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TheFerret

(626 posts)
Fri Aug 6, 2021, 10:08 PM Aug 2021

What is "Sheep Drench," and Why Are Americans Putting It In Their Bodies? Depressing Answers Within!

Big breaking news this week, friends; my sources are telling me several mammalian orders, and perhaps even a few ambitious reptiles, will shortly be making a play for that coveted spot atop the food chain, now that humanity has proven so willing to piss on the fruits of millions of years of evolution, and die from a completely preventable disease, out of pure petulance. Don’t believe me? Well, when a family of yaks shows up at your door, announcing they’ve taken over your lease, you’ll find their paperwork is in order.

(As ever, links n’ shininess version here: http://showercapblog.com/what-is-sheep-drench-and-why-are-americans-putting-it-in-their-bodies-depressing-answers-within/)

Sure was informative, if chilling, watching the various would-be Voices of the Reich turn in their Fascist Propaganda 301 homework over the course of the past week. In fairness, it was a challenging assignment; how could one possibly defend January 6th’s loser thug blob while the whole world watched footage of their hate-fueled savagery, and heard testimony from the law enforcement officers they so viciously assaulted? A seemingly impossible task…until one recalls honesty, decency, and shame are no longer the obstacles they once were.

In fact, this presented a golden opportunity to introduce any recent death cult initiates to the concept of “crisis actors;” a simple but effective tactic for bypassing any pesky empathy that may yet linger in your budding zealot. Heck, from there, it’s just a hop, skip, and a jump to sharing a nasty giggle with a soft fink like Dinesh D’Souza, at the “weakness” of the heroic cops who, vastly outnumbered, battled a white supremacist mob, with the whole country on the line.

(For folks so obsessed with masculinity, they sure do choose some underwhelming idols, have you noticed that?)

Seditionist incest aficionado Rudy Giuliani has officially entered the “vowing vengeance in the afterlife” phase of his historic And Fall period. I’m honestly impressed; as rock bottoms go, few can hope to approach the self-immolating purity that was the Four Seasons Total Landscaping meltdown, but Rudes just keeps on digging, seeking depths that would freak Jules Verne the fuck out.

And he’s nowhere near done, folks.

I see young Madison Cawthorn experienced an unusually productive week in his quest to accumulate every single Hitler Youth merit badge. The busy little beaver earned an ethics complaint for badgering a congressional staffer, got outed for attempting to smuggle a Glock onto an airplane, AND participated in the attempted overthrow of a North Carolina school board over mask mandates. Guess it’s easy to find time for all that fashy tomfoolery when it never even crosses your mind to use your post as a U.S. Congressman to improve your constituents’ lives.

Recently dismissed kakistocrat Mark Meadows suggested the Deposed Dotard is holding little cosplay Cabinet meeting tea parties in exile at his tacky-ass golf resorts, no doubt featuring Roger Stone as the Mad Hatter and, oh, probably Bannon as the March Hare. (And Wilbur Ross as the Dormouse GET IT?!?!) Don Junior wearing a wig powdered in cocaine. Shit like that.

I see we’ve uncovered some of the paper trail from the Dipshit Coup attempt…sure would be nice to learn from that history before we repeat it, don’tcha think?

Looks like deer get Covid now. So that’s fun.

Speaking of the pandemic, we’re definitely still doing that thing where millions of Americans treat any expertise in the field of medicine as irrefutable proof of malicious intent, just in case you thought maybe something truly outrageous had occurred since last we met, like, I dunno, a sudden outbreak of rational thought or something.

To any future alien anthropologists sifting through the records of our surely-soon-to-be-ending civilization, I want to be clear about the fact that yes, we absolutely had a vaccine at this point. Three of ‘em, actually. Each proven to be safe and effective. It’s just that a whole buncha folks decided that science is a deep state conspiracy, (to…save…lives? I’m confused, too.) and they’d rather ingest things like “horse paste” and “sheep drench” instead.

While I’ve certainly made my share of dubious decisions over the years, I can’t help but wonder how a person comes to find themself sitting at the kitchen table, preparing to swig down a tall, frosty mug of SHEEP DRENCH, pausing only to self-high-five for outwitting that Fauci bastard. But here we are.

Under the reign of Trumpism’s Eve Harrington, Ron DeSantis, Florida has somehow managed to break the daily coronavirus hospitalization record set during the crisis’ pre-vaccine, headless chicken days. And then they broke it again. And again. Of course, similar (and similarly preventable) outbreaks are occurring all over the place, well, at least where Republicans are in charge: Alabama, Missouri, Texas, etc., but let’s focus on Ron-Ron for now.

As the Delta variant ravages his state, causing hundreds of senseless, unnecessary deaths, DeSantis has responded, and alien anthropologists, I SWEAR I am not fucking with you here, by blocking school districts from imposing mask mandates. So he’s forcing children into an environment science fully understands to be basically Golden Corral for Covid, while simultaneously prohibiting, under threat of funding loss, the use of precautionary measures widely understood to impede the virus’ spread.

Well golly, Cap, when you put it like that, it sounds MURDEROUSLY INSANE, doesn’t it?  Ron is less a “governor” than a serial killer, if we’re honest.

President Biden called Ronward out, for all the suffering n’ death he’s caused and continues to cause, and the response was a perfectly fascist tantrum which saw DeSantis offer his white nationalist base the comforting lie that illegal immigrants caused the whole problem anyway, because blaming dehumanized minorities for your own failings is the first thing they teach ya at Trump University. Somewhere in Hell, Goebbels is beaming with pride.

We know him primarily from his day job, dismantling American democracy in the name of subpar white dude supremacy, but did you know Kevin McCarthy dabbles in comedy? Yeah, he’s got a tight five on assaulting Nancy Pelosi with the Speaker’s gavel, it really kills at all the Proud Boy bars.

We’ve often wondered why McCarthy has refused to discipline Marjorie Taylor Greene, who continues using her platform as a United States Representative to incite violence at every opportunity; turns out he’s been too busy taking notes.

Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson takes home the coveted Disinformer of the Week trophy, for feeding great big honkin’ lies about both the Capitol Riot AND the coronavirus vaccine into the information ecosystem, earning as his prize the opportunity to utter a slur of his choosing over the intercom at his hometown Chick-fil-A.

Not since Valley Forge has America seen a defender of liberty as devout as South Carolina Congressdolt Ralph Norman. Norman is suing that nefarious tyrant, Nancy Pelosi, over the House mask mandate, because by gum, he was endowed by his creator with the unalienable right to spread Covid-19, which his fool ass caught, freely amongst his unsuspecting colleagues. They’re gonna put you on a postage stamp someday, Ralph.

Tucker Carlson took a little working vacation, to introduce his increasingly fascism-curious audience to the western world’s leading democracy-crushing dictator: Hungary’s Viktor Orbán. Ol’ Liar Tuck goes about his rube-radicalizing work with the diligence of a really well-prepared public school teacher, doesn’t he? Slow, steady indoctrination, beamed into millions of American homes nightly, by Rupert Murdoch. What a giver, that Rupert.

Missouri Governor Mike Parson took a break from leading the coronavirus’ guided tour of his constituents’ lungs to pardon gun waving maniacs Mark and Patricia McCloskey, because laws aren’t for white people, silly Rabbit, certainly not rich, conservative ones, and you’re never getting any fucking Trix either. Trix and justice are permanently off the menu, hoss…come to think of it, you don’t look like you’re from around here, Rabbit, you got any ID on ya?

Oh hey, here’s a real weird one for you.

Seriously, I know we’ve seen some profoundly bizarre shit together, but I honestly don’t know if y’all will believe this.

Because it’s about an elected Republican not only seeking to alter public health policy in response to increasingly drastic conditions, but actually expressing regret for past mistakes. Arkansas Governor Asa Hutchinson must be some kind of cuck, willing to admit error like that, especially for sissy reasons like “keeping the residents of his state alive.” You’re no Dinesh D’Souza, Asa.

Y’know, if President Biden had simply taken a leisurely Ric Flair strut around the White House lawn over the latest phenomenal jobs report, he’d have been justified, but instead, Smilin’ Joe, clad in the fabled tan suit from which all Democratic Presidents draw their power, used the spotlight generated by all that good news to once again highlight the challenges presented by the Delta variant surge. And he somehow managed to do so without promoting hydroxychloroquine, bleach enemas, or even sheep drench.

Well, we’re heading into the home stretch for the Kickstarter for my latest comic book, Marguerite vs. the Occupation, so if you don’t act soon, you’ll miss out on all the Nazi-smashing fun. Reviews have been great, (check ‘em out on my Twitter timeline, I’m @CapShower) and I’m starting to think we’ve got something really special on our hands.

Like my previous comics, this one is a love letter to the folks who say FUCK NO to fascism. Check out more of our mega-talented art team’s work here http://showercapblog.com/marguerite-vs-the-occupation/

And back the Kickstarter here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/worthcost/marguerite-vs-the-occupation

Anyway, the campaign must end on August 19th, so get in on this, before all your Resister friends point and laugh at your comic-bookless ass.

Fabricated peer pressure aside, keep yourselves safe out there, my friends. We haven’t come this far to succumb to this fuckery now. 

8 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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What is "Sheep Drench," and Why Are Americans Putting It In Their Bodies? Depressing Answers Within! (Original Post) TheFerret Aug 2021 OP
BUT....we are the sheep!!!!! OAITW r.2.0 Aug 2021 #1
Ah, so good as always, my dear Ferret! CaliforniaPeggy Aug 2021 #2
K&R, Ferret murielm99 Aug 2021 #3
K&R MustLoveBeagles Aug 2021 #4
In my Spacetime travels, I've actually met the illegal alien anthropologist you address in this post Hugin Aug 2021 #5
We Are MAGAts, We Are Not Sheep! Na-hahaha! We're na-hahat sheep. TheBlackAdder Aug 2021 #6
K&R and thanks. nt tblue37 Aug 2021 #7
KnR for the anti-drenchers. n/t Hugin Aug 2021 #8

CaliforniaPeggy

(149,306 posts)
2. Ah, so good as always, my dear Ferret!
Fri Aug 6, 2021, 10:32 PM
Aug 2021

Believe me, I am keeping safe and my beloved husband too. We both want to live many more years so we can see more Democratic Presidents in our White House.

No way will we allow this fuckery to kill us!

Hugin

(32,778 posts)
5. In my Spacetime travels, I've actually met the illegal alien anthropologist you address in this post
Fri Aug 6, 2021, 10:48 PM
Aug 2021

A wonderful being. He (and I use the pronoun loosely because theirs is a species with five and sometimes six genders) is more than anything else fascinated with the majority of the Earth's creatures having only one or two genders required for reproduction. This 'guy' (a 'buffer' although occasionally looking more like a 'buffy' under certain lighting) marvels at how humans can insist that one is superior to the other with only one other with which to compare. It leaves 'him' scratching his various heads and chuckling.

The 'dude' has offered to show me via a hologram some of what I gather is pornography on the planet from which 'he' originates. In order to understand the elaborate reproductive strategies having so many genders entails. So far I have politely declined.

By the way, I've somewhat conquered the can-not-get-past-now conundrum I had faced earlier. I discovered that I can travel to the future in timelines which are harmonics of my birth timeline. In which, I can not travel past now. As a warning, I have traveled down some timelines where PEOPLE DON'T VOTE IN THE GODDAMNED 2022 MIDTERMS! Trust me, you do not want to go there. Not even for a peek. I guarantee you won't see anyone you know. They are generally toxic wastelands.

Once again, SC.

Thanks for everything. Take care.

TheBlackAdder

(28,076 posts)
6. We Are MAGAts, We Are Not Sheep! Na-hahaha! We're na-hahat sheep.
Sat Aug 7, 2021, 12:13 AM
Aug 2021

.

The Hoarse Whisperer
@TheRealHoarse
“We won’t get vaxed. We aren’t sheep! Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to the farm store for animal medicine.”




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