Fox News to Shut Down for Routine Maintenance Monday Morning at 11:30 (disclosed by Borowitz)

[Mira]

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Fox News Channel announced today that it would shut down for what it called “routine maintenance” Monday morning at 11:30 E.T.

Fox News president Roger Ailes explained the timing of the shutdown, which will be the first in the history of the network: “We wanted to pick a time when we were positive nothing would be happening that our viewers would want to see.”
Mr. Ailes said that Fox had considered shutting down only once before, exactly four years earlier on January 20, 2009, and later regretted the decision to continue broadcasting that day: “It turned out that no Fox viewers wanted to watch TV that day. And I mean none.”

According to Mr. Ailes, for the twelve hours Fox News is off the air on Monday the network will broadcast a continuous photomontage of white people.

“Regular viewers of Fox probably won’t notice anything unusual,” he said.
After the routine maintenance is completed, Mr. Ailes said, Fox News will return to the air Tuesday morning with its regular broadcast schedule: “For Fox viewers, it will be like Monday never happened.”


Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/01/fox-news-to-shut-down-for-routine-maintenance-monday-morning-at-1130.html#ixzz2IRcJRm7V

[drm604]

1. Funny.

Gotta love Andy Borowitz.

[Gman]

2. I'm not sure this isn't true

it would not be out of character for Fox.

[drm604]

3. I am curious as to how (or even if) they'll cover it.

They'll probably cover some staged anti-Obama protests or something.

[onenote]

12. The same way they covered the first one

They'll show the swearing in, the speech, and other ceremonial events, just like the other networks. They probably will get the lowest ratings they'll get all year since their audience doesn't want to watch that.

[Gman]

14. I don't remember what they did 4 years ago

One thing is certain. Their original plans were to cover a Romney coronation.

[DearAbby]

25. They have spent the past few weeks

Ignoring the results of the recent election, they would have to explain why Obama was taking the oath of office, but on the bright side, only to those who live through the shock.

Edit to add...they have to have this down time, their credibility would be blown!


::clutching pearls:::

[BlueCaliDem]

4. IF this is true, then it only underscores that Fox "News" Channel is a pro-GOP, Pro-NeoCon

propaganda cable network, and not news at all. Because, seriously, how can a legitimate news station shut down on the day of the President of the United States' inauguration??

Then again, since Fox "News" Channel's parent company, NewsCorps, is owned by an Australian NeoCon and a Saudi anti-American "prince", the cable propaganda channel has no allegiance or loyalty to this country, does it?

[aquart]

5. Name one network or station that has ever shut down for that reason. Ever.

And you don't need loyalty if you have obligations to fulfill to maintain your license.

[BlueCaliDem]

16. Are private cable outlets beholden to those obligations in order to fulfill their

licensing agreement?

[onenote]

10. Apparently you don't know who Borowitz is.

Google is your friend.

[BlueCaliDem]

15. You apparently didn't see the IF in the subject line.

Reading comprehension is your friend.

[onenote]

17. There is no "if" when its Borowitz. Its satire.

I'm not the one with a comprehension problem.

[BlueCaliDem]

19. Yeah, there was an IF, so it's your comprehension that's lacking

and you're just too embarrassed to admit it.

The attitude was unnecessary - unless, of course, I had offended you with attacking Fox "News" Channel. Otherwise, all you had to do was point that part out since I'm no fan of Borowitz and don't waste my time on light political fare.

[onenote]

21. I can understand why you would be chagrined not knowing who Borowitz is.

After all, he is a well-known political satirist writing for a major magazine and this is a politically-themed board.

As for the rest of your attacks, given the lack of knowledge you've already displayed, there isn't much point in responding to them (other than to note that they're pure garbage).

[BlueCaliDem]

24. Yeah, well, he's no hero to me and less entertaining than Jon Stewart.

But whatever.

I apologize I've hit a sensitive nerve with you. I'll try not to offend your love for Fox "News" Channel by openly criticizing them in my posts when you're around. Deal?

[onenote]

29. I don't know why you keep accusing me of being a fan of Fox News

When the available evidence indicates that you are their target audience: someone who can't discern the difference between fact and fiction. So we have a deal, I'll ignore your the same way I ignore Fox News.

[TxDemChem]

6. You've got to be shitting me!

[Wednesdays]

7. I think it's supposed to be satire

That is, I THINK it's satire.

[TxDemChem]

31. I sure hope so

I replied after drinking quite a few hot toddies. Now that the alcohol has worn off , it is even more funny .

[1ProudAtheist]

8. One Quick Question:

IF the Faux News Channel did ACTUALLY shut down for routine maintenance, how would we possibly know, given that they NEVER report the news anyway, just biased opinions? If we were left to only see a stale white, imageless screen, would that ACTUALLY be any different from normal? Every single time that my TV winds up there, all that I see is white, and all that I hear is stale.

[Hubert Flottz]

9. Nobody but the FOXbats will give a care.

I'm a white people who NEVER watches FOX.

[chuckstevens]

11. It's A Joke, Folks!

The Borowitz Report is like a left wing version of The Onion. Thom Hartman reads his stuff on air from time to time. By the way, I really hope Mitt, Anne, Tagg, Blagg, Snagg, Ragg, and all the other Romney boys get a good seat on Monday!

[lpbk2713]

13. If so, they won't be missed.

All the mindless Fauxbots will be too busy crying their little eyes out to watch teevee anyhow.




      "WAAAH!! No fair!!"

[Initech]

18. Sorry folks we're closed. Moose out front should have told ya!

[Last Stand]

20. Time for the routine Company Colon Cleansing.

Just routine for the folks who are so full of shit.

[malaise]

22. Too good

[dogknob]

23. FOX is on in the next room...

So far the best thing they have come up with is repeated references to "the inaugural balls."

Referring to them as "the balls," etc...

They appear to be having a good time.

[PennsylvaniaMatt]

26. This was hilarious!

"According to Mr. Ailes, for the twelve hours Fox News is off the air on Monday the network will broadcast a continuous photomontage of white people."

[graham4anything]

27. LOL except that it is true too

[Historic NY]

28. Tweeting to provide a head popping service.

[samsingh]

30. funny

[Lady Freedom Returns]

32. I can see them doing that.

They have a following that believe it is the end of the US as they know it.


And I hope they are right that it is the end as THEY know it! Let's bring back the New Deal!!!