Ever Been That Drunk?

[The Straight Story]

Ever Been That Drunk?


HUNTINGTON, W.Va. (CN) - A college student claims he was injured when a fraternity member in a "drunken stupor" decided "that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus," and did so, "but instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in the defendant's rectum, and this startled the plaintiff and caused him to jump back," and fall off the fraternity's deck.

Louis Helmburg III sued The Alpha Tau Omega Fraternity Inc., of Huntington, West Virginia, and Travis Hughes, a fraternity member, in Cabell County Court.

Helmburg claims - in a statement it would be difficult to deny - that "firing bottle rockets out of one's own anus constitutes an 'ultra-hazardous' activity," which exposes both defendants to strict liability.

Helmburg says he suffered pain and medical expenses, and lost playing time on the Marshall University baseball team. He claims the Alpha Tau deck from which he fell lacked a railing, which violated Huntington building codes.

http://www.courthousenews.com/2012/02/02/43572.htm

[flakey_foont]

1. nope

Been pretty drunk before, but never tried to shoot a bottle rocket out of my hiney. And I would have to concur with the
statement "firing bottle rockets out of one's own anus constitutes an 'ultra-hazardous' activity,". Yes, it does sound a bit
hazardous.

[deutsey]

2. I've done some dumb things while drunk

but I can honestly say firing bottle rockets out of my anus is not among them.

[dionysus]

8. once i saw a guy lighting bottle rockets he was holding in his teeth.

he must have done a dozen while drunk.. without problem.

the next morning he did one sober and burnt his face...

[VWolf]

9. Neither have I. My pee hole, maybe. But never my anus. n/t

[deutsey]

10. Well, who hasn't?

[tallahasseedem]

3. Did you happen to read the complaint?

I was practically crying I was laughing so hard. There is no way that the person composing this complaint didn't feel like they were losing a part of their soul while writing it.

[hifiguy]

4. Another Darwin Awards nominee.

How damned dumb can people be? I have been pretty drunk in my life, especially during my college years, but somehow I never managed to even think of something as cement-headed as shooting bottle rockets out of my rear end.

[DefenseLawyer]

5. I have been that drunk

but I was never in a fraternity. A GDI drunk rarely has to worry about a buddy trying to do anything with his ass, at least in my experience.

[Ron Obvious]

6. Hey guys, watch this!

I have been extremely drunk. Drunk enough to not remember a thing the next day, but to the best of my knowledge, I have not shot bottle rockets out of my own or, indeed, anyone else's arse.

Often the last words of a Darwin winner are: "Hey you guys, watch this!"

[lapislzi]

7. So much fail.

Underage drinking, stupid frat kids, playing with dangerous fireworks while intoxicated, building (and likely other) code violations.

Anybody think anything good could come of this?

[WilliamPitt]

11. Straight out of Jackass

[AngryAmish]

12. Yes I have been that drunk.

[petronius]

13. The vast majority of this is bogus, but he may have a point on the railing

If a railing was legally required, and the fraternity was aware of this, and a guest on the fraternity's property became injured as a result of the deficiency, I don't think any of the rest of it really matters. I'd bet that the fraternity's insurance company is already willing to pay out for reasonable damages, but Mr. Helmburg wants more...

(We don't actually know if Helmburg - the plaintiff - was even drunk, although it may be a safe bet.)

[Initech]

14. "Hi I'm Johnny Knoxville! Welcome to Jackass!!"