Another. Dead. Teenager.

[Smarmie Doofus]

Suicide.

Harassment.


http://www.advocate.com/News/Daily_News/2012/02/06/Teens_death_fourth_LGBT_suicide/



Maybe we can do something about this.

But what, exactly?

[zappaman]

1. Awful.

I really wish I had an answer to this.
The "it gets better" videos are good, but who knows how effective they are.
Just soo sad...

[Smarmie Doofus]

20. It's hard to accept that they are ineffective.

The crucial dimension to being in HS and being GLBT has always been that one felt *isolated*.

Well, if nothing else, anyone who knows how to operate a pc will quickly discover that they are not "alone."

????!??

It doesn't make a lot of sense to me. It could be that we're just *hearing* about these cases more because of technology and heightened awareness of the subject.

Maybe the fact that lgbt harassment is recognized as the precipitating factor... whereas in a dimmer era these deaths would have been ascribed to "depression" ( see below.)..... is actually a *good* sign.

[stevenleser]

2. In the LGBT Forum, I proposed some organization gather a list of homes across the US where

harassed teens could move where there is a supporting environment. I offered my second room to the cause. I'm in NYC. Any LGBT teens moving here would have a ton of support.

[Smarmie Doofus]

12. +1 That's concrete. Right now I'm thinking along those lines too.

The societal/cultural/religious/sexual currents are just so GD complicated. It'll be a long time before these "tangled webs" are unraveled.

We have to think of ways to help kids NOW.

[stevenleser]

23. I also wrote an article a month or so ago about using stalking laws against bullying

the way stalking laws are written, they completely cover bullying.

[Smarmie Doofus]

28. Ceptin' it's usually juveniles that are doing the harassing, no? n/t

[stevenleser]

32. It is. And they should be sent through the system same as if they committed other felonies

I imagine that is a pretty unpleasant experience even if they arent facing adult prison. It wouldnt take many examples of dealing with kids this way, combined with warnings at the beginning of school each year that this is what bullies/stalkers would face, to drastically reduce these instances from happening.

[maddezmom]

3. schools need to be more accountable for bullying that goes on

I hope the parents have evidence so the police can reopen an investigation. so sad.

[EFerrari]

4. I don't know.

Offer off site support to Gay Straight Alliance?

Volunteer for the Trevor Project? They are taking applications sometime this month. (I'm going to try to do this one.)

Contact PFLAG? I tried this but never heard back, I don't know much about them.

Something local.

[Smarmie Doofus]

29. GSAs are great. They're usually active in fairly progressive locales, however.

This Washington kid sounds like he was stuck in a kind of backwater.

[LynneSin]

5. This week's Rolling Stone has a great article about Gay Bullying and suicides....

but mainly about the high number of them in Michelle Bachmann's congressional district. Seems the fundies really have fucked it up for the teachers to do anything to prevent this.

[seabeyond]

6. words mattered.... to him. i wont forget. nt

[William769]

7. Harsher anti bullying laws (at least where they have them).

I'm also for bring back public floggings for bullying. I know I know it not Politically correct, but after the past year, I don't give a flying fuck.

[Smarmie Doofus]

30. Floggings: no. But some kind of public humiliation would be in order.

And thanks for digging up this topic in LGBT.

[slackmaster]

8. The solutions to bullying when I were a kid included kicking their asses and breaking their stuff.

I recommend both.

[Smarmie Doofus]

33. Sounds good to me. ( Like FUN actually.) But lots of kids can't do this for whatever reason. nt

[slackmaster]

36. I've been out of the parenting business for a while. Do kids take self-defense classes any more?

They were quite popular when I was growing up. It was a great way to increase self-confidence and teach coping skills, especially to children who were vulnerable because they were small or somehow "different."

I can recall several incidents in which a kid who appeared to be defenseless taught a bully a painful and embarrassing lesson.

As for me, I did some really nasty things to them. Things I dare not post on the Internet. But the finishing touch was usually calling the bully's parents at 1:00 AM and saying "Ask Billy why we did it."

[BlueIris]

9. Awful. These deaths are tragic and entirely preventable.

Until society recognizes that neither bigotry nor bullying is acceptable, they will continue.

[slackmaster]

37. I don't know anyone who thinks that bullying is acceptable

If people in my neighborhood were like that, I'd probably move.

[tawadi]

10. How sad. And the case is already closed.

They need 'evidence' the article said. How much evidence? Are thy waiting for confessions?

[Smarmie Doofus]

35. Sounds like they're not investigating w. much enthusiasm.

I wonder why.

[riderinthestorm]

11. Oh gawd, no, just no. Not again... this really must stop.

I have no solutions but I like stevenleser's idea upthread, offering homes as sanctuaries for kids who feel as though they are in a hopeless situation. My door would be open to any kid who needed a refuge from the world of bullies, hurt and horror.

[Smarmie Doofus]

38. I like steven's idea also. But it sounds like the young man's family loved him.

The abuse took place exclusively OUTSIDE the home.

[Boombaby]

12. Wish the Hell I knew!

jesus

[Initech]

14. Ugh I hate reading these stories.

Again I'll say I'm so glad I am so glad I graduated in 1998 before the advent of social media (Facebook, YouTube, IM, etc.). At least then the bullies knew their limits. Now with this crap it seems bullying knows no boundaries.

[Smarmie Doofus]

39. It's a double -edged sword. Technology, that is.

There are Facebook abusers now but there is also youtube, myriad lbgt friendly websites and It Gets Better.

[Initech]

45. True but it seems you hear about more evil shit than good though.

[hfojvt]

15. "Every day, approximately 101 Americans take their own life."

http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewpage&page_id=050fea9f-b064-4092-b1135c3a70de1fda

That site seems to want to prescribe pills for it

"Studies indicate that the best way to prevent suicide is through the early recognition and treatment of depression and other psychiatric illnesses."

[slackmaster]

17. Depression is usually treatable, and most of the time successful treatment includes medication

The biggest problem, in my personal experience, is convincing the depressed person that he or she CAN be helped. Too often it goes untreated because the victim refuses to seek treatment.

I lost a friend to depression one week ago, BTW.

[Smarmie Doofus]

41. Not to trivialize depression, but all the treatment in the world, including pharmaceuticals....

.... and including therapy is going to make a teenager who's gay feel ok when he's facing the kind of daily psychological gauntlet this guy was facing.

Remember .... he was 14 years old.

[slackmaster]

43. That's why I am in favor of teaching kids self-defense, and of having bullies physically harmed

[TeeYiYi]

18. How about...

...the early recognition and treatment of bullying?

TYY

[TeeYiYi]

16. Cyber bullying...

...needs a bigger spotlight and tougher laws.

There had been a phony facebook page set up in his name to harass him. Poor kid. I hate facebook.

TYY

[Initech]

25. WTF is wrong with people???

It's bad enough that these assholes drove this kid to it, but to continue it after he's gone? Wow, talk about no class.

I agree - I hate Facebook.

[Bluenorthwest]

19. For one thing, exclusionary and prejudiced words out of our 'leadership' need to get

met with a disgusted outcry. When our role models run around claiming God wants them to defend Sanctity from gay people, the ONLY actual message they are sending is one of contempt toward gay people. That is the example the President and others send to the youth of their own straight community.

[Smarmie Doofus]

42. Thank you for seeing the political dimension to this.

You are correct: there IS a message sent.... even by otherwise well intentioned, relatively progressive politicos.... when they step back from full equality.

Anything less than full equality is INEQUALITY. It's tantamount to saying: "There is something wrong with you."

[rjj621]

21. Sadly I really don't think things will change

I hate these stories, I always feel for the victims and anger toward the bullies. If it's not teasing someone for being gay it's because of their clothes, shoes, hair, weight, name...etc. Bullying has always been around, many people have gone through it to some degree or another and for any reason that some kids can find. I remember not wanting to go to school or taking different routes to classes to avoid the bullies, most people I know have faced it at some point, it was just a way of life and we looked at it as an unfortunate right of passage.

I was talking with some friends a while back and wondering why suicide is suddenly more prominent in bullying victims. Could be we are finally hearing more about it now and it's always been there but I came up with a different theory to partially explain it. Kids don't really know how to deal with animosity and negativity as prior generations could because so much of it is removed from their lives and kids today are more sheltered and coddled. When they run into things like this they have no idea how to deal with it because they never learned. I had teachers yelling at us, slamming doors, throwing erasers, not getting trophies for just showing up, yelled at by coaches for screwing up, yelled at by my parents, actually punished for being bad instead of rationalizing it away. I was made to go outside every weekend, play, and not to come back home till dinner. We learned social interaction and dealing with negativity and insults, even fights on occasion. Now everything is so damn structured, the critical part of social interaction is limited and controlled by 'play dates' and parents constantly interfering with every disagreement so kids never learn to do it themselves, schools limit recess time which is a critical part of our growth and learning.

I know there will be a large portion of people here that will disagree but it's my opinion that we create a sense of entitlement of sorts in kids today. We mean well and want to protect them and do all we can for them but sometimes the best intentions are the worst ideas. This isn't condoning bullying, simply saying if we ever let kids just be kids and learn the good and bad they may have a better idea how to handle things rather than resort to ending their life.

[Smarmie Doofus]

44. There's something to this....

... i.e. the idea that kids grow up w. expectations that cannot always be realized.

But... since being gay seems to be the victim's particular offense.... what do we do? Do we go back to NOT telling kids that one's minority sexual orientation is *normal* and *natural*?

That seems 1. unethical and 2. ridiculous.

[RKP5637]

22. I actually think that if the truth be known, there are a fair number of

adults in America that like this stuff, I really do.

[RKP5637]

24. Bullying resulting in death should be first degree premeditated murder, no exceptions. n/t

[Initech]

26. I'm starting to agree with that.

Until we take some really drastic actions like that, nothing will change.

[s-cubed]

27. Here's a copy of an email I sent today to Trevor Project

First, thank you for what you are doing. I'm sure you have saved the lives of many, many people. I was so impressed by the first one of your videos, and how you have
been able to get so many people and organizations to make videos.

But, there has been a nagging thought in the back of my mind. By emphazing the fact that "it get's better", the videos are implicitly giving permission to the bullyers to bully. I know that is not the intent, but it's there in the message to hold on until "it get's better"..

So, could you think about a new set of videos "you can make it better", aimed at empowering people to make it better in their own environment. These would feature teens and adults who have changed the climate for bullied kids, gay or other. They might have started Gay Straight Alliance clubs, or started mentoring programs, or started a "speak up" if you see bullying, Best Buddy, etc. . The Southern Poverty Law Center puts out a series of insturctional materials called "Teaching Tolerance". One of their simple ideas is "sit at a different table day".

One of your videos (I think from Scotland) went in this direction, showing teens standing up to people bullying other teens. Here is another example of what I mean:

http://www.clickorlando.com/news/Orange-County-School-program-serves-as-model-for-autistic-education/-/1637132/8501342/-/rn9a00/-/index.html
This is about middle school kids mentoring autistic kids.

You might consider this outside the mission of the Trever Project, but I see it as rounding out your program, by encouraging people to change the environment, not just helping kids who are suffering to bear their suffering..

But it doesn't have to be done by the Trevor Project. We could try to advance this, if people think it is a good idea. What do you think?

[undeterred]

31. What about LGBT teens who also do not have accepting families?

This has to make it so much harder.

[baldguy]

34. Outlaw hate speech. And don't whine about the First Amendment.

You have the right to speak & express your opinion. You DON'T have the right to encourage violence & intimidate other people.

Stop talking about "bullying" - it's assault & cruelty, plain and simple.

In short: stop acting like & using language as if these were insignificant incidents with little or no consequences.

[Smarmie Doofus]

46. There is something about "bullying" that trivializes the activity.

Sounds sort of like Tom Sawyer dipping Becky's (?) pigtails in the inkwell.

[xchrom]

40. Horrifying. Nt