Every Time You Have Sex Before Marriage A Teddy Bear Cries

[The Straight Story]

Every Time You Have Sex Before Marriage A Teddy Bear Cries

Which you’d be fine with. If teddy bears want to cry in the privacy of their own rooms, that’s okay. But this abstinence video also indicates that the bear will leap up behind your back and start talking to you. Out of nowhere. It’s completely animate, it turns out. And it wants to talk to this guy about how this guy thinks women are cuddly. Which is… a very odd way to think about people you are thimking of sleeping with. But that’s fine, too. The only thint that is not fine is being a grown man secretly taking advice from a teddy bear that only you can see or hear. The message we get from this video is not “don’t have premarital sex” so much as it is “run, lady, run.”

http://www.lc.org/dayofpurity/resources/

http://thegloss.com/sex-and-dating/abstinence-video-teddy-bear-790/

[oh08dem]

1. OMG!!! Pillow Pants is real!!!

Here's the real ending to the story: She dumps him and finds someone else; his self-confidence is ruined so he spends the next year or two taking it out on the bear.

[Quantess]

10. "taking it out on the bear"?

Well, they did mention the bear was"cuddly".

[RainDog]

12. LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!! n/t

[vanlassie]

23. Man I hope that bear is washable.

[Lil Missy]

2. And every time you masterbate God kills a kitten.

You just can't win.

[onethatcares]

22. wow, I just killed a kittie?

thanx for ruining that afterglow.

[Sherman A1]

3. Let us not mock Teddy Bears!

They need to work too....

[arely staircase]

4. so i guess she finds out about his bear friend on their wedding night? nt

[RainDog]

7. LOL n/t

[jakeXT]

11. And realizes humping stuffed animals is so much more fun

[Surya Gayatri]

5. Bwahahahahaha! At first I thought

it was a parody, but no!
That flea-bitten bear needs to go viral for the general hilarity of all!
What a gem Straight Story--thanks for posting.
This is why I love DU--for great stuff like this that I'd never unearth myself.
SG

[RainDog]

6. LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!

pedobear to the rescue!

[pinboy3niner]

8. Pedobear, LOL!

Smokey has activated his crisis team.

[jakeXT]

9. Looked a bit like the mastercard ad

[Lasher]

13. The next weekend his girlfriend banged somebody else.

[HappyMe]

14. Well, did I miss something

or did he screw the bear instead of the girl that night?

Then he plays 'Mr. Pure' on their wedding day!? Will we see the bear kill the wife on "Snapped"?

So many unanswered questions.......

[JackRiddler]

15. Yay! Marry as a teenager so you can have sex!

Is there any sign that significant time passed between the main part and the final scene? Hell no, it's like a week later, they're taking their vows and setting up for a lifetime of regret and recrimination (most of it after the inevitable divorce) so that sex can feel right! Because it's such a suffering otherwise. And you're telling me yesterday it was a bad thing if he stuck a rubber on and they did it, but now that they have Jesus's blessing they should start making babies right away? Pernicious stuff!

(And wait 'til he mentions the talking bear on their wedding night.)

[surrealAmerican]

16. Is anybody else reminded of a sci-fi short story here?

I looked it up. It's "I Always Do What Teddy Says" by Harry Harrison published in 1965.

[sendero]

17. Wow..

... I'm all for sexual responsibility but I'm not marrying anyone I haven't taken for a few test drives

[Tabasco_Dave]

18. The bear is his only true friend.

Only he can see the bear, only he can talk to the bear, the bear knows all of his secrets. The bear told him not to have sex and he obeyed, had he not the bear would be very angry.

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[Fuzz]

19. And everytime you have sex with your wife, a unicorn is born. That's why there are no unicorns.

[HopeHoops]

20. If that's true, the entire Build-A-Bear inventory is getting moldy from its own tears.

[wandy]

21. Thanks for that. Now I have to clean the nose coffey out of the keyboard, and I'm still laughing.

All I could think about was the TV show Wilfred.........

Wilfred follows a young man named Ryan (Elijah Wood) and his neighbor's dog Wilfred (Jason Gann). At first Ryan is suicidal, attempting to kill himself several times in the first episode. Ryan's female neighbor, Jenna (Fiona Gubelmann), asks him to look after her dog for the day. Ryan is taken aback as he sees Wilfred as an Australian man in a dog suit, while everyone else sees Wilfred as just a dog

Makeing it all the better Wilfred has a Teddy Bear.
Warning Adult content!

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