The New Pardoner's Tale

[Wicked Blue]

(with a request for pardon from Geoffrey Chaucer)

One day there golfed a greedy Pardoner
and Rudy G, his lawyer and co-conspirator
that straight had come from courts of recount states
And loudly called, “Ya gotta pardon me
Or I will sing full loud to the next AG”
And Trump turned green, and made a squeaky sound

This Pardoner Trump had hair as yellow as wax
but weirdly hung, as does a long-dead skunk
Well-sprayed with sticky stuff, we ken not what
and there over his bald spot overspread
Very thin it lay, by strands one and one
but a hat, for vanity, he did not wear
Unless it was a bright red baseball cap
He thought he looked cool with his combover
Disheveled by the wind, he looked ridiculous
Such glaring tackiness to match his phony tan
A MAGA logo sewed upon his cap 
His money bag wide open on his lap
Ready to pardon anyone with loot
Before the voters give to him the boot
All crafty and prepared to grab his share

Never was there such a Pardoner
Since Ford had pardoned Nixon long ago
for hiring plumbers for a campaign trick
but he got caught. That seems such small stuff now
compared to Flynn, and Manafort, and more.
If they have money, pardons will he give
knowing full well he needed major bucks
To flee to some safe place where he could live
After pardoning himself, of course
Or maybe having Pence take up the task
if his self-pardon scheme fell through

And thus with fake flattery and praise
His minions beg for pardons for themselves
But true to tell, he loves to see them squirm
And those who come to him with bribes
would need to grovel and to plead
to win his favor with their offerings

Yet well he knew that if they were to sing
he might be wearing orange, serving time.

To get the bribes, as he could very well
Therefore he ranted publicly and loud.

Wicked Blue, Dec. 1, 2020

[RockRaven]

1. Well done!

[Wicked Blue]

3. Thank you!

It's fascinating that in describing the Pardoner, Chaucer wrote that he had hair as yellow as wax, hanging in thin strands, and for vanity, would not wear a hood, but had an insignia on his cap (MAGA?) Prophecy?

[erronis]

2. Makes me want to go back and reread The Canterbury Tales.... sorta

But what a nice job you've done with the cadence.

For my own reference:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pardoner%27s_Tale#Synopsis

The prologue takes the form of a literary confession in the same manner as The Wife of Bath's Prologue.[4] However, rather than an apology for his vices, the Pardoner boasts of his duping of his victims, for whom he has nothing but contempt.[4] He says that his "theme"—biblical text for a sermon—is Radix malorum est cupiditas ("Greed is the root of [all] evils" 1 Timothy 6.10).[1] He explains that his false credentials consist of official letters from high-ranking church officials and a superficial use of a few Latin words;[5] then he will produce some "relics", and claim that among them is a bone which has miraculous powers when dipped into a well and a mitten for which:

He that his hand wol putte in this mitayn,
He shal have multipliyng of his greyn, (lines 373–374)

But he will warn that any person that "hath doon synne horrible" will not be able to benefit from these relics.[6] The Pardoner says to the pilgrims that by these tricks he has acquired a considerable sum of money of £100 a year. He goes on to relate how he stands like a clergy at the pulpit, and preaches against avarice but to gain the congregation's money; he doesn't care for the correction of sin or for their souls.[7] Against anyone that offends either him or other pardoners, he will "stynge hym with my tonge smerte". Although he is guilty of avarice himself, he reiterates that his theme is always Radix malorum ... and that he can nonetheless preach so that others turn away from the vice and repent—though his "principal entente" is for personal gain. The Pardoner explains that he then offers many anecdotes to the "lewed [ignorant, unlearned] people".[8] He scorns the thought of living in poverty while he preaches; he desires "moneie, wolle [wool], chese, and whete"[9] and doesn't care whether it were from the poorest widow in the village, even should her children starve for famine. Yet, he concludes to the pilgrims, though he may be a "ful vicious man", he can tell a moral tale and proceeds.

[Wicked Blue]

4. Hypocrisy exists in every century, doesn't it?

There are so many parallels between Trump and the Pardoner.

Thank you!