'Let them be kids!' Is 'free-range' parenting the key to healthier, happier children?

[Jilly_in_VA]

She describes herself as having been a “fairly cautious” parent before the pandemic, but Shannon now worries about her children’s safety more than ever. “The pandemic has made me more paranoid and fearful of other people,” she says. She has two sons, aged seven and four, and she’s anxious about them falling ill “because they are too young to get vaccinated”. When her elder son’s school reopened last year, she kept him at home. “We don’t go inside other people’s houses, and, if we have play dates, we do them outside,” she says. As a hospital chaplain in Indiana, Shannon has seen people dying of Covid, so her fear is understandable.

There have been benefits – her sons are closer than ever – but she acknowledges the downsides. “That social aspect of their development is something I’m definitely worried about. There’s a part of me that’s like: ‘Let them be kids,’ and there’s a part of me that’s like: ‘I need to keep them safe.’”

This safety-at-all-costs style of child-rearing is one many parents will be familiar with, even if the anxieties are different – and the pandemic may have highlighted it for many, or made it worse. From a child’s perspective, the past year and a half of lockdowns, closed schools and playgrounds has given a message: the outside world is dangerous; stay away from other people. It’s safest at home. If we are starting to emerge from the pandemic, now may be a good opportunity to rethink what kind of childhood we want for our children.

Lenore Skenazy, a New York-based writer and activist, advocates what she describes as “free-range parenting”. While she says, with a laugh, that she loves safety (“helmets, car seats, safety belts”), she also believes children should be given more freedom, which builds confidence and independence. We must trust them to make their own decisions, and – this is scary for parents today in a way it wasn’t for previous generations – allow them out by themselves.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/aug/16/let-them-be-kids-is-free-range-parenting-the-key-to-healthier-happier-children
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One of two articles on parenting I wanted to share

[Raftergirl]

1. I let my kid ride his bike to school 1 1/2 miles away

at the end of first grade (he is 27 now.) All the other parents were aghast!

They were equally aghast that I sent him to sleep away camp every summer for 7 weeks starting that same year (going into 2nd grade.)

I let him ride or walk to his friends homes, too.

When he had friends over and they would call me when arguing ensued i would tell them don’t bother me unless there was bleeding or broken bones involved. They learned quickly to solve their fights.m

[Lunabell]

2. I was a free range kid.

Pretty much felt neglected and uncared for.

We swam in creeks that were filled with moccasins. We walked miles down a road with busy traffic. Played in dangerous places like houses that were under construction. At 4 years old I stepped on a piece of glass that almost amputated my pinky toe. I wonder that I made it to adulthood.

I would never let my child be in that kind of danger.

[honest.abe]

3. Our 4 year old developed social anxiety we think due to our COVID people avoidance practices.

He was always a bit shy but in the past few months he has gotten to point we think its developed into social anxiety. He was afraid to play with kids his age, afraid to play in playground, after to go into kiddie pool if other kids around.

We have very been cautious due to COVID and the fact he isnt vaccinated. Whenever we saw a playground we would tell him no he cant go because it was dirty and not safe especially if other kids there. We think now we might have scared the little guy into thinking playing was dangerous.

Recently he has gotten better since we started taking back to playgrounds and specifically telling him its ok to play now... even though it really isnt with the new delta strain. However we are so worried he might develop some permanent psychological issues that its worth the risk.

It so sad that our kids have to grow up in with the crazy pandemic. Hopefully we can all get through this.

[Jilly_in_VA]

4. I was a free-range kid

As early as 3 1/2 I can remember running around the front area of our veterans' village apartments and in and out of the buildings looking for my friends, and hanging out with the rest of the kids. I think our moms could see us all from their apartment windows. An early memory is sitting on top of a trash can out back of the building sharing a sandwich with the neighbor's English setter whose name was Lillian. A little later I remember I could go behind the buildings, down to the "wash house" where the wringer washers were that served everyone in our part of the complex, and as far as the little branch library, being aware that I was not to cross the busy street. When we moved from there to a big university town, I walked to school by myself, although my mom paid an older boy a quarter a week to get me across the busy street in the mornings (she "crossed" me in the afternoons). I was allowed to walk to my friends' houses a block or two away to play; their moms would call her when I was ready to come home and she would come outside to "cross" me. Those boys and I were fast friends and played at the edge of the university athletic fields all that year. Then we moved again and I ran wild in the the little village where we lived, as did every other kid. You really could not get in trouble there. There was noplace to go and no way to get into trouble because someone was always watching you. When we moved for the last time I was still free range. I walked to school, walked to friends' homes after school to play (just called mom and knew what time I was to be home), and later biked all over the west end of the city. I signed myself in and out of school with a note from my mother and took the bus downtown for my dentist and orthodontist appointments starting in 5th grade. By 6th grade I could meet my friends downtown for an afternoon movie or to shop, and I could go to the downtown library by myself. By the time I was 12 we no longer had babysitters. My brothers were 10 and 8 and we were considered old enough to join in what was called in our neighborhood "phone sitting". Mom would arrange with a neighbor who she knew would be home to be our contact if we needed something while they were out, but we knew we were not to call except for emergencies. We had food and instructions. We felt quite privileged to be thought of as responsible enough to take care of ourselves so of course were careful not to get into trouble.

I can just imagine what kind of trouble my parents would be in now *sigh*

[MissMillie]

5. As with most things, moderation is key

Kid need freedom for creativity and critical thinking.

They also need boundaries.

[BumRushDaShow]

6. One thing that keeps coming to mind when I see this

is to wonder if it is the product of an "urban" and "suburban" experience because certainly for millennia (and currently), rural dwellers weren't drenched in non-stop "play-dates", children were in the oft-talked about "one-room schoolhouse" (or "home-schooled", which happens even today), and the interaction tended to happen mainly because those families had 8, 9, or even 10 siblings or through some nearby town's "carnival" or other regional event.

Of course that life did tend to prompt some to leave the farm (sometimes forever) but it seems that "modern society" has been so pre-programmed and automated that we sometimes forget (or don't even have time for) old fashioned "down time".

[SharonClark]

7. I was a free range kid in my mind.

Mom would send us off in the morning with a sandwich and told us to come home to pee or when we saw Dad’s truck. We explored the neighboring horse farm, the creek, and nearby county park. I fell off the neighbor’s garage roof onto a concrete slab and got a concussion. A couple of years later I was struck in the head by a thrown baseball bat while being catcher - another concussion. I walked home from school at lunchtime to make my own lunch because Mom worked. When I was 8, I road the bus with a cousin who lived near the bus line, and we went to Kresges to get a grilled cheese and coke. I loved my freedom but I don’t know that I would allow such freedom if I had kids now.

[marie999]

8. I was a city girl, Roxbury, a part of Boston,

but at about 6 years old I would go across Sever St to Franklin Park Zoo and spend the day. This was 1949. By 8 I was taking the trolley to downtown Boston to ride on the Swan boats, feed the squirrels, go to Lowes theater, and eating at Joe and Nemo.

[hunter]

9. I wasn't a free range kid. Me and my siblings were almost feral.

My parents are artists who had day jobs. They didn't have a highly structured lifestyle.

Thankfully our home was generally a safe place. That was true for any children in the neighborhood as well. Otherwise I might have turned out worse than I did. My autistic spectrum self was forced to develop some social skills.

There was always food, especially if you knew how to make something delicious out of rice, pasta, beans, government surplus cheese, stuff from the garden, and random meat from the freezer. Most of the random meat in the freezer was fish my dad caught, but sometimes there would be pork, beef, lamb or venison, courtesy some friend or family. The only home grown meat we ever ate was a few pigs and lambs, which is probably why I quit eating pork or lamb.

Three of my siblings left home at 16 for no other reason then it was just too damned crowded and noisy. There was always someone hogging the bathroom. I remember being envious of my brother's first apartment. It was in a rough neighborhood, he could look out his second floor window and watch hookers picking up sailors, or scary people selling drugs, but he didn't have to share his own space with anyone!

Later I felt sort of the same way when I was living in my car, or in the garden shed of this crazy Vietnam war vet. At last, a place of my own.

The funny thing is when my dad retired he and my mom ran away as well leaving my youngest sibling and his wife to manage the chaos in that house for a few years after.

[ananda]

10. We were free range kids growing up a long time ago.

The only disease parents worried about was polio, yet
we still roamed free.

Every one of us is still living and doing fine.

However, this pandemic is different. If I were a parent
today, my kids would not be free range until all vaxxes
and boosters were in place for them.

Period.