I can't believe this...I just got off the phone and I'M THE NEW POPE!

[RadiationTherapy]

I'm gonna be chill about it though.

[no_hypocrisy]

1. No offense, but I wouldn't wish being Pope on my worst enemy.

You're locked up in the Vatican until you die. That's no life.

I felt the same way when Diana Spencer got engaged to Prince Charles in 1980. If you can't run to the market to pick up some orange juice without a hassle, you've decided in error.

[MoonRiver]

16. No, you get to ride in the Popemobile sometimes.

I saw him going down the street in St. Louis once.

[monmouth3]

2. I'll offer my congrats to you but that's all you're getting...LOL...

[Tommy_Carcetti]

3. Nope, sorry. You're wrong.

I'm the new pope.

I was the 20th caller on the Buzzy and Happy Morning Show on WTYF, 96.4 FM, and I'm pretty sure they told me that the prize was that I got to be Pope.

So yeah, I'm the new Pope.

[JoePhilly]

4. Wouldn't God have just told you directly?

I mean the second that they selected you, even before the white smoke, God could just tell you directly.

I think someone is trying to trick you.

I hope you didn't give away all your stuff and buy a 1-way ticket to Rome.

[HipChick]

5. God has been speaking to me directly..

I am going to hit him up on those winning lottery tickets

[MineralMan]

6. But think of the fun you'll have trying on dresses.

The color choices aren't much, but all that gold thread.

[Control-Z]

8. The hats.

Ask anyone. It's the hats.

[MineralMan]

11. And those red shoes...

OMG! I have some red Converse All-Stars, but they don't hold a candle to the Pope's new shoes.

[Control-Z]

7. Nah. That was a robocall.

They went out to red states yesterday.

[Apophis]

9. Do you shit in the woods?

[Liberal In Texas]

10. Can I be Vice-Pope?

[Whisp]

12. lol. you made me laugh and I really needed that.

THE CURTAIN IS MOVING, THE CURTAIN IS MOVING!

[pinboy3niner]

15. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

[Whisp]

13. May I have the keys to your Popemobile?

I would love to ride it through ATA right now.

[JHB]

14. Well, I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition!

3, 2, 1...

[Ikonoklast]

17. The New Pope won't go over very well.

You're just like New Coke, here and gone and no one really wants to remember what a debacle that turned out to be.


You'll probably declare every Catholic to keep Kosher or go to Hell, right off.