Do you need to read something beautiful today? This dad sure loves his kid.

[DonRedwood]

Every once in a while you read about a parent who is...well...one of the best dads ever.

Please enjoy and have a good weekend.

Dad Overhears Son’s Plans to Come Out, Assuages His Fears with Preemptive Letter of Acceptance

Some people (ahem) need to wait until after their son comes out to show their support. Not Nate's dad.

the unidentified father writes his son an inspirational letter of acceptance after accidentally overhearing his express concerns about coming out to his family.

The letter is transcribed below (courtesy of Towleroad):

Nate,

I overheard your phone conversation with Mike last night about your plans to come out to me. The only thing I need you to plan is to bring home OJ and bread after class. We are out, like you now.

I've known you were gay since you were six, I've love you since you were born.

- Dad

P.S. Your mom and I think you and Mike make a cute couple.

More At:

http://gawker.com/5990745/dad-overhears-sons-plans-to-come-out-assuages-his-fears-with-heartwarming-letter-of-acceptance

[HappyMe]

1. All parents should be like this.

What a sweet, loving note.

[DonRedwood]

6. Nice way to start the day, eh?

[HappyMe]

8. It is.

With all the nastiness that goes on, it's nice to hear about something good.

[DonRedwood]

11. I think the dad did an awesome thing with the note

The kid didn't have to go through all that horrible emotional roller coaster. He woke up, found a note, all done.

Great dad.

[Bohunk68]

2. It is awesome, isit not?

I had seen this earlier this am on fb and shared it all over the place. Got more replies on this than other other things I had posted. Positive replies, I might add. It sure brought tears to my eyes.

[LuckyTheDog]

3. Nice!

Great letter.

[Whisp]

4. :)

what a great story.

lucky kid, lucky parents.

[Cirque du So-What]

5. If any of my children had been gay

I expect my reaction would have been similar to this father's, and I believe that my children would have had no reservations about coming out to me.

[DonRedwood]

7. It is still scary...my parents were cool and my coming out was awful

my cousin outed me in a bad way and it was terribly uncomfortable. It took a year to fix but now my mom and I are best friends.

[Auntie Bush]

74. What about your Dad?

[Arugula Latte]

37. We let our kids know at a very early age that we didn't care one way or another.

Once in awhile just slipped things into the conversation to let them know we regarded any orientation as fine. As it turns out they both seem to be heading in a decidedly hetero direction, but if that weren't the case I'm pretty sure they would have felt comfortable letting us know fairly early on.

[DonRedwood]

51. Now that is mighty fine parenting!

[Arugula Latte]

53. Why thanks!

Have to add, both of them get very angry when they hear about discrimination against gay people. One's in high school, one's in middle school.

[tavalon]

71. Me and my comadre were talking about our son the other day

and we both agreed that we would be totally cool if he was gay. But then we had to admit that he's been after the girls since he was 2. It really is hard wired one way or the other.

[Dpm12]

9. I wish all parents would be like this

I knew a girl who was gay, and when she finally came out to her religious parents, they kicked her out of the house. She is now a prostitute to survive. It's sad, really. She was living with her parents at 22 because she could not yet afford an apartment on her low salary.

[DonRedwood]

12. welcome to DU !!

But I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Maybe you can help her find a shelter until she is on her feet?

[loudsue]

10. That is sweet to the soul.

What a great dad.

[Victor_c3]

13. Awesome family

That is what a family should be about - supporting and loving your kids regardless. I've never had to experience any of this first hand, but it breaks my heart to hear the horror stories some people have regarding when they come out to their families. I could only imagine how difficult being gay is and your family should always be a bastion of support and acceptance.

If either of my kids are gay (they are 2 and 4 right now) I can assure you (and them) that my reaction will be just the same as that father's reaction. My children's sexuality has nothing to do with my love for them.

I love the post script.

Anyways good job, dad!

[Aristus]

14. Oh, man! I can't cry; I'm about to start work!

Beautiful.

Thank you. Thank you.

Life is good...

[motocicleta2]

16. I totally teared up, too.

That's what love looks like.

[DonRedwood]

50. Hello Moto! welcome to DU!

Very glad to have you here with us rabble!

[motocicleta2]

68. Thanks Don!

It's a welcome back, really, I used to be motocicleta and stopped around the time of most cynicism for me, 2006 or so, then I switched email accounts and don't remember my password. Although, come to think of it, I never thought to try and ask admins for help on that one. Anyway, I just re-started and darn happy to do it. Thanks again!

[mountain grammy]

15. Beautiful! Haters should hang their heads in shame.

[Delphinus]

17. Well that just made me cry.

What a great set of parents. Makes me think there's hope for humanity.

[siligut]

18. Me too

Not teary, just a big cry. Now I'm done.

Doesn't hurt that the printing is similar to that of most men in my life.

[allan01]

19. re:Do you need to read something beautiful today? This dad sure loves his kid.

Don't jump on me. This post is just my opinion, which I am entitled to. Thanks.
thanks for this post. my mom knew about me about that age as well being gay a choice , ha.

[DonRedwood]

54. I knew I was gay at age 8

100% sure. My best friend and I kissed and I knew he was the guy I wanted to marry.

[Janecita]

69. Did you marry him???

Please, say that you did. I'm a sucker for romance👬

[Arkansas Granny]

20. That is beautiful, indeed. Nate has some great parents.

[stevenleser]

21. I didn't see your OP and I posted this same thing in the LGBT forum.

It's worth posting 1000 times as far as I am concerned!

[sarge43]

22. Blessing for that father and mother.

If I had children and any one or more of them came out, my only concern would be the hassles they could get from the bigots. But then, they would have to deal with me first and they wouldn't enjoy that.

[liberal_at_heart]

23. that almost made me cry. That is beautiful.

[ZRT2209]

24. wonderful!

[DonRedwood]

52. Hey zrt! A Hearty Welcome to DU!

glad to have you here!

[ErikJ]

25. Out of curiosity how did he know he was gay at 6?

How old is Nate now?

[NoMoreWarNow]

32. that's what I was wondering too

6 seems awfully early to show sexual preference, and frankly a little weird that the dad would think this at that age.

[fizzgig]

33. it's not a preference

it is not chosen

[NoMoreWarNow]

38. but it is manifested as a sexual preference

so I don't know how you see that in a 6 year old.

[DonRedwood]

55. Girls and boys play differently

and some of those traits can really be defining. Our neighbor's son is 4, he carries a purse, only plays with the girls on the block, and he is always happy to carry his sister's doll.

Who knows how he will turn out...maybe he will be a very nurturing straight dude. But his parents recently told me they are kind of curious if he will turn out gay. (he was carrying his purse, pushing a stroller and wearing a towel on his head like long hair while we were having the discussion).

[NoMoreWarNow]

85. sure-- I agree

but the key is that you might guess they were gay, but you can't know for sure

[treestar]

89. Curious - I know a girl who has dolls but ignores them

and plays with cars (she has them around due to older boys) - can you make assumptions about her?

Kids need adult approval. They know what they are "supposed" to play with.

[joeglow3]

46. My oldest 2 boys are 7 and 10

I am pretty confident my oldest likes girls. However, he showed the same distaste for girls when he was 7 that my 7 year old shows now. Out of 2 boys, I would have no clue at 6 (my youngest is 4, so I will see if I can pick out his preference).

[grantcart]

49. My brother in law was born in a remote village in the 'Golden Triangle' a few miles from Burma in

Thailand and at the age of 6 refused to wear boys clothes.

Everyone knew.

[NoMoreWarNow]

84. but that doesn't necessarily mean you are gay!

just that you like women's clothes-- or maybe have gender confusion.

[MADem]

88. You could never tell my aunt that about my cousin...!

My cousin was "hard wired" at a young age, everyone knew it way back with his choices in toys and playmates, and he was out to our family WAY before it was fashionable, and before "out" was even the expression used. We all knew he was gay in the mid-sixties. We knew who his boyfriend was, he came to family gatherings, and we knew they weren't "roommates," that they were a committed couple. We didn't give a shit either way--he was a great young guy then, he's a great old guy now.

I will say I think our attitudes (which were a bit 'forward' for the era, I think) were very strongly and actively shaped by the generation of matriarchs who ruled the roosts, still alive a half century ago, who came up and were kicking their heels up in the Roaring Twenties. They had gay friends when they were younger, and they "got it" and they passed the lessons on to the next generation. There was much more tolerance and acceptance of differences amongst the "in" crowds back in those wild Temperance days. The parents of the Leave It To Beaver era were much more prudish, conservative, and disapproving than their grandparents who had spent time partying in speakeasies during Prohibition!

[hunter]

90. I had a similar family -- rebel matriarchs of Roaring Twenties Hollywood

Gay people were accepted and actively sheltered from a larger society that didn't accept them.

It wasn't ideal in many ways and often involved defending the "closets" from outsiders, but gay friends and family always had a safe place to be themselves beginning with my grandparents' generation. In my wife's similarly matriarchal family this acceptance began with her parent's generation.

My grandparents' most conservative siblings left or avoided California. I've never met some of my parent's cousins and there are a few I've met who are as religiously conservative, homophobic, and racist as the "red" states they chose to settle in.

[MADem]

91. We're lucky to have those kinds of roots that taught those sorts of lessons!

It's probably no accident that you married someone with a similar family outlook!

[StrayKat]

40. That's my question too.

Even if the kid did things that might make it obvious at an older age, it's really just too early in development to tell how someone will mature.

Labeling people with "gaydar" can be damaging, too. I bet there are more than a few out there who friends, family, and strangers assume are gay, but really aren't.

[ErikJ]

41. Lindsay Graham is a good example

[DonRedwood]

58. yeah....I'd bet a paycheck he's gay...

[DonRedwood]

57. Welcome to DU!

I can only speak for myself, but I knew very young (age 8) that I liked boys. The girl next door wanted to play dr and I was horrified and ran away. Later my best buddy and I kissed and I knew I was different.

sex roles are very defined in children's play. Dolls, trucks, sports...rough play versus nurturing play and, though nobody can know how a kid will turn out, there sure are some early signs that a kid might not be inclined to play in the typical way others of their own sex play.

but, a boy who is super nurturing might end up a nice nurturing straight guy. a girl who is super tomboy girl (like my mother) could turn out to be a straight lady who just loves to rebuild car engines. But a lot of times those behaviors during play can really give you a lot of information.

But you can't ever assume a kid is gay. But, no reason you can't build up that kid (every kid) to let them know you love them no matter what.

[StrayKat]

65. Thanks for the welcome. /nt

[FreedomRain]

43. six

so the father thought he was gay at 6 but kept it so secret the kid did not suspect all that time that he already knew. That IS the truly awesome part of the letter. It shows he tried not to put his preconceived notions into the kids head.

And yeah sexual preference manifestations that early surely do exist. They just aren't definitive, because people change and kids explore. But I can look back at the childhood of a few gay friends and relatives and say "yep the signs were there." Which is cool for science purposes. (as in 'not a choice') but generally NOT cool to label at the time it is suspected.

[ErikJ]

44. I remember I was very attracted to girls at 6 or 7 which I think is common.

But I dont remember if I let my parents know or if they knew.

[DonRedwood]

59. very good point and WELCOME TO DU!!!!

[FreedomRain]

80. Thanks Don!

After 7 years it's about time I got a welcome here.

j/k I know I don't post much. but I check out DU at east a few times a week, though I bet there was a year that I didn't even log in.

[NoMoreWarNow]

87. that is fine and true

just I thought it odd that the dad "knew" when the kid was 6. Maybe the dad was just putting things very simply, but saying he "knew" sounded odd to me.

[JI7]

79. same way people can sometimes tell if a kid thinks a girl/boy is cute

at that early age the feelings aren't very sexual. but you can find someone to be cute and want to hold hands . and as the kid gets older it can become more clear.

[TlalocW]

26. Yeah, but I hear the kid is pissed

He apparently over-prepared for it - had a Powerpoint presentation, pamphlet with copious footnotes, etc. to hand out. All that work for nothing!

Just kidding. This is sweet.

TlalocW

[BrotherIvan]

27. Love is always the best way

I think Nate's dad is also going to be a great role model for anyone who reads this and has children. "Don't worry, we love you." I am so sad to see my friends having children and the fathers who are very liberal instantly snapping into constant worry their son might be gay. Won't let the baby wear anything that resembles a flower or has a whisper of pink. Don't let his hair get too long or cut off his curls because they might think he's a girl.

I remember when my co-worker whom I had become great friends with came out to me. She was so scared and so nervous. I laughed and said, "I already know, we all know." She asked if the boss knew. I said, of course. Her eyes got wide and she asked, "Does he care?" as our boss was very conservative. I smiled again and said, "NO." It was so heartbreaking to see her worry for her job and the loss of friendships because she is gay. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose your family over it as well. I hope the day is coming soon where it is no big deal. Bravo Nate's Dad!

[DonRedwood]

60. Hey Ivan, welcome to DU!

And thank you for the thoughtful comment. :0) nice to have your voice here on DU.

[BrotherIvan]

66. Thanks, this is a wonderful thread

One of the most positive I've read here on DU. Thanks for being so active in it as well.

[DonRedwood]

72. :0) I prefer a friendlier DU with good conversations :0)

When an Original Post is mine, I feel it is my place to welcome new people who comment and steward a good conversation.

Other times I just rant and use a lot of !!!!!s..but still try to be friendly about it.

[Liberal_in_LA]

28. sweet

[arikara]

29. 30+ years ago

my aunt came out to me first in our family because we were also good friends. My response was, "I already knew that." Then we carried on with our day.
Our whole family knew before she told us and it was no big deal. I feel so bad for the kids who feel they have to hide who they are.

[noiretextatique]

30. same thing my aunt said to me

30+ years ago: "i already knew; i knew since you were a child...i was waiting for you to find out."

[DirtyDawg]

31. I'm reminded...

...of a story I heard some years ago that a friend told on himself. He said that when he was in his late teens, growing up in a small southern town, his mother asked him one day, 'Son, are you gay?'...to which he answered...'Yes, mother, I am'...and she then responded, 'Well thank goodness, I was afraid you didn't know.' He said that he never had any problems with either of his parents over his being gay.

[Matariki]

34. Oh fuck. Weepy now.

[arthritisR_US]

35. My kind of parent!

[southern_belle]

36. Awww

That is so sweet!

[lunatica]

39. I must feel especially vulnerable today 'cause it made me cry

What a beautiful father!

[Caeser67]

42. This Is What WE In The Real World Call.....................

Parenting.

Nice Job Dad.

[DonRedwood]

62. Howdy Caeser! welcome to DU!

You can stop clapping now. :0)

[Caeser67]

92. Thanks Don

I can't help it.

[FreedomRain]

45. college fraternity.

One of the brothers decided to come out at a regular meeting during his senior year.

After a moments awed silence, another brother said:

"So now we have to change our song from " 'Chi Tau* 's never eat penis' to 'rarely eat penis'? "

s all around

* name changed natch

// tune of my bonny lies over the ocean, btw

/// For the record: the change was "so moved", seconded, and unanimously accepted

[Demo_Chris]

47. That's an epic father right there! n/t

[Diclotican]

48. DonRedwood

DonRedwood

Impressive

I hope I could be like that, if I was ever to be a parent - and my son or daughter was homosexual and was trying to "come out" of the closet.... Im not sure if I could be like that..

Diclotican

[arikara]

93. Somehow

I think you could.

[Diclotican]

94. arikara

arikara

Thank you - It warmed all the way to Norway .., and we need all the warm we need over here now

Diclotican

[freshwest]

56. Love it! Thanks for sharing it.

[DonRedwood]

64. You are very welcome! I read the letter just before work and I was in a good mood ALL day for

reading it.

Not often something sticks with you for a whole hectic day.

But my mind kept going back to that lucky kid and that dad who SHOULD be dad of the year.

[Curmudgeoness]

61. "You and Mike make a cute couple"......

What a great postscript! Love it.

[DonRedwood]

63. :0) That was the cherry on top!

[Grateful for Hope]

67. This warmed my heart.

Thank you so much for posting this.

[tavalon]

70. I saw this and sent it on this morning

I hope it doesn't turn out to be fake. I so want some humans in this world to be like this dad.

[tpsbmam]

73. My favorite coming out story:

My friend's brother walked into their mother's kitchen and said, "Mom, I have something I need to talk to you about." This was when he was a young adult.

And he came out to their mother. What did Mom do? She start thrashing about, keening & screaming. He was, to say the least, startled. He'd always been the more conservative of the very liberal Democratic family members -- maybe he had hidden it so well it was truly a shock to her?

When she finally calmed down she gave him a hug and said, "Oh, thank God. I thought you were going to say you're a Republican! I've known you're gay for years!"

[PDJane]

76. OK, that's a woman I'd like to meet!

[tpsbmam]

77. Sadly, both my friend and her mom have since died.

Changed my life more than any other loss, including both my parents.

[PDJane]

78. I am sorry; and yes, I can see that it is a loss.

[IrishEyes]

75. This made me smile.

[KurtNYC]

81. The parent who wrote this note is awesome. Just for perspective here is how different it can be.

I stumbled across this 2 days ago and it has haunted me ever since. It really got me thinking more about how people internalize their parents and also how damaging it can be to live with fear, anger and rejection by your parents:

[Guizar]

82. Simple love

Difficult to read this without tears to my wife. Then she cried. But it's good tears to see a reaffirmation of love in a simple note.

[myrna minx]

83. Awwww - What great Dad. K&R

[Le Taz Hot]

86.