in an assisted living in lock down since March). Fine with me.

[LittleGirl]

16. Same in my family

It’s an awful time to mourn.

[jaxexpat]

7. Trumpism has taken families places they never dreamed they'd go.

[samnsara]

8. my family as well....

[lkinwi]

9. I'm hoping this isn't me.

Things have cooled with my cousins over the past year. We used to be able to leave politics out of our relationship, but this election has brought out the worst in all of us. I’m giving them some time to hopefully accept Biden’s win before reaching out.

[hkp11]

10. I read this yesterday

This part about his opinion really was emotional:

"We had allowed a complete stranger to vaporize our family. A bond that spans The Beatles and swing sets, Frisbee tournaments in the street, sitting front row together at "E.T.," late-night cruises in your car while blasting Bruce Springsteen's "Born to Run" album and me nervously pinning on your boutonniere on the day of your wedding.
So, here we are now, on the series finale of "The Apprentice: White House Edition," after millions of citizens in the single largest election in American history have united to say, "You're Fired." As he now shuffles his sad shell off the national stage, what happens to us and our family?
The question remains: "Was it worth it?"
I don't know. You're the only ones who can answer that. I also don't know what the future holds for us or even if we have one. You were the person who closed the door on our relationship -- and you hold the key to reopening it.
I just know this: A resolution and reconciliation can't begin until you can say the words, "I hear you and I'm sorry" and most importantly, "that's not who I am."
Then and only then, will we be able to begin to heal our relationship.
Whatever you ultimately decide, please know this -- I love you. After everything else he's taken from us, he doesn't get to claim my love for you. That's forever."


This will be the hard part - love - the former love from Drumpf supporters for their families/friends who they dropped for this narcistic non-human that they haven't even met. Throwing away their relationships for this monster. You have to wonder when they will see the light of the con.

[samplegirl]

11. Yep and to make matters worse

My brother and I didn’t speak for 4 years. He called and said he was voting for Biden and then couldn’t do it he told my sister!
And it was another bad bad ending.
Guess we won’t be talking another 4 years or maybe to our deaths!

[oldsoftie]

12. Never has ONE MAN divided so many people/partnerships/businesses etc.

I remember the world was going to end when Obama was first elected. But people still talked to each other. And again after '12. I never saw any people leaving life long friendships in the dust. Only TRUMP was able to make this happen.

[Locrian]

13. they are so invested I think there may be no hope...

One of my grade school friends (former, now a trump supporter) has been on a ventilator with CV for over a month.
His mom is even MORE of a rabid trump supporter and thinks he (trump) did no wrong with CV, and thinks masks are a joke.

At this point - I think trump is so much part of their identity that they will never wake up.

[pazzyanne]

14. The majority of my family has "dumped" me as well.

My baby sister, 14 years younger than me was the most vocal. My brothers two oldest brothers followed her. My Mom, my youngest brother, and I were left on "the other side". My sister is and was the most radical. She has unblocked me on facebook and I am now getting her extreme right posts from sites like OAAN on a daily basis. Most common posts from her address "how Biden stole the election". I have, sadly, moved on. I still love my siblings, but I am torn. You can only grieve for just so long. I am not the one who cut the ties. I remain open to binding the wounds, but I also learned a hard lesson. It takes two parties in each wounded relationship to facilitate healing. I could not do it by myself. I maintain relationships with all my nieces and nephews, some who are also "silent liberals". Life goes on.

[Lars39]

17. "That's not who you are." Yes, it is.

They just didn't act that way towards you. There were probably clues, but hard to see if you think they are a 'god' or 'goddess' and you are in their golden circle.

[mtngirl47]

18. It's heartbreaking what this has done to families and friends.

I stopped going on facebook and have spent the last 5 years tiptoeing around the subject of Trump with my family. I thought that I could just talk about kids and weather and business and not bring up all the horrible things that I saw every day in the Trump administration.

But now that Biden/Harris have prevailed I find myself wanting them disavow their support for Trump/Trumpism. It's never going to happen.

After the joyful day on Saturday--my mother called on Sunday evening (a weird time for her) and she blathered on for a full hour about inane subjects---never once saying a word about the election. She knows that I worked through the early voting and up until the last voter at our precinct, but never once did she congratulate me or acknowledge my hard work. This is stark because some long-time customers of mine made a point of driving to my business to have a small celebration on Saturday. Customers, acquaintances, even a neighbor who had Trump signs in their yard contacted me, but my own mother (a woman who is at church every time the doors are open) would not, could not say a word.

It's in my mind all the time--how can my parents, my brothers and sister, cousins and aunts & uncles all believe and support this horrible man? Why do they believe the lies? Why won't they believe the truth about him? Why do they think that they are the patriots and I am a socialist?

My adult children want me to break off the relationships. Just writing that brings tears to my eyes.

At least there is lots of weather to talk about.

[llmart]

23. "Why do they believe the lies? Why won't they believe the truth about him?"

This statement jumped out at me. They could just as easily choose to believe the truth, but instead choose to believe the lies, even after the lies have been debunked over and over again by reputable people.

[Bengus81]

20. Hell...think how CRAZY that persons family is now with this "rigged" election

Horrible you have to write off a family over a POS like Trump.

[Jarqui]

21. Another testimonial on how much damage Trump has done to the country

As terrible that story is, it barely scratches the surface.

A big part of the problem is Facebook, Rush Limbaugh, FOX News, etc poisoning our discourse with BS

As long as that persists, we're going to have more Trumps in our future.

[vlyons]

22. The Dalai Lama's advice

The Dalai Lama's advice, when you discover that your guru has serious and unacceptable moral failings is to simply walk away and keep a respectful distance. Some people have very intense love and relationships with a spiritual teacher. Think of him/her as a beloved parent. So I think his advice might similarly be applied, when a family member has the moral failing of being a rabid Trump lover.

His Holiness did NOT say it would be easy or painless. But keeping a respectful distance is a lot less painful that engaging in angry protracted quarrels.

[llmart]

24. Re: keeping respectful distance from people with unacceptable moral failings

It's also better for your emotional and physical health.

[hfojvt]

26. seems like an odd complaint to me

and a good example of PDS.

To me, there were lots of good reasons to be against Trump, maybe even to hate Trump, but I always started with the reasons. I did not go looking for a manufactured reason to hate him. This seems to start with the hate and make everything bigger than it needs to be.

I mean, seriously, if the WORST thing Trump did as President was create some extra secret service expenses would that REALLY be an issue to get very upset about? To "disagree sharply" about?

It seems to me that there is a Media Hate Machine that tries to gin up outrage every day about something or other that a President does - because creating hate gets them clicks and viewers. Too many people seem to get sucked into it.

This person seems to complain about a fight that he/she started. So determined to attack Trump, that they also had to attack anybody who would defend Trump. "You're a hypocrite" was the first "incendiary" response.

Then the article concludes by claiming to love this other person, but also that the relationship can only get back together if the other person apologizes.

[moreland01]

29. Black Lives Matter

When the trumpers turn BLM in to Blue Lives Matter and refuse to admit that cops are killing black people for no reason, it's a line I just can't cross. Was George Floyd just a media-hyped event?

When the cameras went in to the detention centers at the border and we saw cages with a dozen kids in them with no parents in sight, was that just a media-hyped event? Should I be ok that their perspective is that we SHOULD separate kids from their parents?

Trumps thousands of lies. Is it all just a media-hyped event that I should get past?

When trump got us out of the Paris Climate Accord and rolled back regulations that protected our land, water and air, was that all just media-hyped and I should just go back to sleep?

When he did ZERO to lead the nation out of our Covid pandemic and 240K+ have died, is it really all just the media?

When my family and former friends support this stuff, how can I look the other way and NOT think less of them?

[hfojvt]

37. seems like you made my point

but also seems that nothing will convince you to let go of your hate.

The article in the OP claimed that his Trump supporting relative chose Trump over his family. Yet you ended your post by choosing "hatred of Trump" over your family.

[ooky]

27. Fortunately most of my family was apolitical by their natures before all the Trump

shit started so I was able to get to them before they could be propagandized. I have had some of their friends and in-laws accuse them of listening to me, which I am, frankly, proud of. I converted all these apolitical people into votes for Democrats.

[Blue Owl]

28. K&R

[smirkymonkey]

30. I hope so. It's very hard in my family, even though we all try to refrain from politics when we are

togteher. I hope I am not going to have to write a letter like this soon. I have been gracious and have kept my mouth shut during the Trump years around my family to keep the peace (well, for the most part, however they were the antagonists). We have had a few minor spats, but mostly my MD brother and I were on one side and the rest of them on the other.

I would just leave the room and go to my own room where I was staying when things heated up. I don't know if they are going to be able to do the same for me. They seem to enjoy inflicting cruelty.

It's really sad, but I don't think they will. My republican brother and sister have not returned my friendly calls about the holidays (no mention of the election was ever made or implied - I would never rub it in their faces). It makes me so upset that they would choose this horrible, evil person over a member of their own family. In fact, it makes me sick. But if that is what this is, then there is nothing I can do.

I will just have to accept what is right now. I'm ok with it. But very sad.

[DFW]

39. "They seem to enjoy inflicting cruelty"

This seems to be a more common denominator than is commonly pointed out. From justifying children in cages to a cop emptying his gun into the back of a man seated in a car, some people seem to get satisfaction out of cruelty (physical and mental) being inflicted, whether by strangers they will never meet on other strangers, or by themselves on family members. It's disturbing to imagine that so many of us harbor an innate sadism that makes us glow with contentment when others that have done us no wrong are humiliated or abused. And yet, that is the impression I get. I agree that the media play a huge role in this. In the South, where I'm from, some churches fill the same function.

Here in Germany, in 1945, there were few groups of people more quickly cured of worshiping Hitler than those who were forced to tour the concentration camps immediately after liberation, when the barely living and the stacked piles of corpses were there for them to see and smell, and no longer possible to deny. Cruelty is easy to inflict from a distance or over a computer screen. If you have never shot an unarmed black person in the back, it's easy to fly a Confederate battle flag. If you have have never seen up close, and heard a confused child in a cage cry, it's easy to fly a Trump banner from your porch. If you've never watched a family member slowly choke to death on lung fluid through a glass window, it's easy to turn on Fox and proclaim that the statistics and the danger from the Covid-19 virus are wildly exaggerated.

I pity those--apparently not few--that have to deal with family members with this mentality. I know these people are out there. Seventy million people voting for Trump weren't conjured out of thin air. I just can't get inside their heads, and am one of the fortunate who have no family members who are of this persuasion, so I have never been forced to make an "either or" choice. It must be gut-wrenching.

[KentuckyWoman]

31. I refuse to engage.

I love my brother. We aren't young. Neither of us had kids. We are a source of sanity for each other that is more important than current events.

We made a rule 50 years ago. No religion. No politics. This has been a little bumpy but it still works.

[Roisin Ni Fiachra]

32. Once they go over to the dark side, there's little hope.

They have voluntarily accepted the great delusion, and the delusion only grows more powerful as time passes.

All we can do is shake our heads sadly, walk away, and love them from a distance.

[redwitch]

34. Heartbreaking. nt

[BusyBeingBest]

35. Many trump-humpers are simply too invested in him now--they're warped,

maybe for a long time. The more we sane folks all collectively agreed that he was the worst of all Presidents, the nastiest son of a bitch, the most incompetent and stupid motherfucker--the harder they clung to him. They cannot admit they are wrong because it hurts something in their psyche too much--it's actually LESS PAINFUL to them to cut family members and friends loose than say to themselves, and then to everyone else, "Maybe I was wrong about this guy." This is the best case scenario, by the way--the worst is that they genuinely still love the guy, or at least loved what he did. Those people are irredeemable. I have at least one family member like that.

[ismnotwasm]

36. Well.

I never thought my dysfunctional family and it’s already existing distances would be a benefit. I had no surprises and no grief.

[UTUSN]

38. K&R for, they never should have had them to start with!