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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsA father wants a gun even though his son is on psych meds. Any advice?
By Christina Vercelletto for Parenting.com
Three weeks ago, I was printing out an Amazon receipt for a tennis racket. When I grabbed it from my home printer, there was another sheet underneath: A New York State gun license application. Signed by my husband.
My head was spinning, because although I was reading the words, it just didn't make sense.
The application asked whether he'd ever been diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder. It didn't ask whether anyone else in his household had.
I texted him: "WTF gun license??? Have u lost ur friggin mind!??"
It took him a few minutes to reply, during which I stared at the phone, waiting to read something that explained the incomprehensible.
"Calm down are u going to let me talk??"
My hands were shaking. What was happening? John is the most un-macho man you can imagine. He doesn't follow a single professional sport, preferring instead "Restaurant Impossible" or "The Voice." At parties, he finds more to talk about with the women than the men. He trolls recipe websites, trying to improve his formula for vegetable soup or baked clams. He goes to Bible study every Thursday. He has never once in the 20 years I've known him mentioned a gun. The visual of him packing heat is absurd.
I finally typed: "hope u r prepared to shoot me, only way u r bringing into
Our 13-year-old son, Aden, takes two psychiatric meds for depression and anxiety. He has ADHD and Tourette's syndrome. Asperger's was suspected, then rejected. Nobody seems to be able to give us an exact diagnosis, but he has virtually no friends his age. On his recent birthday, he received four Facebook greetings, which in the world of FB may as well be a negative number. He hates school because he is picked on. He spends a lot of time in his room.
<snip>
The rest of the discussion:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/parentingcom/my-husband-wants-a-gun-son-has-mental-illness_b_2498448.html
That father has a dangerous belief in his ability to control his son. Kids without problems can be tempted to break rules. And as the mother said, who knows what that kid is really processing.
Smh.....
slackmaster
(60,567 posts)That's the advice I give to EVERYONE who contemplates purchasing a firearm regardless of what kind of medical issues family members may have.
Also "a psychiatric disorder" couldn't be more vague. Most people with psychiatric disorders DO NOT pose a danger to other people.
Travis_0004
(5,417 posts)If he bought a good gun safe, and kept the gun secure, then I see nothing wrong with it.
easttexaslefty
(1,554 posts)Do you have any idea of how many kids that age kill themselves with "secured" guns? Sadly, I do...
It's a lot.
Are_grits_groceries
(17,111 posts)that there are issues in controlling him. In addition, the father may be badly underestimating his son's intelligence and determination. His assumptions may lead to carelessness. If that kid becomes fixated on that gun, there is a problem.
slackmaster
(60,567 posts)...there are plenty of other things that an uncontrollable child could get into lethal trouble with in and around any normal house. As long as the gun is less accessible than lighters and gasoline, the gun isn't going to be the biggest worry.
easttexaslefty
(1,554 posts)our your ass about things you have NO CLUE about.
slackmaster
(60,567 posts)Please try to be civil.
easttexaslefty
(1,554 posts)if you did, you would shut the fuck up.
Voice for Peace
(13,141 posts)when somebody tells you to "shut the fuck up"
is it helpful? productive? persuasive?
backscatter712
(26,355 posts)You know him better than I do, but one thing you could consider is talking to him about this, and explaining your concerns. Maybe if you persuaded him, he'll stay clear of the gun and treat it with respect on his own.
Discuss your concerns, suggest he take a gun safety course, make it clear that the gun is to be respected at all times, and kept locked up. If he shows responsibility, give him a little respect.
tblue
(16,350 posts)But wouldn't it be easier just to not get the gun?
backscatter712
(26,355 posts)Denninmi
(6,581 posts)That's right. Very few are dangerous and violent. I'm not. Not that I should HAVE to keep repeating that point, but I get sick of the people that just assume ....
I know I'll get flack for this, but IF the dad insists on buying it for whatever reason, maybe it could be used as a tool to teach responsibility and develop some self-confidence. Maybe the two of them could take a safety course together and then get into target sports as a father-son duo, while at the same time using the strictest safety protocols.
Teach the kid the right way to deal with anger, stress, and depression through some healthy outlets.
OK, let it fly ......
elfin
(6,262 posts)Look what it got her and 26 others.
Denninmi
(6,581 posts)Everyone is different.
easttexaslefty
(1,554 posts)I am a member of a online support group. The members have all lost their children to suicide. You do not want guns in the house of children. If you don't trust me on that do some fucking research.
Fer Christ sake.
GoneOffShore
(17,339 posts)It's really "horses for courses" and a weapon in the house - even locked up - is not the horse for that particular course.
Having read the entire article:
The child in question will figure out how to get into the safe.
He's on psych meds.
Despite his creative side he's into "first person shooter" games.
He has very few friends and he's teased at school.
Sounds like just the sort of household that "needs" a firearm.
Travis_0004
(5,417 posts)I decent quality safe (which doesn't need to cost thousands), is very difficult to break into. Short of him taking and angle grinder to it for a few minutes, I don't think he will break into it.
Also, there is no reason the parents need to tell him the gun even exists. Don't let him know the parents own one, and he won't go searching for it.
baldguy
(36,649 posts)They're useful against thieves because thieves rarely have either - unlike this particular young man.
Kelvin Mace
(17,469 posts)Never bet against the ingenuity of a teenager.
GoneOffShore
(17,339 posts)A few days later, John and I were driving to a family party. Aden was in the backseat with his iPad. "Mom, I just shot and killed 9 guys!"
"REALLY? Faaabulous," I said, as sarcastically as I have ever said anything in my life.
I felt dizzy when John said, "I should take you to the shooting range and teach you how to properly shoot. You'd love it."
So, I don't think not letting the boy know that there's a gun in the house is on the table.
tblue
(16,350 posts)They figure stuff out. If he wants that gun, he'll get it.
JHB
(37,158 posts)...and if possible off-site: rental storage or something.
Depending how the lock works: do not keep the keys in the same place or do not use the same combinations (or if a preset combination, store the combinations in separate places -- again, off-site to greatly complicate your son's potential access to them). If he insists that some ammunition be kept in the same location as the gun (i.e., "it's for home defense" , insist they are not kept in the gun safe but are also stored separately -- only a bare minimum of them (6?) kept in a misleadingly-labeled box or bottle in a location that your son is unlikely to look for them even if he becomes obsessed -- and that little bundle is then never used except in the unlikely case that you really do need them for "home defense" (i.e., don't draw any attention to them).
And don't get sloppy about maintaining this set-up just because it's inconvenient. It's supposed to be inconvenient.
Insist your husband practice properly maintaining it (cleaning, oiling, etc.) and that he gain and maintain his own skill with it (range time, practice). If he doesn't keep this up regularly, it and all the accompanying items get sold.
In short, make sure he understands that owning a gun is a chore, just like paying bills or mowing the lawn, It requires time, effort, and money, and if he's not willing to take on all of those he shouldn't keep it around.
That's all assuming you can't dissuade him in the first place. If you can't change his mind, insist he aboide by the reasonable practices and precautions outlined above.
tblue
(16,350 posts)The mom doesn't want it. There should be a consensus or else no gun. IMHO.
barbtries
(28,787 posts)i will not have a gun in my house. that's not up for discussion. if you must have a gun, we cannot live together. i had a boyfriend once who tested that. he found somewhere else to keep his guns while we were together.
Fumesucker
(45,851 posts)Not much use having it in an off site location.
pnwmom
(108,976 posts)and might find a way to defeat a gun safe.
Or the father might have a death wish and might accidentally leave it unlocked. . . .
slackmaster
(60,567 posts)The boy will sooner or later find himself in a situation where someone has not stored a firearm responsibly, or is handling it in a negligent manner. My dad taught me at an early age the lethal nature of weapons, and how to handle them safely. That knowledge has never done me any harm, and I have passed it on to more than 100 others.
backscatter712
(26,355 posts)The kid has ADHD and Tourette's.
That does not make him into a psycho-killer.
He probably could use some help with social skills, but instantly assuming he's a potential monster because he has some minor psych issues and takes medication is pretty damned disrespectful to the kid.
Are_grits_groceries
(17,111 posts)I am not saying he will be a psycho-killer. Do you really want to introduce a gun into a situation that is already unstable? What he thinks a gun can really do is unknown as it might be for any kid.
pnwmom
(108,976 posts)He's not someone who should have access to a gun.
backscatter712
(26,355 posts)I'm not gonna blow a gasket if the kid's denied access to a firearm, but people are way too quick to throw stigma at people.
Even here at DU, people have been stigmatizing mental illness, which I find completely unacceptable.
pnwmom
(108,976 posts)There's a relative in my extended family who's suicidal. I don't demonize her, either. But I'd move heaven and earth to keep guns out of her hands.
easttexaslefty
(1,554 posts)But it does make him a candidate for suicide.
pnwmom
(108,976 posts)impulsive behavior, and were bullied and had no friends?
If not, then your experience of guns not being harmful might not be all that relevant.
Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)I see the son's psychiatric condition as a red herring here. It's too dangerous to have a working gun plus ammo where ANY kids can get at it.
If the gun(s) is/are properly stored, then the son's psychiatric problems make no difference and normal kids won't be able to fool around with it and hurt themselves or others.
Most of the gun deaths with kids are just from kids fooling with them.
Further, if the kid is that unstable, then they'd better be watching the car keys and the knives, medicine cabinet and liquor cabinet too. But it doesn't sound like he is.
Matt_R
(456 posts)guns shouldn't have kids, or people that have kids shouldn't have guns?
Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)are dangerous.
The same as we control other risks in households with kids, we need to control this risk. A gun without ammunition is about as dangerous as a baseball bat. I presume there is a baseball bat in that household.
I think the woman's concern is off-base to an extent, because she is ignoring other dangers to which the boy is exposed.
However people who have operable firearms with ammunition available [not secured] along with children who are irresponsible are asking for trouble. Children do grow up, and once they have reached the age of responsibility and have been trained to use them, that changes. But in this boy's case, it might not due to the mother's concern over the boy's emotional state.
You don't want guns + ammo unsecured in a household with a suicidal adult either. Not that a person determined to commit suicide won't by another method, but still you do what you can. You also clean out the medicine cabinets and so forth. It's not going to prevent a determined attempt, so a rational person worried about that danger would also try by any available method to get the suicidal adult help - including involuntary commitment.
I'm not criticizing the mother for her concern, but I am pointing out that she may be deflecting her concern inappropriately onto the gun issue. There are many dangers in any household, and autos are usually also an extreme danger.
Pete Cortez
(31 posts)For kids under the age of 4, this is certainly true. For kids between the ages of 12 and 18, not so much.
Kelvin Mace
(17,469 posts)and using the gun on himself would somehow be less tragic?
The fact that his man made the decision to bring a gun into the house without consulting his wife and against her express wishes show he is placing his desire for a firearm over common sense, and his family.
This is not good and if he brings the weapon into the house, his wife should leave and file for divorce.
No Vested Interest
(5,166 posts)Likely Nancy L. in Newtown believed her guns were securely locked up.
When a bright but mentally disordered person lives in the same household, that person will easily find and know how to get access to the "securely locked" weapons. A household only has so many "hiding" places" for weapons or the keys and locks to secure them.
The owner has to sleep about 1/3 of an average day, has to attend to household affairs and personal duties such as bathroopm time, bathing, etc.
A motived or simply interested person, though disordered, will soon find know the owner's "secrets". Secrets are not easily kept in a household, despite the best attempts to do so.
Not worth the risk.
99Forever
(14,524 posts)... didn't have the same thoughts as you are expressing here.
Just saying.
slackmaster
(60,567 posts)She may have had an unrealistic view of her son's mentality.
99Forever
(14,524 posts)Let us know what she tells you.
Buzz Clik
(38,437 posts)pnwmom
(108,976 posts)or simply to find a key.
Buzz Clik
(38,437 posts)No gun means no accidents. Fair enough.
However, a proper gun safe won't be "defeated", and making the key inaccessible is part of being responsible, no matter what's in side.
pnwmom
(108,976 posts)would be not encouraging the boy to have anything to do with guns. Owning guns, at the very least, would be setting a poor example.
Buzz Clik
(38,437 posts)My nephew is a special needs kids. Sweet, feisty, but overall a pleasure.
His parents encourage him to be curious and bold, so they hold few boundaries for him. I have witnessed him grab the car keys, go into the garage, and start playing like he was driving. It was all cute until he started the car. My point is this: the problem was not the car, not the way in which the locking mechanism worked, or that my brother owns a car in a house with a special needs kid. The problem was their very poor control of the situation. (At ten years old, my brother was having the kid mow the yard with a power mower unsupervised. You get the idea...)
Again, no gun, no problem. And, maybe in a house with a special needs kids, any gun in the house is a disaster waiting to happen. So, I agree with you. BUT, if hubby wants a gun and won't take no for an answer, he damned well better have a gun safe and he damned well better secure the combination to it.
(by the way -- take a wild guess: Does my brother own guns?)
pnwmom
(108,976 posts)Different problem, though -- a daughter has attempted suicide several times. The last time she came home from the hospital they had to go through the house, removing anything they could imagine being a danger to her, in the days they had to wait before sending her into a long term treatment program.
The methods have been escalating, and so far, so far, this distraught young woman hasn't managed to get hold of one of her father's guns. He's always kept them locked up safely. Let's hope there's never a mistake.
Responsible my ass. There is NO way to make a gun completely safe, no matter how "secure the fucking gun safe is. Dream on.
Buzz Clik
(38,437 posts)What's so fucking funny?
We completely disagree on this.
Laugh on.
easttexaslefty
(1,554 posts)Buzz Clik
(38,437 posts)easttexaslefty
(1,554 posts)I know some that did. Belonging to a support group for suicide survivors teaches you a lot.
ManiacJoe
(10,136 posts)rightsideout
(978 posts)A gun in the house increases the chances of a gun incident substantially.
My best friend in Jr High committed suicide with a gun his father bought for protection. It was supposed to be locked up but somehow he was able to find the gun.
Tell him to forget the gun idea and play tennis instead. It's good exercise. I play tennis every Friday.
And if he needs to get that desire to shoot, go to the range and use their guns.
HappyMe
(20,277 posts)household that could be big trouble. Any gun should be kept in a top of the line safe in any household that has one.
edit to add -
People that are mentally ill are more likely to have violence done to them. I sincerely hope that this OP isn't another attempt to slam anyone taking any kind of meds.
Are_grits_groceries
(17,111 posts)I know they have strange side effects. What side effects that kid will have are up for debate.
HappyMe
(20,277 posts)need to find a new doctor. According to the story, no definitive diagnosis has been made, yet they are feeding him meds.
To me, this is kind of glaring problem number 1.
If the boy has been on meds for awhile, any side effects would already be obvious. I would imagine they have to make regular visits to the doctor so that medication levels are adjusted to the child's growth and side effects.
Are_grits_groceries
(17,111 posts)In addition, the type of meds and the amount can be very hard to find. You said they were feeding him meds. I believe they are following the doctor's advice. Feeding him meds is an extreme view of what they are trying. That implies indiscriminate use without any guidance.
As far as another doctor, that might be called for. However, they might have gone to several.
Running around from doctor to doctor when immediate results aren't apparent is foolish. They should be open to change, but there are no miracle cures.
HappyMe
(20,277 posts)to me as far as a diagnosis. I wasn't suggesting that they should continually change doctors. Maybe it is just the way this is written, or how I am interpreting it.
Thank you for your patience with me.
rug
(82,333 posts)He should take the time and money he's going to spend on his gun and spend it with his son.
If any of my children had a serious illness the last thing I would be concerned about is a home invasion.
etherealtruth
(22,165 posts)laundry_queen
(8,646 posts)There are so many other things he could do to 'bond' with his son. And I agree with the mom - if the gun is going to be so secure, then it will be useless in a home invasion and there is no point in having one. I don't get the dad's train of thought here - at all. If I was that mom I'd also be standing strong and refusing to allow guns in my house. I'd probably also not allow shooting games, but that's just me.
I feel for her. I'm a bit pissed her husband is giving her the silent treatment for 'not listening' when that's exactly what he's doing. Reminds me of how my ex manipulated me - often. He'd pout and give me the silent treatment and tell me my concerns were 'ridiculous' and *I* wasn't 'listening' to him. In his world not 'listening' to him meant I wasn't giving him his way. So her husband leaves a bad taste in my mouth over all of this. JMO.
Fire Walk With Me
(38,893 posts)And will likely be the last possible thing to actually occur.
Fire Walk With Me
(38,893 posts)We are building camps to remove and block such threats from the normal population. We can all get on with our lives and peace of mind knowing that such risks to life and liberty have been effectively and absolutely dealt with.
If you see any possible threat to another, no matter how small, contact the federal government by contacting your local police agency through the iWatch program. No threat is too small, no danger left unconsidered. If you know anyone suffering from even momentary depression or anything approaching visible or even suspected upset, call 911 immediately. Don't suspect your neighbor, turn them in!
but not unimaginable.
HereSince1628
(36,063 posts)Not long ago I remember posts that argued the left embraced the politics of knowledge and reason.
Now we are falling back on Medieval myths and astrology--It's the LUNATICS!
All mental illness is dangerous!
Medications for the mentally ill are dangerous!
Fear neighbors who have mentally ill family members!
Fire Walk With Me
(38,893 posts)and laugh them out of business.
Are_grits_groceries
(17,111 posts)I have dealt with major depression for over 30 years and have a good idea about how people react.
This is a specific case and the kid has tried to jump out of a car. Their ability to control him is not clear. In addition, any meds or treatments tried can have unexpected results.
You are the one extrapolating the handling or view of one case to assume that any conclusion reached in this case applies to all. If that kid wasn't already having problems, I don't think his mother would be as upset.
HereSince1628
(36,063 posts)and it's clearly endorsing a general suspicion of the mentally ill and their mystery meds
Are_grits_groceries
(17,111 posts)HereSince1628
(36,063 posts)Are_grits_groceries
(17,111 posts)How does this anecdote or what I have said demonizes anybody? You only respond with that?
HereSince1628
(36,063 posts)"My Husband Wants a Gun Even Though Our Son Is on Psychiatric Meds"
The story line can be succinctly summarized as "woman reasonably upset at husband for getting gun permit because son's dx and his meds are scary"
Are_grits_groceries
(17,111 posts)his specific problems.
Her summation in the title may not be your ideal, but she has some valid worries about her son. That does not mean the problems in this case should be applied to every other case.
No I am not pulling your leg. The wy that I view something is obviously different than you. That's why I asked.
HereSince1628
(36,063 posts)one justified step at a time.
This anecdote is published and linked because it validates fear.
Are_grits_groceries
(17,111 posts)it because it validates fear. I posted it because I thought it was a valid problem. Every person who has some type of 'mental' problem does not need to be vetted all the time or when considering gun ownership. It is such a broad category that many people fit.
There are people that it is valid to at least think about and discuss the issue.
You don't want all people with problems stigmatized. That is a valid point. However, you cannot shut down every discussion that comes up. There are those people with some issues that have to be given consideration. Otherwise everyone can go merrily on their way and do whatever.
I am very leery of lists of people with problems that are flagged. People might make such a list on a whim of someone. This is why I want clear open discussion so that the people don't get caught in a rush to judgement. Shut it down in public by complaining and it goes behind closed doors.
HereSince1628
(36,063 posts)I DON'T want every discussion shut down.
I'd prefer people not be in denial about the contribution they are making.
Denninmi
(6,581 posts)Perhaps we can make them work camps to keep them busy. It would be highly therapeutic.
Just like in China.
diphthong
(21 posts)nt
hunter
(38,310 posts)A man who disagreed would likely lose the gun and maybe a few appendages.
slackmaster
(60,567 posts)My ex was fine with me owning firearms, as long as I kept them locked up and taught her son how to handle them safely.
That was our deal, and I stuck with it.
avebury
(10,952 posts)you must make sure that the gun is 100% totally secure. I know someone who kept a rifle in his home. His son who had massive psychological problems (including 3 attempted suicides) also lived in the house. While his father was out of town, the son invited his ex-girlfriend (she had just broken up with him) over and used the gun to kill himself in front of the girl. The girl is lucky that he didn't kill her first (and believe me she was no prize). There had been no ammo in the house but the son had been able to go out and buy it. I got a call at work from one of his neighbors and I was the one who had to track down the father and tell him the news.
I had been living with this guy and, having been in a situation with a guy who was delusional when it came to dealing with a troubled son, would never allow a gun in my home ever again. His dad never came to grips with the situation and I was left having to keep my eyes on the boy constantly. I tried for months to get through to the dad and nothing was ever going to change so I finally moved out. I never lost one moments sleep over that decision because it had become an issue of personal safety. His suicide by shotgun came 2-3 weeks after I moved out. The boy's aunt told me that the family knew that the only reason that the boy lived as long as he did was because I had been watching him like a hawk. None of them blamed me for moving out.
Having a gun in a home with anybody with psychiatric issues is a recipe for disaster. I really feel for you because I do understand where you are coming from. You are also caught between a rock and a hard place because you son is your biological child and you are doing the best you can for him and your husband has not really thought the situation out with its relevant consequences.
Generic Brad
(14,274 posts)Knowing how strongly the writer feels about it, this sounds more like he is intentionally driving a wedge in their relationship.
Lars39
(26,109 posts)Instead of actively discussing gun ownership with his wife, he "accidentally" let her find the application for the gun permit. Sounds kinda passive-aggressive.
geckosfeet
(9,644 posts)And if his son is quicker and stronger than he is, I would advise him to be ever vigilant - better yet - do not carry it anywhere near him.
randome
(34,845 posts)Lars39
(26,109 posts)from his wife, yet every one is expected to believe he can keep a gun out of reach of a 13 yo? Oh boy. I predict a short marriage for those two.
ManiacJoe
(10,136 posts)Seems like an odd thing to do.
Lars39
(26,109 posts)DogPawsBiscuitsNGrav
(408 posts)The son's mentally ill. He's already proved he could be a danger to himself or others when he tried to jump out of a moving car. Moms right, they don't need a gun in the house with a mentally ill child. However, at the same time I understand, the dad should not have his constitutional right to own a gun infringed upon. This is a really slippery slope for all of us.
The tragedy here is that the actions of a few (like Nancy Lanza having a gun in her home with a mentally ill son) end up harming so many. Now we have 26 dead, the nation divided over gun laws, and the mentally ill feeling targeted and stigmatized.
petronius
(26,602 posts)But in general I'd say that buying a gun requires a prior conversation with spouse and/or housemates, and a thoughtful assessment of how you plan to store it. Any kids in the house need to be considered carefully - and the diagnosis (or lack thereof) of the particular child is just a tiny part of that...
appleannie1
(5,067 posts)teenage son was having problems. In other words we had guns in the house and removed them not only for our safety but for our son's safety as well. Now that the problem was corrected and my son is a prosperous adult, he has told us that it is probably a good thing we did because he thought of killing himself often and access to a gun would have made it easy.
s-cubed
(1,385 posts)As this was before Prozac, he was treated by a therapist for four years. While at camp, under supervision, he did target practice (rifles). His instructor said he was quite good, and could be a real competitor. My husband and I discussed it, and decided against letting him pursue this hobby. We did not stop him shooing at camp, even though we understood there was a degree of risk. We felt the positive feedback from the instructor and other boys outweighed the risks. It's a tough call to make, but in the situation described, I'd refuse to allow a gun in the house. But i think the author and husband need some help getting through this.
.
BTY, he's grown, married, with 2 beautiful little girls and he still plays violent video games.
Enrique
(27,461 posts)it is about that particular couple's power dynamic.
Bonn1997
(1,675 posts)Gender and age are actually much stronger predictors of gun violence. When he's 18, even if he's cured of mental illness, he'll probably be a bigger risk than now.
farminator3000
(2,117 posts)In other words, the same Congress that has funded most health research more generously than the governments of any other nation has specifically prohibited learning more about a problem that has killed about 400,000 U.S. citizens since 2000. Does that make sense?
http://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/focusing-on-gun-violence-could-pave-the-way-to-fewer-firearm-related-deaths-201301175810
Bonn1997
(1,675 posts)I care about the issue because it's just another way of stereotyping the mentally ill. I'd be really surprised if mental illness were a stronger predictor of gun violence than gender, age, and poverty.
farminator3000
(2,117 posts)the last one on page one seems to suggest mental illness is caused by violence.
more of a red flag against owning or being around guns than a predictor, but a predictor for lanza, say.
KittyWampus
(55,894 posts)As is a desire for fame/infamy and a feeling of victimization.
JohnnyBoots
(2,969 posts)They have the technology to do that. That way the safe can only be opened by dads thumb scan.
farminator3000
(2,117 posts)peace13
(11,076 posts)I think that adults who share housing should be in agreement before a gun comes home. In addition to that the thing should be locked and put in a safe due to the youngster in the home.
I feel sorry for her. Reading this article made my stomach hurt. The stress that this marriage is under raising a child with these special needs is huge. I don't think it will end well. Imagine if she were to leave the guy over this, she can be certain that her son will visit his father in a home with a gun that is more than likely not secure. The idea that the shooting range is a good place for this young man is insane. The safety of everyone there would be in question. Really, I think she is in trouble here.
LeftInTX
(25,245 posts)She should drag the husband to couple's counseling. If he doesn't agree to go, she should get counseling herself. I have an adult son with similar type diagnosis. My husband and I went through a lot too. We needed professional help at times to keep our marriage together.
Parents of special need kids often need help themselves.
It is not easy.
southernyankeebelle
(11,304 posts)she failed to do. If he has this need to have a gun just make sure it is locked up and hide it from your son. By the way my husband was in the military 22 yrs and retired and he only likes soccer. He likes cooking shows and the history channel. He also has more in common with women then guys. There are allot of the out there. He said not all men have this need to be Mr Macho. He said he knows he is a man. He also said if guys have a problem with that is there problem not his. He is right. You'll have a long marriage because he understands you. I've been married for 34 yrs.
farminator3000
(2,117 posts)that they are.
if you google 'home invasions' it looks scary, but if you look at what is really going on, they are gangs, or people that know each other, guns are stolen in home invasions, so what good are they really, etc.
it doesn't sound like she's living in a high crime area if she's buying tennis rackets and he's making veggie soup, if you will.
there are also police locks, panic buttons (or rooms if he's that paranoid), neighbors, dogs, plenty of other options.
baseball bat, crowbar, tae kwon do, hatchet, pepper spray for god sakes. plenty of other options.
definitely not a kid that should be encouraged to use guns. that's plain nuts. or really a guy that could handle a gun , either-
http://swampland.time.com/2013/01/16/your-brain-in-a-shootout-guns-fear-and-flawed-instincts/
Real gun battles are not Call of Duty, says Ryan Millbern, who responded to an active-shooter incident and an armed bank robbery among other calls during his decade as a police officer in Colorado. Millbern, a member of the National Rifle Association, believes there is value in trained citizens carrying weapons for defensive purposes. He understands what the NRAs Wayne LaPierre meant when he said, The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. But he knows from experience that in a life-or-death encounter, a gun is only as good as its users training.
Zoeisright
(8,339 posts)gulliver
(13,180 posts)With or without a safe, you don't get to unilaterally decide to bring a gun into the house. Happy wife, happy life.
Smilo
(1,944 posts)house without talking to your partner first - that is wrong - bringing a gun into the house where there is a child and not talking to your partner first - that is doubly wrong - bringing a gun into the house where there is a child with probable mental health problems and not talking to your partner first - wtf!
This couple needs to get themselves some counseling and learn how to communicate before the husband even thinks about buying a gun.
dickthegrouch
(3,172 posts)Hopefully, he'll then fail the background check and can't buy the gun. Problem solved.
(No, I don't believe a word of what I just wrote. I can fantasize, cant I?)
Pete Cortez
(31 posts)Destroying a family isn't funny.
dickthegrouch
(3,172 posts)She's already said "Over her dead body" does a gun come into that house.
barbtries
(28,787 posts)over my dead body will you bring a gun into my house.
Pete Cortez
(31 posts)...here's what I know. Ms. Vercelletto thought it was perfectly okay to publicly debase her own son, make fun of his friendlessness, and speculate on his capacity for mass murder. That in and of itself colors how I read the exchange she had with her husband, who comes off as considerably more reasonable.
TheBlackAdder
(28,183 posts)My son was prescribed 6 different medications to deal with allergies and asthma, by his pediatrician and pulmonary specialist.
He was taking Singulair, Rhinocort, Albuterol, Advair, Zyrtec and another one I cannot recall.
One day, he threatened to kill himself to his mother. This prompted an immediate call to psych services and enrollment with a psychologist. One of the first things I did was to review the medications he was taking.
It turned out that the combination of allergy and asthma medications he was taking created a compound that would induce symptoms of ADHD and depression. I slowly pulled him off of the drugs, especially the ones that had side-effects of high or lows. See many of these drugs either would make the patient hyper while others would be a depressant. The drugs were in conflict with each other.
LATER IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT SINGULAIR CAUSED SUICIDAL THOUGHTS IN TEENAGERS!
My son is no longer taking any medication, just a rescue inhaler, which he uses once a year or so.
The taking of these drugs seemed to have also induced or exacerbated his breathing difficulties - which led to more drug prescriptions. The way they were mixing seemed to have relaxed his breathing abilities while depressing his thoughts. The other drugs excited him which tired him out.
In 2 months, after my son was completely pulled off of all this prescriptions, he won a class award...
THE MOST IMPROVED STUDENT OF THE YEAR AND RECEIVED TICKETS TO A BASEBALL GAME AND WALKED ON THE FIELD PREGAME!