You Know When You Wake Up Mad At The Witches Who Live Two Doors Down For Something They Did In Your

[Nevilledog]

Link to tweet

https://www.wonkette.com/you-know-when-you-wake-up-mad-at-the-witches-who-live-two-doors-down-for-something-they-did-in-your-dream

Wonkette readers, introduce yourselves politely and carefully to Rachel Hamm, a Republican who would like to be the next secretary of state of California. Though, when you hear her story, what powers she has, what deities obey her commands, we won't blame you for thinking she ought to aim higher than secretary of state.

Hamm's announcement video is all scaremongering and bullshit lying about voter fraud, and it starts with a clip of the biggest liar God ever spat out of heaven. (Do we mean DEVIL? No, we mean Donald Trump.) Her entire platform is that elections are RIGGED! and that is definitely a concern in California, a state that came this close to going for Trump last time around.

And all of that is fine and great, but really, jackass white ladies with that Karen look on their faces complaining to the manager about Black people voting voter fraud are a fuckin' dime a dozen these days. You seen one? You seen 'em all. Can't tell white people apart, neither.

But how many GOP candidates dreamed a dream of telling Jesus to go arson murder some witches who live two doors down and Jesus was like "fuck yeah witch arson murder"? Definitely not more than five.

*snip*

[dchill]

1. What Would Jesus Do?

...go arson murder some witches...

Of course!

[LakeArenal]

2. Tell those witches. They should be able to take care of it.

Wait a minute....who are the witches here?

I forgot.

[muriel_volestrangler]

3. Goody Hamm for Secretary of State! 1690s, here we come!

That is, if the menfolk are OK with choosing a member of the female sex to be in a position of authority. I mean, it sounds dangerously rebellious against the Word of God ... Better stick with witchsmelling.

I don't know if you can access this in the USA without paying, but I recommend "The Trial of Elizabeth Gadge"

or
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b05qkfzy/inside-no-9-series-2-3-the-trial-of-elizabeth-gadge

[Celerity]

4. she is fucking nuts

[Solly Mack]

5. Wackadoodle