"Apologetic Nurse Informs Man Having Heart Attack There's About An Hour Wait Until Next Covid

[smirkymonkey]

Patient Dies"

https://www.theonion.com/apologetic-nurse-informs-man-having-heart-attack-there-1847564246



GAINESVILLE, FL—Promising to let him know as soon as something becomes available, nurse Janae Howager informed a man having a heart attack Thursday that there was about an hour wait until the next Covid-19 patient died.

“Sorry, we just had a couple large groups of infected people come in, so it could be anywhere from an hour to a couple days depending on how long they can hold on,” said Howager, revealing that something would definitely open up due to the virus’s high fatality rate, adding that he was more than welcome to sit in the lobby and have some complementary aspirin to keep his blood from clotting until it does.

“If you can’t wait, there are a few other hospitals in the area that you can try, but most places have overbooked their ICUs. Now, there are just a couple of people who were in a car accident and a gunshot victim ahead of you, but a few of our Covid patients’ oxygen levels are pretty low, so there could be a quick turnaround.” At press time, Howager was wheeling the man’s gurney into the emergency room early after someone died ahead of schedule.

I know it's just The Onion, but it's not really too far from reality, is it?

[dalton99a]

1. Kick

[KentuckyWoman]

5. Long before covid ....

A hospital in Lexington had to hold my husband at the ER, keeping him full of heparin and I don't know what else to keep him stable. Everyone was full. 3 days. Three.


He needed emergency bypass. Had to wait 3 days. Those nurses were incredible. I wonder where they are now and hope they are safe.

[MustLoveBeagles]

2. K&R

[nilram]

3. dark humor, and so grimly true.

[SheltieLover]

4. K&R!

[lostnfound]

6. The Onion has never made me cry before.

It’s just so tragically true.

😭 😭 😭

[FoxNewsSucks]

7. Like waiting for a table to clear at a restaurant.

I get that they can't deny entry, but hospitals should be able and allowed to triage and take an ICU unit away from an unvaxxed fool when it's needed by cancer patients, heart attack victims, accident victims etc.

It's bullshit that these proudly-ignorant piece of shit squatters have taken over the entire hospital system.

[Disaffected]

8. I don't find these posts and "articles"

amusing in the slightest.

Didn't notice at first it was an Onion piece and believed it all.

[smirkymonkey]

14. I posted the link to the Onion right up front.

If you didn't notice that, it's on you. Also, lighten up. It's not meant to be taken seriously.

Can we not recognize satire when we see it?

[kcr]

19. You can't see the link in the post title

I thought it was real as well until I clicked into this thread and saw the rest of it. There are actual stories pretty damn close.

[Retired Engineer Bob]

9. The Onion has lost it's relevance I'm afraid

[smirkymonkey]

15. Really?

Because you personally don't find this kind of satire amusing? Well, let's shut it all down then.

[Retired Engineer Bob]

22. I'm sorry, I wasn't very clear in my remark

I am very amused by sarcasm, and enjoy the Onion. The last thing I want to do is shut it down.

What I was trying to convey is that in these days of TFG inspired insanity the Onion may need to step up. In the middle of this pandemic and chaos we have:

Republican governors outlawing mask mandates.

Senator Johnson pushing horse paste over vaccines.

Folks refusing the vaccines and doctors but embracing internet quackery.

Mississippi enforces strict quarantine for those that test positive - solution, don’t get tested.

Those weren’t insurrectionists, they were peaceful tourists.

Trump won.

[smirkymonkey]

23. Sorry for being snippy. I know what you mean.

I guess I get a little annoyed when people complain (not that you were) about satirical articles from The Onion or Andy Bororwitz because they feel like they were "tricked" or something. People should know by now that these types of things show up pretty regularly here and the point of satire is not to "trick" or mislead anyone.

Anyway, my apologies, I hope I didn't offend you. I have been a little "off" lately.

[Retired Engineer Bob]

24. No harm, no foul

[krispos42]

10. I didn't realize it was The Onion until you mentioned it at the end

Satire is dead.

This is entirely way to plausabile, especially the DeathSantis running the state.

[Sapient Donkey]

13. Didn't register for me either until.

Mostly because my step-father found out he has a serious issue with an aneurysm in his stomach (I think) that needs immediate surgery. Apparently they would have got him in like right away, but there is a delay because of the COVID situation. A silver lining is that this has my Trump supporting parents wondering WTF is wrong with these people who talking down the vaccine.

[Hortensis]

18. Realized only when he was invited to sit in the waiting room. No.

Complementary aspirin.

[Ilsa]

11. I thought it was real.

Even the lack of compassion is appropriate due to burnout.

[burrowowl]

12. K&R!

[hlthe2b]

16. Not at all far from reality, except I don't see too many HCWs being quite so candid...

But, the waits are real and there truly are no real alternatives. Patients like this are waiting in ER entrance hallways hooked up to crash carts, in lieu of EKG telemetry because there really is no alternative in some cases.

[NightWatcher]

17. Step mother is a Respiratory Therapist in S Georgia and says this is accurate.

She says the wait for a vent is less than a day because they are losing one from icu nearly every shift, sometimes more.

She has one more year until full retirement, but we are hoping she quits sooner. She's the head of her department and cannot do this much longer. She's already gotten Covid back in March and got over it within two weeks.

Hospital workers are getting sick of the unvaxed and the sick altogether, its burning them out.

[LisaL]

20. This sounds entirely too plausible.

NT

[Elessar Zappa]

21. I love good satire.

Sadly this isn’t that far from the truth.

[Vinca]

25. That was my thought. It's probably actually happening.