I was leaving a building an hour ago. A woman was 15 feet in front of me and 67 years old

[applegrove]

to my 47. She stopped at the open door and held it open for me. Why can't we just be people holding the doors open for each other to make that small connection with another human that is so important.

[elleng]

1. We should, and many do,

including me, for whomever.

[Cleita]

2. Exactly. It's rude and dangerous to let go of a door when someone is behind you

no matter what their age or gender.

[Auntie Bush]

4. It's just basic manners.

[awoke_in_2003]

105. something severely lacking these days. nt

[Habibi]

65. It is! And yet it happens so often, in my experience.

I want to say WTF to them, but I just catch the door. But really, WTF? Makes one wonder: izzit me? Did I somehow look like I wanted a door closed in my face?

[gollygee]

3. This is still a strawman

No one said it was a problem to open doors for people.

Someone asked seabeyond what "benevolent sexism" was and she tried to give an example to explain the idea, but it isn't about opening doors specifically, and particulalry it isn't about individual acts, such as specific instances of doors being opened for people. It's about our society expecting men to take care of women, and the old fashioned (not really current) idea that men had to open doors for women is only one example of that.

[BlueJazz]

7. Yep...to me ...these threads on the door-opening custom reminds me of someone sitting down..

...and saying: : You know, our society has come to the conclusion that 2 plus 2 equals 4.

The whole idea that somehow it's turned into a "big Deal" is ..ah...rather strange..
...or I'm truly not seeing something.

[gollygee]

8. But it's really important to me that people understand that 2 + 2 = 4 !

Can't we just add 2 and 2 and come up with 4 without people getting upset? It's what I was taught! I add that way no matter who I'm with.

Maybe we need another dozen or so threads to beat up this strawman some more.

[BainsBane]

10. It's a way of trivializing

sexism and women.

[freshwest]

33. The problem is, some of us didn't see the benevolent sexism thread first and responded to these OPs.

Then in reading the benevolent sexism thread, it wasn't about opening doors.

Before reading that, I even gave a long response to someone about the fact that some don't open doors out of respect, and noted incidents that they weren't.

But also mentioned that being old and in pain, I appreciated anyone who opens a door for me now. And that I held them open for anyone, when I have expended the energy. I didn't make any statement about anything but doors.

Some people pay more attention or hit the boards at different times of the day.

Context is everything.

[BainsBane]

34. I realize that

Which is exactly the goal of these bullshit threads about doors.
Every feminist in the original thread said she thanks men who open doors and reciprocates. But that's not the point. Some here are engaged in an ongoing attack assault on feminism, and the door issue is a club they have dug up in order to trivialize women's concerns about equal rights. They are counting on the fact people missed the first thread and don't know that no one actually expressed concern about opening doors. Many here, possibly this OP, believe that someone actually complained about men opening doors, when no one did. The perpetuation of this meme is cynical and manipulative.

[freshwest]

41. It may be on the part of some, but doubt Applegrove is doing it. IDK.

[BainsBane]

42. Yeah, probably not

I don't recall that poster as among those who like to trivialize women's concerns. This whole thing has become a meme with a life of its own, but it was initially stirred up for the reasons I outlined. But he/she must think that someone raised the concern initially, when in fact no one did. Someone mentioned benevolent sexism, and Seabeyond gave opening doors as an example, but at no point did she say she saw it as a problem.

[freshwest]

45. When I found the thread about it, and read down, wow, some of the stuff. It's DU...

[BainsBane]

72. I remember which thread it was now

Where it all started: it was the thread about women's breast sizes. http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022511124

The bullshit is chest deep.

[freshwest]

85. Oh, no, it was the one by redqueen. I wouldn't have given it time. Trash this thread is my friend.

That was all Lounge material, although GD has been the catch all lately. Not enough real news, since it's lies all the time and that leaves a gap.

So people want to talk about what they know. Or think they know. Or wish that other people knew. I'm too old for this.

[BainsBane]

86. This was before redqueen's thread

She posted her thread in response to this. Seriously. This was the first reference to opening doors. See the problem here? They post a crass thread, and then stir up a manufactured conflict to ridicule feminists.

[freshwest]

87. Well, they can't ridicule us. Joke is on them. Proud of our lives. Illegitimi non carborundum.

[ZombieHorde]

11. Yes. Thank you. The willful ignorace has been really disapointing.

When it comes to understanding feminist arguments, we are the Tea Party. To disagree is one thing, but to not even understand what one is disagreeing with is another thing.

Keep government out of my Medicare!!!!

[madinmaryland]

16. I will hold a door open for a strawman (or a straw-woman). I don't know what

the big fucking deal is.

[Worried senior]

98. I do the same

if someone is not that far behind me I hold the door rather than slamming it in their face.

Commonsense.

[Dash87]

73. I agree. The concept is so hilariously ridiculous that it's hard to believe anyone would agree that

holding a door open for someone is sexist. Nobody ever claimed (ok, maybe someone somewhere on the vast internets, but they're unreasonable) that holding a door open was sexist.

[LittleBlue]

5. Good point, that's one of the best reason to open doors for others

The human connection. Just a smile or a "thank you" makes it worth it.

We should make these connections without having to apologize or scrutinizing an act of kindness.

[gollygee]

6. No one expects anyone to apologize or scrutinize

Still a strawman.

[LittleBlue]

12. Actually, they did

Saw someone say I should examine my door opening habits to see if I open doors for women more often than men.

That's how this whole thing started. I'm not going to start scrutinizing my door opening habits and stop opening doors to even up the score.

[gollygee]

14. No, that's not how it started

Seabeyond made an offhand comment about benevolent sexism, and someone asked what it was, and she tried to explain it by giving a couple of examples - those being how men used to hold the doors open for women all the time and pull out seats. Those are minor examples and also pretty outdated because as like a billion people have said, everyone holds the door for everyone these days.

I don't know what all went on after that but it looked like a bunch of feigned outrage over something no one ever said. No one will think you are sexist if you open the door, unless you say something stupid like, "Well I'll get the door since you're a woman and helpless." But obviously no one would ever say that.

Benevolent sexism is about treating women as if we are helpless. It is not about doors. That is just one minor and pretty outdated example, but seybeyond probably didn't think it was a big deal and therefore didn't anticipate people blowing it out of proportion like this and using it as an excuse to troll, so she didn't realize she had to be super careful with how she worded it.

[LittleBlue]

17. This was my first exposure to it

Instead of dismissing it out of hand just take a simple few moments to reflect on whether you do tend to do it more for women and if so do you let it influences other ways you interact with women.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=2512882


The whole thing has become quite silly.

[gollygee]

20. Well I think that person was trying to say

that the concept of benevolent sexism is legitimate, and if you're opening the door only for women because you think they're helpless, then it would be an example. Not that you are being sexist.

But yes it's now beyond silly and is to the point of stupid and ridiculous. Actually, I think this feigned outrage suggesting feminists at DU care whether anyone opens doors started out stupid and ridiculous.

[polly7]

26. The only 'outrage' I actually saw were some of the responses to posters

who didn't see the door issue as sexism, and said things like: there were more important issues to worry about ...... and why shouldn't they have that right??

It was brought up, it can be discussed. I don't see the need to get so hostile and insulting towards anyone who has an opinion about something that was used as an example of sexism.

Was there any need for this?

seabeyond (84,166 posts)
88. nor the need to figure out you are being played and no feminist is making an issue. men are creating

the issue over and over and over. to vilify feminist. that did not start the discussion on benevolent sexism, nor give a shit about opening door. but in you walk, to let all of us know, that it really is not an issue.

bully for you and you ability to observe and access a situation.

or simple a willingness to once again, side with the men whose sole purpose is to diss the feminist on this board.

oh, i get it. it is your unique style of feminism, that is your own. and go at it hoss. even in the strawman created for the outrage and hair on fire being exhibited.

Or this?

seabeyond (84,166 posts)
141. and i explained to you the discussion about doors was manufactured, made up, to diss feminism.

i explained how it happened. you ignored.

that is all.

seabeyond (84,166 posts)
150. yes. you are seeing a repeated lie saying feminist are outraged about doors. there is not a single

feminist outraged about doors.

yet, because that is what you are seeing being said, you tell me it becomes a fact. though, NO feminist is actually outraged about the damn doors.

thank you so much for your support.

SHE used it as an example. People responded how ridiculous it was and got lambasted for it ... while she pretended it was never even said. This is a discussion board for all of us, nobody deserves to be belittled for responding to something so stupid.

[LittleBlue]

29. She stepped in the poo massively on this one

http://www.democraticunderground.com/125517601

Shouldn't have mentioned doors. Funny how it backfired.

[polly7]

32. We all say things that are silly and that we regret, but what bothers me is that she never fails

to insult and belittle people who respond to it ... and these are usually people who have been champions of equal rights and are passionate about empowering women and minorities since I first started reading here years ago. Yet, they're told they 'don't get it', or they don't care! All over something so stupid. It just pisses me off.

[LittleBlue]

37. Same.

Her point is fine, all women's issues should be open to discussion on DU. I (like you) just don't like the implication that people are too ignorant to understand an issue.

At this point, I think they understand the issue, they're just mocking it in retribution for poor treatment or for comedy value.

[nadinbrzezinski]

46. The mocking might be crossing into hazing

And why that is starting to become ugly.

Racism and sexism are open for discussion, and if instead of focusing on the act of opening a door, or the chair maneuver...(I laughed, hubby does for me) we concentrated on the context and language, ergo framing.

There is nuance in this opening of doors, and not just related to how we treat women as a society (though in my town it's pretty gender neutral any longer). These things, which was the point made poorly, as in very poorly, can cross into treating the other differently.

Hell, we can have a similar discussion on race, and public transportation.

Or the PSA running in Cali of young men surrendering the disabled seat to older folks out of respect. My the PSA at times has an older man, at others an older woman.

But this is not what happened.

Do we need to have these discussions? Yup, any society that is changing needs these discussions...it's the how.

[sabrina 1]

71. I generally ignore the insults as I did this time. But you are correct, that style of

of 'discussion' has long caused problems regarding women's issues with that particular poster. I can't count the number of times I have been attacked personally simply for expressing an opinion she does not like. What's even more disturbing to me as a woman and feminist is that aside from the attacks, she is so often so wrong about issues, such as the law, such as due process, jumping to conclusions that someone is guilty (if it's a man) even when there are no charges, or even AFTER a case is dropped because an accuser has been proven to be a liar it is or should be embarrassing to all women to be represented like this.

If someone, as I have, point out the FACTS of a case, you will find yourself being accused of something nefarious.

This is all so bad for feminism, the total disregard for the law, for evidence, for the facts, simply because there is an allegation made against a man.

I will continue, despite the expected attacks, to stand up for justice, for due process, for actual evidence, and for a falsely accused person after the lies are exposed and will not be intimidated by these assaults on my character.

What that kind of 'feminism' has done to the cause of women is to undermine them, to give people like Limbaugh ammunition to claim that 'feminists' hate men and will convict them simply because they are men'. He can come to DU and find perfect examples of that charge. Even though the majority of women do not subscribe to such outrageous disregard for facts we all suffer when someone puts themselves forward as a spokesperson for feminism.

We need intelligent, rational people to speak about the issues that affect women.

DU has allowed this kind of representation to go on for far too long. I know I am partly responsible as I did not even want, most of the time, to engage in such unpleasant discussions. Now that I have decided to express MY opinions it has evolved just as I expected, with attacks, such as the ones you linked to.

[nadinbrzezinski]

82. Many years ago, while busting doors open, I took a course in women's studies

I learned that I fit the definition of a feminist...which at the time was somewhat surprising. It was one of those...you kid me right?

But I also learned that some activists can be the feminists worst enemies, and that we had to be careful about taking control of the language...what these days we call framing.

I can hear my prof right now saying that, and adding that some (you identified the type) will attack the ones who bust doors open, since that is where the real work is. Little ol' me was busting them doors out of an internal sense of justice. Little did I know that helped to open the fire service to women in San Diego. Oh I learned that two years ago from an old salt in the service. Young female FF was asking questions, and we went down memory lane. Her Captain recognized me.

Apparently me pulling hose at scenes and using a one inch...and going into fires convinced Male American volunteers to finally get the department to open the academy to women.

Of course this young FF was amazed that I had to fight my CO to get women on the overnight shift, and into I got a screw or two lose, called confined space rescue. At least I was not nuts enough to volunteer for HAZMAT. The concept that 25 years ago women were barely allowed in, and we had to prove ourselves was odd, bless her heart. I mean, these days she can find station boots that were designed for women.

Now her uniform also fits her, and is cut for women...shirts two sizes too long were the in thing to accommodate breasts, and I needed to get safety boots for fire season. That I could not find at the boot store...so back to old tricks...socks, thick socks...two pairs...

[gollygee]

53. She didn't use it as an example in the way you're suggesting

And I think you know that. Or at least when people learned that, as it was explained over and over again, people might have cut out the strawman arguments.

And yeah she's probably annoyed by being dragged into your huge strawman argument.

[polly7]

57. MY strawman argument ??? LMAO!

I couldn't care less about her silly example of sexism. The abuse towards those who disagreed with it is what gets me .... and you have NO way of knowing which of them took that example she gave seriously. Some, obviously believe there are more important things in the world to worry about and stated so. For that they get the same, tired old insults we see every time one of us doesn't agree with whatever the hell it is we're being educated on for the day.

[gollygee]

59. I see her being the one getting insulted over and over again

People deliberately took her comment out of context, and when she tried to explain and clarify jumped all over her like they always do. It's always the same people and they always attack her. No wonder she's defensive.

No one cares about doors. No one ever did. Everyone figured that out at some point, but everyone keeps making new threads and keeping this going.

[polly7]

60. Oh I know, always the victim. nt.

[gollygee]

74. If you don't want her to look like a victim

Don't go on the attack after her. It's a group of people who attack her over and over again, thread after thread.

[polly7]

76. So she gets to insult and demean posters who actually DO care deeply

about human rights issues, but who don't agree with her, and there's no reaction allowed? Wow. Did she buy the board or something?

Attack. LOL. That's actually quite funny, considering ....

[sabrina 1]

88. You've got this backwards, speaking of not paying attention to how things started.

You are defending someone who has made it a practice of attacking anyone who says something she disagrees with, then when they defend themselves, she plays the victim. I personally have been attacked attacked, accused of all kinds of nefarious, ulterior motives, ALL OF THESE ACCUSATIONS HAVE BEEN FALSE, and when I respond, it only escalates. Sorry, but if someone wrongfully accuses me of something I will definitely respond.

I and other women here have opinions too. Eg, I did not see the thread that apparently started all this, I responded to a question asked of DU women and had no clue that SB was even involved. For stating my opinion I received yet another attack post from her out of the blue, filled with the usual WRONG assumptions.

I am wondering what exactly is the goal here, but I do know one thing whenever there is disagreement here over women's issues, if there is even a story in the news where a man has been accused by a woman, before anyone even knows anything about the details, you will find her in those threads, declaring guilt and attacking anyone who believes we need some facts before we convict people in this country, even if it IS a MAN. For pointing this out, for providing actual facts that she doesn't like, she has accused me of things I sometimes cannot believe.

Mostly I laugh now since trying to reason with this kind of nonsense is a complete waste of time.

The amazing thing is, she will then claim to be a victim. It has become old and has zero to do with women's issues at this point. This is not someone I want speaking for me as a woman. And I know for a fact that I am far from alone. This latest debacle is simply par for the course. When you find yourself always 'misunderstood', over and over again, and always at the center of controversy, MAYBE it isn't everyone else, maybe, just maybe, it might be you.

[rhett o rick]

94. I am glad to see you stick up for yourself in this situation. I have only watched, afraid to

put my foot in it. I agree with your posts here.



Added by edit: A problem we run into in DU is the righteous outrage. That's where a poster thinks that because they are on the side of righteousness (as defined by themselves) they have the right to be rude to those they have deemed on the wrong side of the issue or not defending their side strenuously enough. I have seen where you were attacked for not siding with the self appointed righteous.

[polly7]

95. I was pretty sure you weren't aware of what started the whole door conversation off,

I'm glad you saw this to say so. It makes the level of hostility and venom in the reply you got even more illogical - and seriously ironic considering how it DID actually start.

[nadinbrzezinski]

36. Mind seeing where it started?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=2518321

Thanks Polly btw for finding it. This was her frame, her example.

[polly7]

39. I believe it was Orrex that posted the link first. nt.

[nadinbrzezinski]

40. Whoever it was, thank you...

It was funny in a way.

[gollygee]

54. She didn't mean it in the way people are suggesting

And they might not have known that at first, but they certainly learned it over the course of these multiple threads, but have kept it up because they love fighting this strawman and beating up on seabeyond.

In case anyone doesn't understand the issue, benevolent sexism is the idea that women are helpless and that men should take care of them and put them up on a pedestal. An example of that includes the societal practice of men opening doors for women, which isn't that common anymore as people generally open doors for everyone. However she never said that any given instance of someone opening the door for someone else is sexist, and she certainly clarified that a number of times, and people are repeatedly ignoring it.

[nadinbrzezinski]

58. Well, denying this was even said don't help, when it was her

Why I mentioned a few times this thing called framing. It was a terrible frame.

[gollygee]

61. She couldn't have known her comment would be taken out of context like it was

or that people would keep after her and blow it so completely out of proportion even after she explained that she doesn't care who opens doors.

She posted a link to an article that explained the concept of benevolent sexism in case anyone really was confused. But I don't believe anyone really thought anyone cared about doors being opened. If they did, when they saw they were mistaken, they would have said, "Oh, well that makes a lot more sense" and wouldn't have kept up with it.

[nadinbrzezinski]

66. I came in late to the party

And quite frankly did a lot of head scratching.

We all have done that. She told me that she did not say it...when she did.

It was a bad frame, admit to it, move on.

We all have done that. Some of us due to a bad construction in English.

It also does not help, and we all have done it, when she attacked people. It's water under the bridge and yes, at this point it is borderline hazing. Posted as much on this same thread. It takes a hazee to know hazing. Some of it can be avoided by admitting to a bad frame and moving on. But own it.

Here.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=2520272

But seriously, it has lead to a lot of head scratching and collective wtf over. I am reminded more and more of that last day of class in that women's studies class...and how at times activists can be the absolute worst enemies. She has attacked quite a few allies, some of us who were actually kicking those doors open, for ther women to follow.

That was really the part that had some of us going...serious, wtf over.

But anyway, this has crossed into belittling (back) and some serious hazing. It s never justified...and I will leave it at that.

[gollygee]

69. Yes, it's that hazing that is bothering me

Like I said, if people really didn't understand, then by now they do. But I think a lot of people kept it up AFTER they understood full well just to attack seabeyond. Like you said, hazing. Whether people didn't initially understand seems beside the point. We all misunderstand things sometimes, and sometimes people misunderstand us because we write without being super careful because we don't know people are going to flip out over something.

[nadinbrzezinski]

78. Yes, but she also has attacked people

She s a victim and a victimizer at the same time.

And several have here pointed this out. Yes, there is hazing, but...again, will eave it at that.

[MattBaggins]

55. You weren't ask to stop

You willfully refuse to consider the issue and choose to be obtuse about it.

[treestar]

84. Benevolent sexism had nothing to do with that

But some used that to try to make it look ridiculous.

It's not even a gender thing any more. People hold doors for whoever is behind them and I find people of both genders doing that for me or coming after me and I hold the door for them.

They are trying to trivialize the idea of putting women on a pedestal to "make up" to them for lack of equality.

[Evoman]

9. Is there a single person on DU who disagrees? The funniest thing about this "open the door"

controversy, is that THERE IS NO CONTROVERSY.

One person is saying "why all the outrage about opening doors" and the other supposedly outraged person is saying "opening the door is fine".

[gollygee]

15. And yet people keep it up

By now they know that no one is bothered by doors being opened, and yet they're still keeping it up and starting new threads.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

18. But... But...War on Chrisrmas!

[Whisp]

21. It's astounding how these things get worked over and taken completely wrongly.

no wonder the world is so fucked up. People don't listen, they just make up things they Want to hear.

[lumberjack_jeff]

22. +1

It's an exercise in actively missing the point to avoid examining it.

[MadrasT]

68. +1000

[fishwax]

47. indeed n/t

[malaise]

13. That simple

There's nothing wrong with good manners or simple acts of kindness

[snooper2]

19. my rule is 2 one thousand...

unless it's raining or snowing, then 3 one thousand...

Regardless of weather condition, if they go into a fast jog, it's 4 one thousand

[applegrove]

24. I may not have thought of keeping that door open for the woman if she had been

15 feet behind me. It just may not have occured to me. She waited 2 or 3 seconds for me to reach her.

[Dorian Gray]

23. I'm so slamming the door in everyone's face tomorrow.

[LittleBlue]

25. At least then you'll just be a jerk

and not a benevolent sexist.


Sorry but this topic is getting to be too funny to let it die. Who would have thought the concept of opening a door could set DU ablaze.

[Dorian Gray]

27. I'm rather amused

by the whole kerfluffle, myself.

[Nye Bevan]

31. I'm pretty sure that on DU a "jerk" outranks even the most benevolent of sexists (nt)

[Cali_Democrat]

49. This whole door opening thing has taken on a life of its own

Pretty hilarious when you think about it.

[freshwest]

28. And I will tape a sign that says 'Kick Me!' on your back, too.

[Dorian Gray]

30. I'll accept the sign if you amend it to

"Kick me
I'm Irish!!!"

It's is St. Paddy's Day after all!

[freshwest]

38. Sure! Since I've got a lot of Irish, too. Although I thought the saying was, 'Kiss Me, I'm Irish!'

When you were a little kid in school, did they pinch people not wearing green on St. Patrick's Day?

I never got pinched, since I always said, 'See? My eyes are green!'

They are very green. I never pinched anyone, either. They're darker than these, but definitely green:

[Dorian Gray]

48. I was being silly!

I know the saying's "Kiss me, I'm Irish!"

I'd also never pinch anybody ever. Not even for not wearing green on St. Patrick's Day.

And I'd never slam a door in anybody's face.

Though I will be imagining it all day tomorrow when I'm out and about!

[freshwest]

50. I knew you were kidding! I predict a long and peaceful life for you!

Not that I know a damned thing...

[babylonsister]

35. Bwhahaha!!!!!

[Cha]

75. Atta Kid! n/t

[protect our future]

79. Dorian, that was hilarious!

[randome]

43. For the love of spaghetti, make it stop!!!!

[southernyankeebelle]

44. Well I hope you said thank you. It doesn't matter who opens the door just remember to

say thank you.

[applegrove]

51. Yes I did.

[southernyankeebelle]

52. Well good. She did a good deed and you showed your appreciation. That is what it's about.

[applegrove]

62. And she had been quite confused about direction in the lobby. The receptionist had to tell her which

door to go out. But that didn't stop her from taking time out of her night to be kind to me.

[JI7]

56. i have had little kids like even 5 years old hold the door open

i just see it as respect. i do that for anyone regardless of their background. you see someone who is coming just behind you and you just hold the door open for a few seconds more to let them pass.

[egduj]

63. I think asking how old she was is a little tacky...

[applegrove]

64. LOL!

[jberryhill]

104. Tattooed on the back of her neck, apparently

[dhol82]

67. Not sure if anybody complained about this

My beef, and I am a 67 year old female who holds the door open for everybody I can possibly assist, is that not everybody says thank you.

It burns my butt if I hold the door and the 20 something walks through without an acknowledgment.

In general, if I don't hear a thank you I just do a very loud YOU'RE WELCOME. Hope the little shits get it.

[Cha]

70. Oh I do.. man, woman, kids of all ages.. you're right

applegrove. It's simple kind human connection.

A kid held the door open for me to today in the wind and I said THANK YOU!

[marions ghost]

77. This thing just keeps growing.....

[Warren DeMontague]

89. that's what...

...oh, never mind.

[freshwest]

100. I loved it when he started singing. But only for a while.

That movie was shown every weekend for what seemed an eternity near where I lived. All adult neighborhood, but it was the kind of cinema where everyone was a chorus to boo or hiss or howl as different scenes in different movies came on. It was cheap and an odd community bonding experience.

[840high]

80. I do.

[protect our future]

81. I've been reading the benevolent sexism/opening door

threads with astonishment at some of the responses. I should have added my own posts but didn't; so lemme do it real quick right now: I as a woman LOVE it when guys hold doors open for me and I always say "thank you" loud enough so everyone in the area hears it, and I have perfected my "thank you" to a point where it sounds truly appreciative (it is) combined with an element of surprise.

So there.

[sabrina 1]

90. I couldn't agree more.

[leftyohiolib]

107. i've held open doors to building and vehicles for years and apparently i've been a sexist pig

thanks for letting us know there is sanity still. freud said "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" and sometimes it is.

[treestar]

83. I kind of wish we didn't have to have these interactions

With total strangers all the time. Can't they just leave the building and I can open the door when I get there? Can't I just leave? I don't want to wait. If someone is right behind me it is one thing but some people carry it too far.

[Notafraidtoo]

91. Let me

Let me start by saying i am a Male and the original study that set this whole thing off makes really good points, i think the focus on the doors was very silly and has little to do with the article, you guys are much smarter then that.

Women being considered helpless by men is a problem,and the teaching of young males that women should be treated differently that they should be given special treatment helps to extend this outdated sexist cycle.

[applegrove]

92. But young men should be taught to never

walk right behind a woman on a dark street at night. They should be taught to walk slower or to cross to the other side of the street. Men should be taught to never raise a hand to a woman. They should be taught to hold the door open for everyone.

[Notafraidtoo]

93. doors

They should be taught to not raise a hand to anyone except in self defense, and i agree on the door but never expect a thank you or a bow for doing so. as far as the dark street at night sounds more like paranoia then something that should be taught, we should as a society try not to fear each other so much only brings hatred and bad law.

[leftyohiolib]

108. apparently we should teach society to be rude - someone holds a door open for you you should say

thanks - someone thought about you and did something for you you ought to acknowledge that by a simple thanks

[marions ghost]

96. Thank you

[Chico Man]

97. I don't understand the big deal

I think it's pretty rare for someone to close a door in someone's face. Most often I've seen it only from dazed teenagers. Other than that, though, I find this to be commonplace (males holding doors for males or females, young or old, and the same for females holding doors for other males/females).

[Fantastic Anarchist]

99. That was something my dad ingrained in me.

I idolized him for how respectful he was for others. I wish I could be a fraction of what he was.

[Ian David]

101. But we have no way of knowing if you're doing it because someone is a PERSON...

... or if you're being benevolently sexist.

So, only hold doors open for people of the same gender.

That should make certain people happy.

[Frustratedlady]

102. Most do hold the door but young men are usually the ones who don't.

I've never figured it out. Why would the most capable be the least willing to hold the door for those coming behind? As the door closes, I usually say, "Thank you!" Even if they didn't help me, maybe they'll be embarrassed enough to help others the next time. I ALWAYS thank anyone who holds the door for me.

[The Wizard]

103. It's easy to treat

others as fellow humans. Do it when ever you can.

[defacto7]

106. And I thought this post was about small acts of kindness.

I guess taking simplicity and turning it to completely unrelated subject matter isn't called disruption or thread crashing anymore.

You can replace the act "opening doors" with any act of kindness you wish and hopefully it won't be construed as some major act of antisocial behaviour.

I hold doors open for whoever happens to be behind me just as a way to say, "hello fellow human, have a great life."

It sometimes seems that being friendly is not politically correct, but I don't give a damn. Holding grudges, digging up old arguments, playing the "Ah HA... you wrote this 10 years ago..." game.... now that's constructive.

As to the post:

Why can't we just be people ..... (who) make that small connection with another human that is so important.

I don't know why? I wish I knew.

[Swede Atlanta]

109. I couldn't agree more....

I was taught at a young age that it is polite to hold the door open for another. It was taught to me as a matter of courtesy, politeness and respect for others, not as a show of male chauvinism.

We have lost our bearing when political correctness overtakes common sense. We should be helpful to one another. People are too silo-ed these days in their own lives, their little cocoons and we miss the potential of rich, full, fulfilling lives as we engage others around us. I'm not suggesting you best friend every person you encounter on the street, in an elevator or on an airplane. What I am suggesting, however, is that we show one another respect and courtesy. The world would be a better place.

[soldierant]

110. One might spare a little sympathy

for those who react with anger to some small courtesy, since they have obviously been deeply hurt somewhere, somehow. I have days when I want to breathe fire and burn heads off. It's certainly not personal. I try to restrain it.

[alfredo]

111. Do it as a show of respect. I do it for men women and children.