My daughter got married on Saturday

[iwillalwayswonderwhy]

And I watched her new husband shove and smear a piece of cake into her lovely face while the crowd roared with laughter.

I found myself trying to contain anger. I've always seen this as a bad sign.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. It is very disrespectful, IMHO.

Had they talked about it before?

I hate to see it too.

I wish them the best, anyway...

[Mnemosyne]

2. I feel the same way, iwill. It just seems very disrespectful to me. Hope your daughter has a happy,

long marriage, that said.

It seems as if you have reservations other than cake? Hope all is well.

[iwillalwayswonderwhy]

6. I didn't until that very moment

It's a tradition that needs to go away. He seemed to take such glee in doing it.

[Mnemosyne]

16. I wouldn't worry too much based on one incident, but if a pattern of disrespect develops, then

you should worry. Did your daughter reciprocate, laughing? Maybe they discussed it ahead of time.

Hopefully it means nothing, just stress from the day.

[BeyondGeography]

3. Don't know why the hell that ever caught on

[winter is coming]

4. Only once have I seen in done in a way that seemed truly playful

and not passive-aggressive. In that instance, the bridge and groom "caked" each other simultaneously.

[seabeyond]

5. i am so sorry. not funny. disrespectful and so not a way to start a marriage.

how did she feel/handle it.

the whole feeding the cake is a trust thing. that was a fail, in trust.

[brooklynite]

7. Do you have any idea how she felt about it?

I don't care for most wedding routines, but I don't assume others feel the same.

[seabeyond]

11. of course i do not know. hence, me asking. and yes, i looked at it from my own personal

perspective. i realize this.

[iwillalwayswonderwhy]

8. she laughed it off

But I saw her eyes widen.

[seabeyond]

12. i wish them the best and the impishness or giddiness just took hold of him.

glad it did not ruin their day.

[Betsy Ross]

9. My husband's with you

He won't stay for cake cutting at a wedding if there is a chance of this occurring. Being rude to your spouse the first day of your marriage is bad form. Disgusting, but write it off to "tradition" rather than a sign.

[iwillalwayswonderwhy]

13. I am trying to do that

But it's not so easy to laugh away.

[marybourg]

28. I've never seen or heard of this, only of "the bride feeds the groom,

the groom feeds the bride" and then they do so. Is this a corruption of that tradition? Where, when did this start? I agree it sounds passive-aggressive. It's just the sort of thing my first husband, passive-aggressive from the first, might have done, had he ever heard of it. That might have ended things even before the honeymoon..

[Iris]

34. Do people still do that throwing the garter thing?

That's a "tradition" I said "no way" to.

[LittleBlue]

10. Would't read too much into it

Seen it happen before... wasn't surprised considering we were at a vineyard sampling the product lol

Unless something else about him bothers you. Well, that doesn't matter now. Good luck to them.

PS- I will not be doing it at my wedding this summer.

[liberal_at_heart]

14. my husband and I both shoved cake into each other's face.

I don't know why it's part of the custom, but come one didn't anybody ever get in food fights? It's fun. Neither of us took it as a sign of disrespect, or domination, or aggression. We kissed, laughed, and celebrated the fact that we were making a commitment to each other.

[Lex]

15. Mothers have good instincts about their kids, even their grown-up kids. nt

[Mnemosyne]

18. This too^^^ nt

[likesmountains 52]

17. I have never liked this either...

[one_voice]

19. Difficult..

for sure, as so many do this. Any idea how she felt about it?

My husband and I talked about that before hand and we decided we wouldn't do the whole smushing thing. Our difficulty came when cake dropped down the front of my dress and he reached to scoop it out realizing all eyes were on us and he yanked his hand away. He looked as if he wanted to crawl under the table, everyone laughed.

I wish your daughter many many years of happiness.

[tblue]

20. Lemme tell you.

That happened to me at my first wedding. My husband smeared frosting on my nose and then ran away laughing at me when I tried to do it back to him. I thought both of us were supposed to do it, but no. I don't know if anyone was genuinely laughing at me, but I knew in a split second that my face showed how really sad I felt, and I thought anyone there who had any sensibilities had to know and had to wonder if this marriage would last. It lasted a year. He did some thoughtless and some horribly embarrassing things to me within about 3 months, then he got violent about 7 or 8 months later. I walked out right about our 1st anniversary and I never went back. Thank God we didn't have children.

I hope this is not what is in store for your daughter's marriage. Maybe her groom was a little tipsy or maybe the cake smearing didn't bother her. Maybe she's a better 'sport' than me. But as a parent (mom or dad???) and a friend to her, it would be wonderful if you made yourself available to support her if he turns out to be insensitive to her feelings in the future. My mom used to tell me I needed to be "more patient" with my husband. Um...no, but that 's another story. Anyway, it makes me happy to read there's a parent who feels as empathetic toward her child as I do mine and as I would hope my parents would for me. Your daughter is so fortunate to have you, whether or not she is as fortunate to have married this guy.

[murielm99]

21. It really is not funny.

My son just got married. They had pie, not cake. My daughter-in-law hates cake.

Nobody threw pie or smeared it. I can't imagine him treating her that way, and I know she would not stand for it. They are a great couple.

My oldest daughter is getting married in August. I will ask her about cake smearing. She is an independent type, too, and her fiance respects her. They respect each other.

I had not thought about this custom in a long time. I hope things go well in other ways, and your daughter has a long, wonderful marriage.

[phylny]

22. My husband and I did not do this,

and my daughter and her fiance have said they will not. I find it disgusting, frankly. Nothing funny about it.

[postulater]

23. What kind of weird tradition is that?

Was it a bad cake? Did she select a flavor he didn't like?

[pnwmom]

24. Not funny at all. Too bad she didn't she apparently didn't know him well enough

to warn him not to do this.

Ugh.

My daughter and her husband used forks -- just like both sets of parents at their weddings.

[Cleita]

25. This seems to be a custom among some circles.

I know I was shocked the first time I saw it and frankly I took the groom for being a douche bag. But apparently, over the years and several more cake face smearings, it seems to be a wedding custom among some groups. I would give him the benefit of the doubt and maybe you could sit him down with a cup of coffee and ask him why.

[Iris]

33. That's the problem with "customs" - people follow them without giving them any thought

It's like you "must" do it because it's a custom. Just like bachelor and bachelorette parties.

[Skittles]

27. did anyone "give her away" from one man to another?

that's a bad sign too

[Nye Bevan]

29. Do you have any other reason to dislike or be suspicious of your son-in-law?

If not, let it go. Really. It was their day, not yours.

[laundry_queen]

30. Well, if it makes you feel any better

at my wedding I was treated with the utmost respect and no cake was shoved in my face (and we had 2 cakes!). The person I married is now my ex who later showed psychopathic tendencies and was a cheater who led a double life. So what happens with the cake at a wedding is not *necessarily* a sign of what's to come. That said...
It's HUGE sign of disrespect and an immature display for sure. Had my now ex-h done that, we probably wouldn't have made it as long as we did. I'd keep a close eye on the husband - any more signs and I'd discuss it with your daughter. I wish my parents had discussed their misgivings with me (they didn't want to because, they said, they didn't think I'd listen and, what I think, they selfishly didn't want me moving in with them if I split with my ex. Now that I'm a parent I can't imagine not discussing everything with my children and letting them know I would ALWAYS be there for them, even if it meant them and their kids moving in with me.)

Good luck.

[polly7]

31. I hate seeing that.

I don't know why people expect this as some sort of tradition anymore, it's so disrespectful. I hope they have a very long, happy life together.

[hay rick]

32. Seen it a couple times.

Doesn't appeal to me, but I wouldn't read too much into it.

Maybe you don't like or trust the groom in the first place and you're seeing this as confirmation. I think, by itself, the cake-smearing means almost nothing.

Hopefully your concern is unwarranted. Wishing all the best for your daughter and her husband.