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A heartfelt Facebook post from Dr. Zeisig about her COVID experience
Public Facebook post from Dr. Nicki Zeisig(Since it's a public, shareable post, I'm going to include the whole thing)
I spent the last 7 days taking care of *part* of *one of* our COVID-19 units. I personally took care of 35 pts. Of those, 32 were unvaccinated. Their ages ranged 21-81 yo with 60% being 20-50 yo. (I am not a pediatrician, but yes the pediatric units are also getting hit hard with Covid-19). Included were two unvaccinated pregnant women. Of my vaccinated patients, two discharged after 1-2 days with more mild illness. My third vaccinated patient was on lifelong chronic immunosuppressants. My personal sample size is small but happens to line up fairly well with the demographics for hospitalized patients being reported nationwide. They are much younger than they used to be and the majority unvaccinated.
I must admit I mentally prepared myself to face a lot of obstinacy, conspiracy theories, and mistrust from my patients during this surge….I mean this is a self-selected population who chose not to get vaccinated, despite it being recommended ad nauseam by the medical community for the last 8 months. Yes, I had a few patients like that this week, but I was surprised that was not the case at all for the majority. On the surface, the world appears so polarized, but at the end of the day, we are all human and want the same thing—health and happiness. These people are so sick and feel so miserable. They are terrified because they’re in trouble, and they have finally realized it.
A paraphrased compilation of the conversations I had at least 20 times per day:
When will my breathing get better? I don’t know. Every person is different. When will I get to go home? When your oxygen is better. (Thinking: IF it gets better. You might need a ventilator soon.) When will my oxygen get better? It’s difficult to predict…a few days, a week, two or three weeks…some patients have stayed for months. Am I getting better at all? Well, you’re not getting worse so let’s try to focus on that. Am I going to be ok? We’re doing everything we can to get you better. (Thinking: Maybe? Maybe not? I hope so?) But really, do you think I’ll be alright? It’s too early to say right now. We’re doing everything we can. Time will tell. Can I get the vaccine now? No, it’s too late. How soon can I get it? After you recover. When will that be? Again, I don’t know. Covid-19 takes time. Doctor, am I going to die? You are very sick and that is a real possibility, but we are doing everything we can to get you through this. We have to take this one day at a time. What if I get worse? We’ll have to consider putting you on a ventilator. How long would I be on a ventilator? At least 2-4 weeks or longer. What would be my chances of making it? If you’re sick enough to require a ventilator, the survival rate has been less than 20%. Can you check on my daughter? She’s in the ER right now. Yes, I can. Can you check on my husband? He’s getting intubated in the ICU right now. Yes, I can do that. Hello? Hi, Mr. So-and-so. Yes? This is Dr. Zeisig. I’m calling to tell you we just had to emergently intubate your wife and move her to the ICU. Her oxygen was dangerously low. Oh my God. (Hear tears through the phone). I’m so sorry. Hello? Hi, Ms. So-and-so. This is Dr. Zeisig. Your father went in to cardiac arrest. We couldn’t get him back. I’m so sorry. (Hear weeping through the phone).
COVID-19 is a monster.
This week I was prepared to convince and educate my patients about any and every treatment we were giving. Again, there were a few who made helping them difficult. A couple patients became irate, yelling why have you not gotten me better yet?! I’ve been here two weeks and I was healthy before! Really? The nerve. Welcome to the pandemic. I don’t engage the nonsense or any degree of politicization (That’s like saying diabetes or cancer is political. Like what are you even talking about?) We don’t have time for ridiculous conversations right now. That being said, I found that the majority, unprompted, told me they “regret“ not getting the vaccine and asked me when they could get it. These people passed up on a safe, non-experimental vaccine that is 95% effective in preventing hospitalization and death, and yet NOW they were eager to get it ASAP…AND…eager to try any and every possible treatment we could offer, no matter how experimental. Most patients did 100% of what we asked and recommended out of pure desperation. The looks of despair and regret on many of their faces will always be burned onto my brain.
I was prepared to have my emotional guard up this week so I could mentally endure the conspiracy theories and being second-guessed constantly. What made this week even more difficult than I expected is that I didn’t have to do that very often. Instead, my patients tapped into the little emotional energy I have left to keep offering empathy. I gave them everything I have, because that’s who I am and I actually don’t know how to turn that part of me off no matter how exhausted I am. I celebrated and cheered on their small victories when we were able to lower their supplemental oxygen after many days, and I shared in their misery when things were not looking good even when it just meant listening or being present in the silence. They told me how appreciative they were of all that we were doing and how thankful that I was their doctor. And that’s all fine and wonderful. That’s why we all went into the medical field. This is what we do every day, without discrimination, because we took an oath to help *every* patient in our care to the best of our ability. But we are also human and allowed to have our own feelings. And quite honestly, I’m mad. I’m upset with patients for not listening when it mattered. I’m frustrated that society has gotten their “medical advice” from politicians and social media clickbait instead of medical experts for the last year and a half. Why did physicians and scientists spend their entire young adulthood getting an education if so many don’t care to listen? I’m mad that a small minority of (extremely vocal) physicians have gotten swept up into the political games, causing irreparable harm to the public. Above all, I’m mad I have to worry about my unvaccinated toddler’s health and social activities again. I’m left feeling more defeated for my patients, myself, and my coworkers than any other point in the pandemic so far. Know that my sentiment is being echoed loudly in almost every physician forum/meeting/Facebook group, hospital-wide email, and essentially every conversation between any two hospital healthcare workers right now. This was preventable.
As a full time hospitalist for the last year and a half, my colleagues and I have each personally taken care of hundreds of hospitalized patients with COVID-19. We are also 9 months into vaccinating about half of Texas. You know how many hospitalized patients I’ve personally cared for due to effects from the vaccine? ONE. An overnight stay for fever, dehydration, and body aches that all resolved the next day (indicating a vaccine that is doing its job). When cases were low before Delta, the decision for all of us felt like it was vaccine vs. no vaccine. The situation has changed. Due to rapid uncontrolled spread, the decision now is vaccine vs. COVID-19 infection. You’re going to want that vaccine. How each of us fairs COVID-19 is not something to roll the dice on, let alone during a time when there may not be a bed, nurse or doctor to efficiently take care of you.
So, I urge everyone…if you plan to rush to us when you’re sick, which to me means you trust us enough to try to save your life, just trust us NOW.
People of all ages are needlessly dying. Healthcare workers are breaking (and quitting). We’re not looking for praise or sympathy. Gone are the days of feeling like “healthcare heroes.” I feel we are more like captives of the pandemic at this point. What we want is action and changed behavior. This pandemic life we’re all living is not sustainable. We have to stop killing ourselves and each other, both figuratively and literally. We can do that by all getting vaccinated and listening to what the majority of medical experts/organizations/agencies have been and keep saying. At least for now, the vaccine is working extremely well to prevent severe illness and death, near miraculously. When a new variant comes along that requires us to adjust the vaccine, we will. But we have to start by simply trusting and being patient with the science and the process.
Please. Go. Get. Vaccinated.
Stay safe.
And wear a mask. (I promise it’s much more comfortable than the ventilator.)
—Hospitalist/Internal Medicine Physician
**This post represents my own vulnerable experience and does not represent any institution or organization. I share it because patients have taught me that we are more emotional than logical beings—more so than we want to admit. The data and statistics just don’t seem to be getting through, so I hope this does for someone. Out of respect for healthcare and public health workers who are working their butts off at the moment, please no debates on this thread. Thanks in advance for your respect.**
I must admit I mentally prepared myself to face a lot of obstinacy, conspiracy theories, and mistrust from my patients during this surge….I mean this is a self-selected population who chose not to get vaccinated, despite it being recommended ad nauseam by the medical community for the last 8 months. Yes, I had a few patients like that this week, but I was surprised that was not the case at all for the majority. On the surface, the world appears so polarized, but at the end of the day, we are all human and want the same thing—health and happiness. These people are so sick and feel so miserable. They are terrified because they’re in trouble, and they have finally realized it.
A paraphrased compilation of the conversations I had at least 20 times per day:
When will my breathing get better? I don’t know. Every person is different. When will I get to go home? When your oxygen is better. (Thinking: IF it gets better. You might need a ventilator soon.) When will my oxygen get better? It’s difficult to predict…a few days, a week, two or three weeks…some patients have stayed for months. Am I getting better at all? Well, you’re not getting worse so let’s try to focus on that. Am I going to be ok? We’re doing everything we can to get you better. (Thinking: Maybe? Maybe not? I hope so?) But really, do you think I’ll be alright? It’s too early to say right now. We’re doing everything we can. Time will tell. Can I get the vaccine now? No, it’s too late. How soon can I get it? After you recover. When will that be? Again, I don’t know. Covid-19 takes time. Doctor, am I going to die? You are very sick and that is a real possibility, but we are doing everything we can to get you through this. We have to take this one day at a time. What if I get worse? We’ll have to consider putting you on a ventilator. How long would I be on a ventilator? At least 2-4 weeks or longer. What would be my chances of making it? If you’re sick enough to require a ventilator, the survival rate has been less than 20%. Can you check on my daughter? She’s in the ER right now. Yes, I can. Can you check on my husband? He’s getting intubated in the ICU right now. Yes, I can do that. Hello? Hi, Mr. So-and-so. Yes? This is Dr. Zeisig. I’m calling to tell you we just had to emergently intubate your wife and move her to the ICU. Her oxygen was dangerously low. Oh my God. (Hear tears through the phone). I’m so sorry. Hello? Hi, Ms. So-and-so. This is Dr. Zeisig. Your father went in to cardiac arrest. We couldn’t get him back. I’m so sorry. (Hear weeping through the phone).
COVID-19 is a monster.
This week I was prepared to convince and educate my patients about any and every treatment we were giving. Again, there were a few who made helping them difficult. A couple patients became irate, yelling why have you not gotten me better yet?! I’ve been here two weeks and I was healthy before! Really? The nerve. Welcome to the pandemic. I don’t engage the nonsense or any degree of politicization (That’s like saying diabetes or cancer is political. Like what are you even talking about?) We don’t have time for ridiculous conversations right now. That being said, I found that the majority, unprompted, told me they “regret“ not getting the vaccine and asked me when they could get it. These people passed up on a safe, non-experimental vaccine that is 95% effective in preventing hospitalization and death, and yet NOW they were eager to get it ASAP…AND…eager to try any and every possible treatment we could offer, no matter how experimental. Most patients did 100% of what we asked and recommended out of pure desperation. The looks of despair and regret on many of their faces will always be burned onto my brain.
I was prepared to have my emotional guard up this week so I could mentally endure the conspiracy theories and being second-guessed constantly. What made this week even more difficult than I expected is that I didn’t have to do that very often. Instead, my patients tapped into the little emotional energy I have left to keep offering empathy. I gave them everything I have, because that’s who I am and I actually don’t know how to turn that part of me off no matter how exhausted I am. I celebrated and cheered on their small victories when we were able to lower their supplemental oxygen after many days, and I shared in their misery when things were not looking good even when it just meant listening or being present in the silence. They told me how appreciative they were of all that we were doing and how thankful that I was their doctor. And that’s all fine and wonderful. That’s why we all went into the medical field. This is what we do every day, without discrimination, because we took an oath to help *every* patient in our care to the best of our ability. But we are also human and allowed to have our own feelings. And quite honestly, I’m mad. I’m upset with patients for not listening when it mattered. I’m frustrated that society has gotten their “medical advice” from politicians and social media clickbait instead of medical experts for the last year and a half. Why did physicians and scientists spend their entire young adulthood getting an education if so many don’t care to listen? I’m mad that a small minority of (extremely vocal) physicians have gotten swept up into the political games, causing irreparable harm to the public. Above all, I’m mad I have to worry about my unvaccinated toddler’s health and social activities again. I’m left feeling more defeated for my patients, myself, and my coworkers than any other point in the pandemic so far. Know that my sentiment is being echoed loudly in almost every physician forum/meeting/Facebook group, hospital-wide email, and essentially every conversation between any two hospital healthcare workers right now. This was preventable.
As a full time hospitalist for the last year and a half, my colleagues and I have each personally taken care of hundreds of hospitalized patients with COVID-19. We are also 9 months into vaccinating about half of Texas. You know how many hospitalized patients I’ve personally cared for due to effects from the vaccine? ONE. An overnight stay for fever, dehydration, and body aches that all resolved the next day (indicating a vaccine that is doing its job). When cases were low before Delta, the decision for all of us felt like it was vaccine vs. no vaccine. The situation has changed. Due to rapid uncontrolled spread, the decision now is vaccine vs. COVID-19 infection. You’re going to want that vaccine. How each of us fairs COVID-19 is not something to roll the dice on, let alone during a time when there may not be a bed, nurse or doctor to efficiently take care of you.
So, I urge everyone…if you plan to rush to us when you’re sick, which to me means you trust us enough to try to save your life, just trust us NOW.
People of all ages are needlessly dying. Healthcare workers are breaking (and quitting). We’re not looking for praise or sympathy. Gone are the days of feeling like “healthcare heroes.” I feel we are more like captives of the pandemic at this point. What we want is action and changed behavior. This pandemic life we’re all living is not sustainable. We have to stop killing ourselves and each other, both figuratively and literally. We can do that by all getting vaccinated and listening to what the majority of medical experts/organizations/agencies have been and keep saying. At least for now, the vaccine is working extremely well to prevent severe illness and death, near miraculously. When a new variant comes along that requires us to adjust the vaccine, we will. But we have to start by simply trusting and being patient with the science and the process.
Please. Go. Get. Vaccinated.
Stay safe.
And wear a mask. (I promise it’s much more comfortable than the ventilator.)
—Hospitalist/Internal Medicine Physician
**This post represents my own vulnerable experience and does not represent any institution or organization. I share it because patients have taught me that we are more emotional than logical beings—more so than we want to admit. The data and statistics just don’t seem to be getting through, so I hope this does for someone. Out of respect for healthcare and public health workers who are working their butts off at the moment, please no debates on this thread. Thanks in advance for your respect.**
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