In 2002, my boss screamed at me and then hit my arm in fury.

[no_hypocrisy]

Last edited Wed Mar 3, 2021, 10:52 AM - Edit history (1)

He'd never done that before. He never hit the other legal assistant before.

It's irrelevant what precipitated that attack; we'll just say I didn't follow his directions to a Tee.

I immediately told his law partner, who barged into my boss's office and screamed at him. I'm pretty sure the topic was workplace litigation.

The next day, my boss came to me at my desk and tried to obfuscate, telling me that I misinterpreted what happened. That was the moment I knew that I couldn't continue working at my job.

I wanted to, but couldn't, press charges for assault, etc., because my boss (unfortunately) was the former municipal prosecutor where the incident happened. My claim would be dead in the water. I just chose to move on.

My point: Having my boss hit me was bad enough. Having my boss do gaslighting made it much worse.

I've never forgotten what happened and never minimalized my memories. I'm just as outraged today as I was 19 years ago.

[hlthe2b]

1. I think you were wise to go to his law partner, even if it didn't resolve things. It undoubtedly

kept your boss from trying to blackball you with future jobs and put him on some "notice."

So, do consider that bit of empowerment a modicum of success. Beyond that, with my own litany of stories from a long career, it boils down to slow societal change that we are seeing now and KARMA to those who "got by with it initially."

[Omnipresent]

2. It's only a matter of time before some woman's husband..

Kicks the living shit out of him.

I’ll bet his law partner yelling at him like that, kept him up that night.

[OldBaldy1701E]

3. And

if that husband were me, I would sit in that jail cell with a HUGE smile on my face the entire time. I would go through the entire situation doing that. Forgive my language, but fuck that guy and the gold Lexus he rode in on. You should have picked up the nearest blunt object and laid that slime ball out. (I know why you did not, but he so deserved it.)

[jaxexpat]

4. I know we have all agreed to interact like we're a "civilized" society.....

but sometimes it seems like the millions of years devoted to evolution just hangs it's head when a bad actor walks away unscathed. Do you suppose that's why we invented evil for good to wrestle with?

[OldBaldy1701E]

8. Well

That is one idea. Unfortunately, my cynical self feels we invented good to combat all the evil we humans foster. I know that the only real reason for laws is to create a framework for human interaction. If I lived on a planet with no one else on it, why would I need laws?

[no_hypocrisy]

11. Well, as he was a partner, he had a mercenary interest.

I'd be suing both of them, as a partnership, and the partner would be making a contribution towards my inevitable judgment.

I believe my boss hitting me kept them both up at night -- until the end of the statute of limitations.

[Pongo]

29. There are plenty of women who would take care of that themselves, though probably not with violence.

The women I know do not expect, nor need, their husbands to do battle for them.

[Baitball Blogger]

5. I experienced something that was inappropriate when I was a young and working in a lofty

office building in downtown Orlando. We had a visit from a top boss from the Home Office, and the local boss called me over to meet him. There was, maybe two other men in the group. And my local boss said, "This is Baitball. She isn't a virgin. I know, because I was in on the interview."

I was totally thrown off my game and it was obvious. I think I was going into shock when the Home Office guy said, "Don't worry. I know Jack."

We put up with a lot of shit from the old guys in the eighties.

[onlyadream]

6. This is what happened to me

A 20 year old girl, working in an engineering department (drafter/designer). When I walked into the lunch room an intern I worked with said, “I wouldn’t fuck her with a ten foot pole.” I ignored him. Later I was called in to the Vice President’s office (a woman) and she asked me what I did to bring on that attack. Note that someone else reported it, I just wanted to forget it.

If it matters, I never spoke to the intern.

[OldBaldy1701E]

9. You should have re-enforced his opinion with a three foot chair.

As in smashed him with it.

[Silver1]

16. Ugh ...

I know that atmosphere. Engineering companies are populated by men and are a very male culture! It's hard to be a girl in that environment on many levels and in many ways.

What an ass that guy was. I'd like to sock him for you.

Edited to say ... I'm a girl.

[onlyadream]

26. This was decades ago, I hope things have changed since then.

And this was mild. It was just shocking how the female VP put the blame on me, when it was just this guy being a jerk at my expense. As for being in engineering, I later went to university and got my engineering degree, and there was so much more unwanted back massages and tons of sexual innuendos along the way. It was tough for a woman.

[Skittles]

27. when I was 20 I walked into a packed room for a meeting

looking for a chair, one of the guys pointed to his face and said SIT HERE, BEST SEAT IN THE HOUSE.....I said WHY, IS YOUR NOSE LONGER THAN YOUR DICK? Much laughter and the guy turned red as a beet. Problem solved.

[onlyadream]

28. I wish I could have though quicker on my feet

There was so much I could have said, lol.

[Skittles]

30. if a guy tries to humiliate me, I return the favor

it shuts them up REALLY fast

my retort to that guy? A TEN FOOT POLE WOULD BE ABOUT 9 FEET 10 INCHES LONGER THAN YOU.

[onlyadream]

31. Thirty years too late *sigh*

Story of my life.

[Paladin]

7. I would have found it impossible not to exact some form of revenge.

Sure, a guy like that probably couldn't avoid ultimately torching his career with actions like that. But I would want to even the score, nonetheless. You showed admirable restraint.

[AKwannabe]

10. Had to move on from my dream job

The boss was a married couple. All was great for 6 months. Then the wife started getting jealous of me.
I told the husband twice because SHE was the HR person...but it didn’t get better so I gave my 30 day notice FINALLY after a year. The next morning when I came in they were both waiting for me and wanted me to have a conversation with the wife only so she could apologize and see if we can work it out.

Damned if she didn’t start blaming me! I yelled at her that I HAD A FUCKING BOYFRIEND AND I DIDNT WANT HER HUSBAND (they were at least 13 years older than me) and I was no longer working for them! And I left.

People have to blame others. I own my shit and don’t tolerate blamers!

I am sorry you went through that. And I hate that I could not stay in my dream job.

[Escurumbele]

12. And you did what any other person who values themselves would do, you did the right thing

No job is more important than you.

And that is why I am so apprehensive about these accusations against Cuomo. Why now? Who is pushing the buttons, and why are they going along with it? People just don't suddenly come out.

[flying_wahini]

13. I had a similar experience with a surgeon, but he did it in front of the office staff.

I stayed for a while but moved on. I was glad he did it in front of others because I looked like a saint compared to him. I was 7-8 months pregnant at the time so that made it easier to move on.

[padah513]

14. My God. I am so sorry.

There's no excuse for that kind of behavior from anyone; especially a boss.

[macwriter]

15. More than 40 years later and it still bothers me...

I was in my late twenties, a new mom and fledgling writer, and got an appointment with a major network to pitch a TV pilot to an on air personality slated to host the show. I was so excited. The TV personality was a favorite in the NY market -- very funny, personable. I prepped for weeks to get the pitch just right. I was asked to wait in his office while he was finishing up a segment on his morning show. I remember being so nervous that my foot kept tapping, rapid fire. Finally, the door opened and in walked this TV personality. He closed the door behind him and we exchanged pleasantries.

Then, while we were casually talking, he stood in front of me and unzipped his pants and slipped them off, draping them over a chair in the room. He kept talking as if this was all normal behavior -- him standing there in his tightie whities less than a foot in front of me seated in a chair. I was shocked. I told him to put on his pants and he looked at me as if I was crazy. He said he took them off because he didn't want to ruin the crease in his trousers. I said the meeting was over and as I walked out, he sneered, "oh, grow up." I cried in the elevator and all the way home. He made me feel as if I overreacted and I felt foolish. Eventually, I realized I didn't overreact.

Post script: Mr. TV personality was a flash in the pan and never went anywhere. On the other hand, I went on to have a lovely and substantial career as a newspaper columnist, novelist, non fiction book author and magazine editor. This year, at age 72, marks my 50th anniversary in the biz and I'm still at it.

[Fla Dem]

17. Quite an experience. What a douchebag. Congratulations on a successful life and career.

[Silver1]

18. That's quite a story.

Good for you for speaking your mind and leaving!

What a terrible disappointment it was but look how strong you were! That went with you for life.

[Mary in S. Carolina]

19. Zero Tolerance Starts with Us

When someone in a position of power "especially an attorney or a judge" assaults you, they have just handed you their power - that is huge.

Please use this power so future women and men do not experience these life changing situations. This is a "Main Street" issue and affects millions of men and women everyday; it hampers your ability to make money for your family, it robs your trust, your mental health amongst a litany of other problems.

The only way to fight is through lawsuits - I know I am sounding like a broken record, but it works! Can you imagine the look on your abusers face when he/she gets served or when the police show up to investigate. How about the look on your face when you see a $200,000+/- check in the mail from your predatory - that is power! When you get a new job and you are harassed again......do it again, there is no limit on how many times you can sue predators.

How To:

Please video or audio tape the sexual harassment or discrimination using a "nanny cam" in your office or a device on your persons; it sounds extreme, but this will give you power. Don't let these predators win.

We need to continue to hold CEO, partners, politicians, supervisors, clergy, co-workers, etc. accountable.

Give your tapes to an attorney, it will cost you nothing for a consultation; these cases are usually not a he says/ she says situation, their are emails, texts, photos, tapes, admissions, etc and are cut and dry. The vast majority of attorneys get paid only if you win the lawsuit and the vast majority will settle out of court with a very sizable settlement.

[BobTheSubgenius]

20. The bulk of my career (all 12 years of it) was spent in a totally male-dominated endeavour.

Mainly, I inspected electronic building systems for adherence to code and suitability for warranty. Not a lot of women in heavy construction, which is probably why I never witnessed a single incident like those describe up-thread, or even heard of one.

My wife, on the other hand, says the proportion of women that do go through unwanted sexual advances is at least 30%. While I believe her, it's mind-boggling to me.

What do you think would happen if 30% of men were being harassed by gay bosses? There would be HELL to pay!

If 30% of men were getting unsought sexual advances from women, at least 50% of those men would be bragging about it, and the divorce rate would even higher than it is.

I say this with a fair degree of confidence. Although I've never been on either end of that equation, I am a man, and have met several over the years.

[Victor_c3]

24. Good point

Years ago I heard a great explanation for why homophobic men are homophobes. Simply, men don’t wanted to be treated by other men the same way they treat women.

[Archae]

21. I quit a pizza delivery job the day my boss threw a tantrum.

Full meltdown, hitting things, screaming due to a few things beyond our control going wrong.

I couldn't handle the tantrum by the owner, (who is a very large guy,) so I quit. Right then and there.

That was 30+ years ago, the pizza place is still in business.

[lindysalsagal]

22. A co-worker once threatened to "slug" me. I held my face right up to him and said, "Go for it."

I didn't flinch. I wanted him to hit me so he'd get fired. I was already completely done with the asshole.

He didn't deny it, surprisingly. I don't know for sure what the admins said to him, but he never tried it again. I'll never know if it tamped down his bully behavior, but I guess he could have been even worse if I hadn't complained.

[Victor_c3]

23. What type of person physically assaults someone out of anger?

As an adult, I never understood this. The same goes with throwing things or breaking things out of anger. This type of behavior shows up in small children, wouldn’t you think a person would grow out of it? I know I grew up and stopped acting like a toddler.

My ex-wife is that sort of person. If I put the dishes in the dishwasher in the “wrong” way she’d blow and start hitting me or throwing dishes at me. When my oldest daughter was having a hard time swallowing a pill, my ex freaked out, screamed at her, and poured a class or orange juice on my daughters head. Then, after treating everyone like that (and worse), my ex’s feelings would be hurt because nobody wanted to spend time with her.

My kids have learned to interact with their mom in the same manner I have - avoid talking to her whenever possible and stay out of the same room she’s in. When my kids are at her place, they spend most of their time in their own rooms. My ex will call me to talk about my kids and I hear all of these problems she is having with them. My kids come over to my place, and I just about never see any of the problems she sees. I’m a little biased, I’m sure, but my kids behave pretty much perfectly. The only thing I yell at my kids about is leaving their trash on my coffee table, not drying off before they get out of the tub and dripping water all over the floor, and putting the toilet paper on the roll backwards (pretty egregious behavior, I know).

The first 4-5 years of our relationship were great. We had lots of fun together, got along well, and really enjoyed each others company. Then, like a switch flipped in her head, my ex turned into a nasty, hateful, and just terrible human being and remained that way for the last 10 years of our marriage. If I didn’t have kids with her and need to deal with her regularly because of that, I’d never talk to or see her again. Some of the things she said and done to me are completely unforgivable. Other than a post like this, I try not to dwell too much on it. I just want to forget and move on and never have another reason to deal with her again.

Oops, my post turned into a bit of a rant....

[mitch96]

25. Had a similar experience and I'm a guy.

I got a new job and the lady supervisor did not like me from the get go. My saving grace was I knew the equipment better, worked faster and had more medical knowledge than her. I think she got the job b/c of longevity. No body wanted that job. They could not throw anything that would fluster me. First day they threw me in the deep end and did not have any problems.
One day a few months in, the boss was standing behind me watching like a hawk for any errors. I was just her and me in the scan room Then from out of no where she flicked the back of my ear. It stung but startled me more than anything. I quickly stood up, got two inches from her face and told don't you ever FUCKEN do that again.. Her smirky reply was "oh I see something can bother you". I sat down and finished my work.. Never had a problem with her again.
Another time a few years later I made a comment to a nurse that she did not like. She was so pissed she punched me in the chest. Stupid as it was in aroom full of shocked people. She immediately apologized as she realized she was a long time employee with lots of bennies and could be fired for that little "love tap" with witnesses... Nice person with a short fuse..
Yes, it was a tough place but I loved the work and the patients... Employees? not so much..
m