I had my feelings hurt today

[CatWoman]

During the past year I lost a lot of weight. Mainly due to my contracting gallstones. That was followed by a liver infection. Then I was diagnosed with high blood pressure.

My poor health and need for survival and look after my health dictated I lose weight. Since my first diagnoses, I've come down at least 5 dress sizes. I've gone from a size 22 to a size 12/14. I'm all about healthy eating and exercise.


My center is in the process of moving to another building where we will all be housed. Instead of us leasing 4 buildings, we will now inhabit 2 buildings on this new property, and our agency owns both buildings

My program moved last week. This afternoon I ran into a manager whose program is due to move in next week. (our center has 8 programs and our new building has 8 floors. they are moving us in by the floor, and my program is on the 8th floor).

She is a deputy director in another program. She is of Italian ancestry and is very slim. Her program is to move in next week and she was over checking out the her new area.

As I was leaving today she kept yelling at me loudly to wait up for her as I was headed to the elevator.

She commented on my weight loss and wanted to know if I had had "my mouth wired in order to lose weight".

I can't tell you how much that offended me.

My retort was that I wasn't Chris Christie. I can't afford quick fixes. I've had several health problems which dictated that I take my health into my own hands. Also the death of my only child only added to my determination that I get my act together. I walk with a limp because I have to have surgery on my right leg, but that still does not deter me. I need to walk to clear my head and get my daughter's death out of my mind.

She looked like a complete fool when I was finished. But for some reason I still feel hurt.

Now I just want to punch her in the mouth.

[winter is coming]

1. I would have been tempted to tell her, "It's the cancer,"

but I'm not a very nice person.

I'm sorry it's been such a tough year for you, but props for losing so much weight!

[leftyladyfrommo]

59. Good one! n/t

[leftyladyfrommo]

61. Ah, just consider the source and blow it off.

Don't let some insensitive person like that ruin your day.

Fuck em! I say.

[mimi85]

89. I agree and let's not forget the golf courses

I DO have cancer and at least half a dozen other immune issues. If anyone wishes Sjogren's Syndrome on you, run the other way. Worse than the cancer (leukemia). Hang in there, we've all said things that we wish we could take back, I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you.
When I was quite young, I asked a rather large woman when she was due. Um, bad "oops." Life went on.
Good for you and be thankful you don't have some egregious disease. Props for losing the weight. Damn, I'm 5'6" and got down to 100 pounds unintentionally when I had emergency brain surgery last year (non malignant meningioma).
Now I'm at 128 and would like to stop there. For some reason, I have the worst sweet tooth. Used to be a salt freak. Oh well.

Hugs and be well!

[GiveMeFreedom]

70. I use that all the time

works like a charm. Except I do have cancer and there is nothing charming about it. Of course, one look at me and there is no doubt about it. Good thing is I retired two years ago and living pretty good. My dad got a hair up his nose and wants to send my whole family on a cruise to the Alaskan North Passage, all expenses paid. I told him "no" at first, it's to much money, but he's already paid for everything. It's going to be a nice cruise. Peace.

[winter is coming]

76. I know someone who took that cruise and loved it. Hope you have a great time. n/t

[Ilsa]

2. She made a thoughtless remark.

Please take good care of yourself while you are going these changes. The pain of your grief will be with you for awhile, but I hope it will lessen some over time as you remember the joy she brought you. I hope the people around you will understand that and cut you some slack.

[CatWoman]

4. I talked with my oldest granddaughter last nigh

Memorial Day will mark the first anniversary of her death.

And we can't believe how fast time has flown

[Ilsa]

8. I needed to edit my post, but I think

you caught the edited version.

Yes, I think at first it feels like time has frozen, then zoom! the world around you moves ahead and you are faced with your first devastating anniversary.

Be with your loved ones if you can. Share your strengths.

Peace.

[JanMichael]

69. I cannot believe it's been a year

We'll think about you especially that whole weekend-

Congratulations on the weight loss.... that is so hard to do-- I hope you are starting to feel better

[NYC_SKP]

3. I think your reply was the best you could do.

And I can't think of anything you could have said or done that would make the hurt go away.

I admire your strength, CatWoman, and feel proud of you.

[CatWoman]

6. my doctor who evaluated my leg told me I need grief counseling

and finally I'm going to take her advice.

Thanks SKP.

[nadinbrzezinski]

5. You know, we have an issue

With this in this country.

Just watch for medication side effects.

:hugs:

[LiberalEsto]

7. Wow. I'm sorry you had to put up with such utter crap.

Especially after the hell you've been through.

Can I slap her silly after you've punched her in the mouth?

Hugs to you and hoping your health continues to improve

[KT2000]

9. As my brother would say---

Screw 'em!

You put her straight and I am sure she has thought of her comment in a different light. You have had a hell of a year and you are dealing with it in an incredibly positive way. My hat is off to you - and like I said - screw 'em!

[PeaceNikki]

10. .

[REP]

11. She needs to be punched in the mouth. Hard.

[Silent3]

40. Interesting. In which contexts on DU can one suggest/fantasize about punching a woman...

...in the mouth and get away with it?

[REP]

60. Sigh. This is gender-neutral punching; a pronoun was used to echo the one in the OP

And there's no "fantasizing;" anyone who dares speak to me that way gets just that. Fortunately, since I've just had shoulder surgery, I live among civilized people who do not speak to me that way, but I've put out cigarettes on the hands of men who thought my blouse was something for them to reach into.

[mimi85]

90. No she doesn't. Just ignored.

[Starry Messenger]

12. ((hugs))

Why can't people engage brain before moving lips? My mother would have killed me into next week if I ever made a personal comment to someone.

Honor your achievements on your health, that is really hard work I know.

[pipi_k]

50. Some people

can't do that.

I have a sister who often makes inappropriate comments. I firmly believe she has some form of Aspergers, as her behaviors all fit the "symptoms". She is otherwise intelligent, but does not know how to engage on a socially appropriate level with other people.

It's not her fault.

I guess I would have a huge problem with someone wanting to punch her in the mouth for being someone she never asked to be.

[madaboutharry]

13. Dear Catwoman,

It is great that you are working at getting healthier. As far as this woman is concerned, I would try to ignore her. She's a cow.

I remember when your daughter passed away. I am sending hugs and love.

[Aristus]

14. I'm sorry she hurt your feelings so thoughtlessly, CatWoman.

You'll always be beautiful to me...

Glad to hear your health is improving!

[Jasana]

15. What a rude idiot.

Seriously, that woman should have her mouth wired shut. It seem like there are more and more witless, rude idiots around.

I'm sorry for everything you've been through CatWoman and I don't blame you for wanting to punch her in the mouth.

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[freshwest]

25. You make an excellent point there. It's not what goes in the mouth, it's what comes out.

[sheshe2]

16. You said what needed to be said to that woman.

It just proves that you are the better person.

Get well, CatWoman.

[pacalo]

17. Her tactlessness aside, you should be very proud of yourself.

I think your self-discipline & determination despite your personal circumstances is quite impressive.

I applaud you, CatWoman. You're amazing.

[AnotherDreamWeaver]

23. +1 n/t

[love_katz]

18. My hat is off to you, CatWoman.

Huge congratulations on all the hard work you have done and are doing to heal yourself, both physically and emotionally.

Sending to you.

Sounds like the other woman forgot to engage her brain and her heart before she put her mouth into gear.

Kudos to you.

[freshwest]

19. Oh, Cat, you did what you could to teach her. By your grief, she may learn to not be so careless.

Take care of yourself and keep on walking and breathing deep.

And you can tell us all you want.

Your hurt is much deeper than your words, and I think she will be ashamed of herself when next you meet. Some people have not seen a lot of trouble. If they had, they'd show more compassion.

Perhaps when next you meet, you will be ready to forgive and ease your heart and your blood pressure.

Your hurt gave you the courage to speak and you told the truth. Good for you.

I am for your baby and sending you a for tonight.

[Lifelong Protester]

24. This is what I was going to say

it was a 'teachable moment' and I'm sorry you had to be the teacher. It is hard to teach someone compassion, when they have hurt you.

I hope you are able to celebrate your health success, and I am sorry for your loss. I know the first year after I loss my mother, I couldn not BELIEVE how much holidays are advertised, if you know what I mean.

Here is a for you tonight.

[LeftInTX]

20. I'm sorry she was so rude

It sounds like you have overcome alot. And if she's a manager in a unit she's in a position of authority, which makes her comment even more hurtful.

[DesertFlower]

21. so sorry.

edited for typo

[UTUSN]

22. at this internet distance we know & love your bravery & heart more than somebody

Who has the privilege of you in person.

[DinahMoeHum]

26. Damn. What you've gone through sucks big time.

Hugs and prayers for you.

[PDJane]

27. Blessing, Cat Woman. I'm going through some of the same fight right now.

I am losing weight because I need hip/knee replacements. Mine are shot.

I don't blame you for being hurt. There is nothing in a question like that that deserves an answer. I'm always amazed when supervisory personnel say things like that. It's just impertinent and gob-smackingly stupid, not to mention incredibly rude.

You are worth the work; she isn't worth the time, energy, or thought.

[Skittles]

28. DISGUSTING

I would have kicked her ass - you know what girl, that gal is just JEALOUS - there is no other reason someone would ask such a crap question. Let it go, she is NOT worth it. But also be aware that weight loss surgeries are not simple "quit fixes" - they are very often the last resort of a lifetime of pain for people. Be careful with judging those folk the same way that gal judged you.

[Cleita]

29. Good for you CW and yes that woman was really insensitive.

I too have taken off about 40 lbs in the last two years, the old fashioned way with diet and exercise, for similar reasons to yours, my health. There was no magic fix like stapling or getting a jaw wired. Honestly, it's too bad you can't punch her in the mouth. You'd feel better, I'm sure.

[JI7]

30. wow, that's just rude , but she very likely is the type that judges people

on physical appearance and especially weight.

she probably sees anyone that isn't just overweight or obese but isn't "perfectly" slim as having personal control issues or being lazy or anything else negative .

[Warpy]

31. Yes, she was rude.

I usually fix such people with an icy stare and "What an odd thing to say. What provoked you to say it?" They usually stutter and stammer and slink away.

Well, that's unless I'm having a bad day. Then I flat out tell them how rude they are.

You get to feel the way you feel. She was rude and hurtful. Kudos to you for not making it necessary for her to have a jaw wired shut!

[raccoon]

44. That remark's a keeper. nt

[RudynJack]

32. What a thoughtless thing to say.

I'm very sorry for your loss - I hope the pain fades and is replaced with loving memories.

[tavalon]

33. That was appalling on her part and you were able to retort,

but going to jail prevented you from clocking her, a clocking she deserved so much, it hurts. Of course you still feel hurt. What you were able to do was far less than that creature deserved.

Now mind you, I've just gone down a brutal path with a borderline so I could be projecting. I know how much I have to tamp down constantly.

[Cha]

34. It must have seemed like a jackhammer

drilling through the airwaves, CATWOMAN, after all you've been through!

So sorry to read about the loss of your daughter and all you've been dealing with regarding your health. Glad you're determined to be strong and not let anything stop you from healing

[jaysunb]

35. Stay focused on YOU !

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

36. That remark says more about here than you.

Sometimes we ( the human race) can be incredibly unkind.

[tblue]

37. You could have asked her

"Are you gonna have your mouth wired in order to stop taking stupid?"

No. Don't do that. I'm sorry she hurt you. But don't be mad too long. That's giving her way too much power over you. When you're ready, forgive her. Not for her, but for yourself. Because you are better than that and you don't need any more ugly in your life. Send out loving vibes and you'll be rewarded 10 fold. If you want you could talk to her again and say how her words upset you. But it sounds like she knows she said a dumb and insensitive thing and she already feels bad or at least embarrassed by it.

I am SO SORRY about your daughter. Big hug.

[radicalliberal]

68. "Are you gonna have your mouth wired in order to stop taking stupid?"

Excellent response!

[Shrike47]

38. So sorry you were treated that way.

Some people just need to be told they're rude.

[southernyankeebelle]

39. I know how you feel. Been there many times. I don't understand why people

think they have a right to say offensive things like that. I have had complete strangers say things like you are so beautiful if you only could lose the weight. Once I went into a store to buy my husband a strawberry short cake (I can't stand strawberries) and these two ladies were standing in front of the freezer door I needed to get into. I'd say it took about a minute until I said excuse me ladies I need to get in there. They knew I was waiting and finally one said oh excuse me and back away. Once I got the item and moved out of their way one of the ladies said to me "you know that is fattening and you shouldn't eat that". I was to upset to say anything and walked away. Inside I was crying but on the outside I wanted to punch the bitch in the mouth. But I didn't. I don't know where people think they have rights to offend heavy people. It seems this is the last group of people that it is alright to offend. Well I learned to answer back people like these. Now if someone says something like that I ask them are they living in my home? Are you my mother, father, sister or brother? Do you pay my bills at home? Then when the answer is no I tell them to mind their own "F"ing business. Then I remind them to look in the mirror because I can do something about losing weight but they can't do anything about being ugly to the bone and then I walk away. Usually that shuts them up. But you don't have to take anything from anyone. You should tell that woman you were offended by her question. That will put her on notice that she will watch in the future what she says to you about weight. By the way congratulations on your weight. I know it's very hard.

[redwitch]

41. What she should have said:

"You look AMAZING! I am determined to lose weight now, you have inspired me, how did you do it?" What she asked you was not only rude, it was BIZARRE! Why would anyone assume that because someone has lost weight they must have done it through an extreme procedure or other?

CatWoman you are a most beloved DU friend and I send you a great big . I cannot imagine the struggle to maintain one's health while grieving such a devastating loss. Bless you my friend.

[H2O Man]

42. Fuck her.

Next time you see her, please say, "My brother wants to know: did you have a lobotomy, or were you just born this stupid?"

She doesn't want me coming over there, and telling her about herself. But I will.

[stlsaxman]

43. A phrase i heard when getting sober 25 years ago, that helped greatly-

"What other people think about me is none of my damned business"...

and that this person felt the need to share her idiocy and thoughtlessness with you is only to her detriment- not yours!

Ya done good... and you're doing good.

[alphafemale]

45. So....people are human and prone to stupidity.

Realize she didn't intend to be mean and move on.

[raccoon]

46. Sorry that happened to you. The woman was rude, insensitive, and thoughtless.

You handled it well. Maybe next time she'll think before shooting off her mouth.

[HappyMe]

47. There are plenty of people out

there that don't apply the brain before they apply the mouth.

I hope your health continues to improve.

[WinkyDink]

48. {{CatWoman}} I'm so sorry about your daughter. About that woman at work: SHE needs to

have her mouth wired!

[bemildred]

49. Hi Cat. Sorry she hurt your feelings.

I think she was trying to be friendly and complimentary and just didn't know how to do it right. I am in much the same place for weight loss and health and diet and so on, and I have people who would try to compliment me in that backhanded way too. And allow me to offer my own praise, I know how hard that is to do.

[babylonsister]

51. My dear, funny friend...

I just want to hug you. Please don't waste 'you' on her; you didn't deserve that, and you are a far better person than that insensitive woman will ever be. Take heart; you are loved, a lot.

[chillfactor]

52. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter...

I lost a grandchild and I know how difficult a time it is to work it through..

I also went through weight loss...I was 280# and now weigh 135# ..and like you I did it the right way...through diet and excercise....

kudos to you for your strength....

[AngryOldDem]

53. I'm so sorry for that.

Why people have to be such assholes, I can't say.

At least you put her in her place.

[Bluenorthwest]

54. Do unto others. The only person I have known who got a weight loss surgery did so as

a last resort, a thing not wanted at all, a life saver. Not a quick fix.
Rather than pick at your exchange, I offer what I would have said when asked if I wired my jaw shut:
No, is that what you did?

[a kennedy]

55. I'd say punch the b*tch.....ooops, sorry I shouldn't say that...

but d*mn.

[redqueen]

56. There is something about the subject of weight that turns many people into thoughtless assholes.

I'm sorry that happened, and that you can't really punch her in the mouth.

[malaise]

57. No need to feel hurt

Bet you're feeling great and looking great.
Save her comment about your wired mouth for her next outburst and then tell her if hers had been wired she would think before speaking.

[OneGrassRoot]

58. I echo many of the above sentiments, and....

send you many

[PCIntern]

62. CatWoman:

My response to those types of remarks is as follows:

"That is the most ridiculous thing you have ever said, except for everything else that you have ever said."

It invariably leaves them speechless.

[Zorra]

63. Congratulations on your discipline and strength of will! May I suggest channeling those excellent

qualities to learn how to laugh off anyone who pulls useless negative trips like that on you?

Never let 'em grind you down.

[smirkymonkey]

64. So sorry. Please be well.

[Tikki]

65. Oh CatWoman...I am so sorry that fools like that woman even exist..

You are my DU Hero and have been since 2002..

Fighting for your health is so important.

That stupid woman will never really understand...everything is surface scratch with her
mind set.

You are amazing and loved here...be sure of that.


Tikki

[radicalliberal]

66. I'm glad you told her off. What a jerk she was!

My dad had a saying he repeated to me oftentimes as I was growing up, having to put up with bullies and other assorted jerks at school. (I didn't appreciate his saying at the time, but now I do.) He'd say, "Don't let the b*stards get you down." We can replace the word "b*stards" with "b*tches." We feel hurt by these people. Believe me, I've been there. But eventually we consider the source. They're just not worth it.

Congratulations for losing weight and taking charge of your health!

[ZombieHorde]

67. Congratulations on your weight loss!

Sorry that person was being a complete asshole, but she can't take away all of your efforts and successes, no matter how much poop she has in her skull.

You made a plan, you're seeing it through, and you're accomplishing your goals. Her stupidity cannot alter those facts.

[A Simple Game]

71. Why did a harmless inquiry offend you? By what you describe, it sounds

like you over reacted to a casual attempt at a conversation.

Do you usually want to harm others just because of a poorly worded conversation? You mention in another post you are going to seek counseling. Good idea and good luck, I wish you well.

[Fla Dem]

72. She was probably a mean girl in high school.

There's no need for a remark like that, even if she was trying to be funny. My first comment would have been, "You look MARVELOUS Honey". Then I would have congratulated you

So here goes..............................

You, my dear Catwoman, look Marvelous!!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!

[proud patriot]

73. (hug)

[Jamastiene]

74. I'm so sorry for all you have been through.

I have no nice words to say about the woman who made you feel so bad.

But for you:

[matt819]

75. I'd say give it a pass

Or go for the guilt.

I've lost about 15 pounds, and the local coffee shop owner observed that I was looking thinner (and, so, better - but that's another issue entirely, isn't it?). Then she gasped and said that she hoped I wasn't ill.

I told her I wasn't ill and thanked her for observing that I had lost weight.

All in all, I was pleased that she noticed the change, and, as I thought about it, it didn't really matter to me what she thought about how I'd done it.

I think you handled it right. Maybe the other woman meant to be an insensitive jerk; maybe it's just the way the words came out. In any case, how much you chose to reveal was entirely up to you, as was the manner in which you delivered the response. She felt guilty, and that's fine. Maybe she'll hold it against you. Maybe she'll learn something from the exchange. Doesn't matter. It's over. No need to retain the anger. You know what's behind the changes, and the prices you've paid, and that's all that matters.

[randome]

79. Great response, IMO.

[Worried senior]

77. I'm sorry she acted so

insensitively but you are doing great, keep up the good work.

I too remember your pain and the loss of your daughter.

[another_liberal]

78. You know what a cat would do?

A cat would claw the bottom of her curtains to shreds and then pee on her couch.

They are wordlessly eloquent creatures.

[librechik]

80. midori

i too, am struggling to lose weight without the popular jaw wiring procedure
(Huh?? WTF???) in fact we could be weight watcher twins as you describe it

Try not to physically assault those idiots who feel it is their place to advise you on your most personal issue. Altho I wouldn't blame you if an accident happened.

LOL

all the best my dear DU friend

Debra

[janlyn]

81. so sorry...

I hope she at least had the good grace to look shamed. I had a co-worker who was also a church of christ pastor who when the church was mentioned, delighted in saying LOUDLY ( oh, that's right janet you're a what again? A devil worshiper?

I am a Buddhist. It always hurt but, I never could do what you did which was call her out on it!!

Good for you!!!! Chances are she is jealous of your resolve and will power!

[Octafish]

82. Don't be mad at her. She IS a fool.

The anger she brought out in you is from the hurt your heart contains. While it doesn't seem logical, letting her off the hook will make it easier for you to continue as the wonderful human being you are, rather than become what she is fighting to avoid being.

I love you, Cat Woman. Just the way you are, were and will be: perfect.

[WillyT]

83. (((((((CatWoman)))))))

You pay her no mind...

We all love you here, and think you're the cat's meow.

[perdita9]

84. Congratulations on your weight loss!

And please ignore the idiots around you. They are not worth your time or your attention.

[truedelphi]

85. Like others here are saying -

What a rude remark.

It is also unprofessional - how in the world does she know who your connections are, and whether or not you might be instrumental in getting grant money to go to her or her programs.

In any event, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. To achieve better health in the face of that loss shows what a strong spirit you have.

Your daughter is proud of you.

[RainDog]

86. ((((((hugs)))))))

It's so painful to lose someone you love. It can take a long time to come to terms with that loss. Take care of yourself and don't worry about silly people.

[Number23]

87. I still think about you and your daughter whenever I see your name

Sending you as much healing as I can. May you find peace. God bless you and your beautiful daughter.

[deutsey]

88. Hey, sweetheart

A big for you from another DU old-timer like me.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

91. As much as you've gone through and as much as you've accomplished,

you can pride yourself on being a much better human being than her.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

92. honestly i might have accidentally said something like that ONLY to mean

that its really hard to lose weight and the only way i could have done it is if someone sewed my mouth shut

[CrazyOrangeCat]

93. You are GREAT, and we love you.

She can go to hell.

[TuxedoKat]

94. Good for you

for putting her in her place. She was probably so embarrassed at being such an a--hole, that she didn't think to apologize. If you can, forgive her the ignorant comment, it will be better for your health.

And congratulations on your weight loss -- sounds like you are on the right path. (((HUGS)))

[allan01]

95. re:I had my feelings hurt today

man . i just wish some ppl woud follow the old advice ," if you cant say anything dont say it at all". grrrr. cat woman, here is a

[KentuckyWoman]

96. Being attacked hurts even when you win the fight.

She cornered you into an emotional fight (in an elevator no less where you could not physically leave). Well you gave her the beat down but yeah, being forced to fight with a rude idiot on top of everything else is VERY hurtful.

Hopefully it will setting into your heart and mind that the problem is all hers. Next time (and there will hopefully NOT be a next time) she decides to single you out, you can hopefully refuse to show up to the emotional fight and just tell her to buzz off in whatever fashion is natural for you.

My fav -- "That was kinda rude. Are you OK?"
Or look at the bully condescendingly, shake my head, and just walk away.