Couple Finally Reveals Child's Gender, Five Years After Birth

[The Straight Story]

It's a boy! And he's five. Beck Laxton, 46, and partner Kieran Cooper, 44, have spent half the decade concealing the gender of their son, Sasha.

"I wanted to avoid all that stereotyping," Laxton said in an interview with the Cambridge News. "Stereotypes seem fundamentally stupid. Why would you want to slot people into boxes?"

Take a look at the most controversial parenting stories of the year.

Laxton, a UK-based web editor, and her partner, Cooper, decided to keep Sasha's sex a secret when he was still in the womb. The birth announcement stated the name of the gender-neutral name of their child, but skipped the big reveal. Up until recently, the couple only told a few close friends and family members that Sasha was a boy and managed to keep the rest of the world in the dark. But now that he's starting school the secret's out.

For years, Becks has been referring to her child, the youngest of three, as "the infant" on her personal blog. But guarding the public from her son's gender was only part of her quest to let her kid just be a kid.


http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/couple-finally-reveals-childs-gender-five-years-birth-180300388.html

[madaboutharry]

1. Parents like this usually have the kids with the most problems.

They think they are so much smarter than all the other the parents. I would love to be a fly on the wall when this kid is 16.

[JackRiddler]

3. Ridiculous stereotyping.

You don't know and neither does anyone else (especially someone who doesn't know these people personally) what this child will be like at 16.

This couple directed their trick at the rest of the world, you have no idea how they acted with their child.

There are also parents who abuse their children! Beat them, scar them a thousand ways for life. I daresay they'll have the "biggest problems," no?

[redqueen]

6. +1

I've seen so many outrageous comments about this story. It's actually scary. All they did was protect their child from stereotyping... and somehow that's seen as incredibly freakish and wrong. It says a lot about society that so many people get so upset over such a simple thing.

[PassingFair]

80. +1....we dressed our girls in pants.

They didn't LIKE dresses. Dresses are totally inappropriate for toddlers.

They don't protect the knees, and they trip the kids up.

One night we went out to a Spanish restaurant with my daughter.
She was dressed in a turtleneck and overalls. She was about 1 and 1/2....

She wanted to dance, so I put her down on the floor, and the guitar player
lifted her onto the stage and played while she stomped around to the
delight of the diners and the performers.

Afterwards, while putting her back into my arms, the guitar players said
something about what a talented little boy she was, and I said, "Oh, she's
a girl".

The guy blew a gasket and yelled at me for "dressing her like a boy".
It had never even OCCURRED to me that I had "dressed her like a boy"!

He was ANGRY that he had been duped.

What. Ever.

I've seen videos of how people react to babies when they are dressed
gender specifically.

People coo and talk about how "pretty" the "girl" babies are and they
can't stop talking about how "big and strong" or how "smart" the "boy"
babies are, when its the SAME BABY DRESSED IN A DIFFERENT COLOR.

[redqueen]

82. Yep...

lots of unreasonably angry reactions about this subject. It's odd.

And you're right that the reactions to the baby are immediate and almost universal, based on how the baby is dressed. It is literally insane.

[Ms. Toad]

93. Exept a lot of people will ignore pink frills

and STILL refer to a baby as "he." My assumption (after I noticed that phenomenon and verified it with other parents of girls) was that people subconsciously don't want to offend the parents of a little boy by suggesting it is a little girl. FWIW, I've been sharing this observation for most of 21 years and, until I shared it here recently, I never encountered any boys who were mistaken for girls.

[Ms. Toad]

92. Agreed. n/t

[alphafemale]

5. "The big no-no's are hyper-masculine outfits like skull-print shirts."

If they are not trying to influence his gender choice why would hyper-masculine be off limits?

Besides. I own TWO skull print shirts. Of course one of them is pink with sequins.

[xmas74]

49. My daughter owns a few.

One is pink and has a bow.

Skulls are in right now.

[Codeine]

94. My stepdaughter loves skulls and anything horror-related,

and she's as far from masculine as it gets. I think one of her skull shirts may be pink as well!

[originalpckelly]

15. I think the damage would have come only if the gender were other than the child's internal identity.

That's about it.

Raising a boy who feels like a boy as a girl or the opposite.

[Warren DeMontague]

16. The whole "IM USING MY KID TO MAKE A POINT!!! SO FUCK YOU!!!" thing makes me wary.

Seems it's more about the parents and the personal axe they have to grind than about the kid.

I know plenty of parents who are able to raise their kids in all manner of gender-accepting, non-pigeonholing and non-stereotyping ways... most people who are parents, and any good at it, figure out pretty early on how to let their kids be who they are, and to celebrate that.

The difference between that and using your kid as a platform to make a political or social statement, however, is huge. If you want to do that, get a bumper sticker.... or a t-shirt.

I also can't help but notice that it always seems to be the folks without kids, who've never had kids of their own, that seem the most enthusiastic about this kind of thing.

[mac56]

48. +1000

[Quantess]

2. The kid will turn out fine, as long as all those busybodies leave him alone

and not foist their anxieties and cultural baggage onto him. Hopefully people can just get over it and accept he's been a boy the whole time even though they weren't allowed in on the secret.

[JackRiddler]

4. Yup. Most likely.

[Darth_Kitten]

66. Parents think others have the time to think about their kids....

whn in actuality, no one really cares that much. The parents really need to get over THEMSELVES.

I'm getting a tad bored about the way some people use their kids.
No, the world doesn't obsess about your kids the way you like to think,they have other things to do, thank you.

[Quantess]

69. You and I may not give a rip, but there actually quite a lot of people in their community

who were upset that they couldn't know the sex of the baby.

Over time, I'm sure they became bored of wondering, but , no... there were a lot of people who couldn't stand not knowing. But I'm sure the parents loved the drama.

[Ikonoklast]

7. And no one really gave a care, which must bother them somewhat.

Must suck when you demand attention from the World, and fail so badly at it.

[redqueen]

9. Anywhere I saw this story posted

it generated tons of outrage, so... maybe more people noticed than you think?

I saw threads about it before the sex was known. The amount of "this is the worst kind of parenting!" nonsense was unreal. Yes, in a world where people beat and murder and prostitute and have sex with their own children, not disclosing the child's sex to anyone outside the family is clearly the absolute worst thing, ever.

[Warren DeMontague]

17. They are no doubt suffering from a case out outrage-us interruptus

i.e. when you were all set to get nice and frothy righteous mad about somethin', and the rest of the world doesn't play along.

I see it around here, all the time.

[Cal Carpenter]

8. How was this even "news" in the first place?

Has the world been waiting to find out the gender of this one particular child? Why? I feel like I am missing something.

[JackRiddler]

10. To give social conformists a chance to wring their hands.

[alphafemale]

11. Because the parents of this kid "whored this story out?"

Surprised they didn't say he was inside a weather balloon.

I think there may be plenty of people raising babies, toddlers, and pre-schoolers in gender non-specific clothes and toys. Or leaving said options non-judgmental. A girl playing with a Tonka bulldozer a boy tucking a doll into bed. Fine.

Just don't attention seek a media circus....idiots.

[redqueen]

13. Did they?

Is there any evidence that they called media outlets and actively shopped the story around?

[alphafemale]

14. How is it that you know the story then? Think about this please. nt

[redqueen]

18. Right... so...

As for not seeking attention, apparently that was their intent, to spread awareness of how gender limits people.

Apparently some people think that as long as they personally don't restrict their children, that those children grow up free of stereotypes or any input that pushes the child into one gender box or another. That isn't true, and that's what these parents (and others like them) are attempting to make people aware of.

So why the hostility? Where did the word "whore" come from? Do you think they're trying to profit from this, and that's what raised the comparison with the balloon boy's parents?

[joeglow3]

20. Have you seen kids with aborted fetuses signs or marching with Westboro?

Some kids will do ANYTHING, no matter how damaging, to their kids for their cause. These people appear to be no different.

[redqueen]

23. So allowing him to grow up without being pigeonholed

is really that bad? Or is it because he may be bullied for being different?

I'm really not getting the reason for the outrage.

[joeglow3]

24. Why are skull shirts and cargo pants out?

Yet, it is okay for a girl's pink two piece swimsuit? They have a clear agenda beyond what they are selling.

[redqueen]

27. Is a pink, two-piece swimsuit hyperfeminine?

I guess to some people it is, but not to them.

What's the big deal about missing out on two specific types of clothing anyway?

[joeglow3]

33. You know the answer.

If you don't know the answers to your questions, you will make sure you never do.

[alphafemale]

35. and then...so what if a child WANTS to wear cammo and go bangbang with a stick?

They would squelch that. They ARE squelching that.

[redqueen]

40. And that's worthy of all this outrage?

Really?

Limited clothing options and no gun toys?

[alphafemale]

45. Not outrage...just bewilderment.

If you forbid a bangnbang boy from going bangbang.

Maybe that is what a kid is. Want to wear Camo. Get over it.

[redqueen]

61. The language used and the hostility don't indicate bewilderment to me. (nt)

[TheCruces]

86. I'm wearing camo shorts and a football jersey right now

And I'm a girl. I also go target shooting.

I think these parents really just wanted to raise their son as a girl and call it gender-neutral.

[alphafemale]

25. "The big no-no's are hyper-masculine outfits like skull-print shirts."

Unless the kid wanted to wear something HYPER masculine. or something.

Can't you SEE how they are manipulating this kid for their own private circus of LOOK AT ME!

[redqueen]

26. No more than a parent who won't let their kids play with toy guns

are manipulating them.

They drew a border at certain outfits which they deemed to be overly masculine, so what?. I imagine they wouldn't have bought him little shorts with "Sweet" or "Juicy" on the backside either.

[joeglow3]

36. Funny you say that. I just read an article about toy guns.

Siad parents who try to hide them and/or disallow their kids from playing with them are actually doing them a disservice. Of course, they have educated professionals telling them the faults of what they are doing. They clearly don't care and are more concerned with their agenda.

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/toy-guns-do-they-lead-real-life-violence

" If your boys' gunplay draws scrutiny from the neighbors, "You can say, 'I don't believe it's good for boys to have adults always interfering with or dictating their play. We don't do that to girls,'" Thompson says."

[redqueen]

42. Yeah, I'm just gonna bow out now.

I just do not get worked up about parents who restrict certain types of games ... so I'll leave this subthread to those who do.

[alphafemale]

39. And those kids point sticks at each other and go "BANGBANG!!"

You try to stop kids from doing that at your peril.

[TBF]

60. Exactly. My restriction of gun toys didn't work.

My daughter plays with boys in the neighborhood so that is exactly what she would do - pick up sticks and pretend so she could fit in with the boys. So I realized sticking my head in the sand wouldn't work and I decided instead to use it as a way to talk to her about violence. She and her little brother now have squirt guns for the pool and a few toy guns that make noise. I think they kind of outgrow it though because my son is still into playing with them but my daughter has gotten older and is less interested in them now.

[auspicious]

71. In response to a different post

Hi TBF

I have two girls and one boy. My girls are more inclined to play with the so called (boy toys) and my son is very much into dolls.

[TBF]

73. My daughter is a total tomboy

which isn't so surprising because my mother apparently was the same way as a girl. My little boy won't play with dolls but he likes stuffed animals and toy kitchens. He is a pretty healthy mix I'd say.

[alphafemale]

72. I think it's a stage kids have to work through.

BANGBANG you're dead!

In my circle of friends we had a sort of informal contest as to who could make the best "Death Face."

We'd all creep up quietly on the "casualty" and usually erupt in laughter.

Then...

C'mon get up and play some more!

Plus, elaborate funerals for critters and toys.

I think it might have to do with first grasping the concept of death.

Wow.

Something I hadn't thought about in decades just came back to me. I had a friend whos mother was murdered. The mother was shoved out of a moving car and was run over by a car behind. My friend was a couple years younger than me, but ages older.

She wanted to role play that all the time. With me being the bigger stronger person shoving. And she'd always somersault and run away. Somersault and run away. I knew with a kid's clarity what she was doing.

The adults around us didn't even know that we knew how her Mommy died. You know how adults talk in a room as if kids are deaf?

Yeah, pretty much like that.

[TBF]

78. I think that's true -

what I've learned as a parent is to work with these things and try to find a way to make them teachable moments. Love the "somersault and run away" story - very interesting.

[Warren DeMontague]

29. If it's what the KID wants, I'm all for it. If it's what the parents want, it's fucked up.

And if you don't think a 6 year old is capable of having those opinions, you're wrong.

[redqueen]

32. I see your point.

I feel the same about raising kids in a religious household, without exposing them to other religions so they can make their own mind up.

I guess I just don't see this type of early upbringing as anywhere near as harmful. In fact I see it as helpful. Because you're right, kids do have very definite ideas about what gender they are, at a very early age.
http://www.advocate.com/News/Daily_News/2011/11/17/Anderson_Cooper_Interviews_Transgender_Children/

[Warren DeMontague]

51. Absolutely. And they should be free & encouraged to be who they are, and happy about it.

I think, in terms of relative "harmfulness", this situation doesn't come anywhere near, say, growing up in a fundamentalist household or an abusive one. My problem with these parents is it sounds more about what THEY want and their agenda than anything the kid himself has expressed.

[redqueen]

63. I get that,

everyone has differing degrees of what they think constitutes good parenting and fair limits and what constitutes going too far. I can see this being criticized for that reason for sure. What I don't get is the unreasonable amount of hostility that gets aimed at these kinds of parents. This has been done by more than one set of parents, and every time it's the same over-the-top reaction, and the same ignorant assumptions.

That's the thing I'm most interested in. Kids are beaten and raped/molested and prostituted every fucking day, so these incidents aren't even a faint memory of a past rumor of a blip on my 'OMG those horrible parents!' radar. What interests me most about these situations is some of the responses.

[Warren DeMontague]

74. I think a useful contrast is the situation with the boy who wanted to wear the princess costume for

Halloween.

Now, around here, I don't think it would be a big deal- but apparently there were "moms who were outraged" according to a link to that original story. Why?

If it's the kid's choice, who the fuck cares?

I think there's two different things regarding this story- one, people who are mad about fluid gender lines; really, fuck those people. Then there are people- like myself- who are put off by what appears to be a parent using their kid's life to promote an agenda. Again, if it's what the kid wants, I'm all for it. If it's NOT what the kid wants, it's fucked up IMHO. Just as fucked up as telling a boy who wants to wear a princess costume that he can't.

[Warren DeMontague]

30. You mean, aside from blogging about it.

Yeah, no one reads the intertubes.

[redqueen]

34. Lots of parents blog about their kids. I doubt most call that "whoring". (nt)

[Dorian Gray]

88. See

that's what bothered me most about it.

Most people would be unaware, but the parents gave interviews and MADE this a story. Nobody would care what gender their son was, but they gave interviews, and this became an international news story.

In the end, I never cared much, but I do have an opinion on it. My opinion is that their actions in courting publicity will harm their son more than anyone else. If they just raised him as they saw fit, nobody would care.

[ddeclue]

12. It's PAT!... LOL This is ridiculously politically correct nonsense...

[cherokeeprogressive]

19. Skull-print shirts and cargo pants are out, but shiny pink swimsuits for girls are in?

Doesn't sound one bit gender neutral to me.

[joeglow3]

21. Exactly. They have their agenda

[redqueen]

22. I'm guessing that's supposed to be 'camo' pants.

Cargo pants aren't hyper masculine, and this is a yahoo shine "article"... so the usual editorial standards aren't... well... they're even worse than eleswhere.

[cherokeeprogressive]

28. Would you say shiny pink swimsuits for girls are "hyper feminine"?

They pretty much meet my level of hyper femininity.

And FWIW, I'm guessing that it's cargo instead of camo. I've seen everything from camo stockings to camo panties to camo bras to camo stilleto heels. Camo IS gender neutral in this day and age.

I'm sorry but I see a situation where this unfortunate little boy is going to have to be chaperoned until practically adulthood in an effort to keep him from being bullied to the point that drives some kids to suicide. It's my understanding that British schools aren't the most friendly of places...

On edit, it's actually camo and cargo both it seems. The Cambridge News article the Yahoo writer worked from lists camo and "combats", which I'm assuming means cargo pants.

Sorry redqueen, I owe you an apology on that. I'll stand by the rest though.

[redqueen]

37. No, for me shiny and pink don't = hyperfeminine.

It could be based on the design and decorations, but not just those two things IMO

I think the 'chaperoned until practically adulthood in an effort to keep him from being bullied' is just a teeeensy bit melodramatic. All kids get bullied. Nobody would say that allowing your child to be openly nerdy, openly atheist, or whatever else would be somehow dangerous or horrible because they'd have to be chaperoned till adulthood.

As for British schools being worse than American schools (or any other ones) I've never heard it but ... this happened in Canada previously, so... maybe they're more friendly places.

[cherokeeprogressive]

41. You left out something, didn't you? Something to the effect of GIRL'S SWIMSUIT?

Shiny pink girls swimsuits are NOT hyper feminine?

[alphafemale]

59. yup

how conveeenient.

But they won't let the kid wear camo.

And they are exerting NO gender influence on the kid.

Riiiiiight.

[DFab420]

31. They didn't keep it a neutral secret.. They lied to their child and their family. Completely

Different then just not telling anyone.

Parents should keep their agendas out of their children's lives

[redqueen]

38. What? How did they lie to their child?

Or to their family?

It's amazing how similar the responses to these stories are.

[alphafemale]

52. They are trying to "create" a sans gender child.

That's just as wrong as any other shaming. What if the child is innately hyper-male?

He shouldn't feel shame about that. But he's getting that.

[redqueen]

65. So restricting two types of clothing is causing shame about hyper masculinity?

They're not trying to 'create' anything, as I see it. To me it seems like they're just trying to just let the kid grow up a kid, and not be limited to what other people expect from them or think is appropriate for them.

[alphafemale]

68. It's pretty obvious she doesn't want him to be hyper-masculine.

Even to the point of wanting him to sing in a higher voice.

Sometimes boys are naturally hyper-masculine.

She IS trying to influence his gender to NEUTER.

And on a Look at Me global scale.

ugh

Poor kid.

[DFab420]

56. Nvm. Re read the story.i am mistaken

[cherokeeprogressive]

43. Does he look like a happy kid? I don't know... you tell me.

My first impression is nnnnnnope.

[Mimosa]

47. OMG! NOT 'gender neutral'. Poor kid.

I'd say 'poor kid' if the child being 'dressed funny' happened to be a girl.

Those parents aren't helping their child, they're using the child we now know was born male. IMO parents owe it to their children to help them develop their own gifts, to provide a secure loving home and a good education. Too many parents try to live through their children.

[alphafemale]

54. Was this from their blog?

That is very obviously a little boy.

And he is very obviously not happy.

Poor kid.

[TwilightGardener]

76. Looks like a boy. An unhappy boy in a ballerina dress.

I think his parents have messed him up.

[TeeYiYi]

79. Same facial expression...

TYY

[Codeine]

95. A pink tutu with fairy wings is gender-neutral?

Fuck me.

[Poll_Blind]

44. I read the article. These parents aren't enlightened, they're playing one or more fucked up games.

PB

[Boudica the Lyoness]

46. Here is a link to her blog.

http://beckblogbeckblog.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2012-01-01T00:00:00Z&updated-max=2013-01-01T00:00:00Z&max-results=5

[cherokeeprogressive]

50. Nope. No agenda here...

"When we were singing this morning, I was asking for higher notes but Sash seemed only able to use chest voice."

[Boudica the Lyoness]

57. I read enough of her blog

to get a strong feeling the mother has issues. I think it's all about her for a start.

Poor little boy. She's been making fun of him on a global scale.

[muriel_volestrangler]

84. A blog 'all about her'? Wow. Stop the presses.

Looking at that blog, I can't see any mention of the non-revelation of Sasha's sex from the point at which Sasha is starting to walk ( Jan 2008; not that it's mentioned then, but I gave up looking further back), until Jan 16th this year, where she says a journalist from Woman is about to come and interview her.

I really can't see this 'making fun of him on a global scale'. Using gender-neutral expressions ('my child') is not 'making fun' of him. Or were you looking at a different blog?

I'd say the question is what made Woman, or the Cambridge News, do the interviews. That blog gives no clue that I can see. While I think she's been a bit silly (Barbie and cammo clothes out, so she is imposing her cultural values, whatever her claims of 'freedom' for Sasha), I can't see that we have evidence of a real problem for Sasha.

[Boudica the Lyoness]

85. All about her =

she is self centered and what she is doing is not for the infant's well being. It's about her. I didn't mean the blog was all about her. I think what feels good for her is more important than anything else. There is nothing gender-neutral about the pictures I saw.

It is easy for me to understand. If you dress your son up in frilly pink fairy costumes and take pictures of him and put them on the internet, for all the world to see, you are doing your best to make a fool of him. Doing that to my sons would have felt very wrong and so I wouldn't have done it.

My sons are 36 and 23 now. I have a feeling life would have been a bit weird for them, as little kids, if I did what she did.

[TheCruces]

96. Another thing that stood out to me was the diaper changing

Way early in the blog (when the boy is only three weeks), she posted that she didn't think they were changing his diaper enough and they were going to try to change it 3x a day. Now I don't have kids, but I've been around babies and I know they need to be changed WAY more than that. I feel bad that he had to sit through dirty diapers like that.

[redqueen]

91. Thanks for reading the blog

I was not all that interested but assumed what others were saying was giving an accurate impression of what is on there.

There have been at least three couples who have done this, not raising a 'Pat', or gender neutral child, but simply attempting to allow the child to have the freedom to grow up free from the cultural gender conditioning we all receive as soon as others are able to label us as male or female. I would say it is a very interesting way to examine the extremely strongly held opinions about how important such conditioning is... and that that's why various news outlets have reported on these couple's experiences.

As for cultural values, all parents do that by restricting various things or instilling values that the parents find worthwhile.

[Warren DeMontague]

53. Here's a big clue: "I don't think I'd do it if I thought it was going to make him unhappy" ...wow!

Great parenting! You don't think you'd make your male son wear a dress if you thought it would make him unhappy?

But you're not, ahhhhhh, totally sure.

Know what? I KNOW I wouldn't stick my daughter in a dress if I thought it was going to make her unhappy. No fucking way. Because it's about who she wants to be, not about my agenda for her.

[redqueen]

64. Where are you getting that they're forcing the kid to wear that?

They limited a couple of clothing styles, but are they also picking things for him to wear and forcing him to wear them?

[Ms. Toad]

99. The statement you are quoting isn't as clear as you are suggesting.

I took it to mean she wouldn't allow him to wear the girl's uniform if it (everyone's reaction to him wearing a girl's uniform) would make him unhappy - since it was in the context of a paragraph about starting school requiring him to get used to being a boy in his peers' eyes.

Bad writing.

[Union Scribe]

55. They're gonna dunk the next kid in nuclear waste

to see if it develops super powers. Experiments on captive people are fun!

[blueamy66]

58. That is alll kinds of screwed up.

Their "agenda" is gonna mess that kid up for life.

Hey, my great nephews sometimes let their Mom paint their fingernails, but Hell No on pink clothing or that silly outfit he's wearing in that photo.

Why couldn't they just name him a boy's name and let him grow up as a boy and then let him choose when he's older?

[ecstatic]

62. "...part of her quest to let her kid just be a kid"

And she failed miserably in that regard.

[HappyMe]

70. Good grief!

Okay mom & dad, your 15 minutes are up.

[IamK]

75. is it their kid or their science project? or both?

[Snake Alchemist]

77. Isn't this how "Sleepaway Camp" begins? nt

[rucky]

90. ...

Well played

[Snake Alchemist]

97. I was wondering if ANYONE else would know that movie :). nt

[SpartanDem]

81. I feels so bad for this kid

They say the want to be gender neutral, but then it says "The big no-no's are hyper-masculine outfits like skull-print shirts and cargo pants." What if the child wants hyper masculine clothes and toys? They seem to think themsevles enlightened and progressive for steering their kid away these things.

[auspicious]

83. Middle class parents?

I am surprised social services are not involved. They would be if they lived in the UK.

And most certainly if the parents happen to be working class.

[alp227]

87. they derail the gay rights and feminism causes. they FAIL at gender neutral by being restrictive.

[rucky]

89. Let the lifetime of therapy begin!

[Bucky]

98. The worst part is that they're raising their child as a Brit

This goes against nature