Benevolent sexism and cultural tolerance.

[jazzimov]

I think that I get the gist of "benevolent sexism". If I understand correctly, it's basically about how we are trained from childhood to treat women differently because they are the "weaker" sex.

However, since we are taught from these things from childhood, they are a part of the culture in which we were raised. So, please be tolerant of the culture that others came from.

Further, I think that the keyword in the phrase "benevolent sexism" is "benevolent". Remember, the intent is good even if the actions offend some (but not others). That is another key, remember that not everyone is offended by the same things. But if you are tolerant and understand that the offensive act came out of a benevolent intent, you can simply explain to the offending person that you were offended by their actions and why. If they were acting out of benevolence, they should understand. However remember that you are criticizing their personal culture - therefore please try to explain without being offensive yourself.

Please, I am asking of everyone on both sides to try and place yourself in the others shoes, and please be respectful of each other, other people's cultures, and other people's ideas.

[gollygee]

1. Where has anyone said they'd criticize someone who did an "offensive act"

It has been said over and over again that the concept of benevolent sexism is more academic than anything else. It's a case of people examining cultural practices, not an issue of complaining about someone who opens a door.

[jazzimov]

5. I'm going by some of the responses I've seen here.

I'm all for examining cultural practices. But many times their perception may be that they are being criticized. As I also stated in another post, talking to someone face to face is a lot different from posting on an anonymous discussion board. Which often means that we must be more tolerant and understanding on a discussion board.

For instance, look at all the Catholic posts that range from serious discussion to outright attacks.

[gollygee]

6. The anti-Catholic posts are unrelated

It also seems to be a different group of people. Your OP isn't about those posts. I don't understand why you're bringing those up. But I agree that people need to be more tolerant of Catholic DUers. I just don't agree it has anything to do with the discussion of benevolent sexism, which has not at all been about people getting angry at someone for opening a door.

[jazzimov]

10. It isn't, but my point is

that you are still talking about someone's cultural beliefs - they way they were raised and the things they have believed in all their lives.

Perhaps you're right in that by bringing them up I may just be clouding and confusing the issue and what I was trying to say. But I agree that we should be tolerant and understanding.

[gollygee]

11. We aren't talking about individuals

If we were calling out individuals for opening doors or whatever, what you say would make sense. But there's no way to even know if anyone opening a door is opening it because they just open it for women, or because they always open the door for everyone. We couldn't call anyone out if we wanted to.

I absolutely will continue to talk about the cultural practice of placing women on a pedestal and treating us like we're helpless. It affects women in a number of ways, including in the workplace. If we're treated as precious beings who can't possibly handle changing a tire on one hand, we won't be treated as capable employees on the other.

[Squinch]

2. "If they were acting out of benevolence, they should understand" if you "simply explain to the

offending person"

Have you been away for the weekend? Because this weekend, we here on DU have learned that this is most definitely not the case.

[jazzimov]

3. Talking to someone face to face is a LOT different

that posting on an anonymous discussion board.

[seabeyond]

4. first, every woman has declared... we are not offended or outraged when a door is open. we do it

also. we even say thank you.

second.... even though every woman has declared .... we are not offended or outraged, but merely tried to explain benevolent sexism, (which started all this, a definition of benevolent sexism), we have been met with outrage.

but, thank you for the suggestion i speak.... nicer.

and i am glad you get it. it goes beyond the mere civilities to very real harm

[jazzimov]

8. Well, I was trying to avoid the whole "door" thing,

although I have known some women who seriously were offended by having doors opened for them (very few, however). I am very glad that you say "thank you" and do realize that many things are a matter of common courtesy and not a statement. I really wish I could see more common courtesy in day-to-day life, and am always heartened when I see it!

But I am not just saying that YOU should speak "nicer", but those on the other side of the argument as well.

I am also trying to point out that you are trying to discuss fundamentals of a person's culture, and although you may merely be trying to educate, many will perceive it as a lecture. Which can be the same thing, but often has different connotations. So, I am trying to say don't be surprised when you are met with outrage, and don't give in to retaliation. To the "other side", I am trying to say "be a little more flexible and don't take everything personally".

It is a very complicated issue. Please be patient and understanding - EVERYONE.

[seabeyond]

12. this simple. a man asked what it was. i gave examples and definition. that was it. that is ALL

it took for the board to explode, now working on three days.

a couple examples and a definition. no opinion. no thought. no lecture. no request.

a definition with a couple examples.

it is not about us. but, it does clearly show the resistance to be informed.

[NaturalHigh]

7. You're incredibly brave, Jazzimov.

This is already getting heated.

[jazzimov]

9. Brave, or stupid! I haven't decided which!

But thank you!

[marions ghost]

13. If this were the 60's maybe you'd have a point

but now...since there are alternatives and the topic has been around for decades...men who are sexist are choosing to be so.
They are creating their "personal culture," their world view.

Sorry