Trump Claims He Fell Off Forbes's Richest List Because They Failed to Count Rubles

[Rhiannon12866]

PALM BEACH, Florida (The Borowitz Report)—Lambasting Forbes for dropping him from its list of the four hundred richest Americans, Donald J. Trump claimed that the magazine did not take into account what he called “secret rubles.”

“Let’s say someone has been receiving payments of billions of rubles for four years, and they’re buried in a vault under the Kremlin,” Trump said. “Those losers at Forbes wouldn’t begin to know how to count those kinds of rubles.”

Claiming that he has been “treated very unfairly” by the magazine, he said, “This should never be allowed to happen in our country.”

He scoffed at the Amazon founder Jeff Bezos’s status as first on Forbes’s list. “If you count rubles, Trump is a triple Bezos,” he said.


Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-claims-he-fell-off-forbess-richest-list-because-they-failed-to-count-rubles



Photograph by Brendan Smialowski / AFP / Getty

[sarcasmo]

1. John Barron and David Dennison are now on the Forbes 400 list.

[OAITW r.2.0]

5. Wasn't there a female aide of Trump's back in 2015

that was communicating as Trump PR....but was never verified as actually a person? It was on DU, plenty of speculation....

[underpants]

10. Couldn't find that but there is Mina Chang - fake resume and fake Time cover

WASHINGTON — A senior Trump administration official has embellished her résumé with misleading claims about her professional background — even creating a fake Time magazine cover with her face on it — raising questions about her qualifications to hold a top position at the State Department.

An NBC News investigation found that Mina Chang, the deputy assistant secretary in the State Department's Bureau of Conflict and Stability Operations, has inflated her educational achievements and exaggerated the scope of her nonprofit's work.

Whatever her qualifications, Chang had a key connection in the Trump administration. Brian Bulatao, a top figure in the State Department and longtime friend of Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, attended a fundraiser for her nonprofit in Dallas and once donated $5,500 to her charity, according to a former colleague of Chang's.

Chang, who assumed her post in April, also invented a role on a U.N. panel, claimed she had addressed both the Democratic and Republican national conventions, and implied she had testified before Congress.

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/senior-trump-official-embellished-resume-had-face-fake-time-cover-n1080356

[tinrobot]

14. Meredith McIver

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. Ah! I knew this was either the Onion or Borowitz!

[LetMyPeopleVote]

3. I love good satire

Link to tweet

[edbermac]

4. Don't forget the Donald's Chinese yuan as well.

[trusty elf]

6. ...

[Rhiannon12866]

7. LOL! Love It! Thanks!

[malaise]

8. LOL

[muriel_volestrangler]

9. Da, Donald - your rubles are extra safe with me. I put more of them there every day

Trust me - I let no one else see them at all. You can ask them. You have trillions! Now, about the US voting systems ...

[Girard442]

11. I was thinking the same thing.

I know it's Borowitz, but out here in the real world, it still makes a certain perverted kind of sense.

[MissMillie]

12. I knew this was Borowitz before looking! (n/t)

.

[Blue Owl]

13. Fomenting Fat Fuck Falls From Forbes