Mark Zuckerberg Changes Name to Mother Teresa

[Zorro]

MENLO PARK, CALIFORNIA (The Borowitz Report)—Mark Zuckerberg has legally changed his name to Mother Teresa, Mother Teresa confirmed today.

In an official statement, Mother Teresa said that he had changed his name to better reflect his mission of charity and kindness.

“The name ‘Mark Zuckerberg’ did not accurately describe my function: to be a force for good, spreading love and kindness throughout the metaverse,” he said.

Mother Teresa admitted that it might be difficult for some Meta employees to get used to his new name, but he said that he would give them until the end of October to do so.

After that, he said, any employee who refers to him as Mark Zuckerberg will be immediately “expelled from the metaverse.”

“Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind,” Mother Teresa said.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/mark-zuckerberg-changes-name-to-mother-teresa

[Maine Abu El Banat]

1. .

[dchill]

2. Well, it was either Mother Teresa or Snidely Whiplash.

[twodogsbarking]

4. I liked Snidely.

[Person of Interest]

15. I often confused Snidley Whiplash with Dick Dastardly.

[twodogsbarking]

21. Boris and Natasha were good, although they do remind me

of TFG and TFG's wife.

[UTUSN]

3. Bwah!1 - did Rhiannon pass the BOROWITZ desk over to you?!1

[SergeStorms]

14. I think it was wrested away.

Arm wrestling. Two out of three. Rhiannon broke her wrist during the second round. After she heals up there's a rematch.

[UTUSN]

22. Wouldn't be prudent to pick a team just now

[3825-87867]

5. So now it's confirmed!

We really do have a "Mother" running that social media!

(I think there's another word that comes after "Mother", and for the life of me, it escapes me at this moment! But I'm sure someone can think of it.)

[Ilsa]

6. I guess he discovered "Sonofabitch" was already taken.

There are quite a few that could bear that rebranding honestly.

[BluesRunTheGame]

7. MotherZucker

[3825-87867]

8. Close

but there might be a better one!

[reACTIONary]

11. +10 nt

[calimary]

9. Andy Borowitz!!!

[ananda]

10. Loud guffaws

That was a good one. Still laughing.

[SergeStorms]

12. I don't even have to look anymore.

It's either one of two things; the truth, or Borowitz. They're both equally absurd. 🤪

[reACTIONary]

13. Meta Teresa. nt

[AZLD4Candidate]

16. Torquemada Goebbels would be what his friends call him.

[hollygolively]

17. Mother Teresa was not exactly a saint. So it makes sense.

Mother Teresa put the church doctrine over the health and well-being of humans. She was against using contraceptives in places like Africa where the AIDS toll was huge.

There are a number of criticisms about her.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/mother-teresa-was-no-saint_b_9470988

[Coventina]

18. You owe my employer a new keyboard!

[2Gingersnaps]

19. Yeah, Erik Prince should have thought about that when he changed the name "Blackwater"

after it became synonymous with "unrepentant unaccountable murderous thugs." Then maybe next week Mother Teresa can have William Shatner walk on the moon. Then maybe something with puppies.

[SarcasticSatyr]

20. Mother Teresa was not a good person, so maybe it's a good comparison.

From Christopher Hitchens:

"She spent her life opposing the only known cure for poverty, which is the empowerment of women and the emancipation of them from a livestock version of compulsory reproduction. And she was a friend to the worst of the rich, taking misappropriated money from the atrocious Duvalier family in Haiti (whose rule she praised in return) and from Charles Keating of the Lincoln Savings and Loan. Where did that money, and all the other donations, go? The primitive hospice in Calcutta was as run down when she died as it always had been, she preferred California clinics when she got sick herself, and her order always refused to publish any audit."