The DUzy Awards for the week of January 20, 2012

[The DUzy Awards]

[center][big][big][big]WELCOME to the DUZY AWARDS![/big][/big][/big][/center]

Your weekly collection of the funniest of DU that shows that some Duers have a liberal dose of humor to go with their liberal leanings!

This week’s improvement: being on time.

Note to Salma Hayek:I’ve changed my mind!

Note to Admins: Hey, since my real account has a star, can’t this one have one too?


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by 99th_Monkey

[big] I was told to post this here[/big]
"You shouldn't be seeing this, but if you are, please report it in the Help & Meta-discussion forum."

and have absolutely NO idea why .. or what this is about.

Please enlighten me.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] bluedigger [/font]
[big]1. All will be made clear to you in time.[/big]
Trust the process.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Broderick [/font]
[big] 2. Have you got your instructions yet? [/big]
The blue or red pill? If not be patient.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] MineralMan [/font]
[big] 3. A secret decoder ring will be sent to you. [/big]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] dixiegrrrrl [/font]
[big] 4. Thank you for reporting in , we have your number now. [/big]
That is all..........

H&M-D, Jan 14, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124028523


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by SwampG8r

[big] what the........[/big]
ok i come here almost every damn day
du2 then here
i am 100% jury approved
i am on at all different hours of day and night
and yet somehow i have been on 2 juries
2
and i see threads every day
"oh boo hoo hoo my thread got shot by a jury"....or..."whaaaah the jury didnt do what i wanted when i alerted"
juries all over the place
i checked my profile and it says 100% approved for jury duty
when will i be the lucky juror ......when oh when.......

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] scarletwoman [/font]
[big] 9. Well, nobody wanted to say anything, but the truth is - it's your bathrobe.[/big]
For gawdsakes get rid of that ratty old thing! It's a disgrace! No one wants to be seen with you in the jury box, it's just too embarrassing. It totally lowers the tone of the whole place.

You want respect? You want to be called on to serve? Please get yourself a nice satin smoking jacket. A subtly patterned silk ascot in muted tones would accessorize it nicely, and would most certainly increase your chances of being called upon to participate in the awesome responsibility of jury duty.

No need to thank me, I just want to help.

H&M-D, Jan 14, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124028609


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by cbayer

[big] What happens if I use the alert button in my inbox?[/big]
Does that go to admin?



[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] NYC_SKP [/font]
[big] 18. "Alert Button"? [/big]
"Alert button in your Inbox"?

Is that what the kids are calling it now?



H&M-D, Jan 13, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124028238


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] EarlG [/font]

[big]Pic Of The Moment: Victory Near, Romney Begins Push To Rally GOP Base[/big]


http://www.democraticunderground.com/101425893

Video&Multimedia, Jan 14, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10176651


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by zaj

[big] What happens if the GOP supports legalized Pot?[/big]
Just saw Jim DeMint saying that the GOP needs to embrace some of the libertarian ideas (that they aren't already) that Ron Paul is championing. The clip was framed in terms of winning some of the voters that RP is appealing to now.

The pot issue seemed far more adoptable than RP's foreign policy positions.

It seems like a low hanging fruit sitting there for the GOP to pluck, and in the process create a huge buzz among young people. And at pretty limited costs to them among their base.

So what do you think would happen in the national political dynamic if the GOP supported legalized pot?

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] LiberalEsto [/font]
[big] 12. Hell will freeze over [/big]
and the repukes will go skating

GD, Jan 15, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002171781


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by taterguy

[big] I object! I object!! I object!@![/big]
A jury just hid one of my posts. I'm thick skinned and I can take it. HOWEVER,

If the jury had taken the time to review the complete record, they would have known that the offending post was directed at someone who started the name-calling.

What good is a jury system if they make their decisions based on woefully incomplete information?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=6575524&mesg_id=6576029

[font color=#FF0000]taterguys is still nursing a grudge from the final episode of “The Sopranos” in this very funny meta-thread. Everybody that participated in the thread gets a DUzy![/font]

H&M-D, Jan 15, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124029095


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by hedgehog

[big] Dog hair in the washer -[/big]
We have two dogs who shed a lot. Our new front loader worked fine for about six months, then stopped draining. My husband had to spend an hour tearing it down to get to the filter (bad design, that!) and found it completely plugged, end to end with dog hair. So the question is, is there anything I can toss into the washer with the clothes that willgrab the dog hair?

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] zbdent [/font]
[big] 1. Thought this was about the aftermath [/big]
of Mitt washing the family pet ...

[font color=#FF0000]Gee, I wonder how he would dry the dog off?[/font]

DIY&Home Improvement, Jan 16, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1158299


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] originalpckelly [/font]

[big] This thread was hidden by a jury decision.[/big]
Or at least it will be when I'm done with it!

The Lounge, Jan 16, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/101834122


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by ellisonz

[big] At debate, Romney hedges on whether he would release tax returns[/big]
By James Oliphant
January 16, 2012, 8:05 p.m.

Under pressure to release his tax returns, Mitt Romney gave conflicting signals at the Fox News/Wall Street Journal debate in Myrtle Beach, S.C. as to whether he would make them public.

At one point, Romney was asked directly whether he would release his returns. He suggested that under tradition, presidential candidates typically release them in April. But he didn’t go so far as to say he would actually release his then.

In fact, it wasn’t entirely clear what he said he would do: “I hadn't planned on releasing tax records, because the law requires us to release all of our assets, all the things we own. That I've already released; it's a pretty full disclosure. But you know, if -- if that's been the tradition, then I'm not opposed to doing that,” Romney said.

But then he hedged. “Time will tell. But I anticipate that most likely I'm going to get asked to do that around the April time period, and I'll keep that open,” he said.

http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/la-pn-romney-hedges-on-whether-he-would-release-tax-returns-20120116,0,2357392.story

What are you hiding Mittens?

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] jberryhill [/font]
[big] 1. He's using this to distract from his birth certificate [/big]
You see, there's nothing interesting about his tax returns. By not releasing them, it builds up all this tension about what he's hiding until eventually - boom - he releases it and there's nothing interesting about it.

But all the while, you see, he is hiding the truth about his birth certificate.

Don't get suckered in. He's a Mexican.

Politics 2012, Jan 16, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/12511904


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In a self-deleted original post by DeathToTheOil

[big] This message was self-deleted by its author[/big]
This message was self-deleted by its author (DeathToTheOil) on Tue Jan 17, 2012, 03:08 PM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] NNN0LHI
[big] 8. My great-great grandfather was a French Canadian fur trapper [/big]
He came to this area and married a Native American woman about a 150 years ago. Intermarriage was very common during that time.

Lot of the tomatoes sold in this area(Illinois), are grown in Canadian hot houses already.

Best beer I ever drank came from here.

http://thevierling.com/

Not a big beer drinker but once I found this place no one could pry me out of there. Got there early and left late every day/night.

Don
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] jberryhill [/font]
[big] 13. Trapping French Canadians Isn't That Difficult [/big]
A plate of Brie, some rope, and a baseball bat is pretty much all you need.

Not really much fur on them, but they are tasty.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] LiberalEsto [/font]
[big] 16. Don't forget the snails [/big]
A few escargots in butter would do the trick if you're out of cheese.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] jberryhill [/font]
[big] 17. Snails are good for "line caught" French Canadians [/big]
But I've had quite a few of them chew through the line before I could reel them in.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] LiberalEsto [/font]
[big] 18. I believe they'll chew anything [/big]
as long as it's served with the correct wine

GD, Jan 16, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002174516


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by jorno67

[big] just curious...who alerts the most?[/big]
I was just wondering who is the DU serial alerter...if there is one.
Who's had the most alerts upheld and who has had the most overturned?
Is there a penalty for people who abuse the alert system?

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] PETRUS [/font]
[big] 1. I'd hazard a guess... [/big]
...but someone would probably alert on it.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Fire Walk With Me [/font]
[big] 5. I'm alerting on your assumption about the alert bandit. [/big]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Warren DeMontague [/font]
[big] 19. I FOUND THE BASTARD! RIGHT HERE! [/big]


H&M-D, Jan 16, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124030999


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] Renew Deal [/font]

[big] The next Jury outrage is on the way[/big]
I suggest taking a quick rest, because it will be intense.



[font color=#FF0000]Everybody in the thread gets a DUzy, except, Ptah, who gets 2 of them for Post #26 [/font]

H&M-D, Jan 19, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124032589


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by cthulu2016

[big] This is not a Joke[/big]
Herman Cain To Deliver The 'Tea Party' State Of The Union Response

Sacramento, CA – Tea Party Express, the nation’s largest tea party political action committee, is announcing that Herman Cain will be delivering the Tea Party State of the Union response at the National Press Club in Washington, D.C., on the evening of January 24th, 2012.

Sal Russo, Chief Strategist of the Tea Party Express, said, “We are excited to have Herman Cain deliver the 2nd Tea Party State of the Union response next week. Americans are fed up with the Washington politics that fail to address America’s fiscal woes. The Tea Party Express has called for reducing the size, cost and intrusiveness of the federal government, and we have stood strongly for pro-growth policies to get the economy growing and job creation increased.

...

http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/updates/4334

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] JBoy [/font]
[big] 4. Hopefully Obama mentions Uzbekistan [/big]

GD, Jan 19, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002189259


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] PCIntern [/font]

[big] I'll be released from the hospital in about two weeks... [/big]
last night I came home, was getting ready for bed, and I suggested to my wife that we should have an open marriage, because there is this really really hot woman in my practice who is after me in the worst way.

I awakened an hour later in the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania Emergency Room. They told me to be careful of post-concussion syndrome and that my arms and legs would function pretty well once the casts were removed. They weren't sure about the prognosis of the penile reattachment, however.

GD, Jan 19, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002187132


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by RandySF

[big] Romney becoming liability for Bain.[/big]
An email from the consulting firm Bain & Company to recent hires suggests that the presidential campaign of its alum Mitt Romney is creating headaches for the firm, particularly as it attempts to differentiate itself from Bain Capital, the private equity firm Romney helped found, which has received bad publicity in recent weeks.

The email, obtained by TPM, was sent in recent days by Graham Rose, a Bain partner in its Boston office, to recent hires from the Wharton School of Business. Rose, himself a Wharton alum, oversees recruiting for Bain at Wharton. A company press release from 2008 identifies him working in the consulting firm’s private equity and industrial goods and services practices.

The email reviews Romney’s history with the two companies, explains how the two companies are distinct entities, and expresses pride in Romney’s accomplishments while noting that the company does not play an active role in partisan politics.

http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/01/romney-candidacy-creates-intra-bain-headaches.php?ref=fpa

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Ian David [/font]
[big] 3. Romney is becoming an ass in the Bain. n/t [/big]

GD, Jan 20, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002192931


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] DeathToTheOil [/font]

[big] Palin: "The mistake made, in our country, 4 years ago, was having a candidate who was not vetted..."[/big]
The unintentional hilarity begins at the 1:05 mark.’

Do you see, America, why my Canadian ass---honest to God, no sarcasm---loves you so much? We can't fucking get this kind of comedy up here!



GD, Jan 20, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002185201



Special thanks to: scarletwoman, dixiegrrrrl, Ruby the Liberal, Fire Walk With Me, CaliforniaPeggy, beac, ellisonz, eridani, Hatchling, rocktivity, Renew Deal, gateley,



Submitted for the betterment of humanity,
-Krispos42

[one_voice]

1. K&R

[Broderick]

2. Good stuff!

[gateley]

3. Thank you, Krispos! You're my Friday night date! nt

[krispos42]

11. Sounds good, but I think the commute would kill me! n/t

[scarletwoman]

4. Oh my - that French Canadian trapping exchange just about destroyed my keyboard!

Thank you so much for all your hard work!

[Zorra]

5. Exceptionally funny batch of Duzy's, thanks nt

[ellisonz]

6. Keep them coming DU!

to Krispos for the hard work!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. Love 'em!

Absolutely hilarious, and thank you!

[PDJane]

8. Thank you........

And thanks to the funny people who make up DU. Mind, I almost choked on my tea a couple of times..........

[Ruby the Liberal]

9. Ahahaha!

This week's were priceless. THANK YOU!!

[rocktivity]

10. Let this be a lesson to you

DeathToTheOil changed forums after I nominated the thread, which I didn't notice until Friday afternoon. I figured it was too late to do anything about it, but mailed in the new link anyway. I can now boast of having either won or nominated a DUzy for four consecutive weeks -- most likely because I decided to make the effort.


rocktivity

P.S. Click here if you missed this year's "You Call This NEWS?" awards.

[lovemydog]

12. funny!

[krispos42]

13. And just FYI...

...the cat began snoring just now.

[scarletwoman]

14. Ah! the cat! I almost forgot!

Please give her my regards - when she's awake, that is. I consider her an integral part of the DUzy Award process.

[Lugnut]

15. DUzy's are the best!

Thank you krispos!

[Major Hogwash]

16. And to think we were off-line for almost a whole day!

Or was that just me?

[krispos42]

19. It was you

Home-made gin can have that effect...

[Louisiana1976]

17. I LOL'd--K&R!

[jannyk]

18. K&R!

[annabanana]

20. Ah. It feels SO GOOD to have these back.

I HATE to miss the funny.

[taterguy]

21. It's about fucking time I got some recognition around here

Now where's my fucking trophy?

[pinboy3niner]

22. Krispos says just go to www.whothefuckdoyouthinkyouare.com

Your prize will be waiting for you.

[taterguy]

24. I am skeptical about the legitimacy of that link

Do I look like I fell off a fucking turnip truck?

(That's a rhetorical question)

[pinboy3niner]

25. Good thing you specified 'rhetorical'

The turnip truck is still lookin' a little light in the load.

[taterguy]

27. Who said anything about a turnip truck?

[HappyMe]

23. Lol! Particularly funny this week!

Or maybe I'm just still drunk.

[PCIntern]

26. Thank you for the DUzy, Krispos...

I truly feel that I'm honored when I see one of my posts included...I'm not being sarcastic...

I know it sounds nuts, but I'm closer to my DU acquaintances than to almost all of the folk with whom I deal on a daily basis. DU is truly a "Great Society".

PC

[Spazito]

28. Very funny stuff!

Thanks for doing the work putting this together, it is great!

[Little Star]

29. Love these!!

[MineralMan]

30. Another collection of outstanding DUzy posts.

Many of them I had missed. Thanks!

[dixiegrrrrl]

31. My duzy award...will it be mailed or special delivery?

hmmmmmmmm?


Seriously, much appreciate your dedication every week to give us good laughs.
These were excellent.

[beac]

32. LOL & R! n/t

[Curmudgeoness]

33. Humanity IS better now.

Thank goodness!

[mantis49]

34. kicked

[surrealAmerican]

35. k & r

I almost missed these this week.

[dixiegrrrrl]

36. deserves a kick..........

[cbayer]

37. Excellent, Krispos!

[one_voice]

38. Kick.