I could use a little commiseration.

[LSFL]

The last words I will likely ever say to my mom were. "Mom. Biden clearly won." She has blocked me on everything, including my work number. She would not even talk to me through my children on Thanksgiving, (well she did tell my daughter to tell me to shit and fall back in it)

I have worked hard far the past decade trying to forgive her and move forward, past all the neglect, hunger, abuse, poverty and danger that she exposed me and my sister to as children. I have tried to love her despite her embarrassingly vocal racism and other cringeworthy behavior. All gone because of one statement of fact. I know it is her loss, but finding a path to forgiveness and healing was very important to me for my own wellbeing.

The jokes on her. I still love her. And forgiving her for this is small potatoes compared to many other things. Ha. Did you ever think passive aggressive forgiveness was a thing? I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I am going to take a walk. Allergies are making my eyes water. Or something.

[BainsBane]

1. That's got to be so painful

I'm so sorry. It looks like she's extending her abuse of you into adulthood. Just remember that it's not your fault. You deserve better.

[intheozone]

2. Good for you for trying, proves you have a big heart. nt

[634-5789]

3. Family can be toxic.

[cate94]

4. I'm sorry for your pain.

It is probably the healthiest thing she could do for you, given her abusive nature.

[True Blue American]

5. I feel for you..

Really sad but you are not to blame. Love your family and never let anything come between you.

[niyad]

21. Welcome to our DU family.

[cyclonefence]

7. A tough situation

and I feel for you. I had a tough time with my mother as a child, though not as tough as you did, and forgiving her has not been easy. I hope you will be able to let go of your (justified) wrath and hurt; those feelings don't touch her, but they hurt you, and they will continue to burden you until you are able to let go of them.

There's no quick or easy way that I know of to reach this state of grace--at least, it's a state of grace in my opinion--where you can really and truly forgive her. Forgiving her doesn't mean forgetting what she did. It might help to think about what made her the way she was--not to excuse her treatment of you, but to understand, and maybe forgive, some of it. If you are able to live your life without allowing her miserable behavior to affect your own behavior, at least as far as you can, it might help you to stop being angry.

If you're waiting for her to apologize, or even to acknowledge, her wrongs, that's a futile desire. She is holding power over you by refusing you what you need, and you are allowing her to continue to hold that power by your inability to let go. If you can acknowledge that she is *never* going to apologize to you, you will be freeing yourself from part of her hold on you--maybe the most powerful part. And that might be the beginning of letting it all go.

Hugs to you.

[alwaysinasnit]

8. ...

[sheshe2]

9. For you...

[jmbar2]

10. Sounds like she might possible have borderline personality disorder (BPD)

If so, there's not much you can do. Any normal human effort to try to establish a relationship is like a card table beckoning to be upended.

Protect and nourish yourself and your kids from it. Some things you really cannot change.

peace...

[procon]

11. We can't change our families.

On his deathbed, hours from dying of cancer, my dad spent his last words to say he hated me. It was over a similar remark as yours that I made when Obama as elected.

He blew up, quite melodramatically, and I thought he was joking around and laughed at his antics. Well, that was the end. He was beyond outraged. I thought the whole incident was a nothingburger, but still made the dutiful apologies to no avail. He never uttered a civil word to me after that day.

It's still painful to know that my dad, whom I always admired and respected even in spite of his ideological stance, hated me so much over something so trivial. Was it the difference in our perceptions, priorities, insecurities? I'll never know, but he sure got his revenge.

Commiserating with you.

[Sherman A1]

12. Feel for you

hope that you find some peace in this apparently lousy situation.

[KentuckyWoman]

13. Been through similar.

I am in my late 70s and the scars of that upbringing still get in the way now and again.

The forgiveness is for you, not for her.... but you aren't there yet. It's a process and it sounds like you are on a good road.

Also, way outside anything I have a right to say, but ... be sure your kids aren't in the middle. That isn't good.

Hugs from Ohio.

[soldierant]

33. It may be outside, but

I had a similar thought - is OP sure his kids are safe in her company?

[MoonRiver]

14. Some things just can't be forgiven, but they can be let go.

I wish you peace in this traumatic journey. I went through it with my sister. We haven't spoken for 10 years, and I rarely think about her anymore.

[CatMor]

15. Having loving and caring parents growing up it's hard for me to relate to your situation ..

what I admire is you became a better person in spite of it all. I don't think that is an easy thing to do. Maybe for your well being it would be better to let go. Plus that was a terrible thing she told your daughter to tell you.

[Ilsa]

24. "Forgiveness is for when she stops hurting U"

A-effing-men.

I have a MIL who won't apologize in any form or fashion, but she wonders why I'm still giving her the cold shoulder. I actually hung out a dishcloth with the phrase, "Stop interrupting me while I'm ignoring you" printed on it. My lucky my husband has defended me, but I'm getting tired of how she treats me.

[Ilsa]

27. I may paint it on the other dish towel. (They are decorative-only.) nt

[TNNurse]

17. I am so very sorry.

Please accept us on here as family.

[Ilsa]

18. Just because you love someone and share their genes

doesn't mean you have to put up with them. Sometimes your life and the lives of your children are much healthier without the hateful people working their last nerve.

That being said, I understand if you cannot provide an impermeable boundary for yourself and your kids. You've got a generous heart, and you're a better person than I am. (My MIL set me off Thanksgiving morning. Just ruined it.)

[kimbutgar]

19. You can't chose your family but you can chose friends who will support you emotionally

And sounds like your children are there for you also.

Someday your Mother will regret she threw you away for the stupid politics of a grifter who will be exposed for what he is. In the meantime forgive and move on and feel sorrow your Mother is so confused.

[DFW]

20. I applaud your strength

I don't know how I would deal with an immediate family member like that, much less a parent.

[PatrickforO]

22. Your mom blocked your telephone number because you don't support Trump?

Lord.

I'm sorry for your loss, and for your trauma.

My you, your family, and your future be blessed.

[niyad]

23. Hugs for you in this very painful situation. All I can offer is a bit of comfort, as I have no words

of wisdom (my family are all dead). Be kind and gentle with yourself. And remember, this is her loss, her choice, not yours.

[RainCaster]

28. Patience, my friend

My mother was like that her whole life, almost to the end. But in her last year, alzheimer's made her pliable enough that her caregivers were able to give her antidepressants. Effectively, she forgot how to be a b***h.
I never thought I would see this side of her on earth, but I did. It helped my memories of her. I had learned how to live my life without her decades ago, but it was a nice and unexpected gift.

[JGug1]

29. Forgiving Your Mother

I think that your mother is a toxic person to put your children in contact with. Perhaps your own kindness will be plenty to overcome her odious influence but why risk it?

[EndlessWire]

30. Hugs from California

You are going to need your Mother all your life. That's just the way it is, even if she sucks. So, find one moment you remember when something good passed between you, and dwell on that. Trust me, there will be something.

Meanwhile, remember that stress will kill you and make you vulnerable to illness. So, do something about that. Keep your kids out of it. Let time take care of it.

You don't have to engineer a fix for the problem. Stay calm. You are her kid. That is enough. Go your own way.

[Vinca]

31. I guess I share a contrary view. IMO, just because you share DNA doesn't make being a "family"

a necessary thing if half of the equation (your mother) is as you describe. If I were you, I'd consider my friends my family and let it go. Otherwise, you'll spend your entire life consumed by a person's character flaws that are totally out of your control.

[LuckyCharms]

40. +1

[LuvNewcastle]

32. Some mothers eat their babies.

Looks like she's been gnawing on you for a long time. I don't want to tell you how to live your life, but she's doing you a favor by shutting you out. She will give you nothing but grief if you stay in touch with her.

[Vinnie From Indy]

37. LOL!

Did not see that coming!

I wish happiness upon both you and your mother!

[Riverman100]

34. I'm so sorry

just wow

[sandensea]

35. First, it'll recede into the background (give it time) - and then, little miracles happen

My mom went through something similar with her right-wing mother (God rest her) - albeit not over politics (my parents moved us far away for better job prospects, and she couldn't handle it).

For over 20 years, we didn't speak (we called her on her 75th birthday - and it was a disaster). Then, when she was 83, she had a stroke.

It was mild; she lost no mobility and remained lucid - but she completely forgot all about her longstanding rancor.

We got along great for the remaining years of her life, and she passed on in her sleep at 91 - peacefully, and at peace.

I'm not saying that's what it would take for your mom to come around (God grant her good health always). But small miracles do happen in life.

They just take unexpected forms, that's all.

Happy Holidays and All the Best to you and yours.

[marble falls]

36. Stay true to yourself. It's poor consolation, but there are a lot of us in your shoes to some ...

... degree these days. Thank-you, Orange Blunder. I feel badly for you, but like you said, you forgive her and walk on.

[Maraya1969]

38. I feel for you. My mom passed in Feb and my brother just ignores me.

He is the one, with his wife who refused to visit me several months ago when they came to my state because I told them they would have to wears masks. - that was just too much for them.

At least God gave us friends - to make up for our families.

[lunatica]

39. You can only control yourself.

If you take this to heart you will be better off. Right now she is still controlling how you feel. You can stop that by taking back your control of yourself. Just work on what you CAN do and let the rest go (as far as trying to control it).

She had her inner problem long before you and your siblings came along and chose to do nothing to change. You can change if you choose to.

[Hekate]

41. LSFL....

[TigressDem]

42. Becoming a Genuine, caring person who can see facts and deal with them is great revenge.

However you managed to grow up and become the kind of person who forgives from that kind of environment, you are already stronger than she is.

Re-parenting is becoming your own loving parent. Turn some of that forgiveness inward and give yourself kudos for surviving as you did and for taking the higher road.

My parents weren't awful, but we lived in a poor neighborhood with a lot of predators who were after young girls. Around 6-7years old they got to me and though my parents intervened and put a stop to it, I still had to go back as an adult and mentally take that little girl's hand and tell her the things my parents were too overwhelmed to say.

What also helped me was realizing that no one just becomes an uncaring jerk parent. It is a difficult job with no real instruction manual for the important stuff. My Mom grew up in a chaotic environment. My Dad was taken away from his family then adopted to basically be a farm hand. Because back then, that's what they did. They did not get stellar parenting either.

The one thing that gives me pause on both Hitler and Trump is that their fathers really screwed them up from a young age. I still hold them accountable, but I can see why they became so twisted.

Whoever your chosen friends and family are - those people who are actually there for you - they are the ones who deserve you. Not someone who will disconnect over this kind of disagreement.

I think, hope, that when the truth comes out and eventually it will; those people who are basically good, but were sincerely duped into thinking tRump was good and find out all the ways he lied to them, they will wake up and feel ashamed of the way they have treated people.

Truth is like water, the more you try to hold it back the more it builds up and breaks through.

Those who are just looking for reasons to be cruel, won't believe even the starkest reality. I think it is truly a sickness that hasn't been adequately identified. It is very like brainwashing by a cult, but what made someone susceptible to it in the first place is hard to understand.

[JudyM]

43. You are strong and true, a great role model for your kids.

I know how painful this situation must be, but your ability to maintain your equanimity while you hurt is masterful.

Hang in there, she’s reflecting her own shallowness and limits, no reflection on you.