Prime Minister David Cameron today announced that Scotland is to be released from Britain on the grounds of ill-health. Legal advisers for the country, which was sentenced to be part of Great Britain in 1707, had been seeking a parole hearing in 2014, but a decision has now been made to release it with immediate effect following medical reports thats condition is terminal.
Weve looked at all the evidence and concluded that Scotland is in a state of permament decline and wont recover, confirmed Mr Cameron. Many of the symptoms are untreatable: stinginess, a love of deep-fried foods, continually producing top-class football managers and a misguided belief that Irn Bru is for drinking. Its only fair that we let Scotland slip away peacefully into national self-determination.
Scotlands representative Alex Salmond welcomed the announcement. Morally, this is the right thing to do, he told reporters. Scotland should be allowed to die at home with dignity although between you and me Ive got a feeling its chances of survival might be a bit better than Mr Cameron thinks.
The move has been criticised by American senator Robert Menendez, however. This is a real kick in the teeth for all American citizens who have been victims of Scotland over the years, he argued. Hundreds of innocent Americans have been forced to eat haggis on holidays to Scotland, and lets not forget all the so-called pop acts theyve wilfully inflicted on us Lulu, the Bay City Rollers, Susan Boyle. And dont even get me started on tartan. Its a disgrace, and Britain should be ashamed that its even considering setting Scotland free.
http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2012/01/11/scotland-to-be-released-on-compassionate-grounds/