Trump's concession speech, as if he'd actually give one

[Nevilledog]

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Benjamin Wittes
@benjaminwittes
This is good, from ⁦@WindsorMann⁩

Trump's concession speech, as if he'd actually give one
Here is a parody of Trump's concession speech if he decides he's had enough presidenting.
usatoday.com

https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2020/11/25/trumps-speech-if-he-decides-concede-biden-column/3777116001/

Sexual objects and gentlemen, Diamond, Silk, and distinguished guesses:

I want to thank myself for being here. It takes a lot of courage to appear on national television, which I have done many, many times very strongly. I am here today because I have an announcement I want to announce.

It is my honor to congratulate me on graduating first in my class in the Electoral College. Not the first time. I’ve always been a terrific student. I was the valedictorian in 2016, when I beat Crooked Hillary very strongly. This time I beat Sleepy Joe, who slept through all his classes.

Now I’m conceiting to him.

I got 72 million votes. Biden only got 306!

I WON and I won

I won 100% of legally cast votes — and probably some other ones, too. So many that I gave them away to charity, because I love our vets, our brave suckers and losers. And the veterinarians love me. Because they love a winner.

Many people are saying I’m a winner. I’m one of those people. As you may have seen on my Twitter feed, I said “I WON THE ELECTION!” and “I won the Election!” Let me rephrase that: I both WON and won the election. That means I won twice. Two times! No one’s ever won one thing so many times, believe me.

And I scored big in this election. Did I mention I got 720 million votes and Biden got 36?

I never thought I’d say this, but I’m getting tired of winning.

I’m tired of executive time. I need some me time. I need to focus on TRUMP. I’m tired of making America focus on me. It’s time for me to focus on me. After all, there’d be no America without me. There’d just be Arica.

Everything I'm going to do post-presidenting

I’m going to be doing a lot of things, beautiful things. I’m going to build my presidential library at Trump TV. You’ve heard of audiobooks? They’re like books you listen to. I’m going to do videobooks. They’re books you watch. Terrific videobooks, the best you’ve ever seen. I’ve already started one. I’m on chapter 11. Stay tuned!

*The end*

[Rorey]

1. I recall how he *ahem* admitted that President Obama was born in the U.S.

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Of course this was fun.
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