Listen you fat assed bitch.

[KentuckyWoman]

One of my sisters was about 5 feet and at her max, topped out at about 300 pounds when she died. The reasons are many. Some she could have controlled better than she did. Some she had no control over whatsoever.

In her 30's she was about 80 pounds overweight and had a run in with a lab tech who wasn't very good at her job. Before it was over, the lab tech yelled at my sister ... "Listen you fat assed bitch." I don't remember what came after it. I shot out of my chair, gathered up my crying sister and we left.

She took a lot of shit before she would even stand up for herself. She was always like that. She would stand up and take shit to protect someone else too. In the end, she was carrying almost 200 pounds of other people's shit.

Despite the prevalence of obesity in the country, we just love to fat shame. It is insane. I watched TV for about an hour yesterday and the commercials were fast food ads, diabetes med ads, and Pelaton. But mostly fast food. Medical people are not excluded looking down their noses at overweight patients. It is assumed they just don't care, aren't worth the trouble... aren't ... worth ...

Here on the DU some of us have no trouble including Donnie Boy's weight as one of our slams. No place is immune from those who will engage. We act as if fat people can't feel pain. We assume they are sturdy enough to take all the rude we want to dish out.

Today is the 40th anniversary of my sister's death. She was 43 years old. I miss her every damn day. The world is a darker place without her in it. She died of a rare cancer that was in no way related to her weight and could have been cured by surgery if gotten when she first felt bad. She died because she could not stand the thought of "that" look from doctors because of her weight.


The next time you come across someone ridiculously overweight, be kind. Chances are they got that big trying to cope with the abuse that came before you.

Thank you for reading.

[Dial H For Hero]

1. I cringe every time I see it here at DU regardless of its target.

[Treefrog]

8. Ditto.

And it’s pretty much every single day.

I have a friend who has always been “overweight” and I’ve seen her suffer from the most idiotic remarks people make. Making fun of weight seems accepted here for some odd reason.

[Skittles]

43. same

it's so fucking ugly and I expect better from so-called "progressives"

[Vdizzle]

89. +2

[Ferrets are Cool]

52. +1

[GPV]

2. I'm so sorry, and you are so right

[Ms. Toad]

3. Thank you.

It's no consolation - but even if your sister had sought help when she first felt bad, chances are better than even that the doctors would have told her to lose some weight and not even bothered to search for the real cause.

[treestar]

133. This

No matter what that’s always the solution. So what do they tell thin people who get the same conditions ?

[dawg]

4. People can be so insensitve and cruel.

I'm sorry your sister got treated that way. (But I'm glad she had such a kickass sister to stand up for her.)

[XanaDUer2]

5. Condolences on your sister

she sounded like a brave person

There are certain people on DU you can mock.

White Southerners, older people. People of faith. And using obesity as a slam. Not everyone does, of course. I sometimes watch the 600 lb show, and almost every subject has abuse or abandonment in their background

On edit I hope the lab tech got in trouble

[Treefrog]

9. Not ALL people of faith. Christians in particular.

Try slamming another religion and that’s another case altogether.

Disclaimer: I’m not a person of any established faith.

[XanaDUer2]

11. I stand corrected

you are right.

[Treefrog]

13. It's so hypocritical.

[XanaDUer2]

17. Ignore is my friend

during my first iteration here, I never put anyone on ignore under the guise of everyone having the right to express themselves, Yada ya
Now I've learned to put pains in the asses on ignore. Getting too old for aggravation

[ShazzieB]

26. I need to use that feature more.

I keep forgetting it exists. I was coming here for a while before I knew it did, and even since I found out about it, I never think about using it. Thanks for the reminder.

[XanaDUer2]

27. I didn't know we could trash threads nt

[csziggy]

38. I put people on ignore if I might get pisssed enough to do something that will get me banned

I learned that from a previous forum a long, long time ago. If someone aggravates you enough more than once that you might sink to their level and post a message that is against forum rules, ignore them for your own sake.

Plus, as you say, I've getting too old for aggravation.

[Kingofalldems]

39. Wow. Every single day.

[Kingofalldems]

50. Got any links on that?

I see only fake Christians being attacked, not sure what you are talking about.

[XanaDUer2]

51. here's a perfect example of ignore

bye

[JI7]

70. Maybe some think the criticism of Trump holding up the bible

after attacking protesters was an attack on Christians.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

96. I don't have a problem trashing kkkristofascists. They're not Christians.

(Atheist/Buddhist here)

[wryter2000]

115. No one here thinks that

Besides, he’s not Christian

[JI7]

121. He is a Christian along with most that support him

[wryter2000]

124. I doubt he's ever stepped inside a church

At least since Dad and Mom made him go. It’s a total act for the rubes. No Christian says, “Two Corinthians.”

[soldierant]

76. There are progressives who don't seem to know (or won't admit) that

there are Christians whp are not fake. And I do see why. The fake ones are so much louder and more judgmental. But still ... yeah.

[phylny]

95. Scroll down a bit on this thread.

https://www.democraticunderground.com/100215659345

Not hard to find.

[wryter2000]

114. Not true

Calling God “your imaginary friend in the sky” does not distinguish between types of Christians. Of course, it doesn’t distinctly between faiths, either.

[JI7]

68. Jewish people get far more hatred

and based on conspiracy theories.

The anti Christian comments are usually based on things someone did based on their religion or to show their hypocrisy. Like right wing Christian trying to ban abortion rights and supporting discrmination.

[phylny]

94. Comments about the imaginary guy in the sky

or similar references to “it’s all fake.”

[dsc]

109. So if one doesn't treat the Christian God as existing that is bigotry?

I think that is quite a stretch.

[phylny]

111. Treat however you want, believe what you want.

I would never dream of commenting on or criticizing someone else's belief system if it doesn't affect me.

Prove there is a God? Can't. Prove there isn't? Can't.

[JI7]

122. Belief systems are often used as an excuse to deny rights

to people. So their belief system should be stacked and ridiculed .

[phylny]

127. I disagree.

If it doesn’t affect you or anyone else, why bother ridiculing someone?

Can’t prove there’s a God, can’t prove there isn’t.

[JI7]

129. Denying rights to people does affect others

[phylny]

131. Somehow I feel that either I'm not being clear or perhaps you are

deliberately misunderstanding me.

My belief in God does not affect you because I do not vote for or support for someone who has faith that would affect the rights of others nor do I in anyway infringe upon the rights of anyone else because of my beliefs. Mocking or ridiculing someone for what they believe if it does not affect you, as my belief does not affect you or anyone else, is simply juvenile and rude.

Can’t prove God exists. Can’t prove God doesn’t exist.

[JI7]

142. Can't prove unicorns don't exist

[wryter2000]

116. It's making fun of people here who do believe

Not the same thing. There are lots of good atheists here, and they’re open about their atheism. Their attitude is “I don’t believe, but if you do, I don’t care.” Or they will applaud people like Rev. Barber. Even if faith is not their thing.

[treestar]

134. On du

Not. Those are right wing theories.

[Behind the Aegis]

148. Yes, yes we do.

While some of the attacks are indeed RW, it does happen here. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

[Ishoutandscream2]

47. Yep, rarely why I post

Been here since 2002. Started as Ishoutandscream. The southern bashing, particularly my home state of Texas, becomes unbearable. And there are so many cruel things said. Like someone said above, so unlike “progressives”.

[grantcart]

100. It becomes tedious

[WhiskeyGrinder]

6. Thank you so much for sharing this; I hope people here can help carry your pain helpfully. I agree

that fatphobia is one of the last acceptable bigotries. I have said many times that Trump will never see or hear the terrible things people say about his body, but their friends and allies who are fat or who have trouble with stairs or need two hands to hold a glass of water will, and it's shitty.

[Atticus]

7. Thank you for that "straight from the heart" and much deserved criticism. nt

[JoeOtterbein]

10. It is really very immature sometimes here.

I really hate all the foul language. And they use the stupid words like they think they are being smart, instead of insipid which they really are.

[Treefrog]

14. Lol, spot on.

My faves are the pseudo-intellectuals. The funny thing is they almost always end up using a word incorrectly or they spell it wrong.

[LanternWaste]

136. Ten bucks says you fail to see the irony in your having said that.

[Dial H For Hero]

16. +1

[USALiberal]

78. +1000

[grantcart]

99. +1 Usually a sign of a lazy mind

[Doc Sportello]

12. An important point you made is about the marketing

Corporations are allowed to endlessly market food and drinks that are literally killing our population with little pushback. All because it is done in the name of profit. There is a book called Consuming Kids that details the multi-billion industry around turning children into "consumers" - when actually THEY are the consumed:
https://thenewpress.com/books/consuming-kids

If a child reaches puberty overweight and addicted to a killer diet of fast food and sugar, how hard is it going to be for them to exercise self-control? But people are accustomed to blaming the overweight saying they are responsible for their plight, but not one word about the people who run these corporations that produce the crap and the marketers who enable them.

[spooky3]

21. totally agree. nt

[Johnny2X2X]

85. Well said

People become addicted at a young age and they don’t even know it. The obesity epidemic is an addiction epidemic. It’s like an addiction and when you’re trying to quit the drug is everywhere you look, all around you.

When you think about junk food and sugar as a deadly drug, you might start making some different decisions. Decisions like outlawing its advertising. Making it illegal to give to kids in schools. Punish those selling it.

It’s a crisis and no one is doing enough to help people.

[Doc Sportello]

86. I like that line you had

"The obesity epidemic is an addiction epidemic."

That sums it up. We try to help people with addictions, not throw their drugs of choice in their faces 24/7.

Thanks.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

97. It's not just fast food. Check the snacks aisle at your grocery!

Chips and cookies and all manner of munchies, and they’re less expensive and faster than healthy food.

[Doc Sportello]

106. Right, that's why I included sugar

As pointed out in the book, those snacks are strategically placed in the market and play into what is called the "nag factor". This despicable tactic (just one of a package of such tactics that is sold discreetly by marketers for thousands of dollars) is designed to get children to nag their parents over and over as they wait in the checkout line until they give in. Creates disharmony in the child-parent relationship but hey it creates profit so who cares? Not the manufacturers or marketers.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

112. Indeed!! Despicable marketing. 👎

[ariadne0614]

102. +1 n/t

[BlancheSplanchnik]

113. right on!

[MLAA]

15. Thank you for speaking up. 💕💖

[Hekate]

18. Hugs to you. My mother could not shut up about her own weight & judged others as well...

All us kids were well within normal range, but my gods it was hard to listen to her hate herself. I made a silent and subterranean vow to never talk that way about myself or others.

In midlife I had my own struggles, and my internist nagged me. The most hurtful was my gynecologist, who said that she didn’t want to take care of people who wouldn’t take care of themselves & she knew my internist didn’t either.
Turned out one of my meds was the culprit, but over that 20 years not one damn doctor bothered to connect the dots, and I had to learn it from a lecture I went to.

One of my dearest friends in the present time has a massive and growing problem. I think that like your sister she is carrying about 200 pounds of other people’s shit. It breaks my heart, not only for her health, but for the sense of shame she feels.

So. I confess that in my anger at Trump I have called him every name in the book relating to his personal appearance. … In honor of your late sister, and your love for her, I vow to try to do better.

[KentuckyWoman]

23. I have family that way.

Slower metabolisms are the norm in my family. Good Kentucky farm stock I like to joke. We may not be fast, but we can work a long long time.

Still, we have a few who view weight as a moral issue instead of a health issue. It is frustrating. And you are right, the shame itself just deepens the cycle and makes a bad situation worse. As is true in most things, not just weight.

Someone should go find those practitioners and wave the info on the med under their noses and tell them about themselves.

[2Gingersnaps]

24. I relate closely, hugs to you,

my sister was schizophrenic. She was "one of those people not worthy." I worked in the medical profession, and it shamed me and thoroughly pissed me off coming from people who were trained to do better, should know better. In my experience, overweight people have hidden mental health issues, really good book on mental health, "The Body Keeps The Score," and the title pretty much says it all. It very eloquently explains that the brain is wired for self preservation, even to desperate measures, some forms of self preservation are beyond the person's willpower because of the way the brain is wired. This is a nation in mental health crisis, and the best we can do even within the medical profession is victim blame.

Thing is, when I did my psych rotation in school, the anorexic and bulimia patients were there too. Our superficial culture makes allowances for that kind of willpower. I watched a patient who literally chewed her food and spit it out. She only got nutrition by what saliva she swallowed. She was in the psych ward for nutrition support.

I am hardly any saint, but weight is the one place I won't go with Mango Mussolini, even though he happily goes there himself as more of his abuse toward women, I don't remember him ever doing that to males (Bannon? Christie?). He is obviously a very disturbed human being, I would have pity for him if he were not such a malevolent force. I just cannot for the life of me understand why that is not obvious to such a huge number of the population.

[ariadne0614]

110. Considering the fact that tRump will never see the insults on DU,

. . .only those of us who read them will be affected. Maybe we would think twice if we understand that members of our own community are in the line of fire.

[Budi]

19. "In the end, she was carrying almost 200 pounds of other people's shit".

Quote of a lifetime.

At one point in my late 20's, I had a friend describe it like this:

When we're born we are each given a big long bag to fill with our life encounters & adventures.

Beware that others along the way have filled theirs with trouble & grief, and will see your empty bag & unload theirs into yours.

At some point you can't drag that heavy bag behind you anymore & must empty the grief along the side of the road, that others have dumped in your bag.

~

[spooky3]

20. I'm so sorry and appreciate the points you made. My late mother

was moderately obese most of her life. She took a lot of joy in her job (teaching in public schools) and in her church. One day a fellow "Christian" said within my mom's earshot that my mom should not be teaching Sunday School, because "gluttony is a sin."

[Uncle Joe]

22. Kicked and recommended.

Thanks for the thread KentuckyWoman.

[Mosby]

25. There is a weird trend about bad food.

You know, using bacon for anything, make a video and get a million likes.

Food has been weaponized, and not just by manufactures.

[Dakota Flint]

28. I know your pain

My daughter started becoming obese upon hitting puberty. The doctors said she would grow out of it. They were wrong, she just became bigger and bigger with little or no self-esteem. She died from an undisclosed heart condition when she was only forty. Anyone fat-shaming someone without knowing their background is an idiot. And what is sad and difficult is that we now have to raise her daughter, who was only three years old when her mother died. I don't know if I have the strength or the longevity to raise her. My wife and I adopted my granddaughter to keep her in the family as her biological father was an alcoholic and in and out of jail all of the time. She has learning problems and at times is quite a handful. No one, not one deserves to be shamed because of their weight as we don't know their background or situation. I will be seventy next year and my wife will be sixty-nine. I worry I will not live to see my granddaughter graduate from high school.

[LakeArenal]

29. I once had a surgeon who said:

“We need to talk about the elephant in the room”..... meaning me and my weight.

I have grown tougher skin outside but inside the comments cut.

[House of Roberts]

30. The fookin' Git lies every day about his weight,

to himself and to everyone. Not excusing the weight abuse but that brings on a lot of it. Some comments may apply only to him, but certainly not all. This community does better than almost any where else I go.

[Upthevibe]

31. KentuckyWoman....

I'm so sorry to hear about what your sister went through. I've always considered "fat-shaming" absolutely unacceptable!

I've been fortunate enough that over most of my career (in the vocational-college world) I had an absolutely amazing boss (who has now retired). At one school, we worked together for five years and at another school we worked together for 10 years. I can't tell you how much I adored her and how well we worked together (with her being my direct supervisor). She's been obese since the day I met her. I never had any kind of negative thoughts regarding her weight and we never discussed the subject. My sense is that she had a medical condition that simply couldn't be rectified.

Whenever I hear about someone talking about "will-power", "lack of control", etc., it makes me sick.

Thank you so much for bringing this up...and once again, I'm so sorry regarding your loss.....

[soldierant]

77. My husband (who is a recovering alcoholic) likes to respond

to comments about will power with "Try that on a case of diarrhea."

[Thunderbeast]

32. +1 on the DU tolerance for fat shaming

It has no place on this forum. We are supposed to be the folks with empathy and compassion.

It is extraordinarily difficult to live a life where proportions are mocked and ridiculed in the culture. Let's be the voices of understanding.

[summer_in_TX]

82. Thank you.

If we want to have any norms on manners and kindness in social spaces like the internet (I do), we are going to have to create the kind of space where that happens. Thanks for speaking up.

Too often there's something toxic allowed by the anonymity on the internet. People take out their poison pen.

[ShazzieB]

33. Thanks for starting this thread.

I'm with you: Down with fat shaming of ANYBODY, including TFG (because double standards are a very bad thing).

People seem to think it's somehow okay to make fun of someone's size/weight, because we've all been bombarded in this society with the idea that being fat is completely voluntary and controlled 100% by our personal choices, and that losing weight is a "simple" matter of self-control. At the same time, we've also been bombarded by the idea that fat (any amount) = a very, very bad thing. Put those two ideas together and what you get is a lot of toxic attitudes about fatness and fat people. After all, if fat is very, very bad, and being thin is easy (both erroneous ideas, of course), then fat people must be making a deliberate choice to be that way, and that means they must be really, really bad people, right? (WRONG, but that's how a lot of people think).

It sucks, and I wish it would stop, in general, but especially here at DU. Sure, TFG is fat, but so what? That is not what makes him a horrible human being and it's not what made him a terrible president.

My state currently has a Democratic governor, JB Pritzker, who is obese. The guy is probably fatter than TFG. He's also doing a fantastic job as our governor, and his size is completely beside the point. If he suddenly lost 200 lbs., would he be an even better governor? Hell, no. He'd still be the same decent, principled person and the same excellent governor that he is right now.

TFG was one of the worst presidents in the history of this country, and HIS size is completely beside the point as well. If he had slimmed down while he was potus, would he suddenly have been transformed into a competent, ethical leader? Don't make me laugh! Fat or thin, he would still have all the same character flaws that made him such a shitty potus. His weight has absolutely NO RELEVANCE to his qualities as a human being or his ability to run the country.

Fat shaming of politicians (or anyone else) here at DU really needs to stop. I know it's not going to happen, short of making much stricter rules about what we're allowed to say here, but I really, REALLY, REALLY wish it would.

[MyMission]

34. I've had a thyroid condition for decades

And take a thyroid supplement, which has been increased many times over many years.
When levels are low, I gain weight. When meds are adjusted I lose weight, without changing my diet, which is very healthy. For 25 years I gained and was unable to lose, and my high was 168.
It came off on its own once my thyroid levels were normalized. My mother gave me endless grief about losing weight, I wasn't able to. The weight gain started and coincided with menopause, which I went through in my late 30's to 42. Menopausal women who gain weight are usually experiencing hormonal and therefore metabolic reductions and fluctuations.

Over these 25+ years I've had to fight with or leave MD's who told me my low levels were within normal limits when I complained of weight gain, and other symptoms. An endocrinologist told me they use a narrower range to define normal, and most GPs use outdated numbers. Thyroid affects the metabolism, and I know that many people who are obese have some type of metabolic disorder, not only from thyroid problems. I was never one to body shame my obese family member or friends, but I certainly developed a better understanding and appreciation for their situation when I gained and was unable to lose weight, through no fault of my own.

I also have been prediabetic for 20+ years. It has not progressed because I really watch what I eat. My father was diabetic, and I have glucose intolerance. Many who are prediabetic are overweight, and losing weight/changing diet will often reverse that condition. For me, and others, that's not the case. At first MD's told me to lose weight, which I was unable to do because of my thyroid, and exercise more, which I did to no avail. But I've been around 140 lbs (+/-5) for over 7 years, and it didn't reverse my high blood sugar.

Interestingly, one MD recommended me for a prediabetic program years ago. I didn't qualify because I was a normal weight/BMI. That program focused on a weight loss goal of a certain percentage and exercise programs. I was hoping to further increase my activity level, but they said they didn't recommend I lose weight as the program dictated. So I was rejected because I was not obese, but 5 years prior to that I had been.

It's often frustrating and hard to get good medical care. MD's and their staff often have tunnel vision, and don't treat the whole person. They see an obese person, or a smoker, or someone with anxiety, and attribute their complaints to that condition without looking further, or see test results "within normal limits" at the high or low end of the range and don't consider that further testing should be done.

About the body shaming of tfg (the former guy, not the fat guy), he did and does insult and body shame, and I think some people here believe he deserves it, the same as he dishes out. They wouldn't necessarily act that way towards others. But there's so much about him to insult without bringing his weight into it!

I'm so sorry your sister's cancer wasn't diagnosed in time. Marking the 40th anniversary of her death as you did here was very poingnant. Thank you for sharing. I hope it sparks awareness about body shaming here at DU.

Hugs.

[Neema]

135. I'm so with you. I could run rings around most doctors I've met in terms of

nutritional knowledge. They all assume, because of my weight, that I sit around eating fast food and bags of candy and cookies all day. I grow kale, tomatoes, and chilis. I eat whole fruits and vegetables all day long. I make my own yogurt from organic grass-fed milk, which I eat with berries, walnuts or chia seeds, and local honey for breakfast. I stick to whole great bread, brown rice, quinoa, and pasta made from chickpeas when I cook at home (which is most days). The only oils I use are EVOO, unrefined coconut oil, and grass-fed butter. I eat lean meats and fish, either grilled, stir-fried, roasted or pressure cooked. Even when I make dessert I use as little sugar as possible and things like 85% chocolate and fresh fruit.

Yes, my portion size is too large, I recognize that, but I also know there is something about my metabolism that makes it very difficult to lose weight. I now have definitive proof. Because of the pandemic, my husband and I both work from home and eat every meal together. We eat the same things in roughly the same amount (he usually eats a bit more every meal). He snacks way more than I do, including a large snack right before bed. He exercises less. We both stopped going to our gym because of the pandemic but I walk 5 miles a day and do pilates 2x a week, and he's lucky if he averages a mile every day because of his workload. Yet somehow I weigh 50 lbs more than he does. My doctor insists there's nothing wrong with my thyroid but I know now beyond a shadow of doubt that my metabolism is not the same as my husband's so something is wrong.

[cate94]

35. This is sad but true

My next door neighbor was fat. Always ridiculed. Obese. Stopped going to the Doctor. I totally get it.
Her sister always helped her set up her classroom for the year, every year. After not hearing from her, and not reaching her by phone, she called the school. She had missed the day for setting up.

Turns out she passed out next to her bed and was unconscious when her sister found her. After EMT’s and hospitalization, she had a 25 lb. ovarian tumor. She is, thankfully, alive today. The tumor was encapsulated- which rarely happens. Her kidney damage is severe. And after nearly five years she had a small return to her liver. She is their miracle patient and no one mocks her now. She is over 65. She is average weight now.

You don’t know what you don’t know.
Be kind.

[iemanja]

36. there is also an assumption that you're unhealthy

I'm overweight with normal blood pressure, normal blood sugar, and normal cholesterol. I had a doctor continually refer to "my diabetes.'" I said, "I've never tested positive for diabetes. Why would you keep saying 'my diabetes." This after I told her I quit eating sugar. So why, I said, "would my blood pressure suddenly increase"? It hadn't.

[demigoddess]

37. I hear you. And agree

Ihave a handicapped daughter. One year I read a doctor saying all the mothers of handicapped children are overweight and he thought it was to make themselves big for a big job. No, stupid. One thing, as a mother of a handicapped child, I have had to sit, sit quietly for hours every day of her life, which is about 50 years. To hold her, to feed her and to drive her to school. Which at one time meant 3 hours a day in the car. It took hours to get a minimal meal down her and she had to be fed often, if she would eat at all. when she came home from public school, she would be traumatised and crying. I would have to hold her for two hours to stop her crying, every single day. Even now I have to sit near her when she eats in case she chokes on her food or needs something else, like a spoon picked up off the floor. Or if she wants more food. Sometimes it is just fate.

[USALiberal]

40. Many do you are love the word fat and slob. Disgusting.

[Elessar Zappa]

66. Calling Trump a slob is not fat shaming.

[wryter2000]

118. Skinny people can be slobs

“Fat slob” is different

[WarGamer]

41. Very often those on the highest horse forget they're hurting other people.

[Kingofalldems]

42. I make it a point to be kind.

Sadly some posters turned this into a bash DU thread.

[stopdiggin]

60. criticism where criticism is due

No reason to read it as 'bashing' or wholesale condemnation at all. It's a case of, "if the shoe fits .."

If you (or anyone else on DU) doesn't engage in fat shaming, or ridicule - then we're good. If you do - then learn something today.
----- -----

[Cryptoad]

44. U can't fat shame me,,,,,,

I give a shit less what people think abt my weight .....

[H2O Man]

45. Recommended.

[UpInArms]

48. Being underweight

Also has its detractors …

Cannot say how many times someone has asked if I am ill …

Weight is personal ..

The thinskinned bunker narcissist has many other issues …

Sorry for the loss of your sister …

[femmedem]

49. Thank you so much for this post.

Last edited Sat Jul 24, 2021, 08:18 PM - Edit history (1)

Sharing her story and the pain that fat-shaming caused her couldn't have been easy, but it's a beautiful way to honor her memory.

I want to sit at the table with you guys, not with the bullies.

[KatK]

53. I cried a little bit, reading this post and the great comments

I didn't know that so many other people hated the fat-shaming that happens here daily.

Fat-shaming is also hard on people who are *worried* about being fat.

"Worry" is a stand-in for various kinds of suffering such as sleeplessness, self-isolating, crying, feel worthless, and more.

For a person who sadly and falsely believes that being fat mean that you're incompetent, unattractive, a failure ... hearing fat-shaming can reinforce these terrible beliefs, ramp up the upset, and stimulate harmful coping behaviors.

I would really love it if people here who fat-shame would consider the pain it may stimulate, and make a big effort to not mock people for their weight or size or shape.

It's important to understand that hearing TFG (or anyone else) being fat-shamed can be really difficult for anyone with body image or weight issues.

I wish we could have a challenge here at DU. Like, No-Fat Shaming Mondays. Maybe if more people know how painful fat-shaming can be, they would stop.

[femmedem]

55. Or we could link to this OP whenever we see fat-shaming here to remind people of how hurtful it is.

Wouldn't that be beautiful?

[KatK]

56. Yes, that would be beautiful! Great idea!

In the first several months after joining DU a couple years ago, I tried to politely let two people know that fat-shaming hurts. I felt discouraged by the responses I received.

It would be amazing if more of us spoke up. I don't think the people who fat-shame realize how it affects others.

Thank you for responding!

[MustLoveBeagles]

80. Great post

Welcome to DU

There are plenty of legitimate things to criticize about the TFG without taking the low road concerning his appearance. I haven't always been perfect in this regard but the OP has inspired me to do better.

[KatK]

92. Thank you! It feels great to be heard on this. n/t

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

54. Thank you so much for posting this.

I suspect it may have been a bit cathartic but it is something that should be said often and loud.

[yardwork]

57. I'm sorry for your loss, and I agree that fat shaming is wrong.

I'm guessing that I probably did it myself in years past. I'm older, a little wiser, and a lot heavier now.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

58. Being fat

Is way more complex than calories in /out.

Even the animals are becoming fatter and not just cats or dogs.

Even lab rats who's diets are strictly kept are gaining weight in general.

Being fat is not a sign of weak willpower or moral inferiority.

But fat shaming is a sign of an inferior character.

I remember hating my fat body so much I imagined getting a butcher knife and cutting off the fat .

When you are fat the way other people,especially thin or athletic people treat you is abusive sometimes. And the blame the fat person for being fat is abusive
Because what makes a person fat is not so simplistic as these know it all people say.

I got diabeties went on keto and lost some weight. I know the difference how people treat you when you are fat VS when you are "thin".

[locks]

59. Thank you

I am old now but I grew up believing that the only way you could be a liked and "popular" kid or adult was to be skinny. My sister was actually too thin even for the "perfect model".
I am thankful that finally we are seeing "overweight" people as "normal", as smart, as leaders, in commercials and enjoying life without shame. I do think that many people will be healthier and live longer to enjoy life and grandchildren if they are not overweight but if they are fat-shamed they cannot have the good life we want for all.

[calimary]

61. That's a really beautiful read, KentuckyWoman.

Just a beautiful read. Makes you think. As all really beautiful reads do.

That's what makes them beautiful.

[Happy Hoosier]

62. Thank you!!! NT

[Sogo]

63. Your post reminded me that during a recent visit from my sister and BIL,

the conversation at one point turned to a discussion of some of our other relatives who are or who are becoming obese (none of the three of us are in that category). My BIL made the pronouncement that he would never have been seen with a "fat" woman. The shock on my face must have been apparent, but in order not to up the decibels, I just kept quiet...."Like you're some kind of prize," is all I could think....Here's a man in his 80s, with the typical older guy basketball belly, making such a pronouncement....SMH.

[thucythucy]

108. "Like you're some kind of prize..."

Not to defend fat shaming or those who do it, but I think one aspect of what happens with Trump is his utter lack of self awareness.

Here is a highly unattractive man--by his own standards of physical beauty--who delights in denigrating others, especially women, for their physical appearance.

I know I have trouble sometimes restraining myself from lashing out when I see him or his ilk criticizing others in this way.

It's similar in my mind to comments on his mental health, which can easily morph into demonizing those with a mental health diagnosis.

I'm very appreciative therefor of this OP, and your comment as well, and will try to do better in my own life.

Best wishes.

[Tesha]

64. I'm so very sorry,

And thank you.

[TexasBushwhacker]

65. The thing is, fat shaming doesn't work

If the shamer somehow thinks that by insulting a fat person that person will be motivated to lose weight, nothing could be further from the truth. They'll just feel worse about themselves and drown the pain with more food.

I'm 64. I've been obese for over 25 years. The reasons are complex. At one point I lost 90 pounds and my brother and then sister-in-law were so pleased. Then when I gained most of it back, they wouldn't shut up about it. I finally said "I'm fat, not blind!"

[KentuckyWoman]

71. Sister told me once

After one of her big losses that the attention for losing it was almost was painful as the rude over her weight. And the looks when she regained even more shaming.

The entire social attitude about obesity is just messed up.

[JI7]

72. Fat shaming done to get anyone to lose weight

that might be the excuse they give but it's not.

[brooklynite]

67. Trump's weight is fair play...

...because he and his supporters insist on talking about how healthy he is.

[dflprincess]

69. And he doesn't hesitate to make comments about other people's looks

I don't like body shaming - but for Trump I make an exception. It's just giving him what he dishes out.

[JI7]

84. ESpecially women. The fact is women are more fat shamed than men . Would a woman that was as fat as

Chris Christie be taken seriously as a Presidential Candidate ?

Also in the case of men people might make some jokes but it's no where near as hateful as it is towards women .

[BlancheSplanchnik]

101. Yep.

[crimycarny]

73. I agree

I don't equate pointing out Trump's hypocrisy of making fun of other people's weight or looks as fat shaming. Just like I don't equate mentioning Trump's rambling and incoherent sentences as shaming those with dementia. I don't see making fun of Trump's hair as also making fun of men who are bald or women suffering alopecia. I think context is important.

What is completely different is if you make fun of someone's looks simply as an insult and not at all related. That's basically what Trump does.

[soldierant]

79. His unhealthiness extends way beyond the fat, and

it would be possible for him to be fat and healthy.

I'm cool with liar-shaming myself, but maybe leave the fat out of it unless the lie in question is directly about the fat. And in that case, make it clear it's the lie, not the fat, which is the issue.

[Dial H For Hero]

87. Pointing out he's overweight? Sure. Fat shaming language? Not so much.

[Happy Hoosier]

88. Wrong.

The message you send is that fat is worthy of ridicule, and refraining from doing so mere politeness. You may not intend it, but in a world that hates fat people, that’s what many of us here.

[KatK]

91. But it hurts others when *anyone* is fat-shamed

It's deeply painful for some people to hear fat-shaming. Even if it is directed at another person.

And reinforces the horrible belief that being fat is shameful.


>

https://anad.org/get-informed/body-image/body-image-articles/body-shaming/

[USALiberal]

103. Lol, nice try! Nt

[Dukkha]

107. Indeed because a narcissist bully deserves it

Just look at his feud with Rosie O'Donnell, how many times he objectifies women by rating them, calls them Dogs, attacked Carly Fiorina's and Hillary's appearance, called the 1996 Miss Universe beauty pageant winner Alicia Machado: "Disgusting" and "Miss Piggy."

A sociopath narcissist who has no clue what an utterly grotesque piece of human filth he is.

[Retired Engineer Bob]

74. Thanks for the post, even if it picks the scab of some painful memories

My mother became obese in her midlife. I recall arguments she had with dad where he would pull the “fatso” card. He was otherwise a decent man. I myself would say things to her I now regret.

The latest manifestation of this is hearing that COVID affects the obese to a much greater extent. As if they deserve to die due to their “carelessness”.

I need continue to strive to be a better person, and find a way to apologize to my mother.

[marble falls]

75. It occured to me also. But kept quiet because I thought I'd only stir it up. Thanks.

[MustLoveBeagles]

81. Thank you for posting this

Condolences to you on the anniversary of your sister's passing. I'm sorry that people were so cruel to to her.

[summer_in_TX]

83. Heartbreaking, KentuckyWoman!

I am so sorry your sister lived with the cruelty of those who feel perfectly free to comment on what they don't really know anything about but are smugly sure they do.

I'm afraid as a little girl I wasn't free from that kind of cruelty, but I learned swiftly that I didn't like making others feel bad. It made me feel sick at my stomach.

Blessings and peace to you on the anniversary of the loss of your sister. Thank you for sensitizing us to the pain of others.

[live love laugh]

90. ❤️😢

[Aussie105]

93. Took me a lifetime

but I've worked out a few rules regarding food that helps me.

1. Avoid high energy foods with little roughage. They simply slow you down, make you feel slow and lethargic, and you reach for more food - usually the same sort - to get your energy levels up.
It never works.
Food that is slow to digest needs to be given time.
Those guys you see eating, with the big guts so huge they need to bend over to see what shoes they are wearing?
Still trying to digest food from a few days back.
Don't eat for 2 days, and the gut shrinks.

For me, that's meat of any sort.

2. Avoid 'quick fix' foods. They are convenient, taste good, but are designed to be like that without consideration for nutritional value.

3. Get your blood work done. It will discover any thyroid problem, prediabetes, etc.

I've gone mainly vegan. Some chicken once a week, no red meat at all.

Took some adjusting, but I'm losing weight, my diabetes type 2 is now under control, and I have more energy, and it's more consistent throughout the day.

Wish I'd worked all this out 30 years ago.

Fat shaming? More like, poor education and victim blaming.
Some people just don't see the link between peoples' weight and the junk food habits they have developed.

Calories in equals energy burnt for a healthy weight, no way around that.

[twodogsbarking]

98. Sorry for your loss. The rest is just details.

Be kind to others.

[Evolve Dammit]

104. Excellent thread KW. Thanks!

[Roisin Ni Fiachra]

105. K&R

[wryter2000]

117. Thank you

And, please, it is hard as hell to lose weight. I’ve been heavy, not huge, my entire life. I’ve probably lost over a total of 200 pounds at various times. To do it, you have to exercise, which I love. But you also have to be hungry 24/7. Or you have to have surgery, which drastically changes what you can eat for the rest of your life. If you think that’s easy, try it.

[Bettie]

119. I'm sorry for your loss

I've realized over the years that hatred of fat people is the one reliable thing across the political spectrum and in our society as a rule.

Everyone hates fatties. I'm fat. Most people here would hate me on sight, knowing nothing about me, because far too many people equate body size with worth.

If you are thin, you have worth.

If you are fat, you have none.

I nearly died after the birth of my third son because doctors chose to focus on the size of my body and make assumptions rather than calling my OB as I requested in the ER. Five hours in the ER while they did every test they could, but didn't call the doctor who had done my c-section five days earlier, even as I took time to feed my new baby while waiting for the next test.

Eventually, the cardiologist came and told my husband (not me, him, no one spoke directly to me through the whole ordeal) that he should take me home and wait for me to die of congestive heart failure. They had found no blockages or issues, but clearly, due to my weight (yes, they told him that explicitly) it was only a matter of time and there was nothing they could do.

So, the next morning, I had a seizure in our living room after losing all of my peripheral vision.

Turns out I had post partum eclampsia. It happens...to thin women and fat women and moderate sized women. I nearly died leaving my husband with three little boys because doctors assumed that being fat meant things that it didn't.

Body size is not a measure of worth. It isn't a measure of health.

But a whole lot of people think it is both.

https://slate.com/technology/2015/03/diets-do-not-work-the-thin-evidence-that-losing-weight-makes-you-healthier.html

And from the favored show of fat-haters, The Biggest Loser:

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/6-years-after-the-biggest-loser-metabolism-is-slower-and-weight-is-back-up/

[KentuckyWoman]

125. Fantastic Articles. Thank you. Must read for ... well ... EVERYONE

There is really a lot of good in there.

I never heard of post partem eclampsia until a few years ago. The granddaughter of a friend nearly died. She's one of those who can gobble up anything she likes and still struggle to find clothing SMALL enough. 3 weeks after giving birth she was back to her weight. Horrendous. She had the opposite trouble ... they assumed thin women couldn't get blood pressure that high.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Thank goodness you survived.

[Bettie]

126. Thank you

I still lament the fact that I didn't stop dieting years earlier.

I was a size 14 in high school, larger than most other girls, taller, broader of shoulder...I look like my grandfather's sisters, all big women who lived into their 90's. They all had hourglass figures until they had children then had bellies afterward.

Once I stopped dieting and began eating what I wanted when I wanted it, I found I ate less, because my mind didn't immediately categorize some foods as "good" and some as "bad". My weight stabilized, but at a much higher number than it would have been had I realized what I was doing to myself twenty or thirty years earlier.

I look at photos of myself in my 20's when I thought I was too fat to exist and I wish I could tell that young woman that she was just fine, that not everyone has to be a size 0. Humans are diverse and within that diversity fat people have always been among us.

You hear people say "X is naturally thin" but you never hear "Y is naturally fat/big".

[seta1950]

120. I'm sorry

I know how that is😢 but it still saddens me.

[alphafemale]

123. trumpety has gleefully chosen sloth and gluttony and deserves to be mocked for it.

He exalts in all the 5 other deadly sins too.

[miffelplix]

128. There is a difference between private and public individuals

Private individuals must be treated with respect, courtesy, and compassion, whatever their situation. Mockery is intolerable and must not be accepted.

Public individuals, however, especially those who wield tremendous power and use that power to harm others, are fair game for satire.

[Neema]

130. It's very disheartening to go to the doctor and be treated like

you don't know anything about your body or your health because you're overweight. I can see why your sister didn't go in when she first felt bad. Even if she had, her symptoms may well have been dismissed, quite honestly. I've seen it happen too many times.

I saw a comic the other day where an overweight woman went to the doctor with a severed arm that needed to be reattached and the first thing the doctor said was "so we've got to get you on a diet plan..." It's a joke obviously, but sadly not far off.

I even had my doctor ask if I wanted gastric bypass surgery, and I don't even qualify for it because I'm not even overweight enough. Imagine suggesting someone get life-altering surgery like it was no big deal. I'm not diabetic, my cholesterol levels are ideal (even he admits that), my blood pressure is just slightly above normal but easily managed with the lowest dose of medication, and he still thought that was a valid recommendation when I told him I had hit a weight loss plateau.

I have a friend who had gastric bypass surgery and then everything she ingested after, no matter how bland, gave her terrible reflux to the point that she couldn't eat at all. She had to have it reversed and done a different way in order to be able to keep anything down, and that was major abdominal surgery. Then the second surgery resulted in a hernia which required even more surgery.

[Bettie]

139. I got a prescription for appetite suppressant pills and a

referral (both unasked for) when I went in because I had a sinus infection. I know what they feel like and I knew that I needed antibiotics to clear it up.

I didn't go back to the doctor for five years, because, well, the guy told me I wouldn't have a sinus infection if I wasn't fat. I had to call back and ask the nurse if he actually wrote the antibiotic prescription. He hadn't, but she got it called in to the pharmacy.

[Neema]

140. I'm so sorry. That's horrible and way too common.

I’ve read countless stories like this.

[treestar]

132. When it is Trump

It is somewhat fair because of what he said judging women for their weight. Weight that was not that high at all compared to his. It’s his misogyny u ser attack.

[Johnny2X2X]

137. When overweight people were dying from Covid

It was remarkable because 72% of the US population is overweight and they were saying 70% of those dying were overweight. Well that would be about what’s expected them right?

Likewise when people were deriding overweight people who die from Covid, all I could think is that 3 out of 4 of the people mocking the overweight Covid patients are overweight themselves. People don’t even know what a healthy weight is anymore.

[UnderThisLaw]

138. It's a shame that such a promising thread

turned into a circle jerk for the “I’m a liberal but won’t stop criticizing DU” crowd

[Bettie]

141. How so?

Is it that several people have acknowledged that hatred of fat people is common even at DU?

Or is it that people really like to go after that orange man's weight?

Frankly the size and shape of his body is the most benign and human thing about him.

[BradAllison]

144. The Orange Man portrays that he is not obese

He even had a Doctor become a subservient stooge for him.

[BradAllison]

147. I wonder often if the same half dozen folks don't realize how obvious they are. n/m

[raising2moredems]

143. Donnie Boy isn't a normal person

He lives to make fun of others - even if he's making fun of them for having the very same "traits" as he does. So it doesn't bother me when people make fun of his weight - he is not a good person.

[BradAllison]

145. If the Emperor had no clothes.

DU would be shamed for speaking up.

Your story has zero correlation to Donald Trump. None.

Sorry for your loss.

[Goodheart]

146. This thread is bizarre.

[Goodheart]

150. "When you try to demean someone saying "lard-ass" or other hate speech, you are directly linking

their weight to their goodness."

I don't agree with that. You are directly linking their weight to one particular habit, and in trump's case to his utter hypocrisy. He's fair game.

I find it funny that this board is entirely OK with demeaning Guliani and Kudlow for DRINKING too much, but gets all bent out of shape when somebody points out someone EATING too much?

Should we also have a moratorium on pointing out drunkenness, slovenliness, or even stupidity? After all, nobody is willfully stupid.

[nolabear]

151. I'm late to this but thank you. Being "obese" is not at all what people assume. I know.

It’s funny how hesitant I am to post this. I’m afraid people will assume things about me, think less of me. And that’s the problem, isn’t it?

I have a not-so-unusual-but-massively-undiagnosed condition called lipedema. Lipoedema in some parts of the world. It’s real, it affects almost entirely women, and it causes the fat cells in the hips and legs to retain lymphatic fluid. People understand lymphedema but this is not quite the same. Ones legs can swell to the point of it being terribly painful and walking, when it gets as far as mine has, can be exhausting and painful. I work like a dog to try to at least keep it from not getting worse. But my hips and legs are quite big—there are things I cannot wear because of the fat on my lower legs—a place most people don’t have it at all. Hormones affect it. Puberty and pregnancy clearly had an effect but menopause and a hysterectomy made it go wild. Lots of people have liposuction to try to improve it but frankly we can’t all do that.

The judgment from people who think they know exactly what someone who’s overweight should do and why they’re not doing it keeps so many from getting what they/we need. Swimming is tremendously helpful for moving lymphatic fluid. You want to know how many times I go to a pool, and why? Guess.

I don’t care WHY your body carries more than the average weight. We’re people who suffer when disdained and thrive when loved and helped. You’re right; people die every damn day because they can’t face being looked down on by the very people who are supposed to help them.

Thanks for the post. It’s scary and incredibly important.

[Bettie]

152. Thank you...and you are right

no one knows why someone carries extra weight.

In the end, we all deserve to be treated decently, thin, fat, or in between.

Value and body size are not the same thing. Far too many people believe that they are.

It is hard to live in our society in any sort of body that doesn't meet the current aesthetic...and it is an aesthetic as you can't tell anything about a person's health from a casual glance.

[nolabear]

153. True dat. I have the same response to ageism.

All the “isms” really but now it’s me. Sorry I didn’t advocate when it wasn’t, but I had the luxury of youth and ignorance. Now I’m there, I ask questions. Wrinkles are bad? Really? Making things more accessible doesn’t benefit everyone? Elders aren’t as smart, as informed, as full of life? I’m reading and writing about that. It’s fascinating and sad at once.

And “Dr. Rick” on those Progressive ads can bite my capable, interesting, intelligent fat ass. 😃